


Enamoured

by Colorpie



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: And I suck at writing smut coz first time, Angst with a Happy Ending, But it's my first Larry fic, Fluff and Angst, Harry Styles - Freeform, How many tags can we give again?, I keep on changing my tags tehee, Louis Tomlinson - Freeform, M/M, Smut, So let's get, Started then, also, eh..., larry stylinson - Freeform, one direction - Freeform, past present, right - Freeform, so bare with me please, ziam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:15:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 36
Words: 174,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27894427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Colorpie/pseuds/Colorpie
Summary: Strawberries are somehow redSkies are somewhere blueDagger is for the curly headed oneAll the roses are for LouLouis thought he was fine after all these years that have passed without much happening. And really, he was happy. He was working and had something called peace in his life. A stable job, loving friends, a shelter and "peace". Couldn't ask for more.But life can be pretty unpredictable right?After all, we can't have everything planned.After all there's always Peace before the Storm
Relationships: Gigi Hadid/Zayn Malik, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Zayn Malik/Liam Payne
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BAD BOYS GO TO HEAVEN  
> BECAUSE  
> GOOD BOYS GET TO LOVE THEM

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for taking out your precious time and reading this. I hope you have an amazing time throughout the book. Please feel free to comment down your thoughts about the chapter.

**_Present_ **

The sun was shining brightly in rectangle rays sipping through the leaves and branches of the large trees, bouncing on the ground and colliding with the ancient architecture of the university buildings and lastly reflecting on the skin of those who were walking down the cobbled pathway that lead anywhere and everywhere in the giant campus.

But the grassy ground of the place was still frosted and white and cold due to the snow that poured down throughout the day and night since a week. The weather was so bone crushingly cold all these days that people thought the sun would never come out again.

But it did.

And now the whole St. Joseph Franklin University was both white and warm at the same time which looked and felt surreal. The students were buzzing around the whole campus as it was a busy day and also the last day before the festive holiday begins and every soul in the campus was happy and excited to go back home to celebrate the holidays with their families and loved ones.

So now that half of the day was over and only one class was left to attend just before the holidays starts (for the students) from the next day. Louis walked down the long corridor of building number four, which lead to the ancient classrooms. He was running late and damn those hot coffees when it's the time of crisis.

Louis almost ran down the whole path (all thanks to the weekly football games which helped him to stay fit physically) towards the classroom that was situated extremely backward in the lower level of the building and he didn't care if he bumped into any professors or some grumpy looking students on his way.

And finally, the ancient oak door of the classroom that stood ajar came into his view and he huffed. He halted just outside of the door and heaved a heavy sigh. He stood correctly pulling the hem of his sweater down and headed straight inside the classroom.

Immediately every pair of eyes were turned towards him while some of them shuffled on their seats with day long exhaustion and boredom. While some were just excited to see him, maybe they thought their favorite professor won't be attending the last class before the holiday starts hence leaving them without the good wishes for the holidays.

"Good afternoon students" Louis said while keeping his books on the teachers desk and faces the classroom.

Everyone of them greeted him back with bright smiles and straight spine (a sign of attentiveness).

Louis smiled back at them before speaking again "pardon me for wasting your precious ten minutes. Blame the hot cappuccino that now rests in the bin outside the auditorium"

The first row of girls snorted with an "its okay"

"Alright...as we all know, it's the last day before you children are escorted back to all of your homes by your parents so we won't be starting any new lessons today" many people sighed in relief which was obviously observed by Louis' brilliant blue eyes and a smirk spreads across his face "but don't think you won't be getting any homeworks"

Nope, the students were not happy to hear that which was an usual reaction because who even loves holiday homeworks or homeworks in general and why are they given for holidays when its a clear fact that people gets holiday to relax and spend time with their families. But it's University and University is no fun and hearing those "holiday homeworks" things coming from one of the best and loved professor didn't help in no way.

"Yeah I know homeworks sucks but don't forget these things are adding to your internal marks and hence will increase the chances of you getting a degree so don't get too carried away while eating the christmas pie" Louis says and the whole class snickered.

A girl with rimless glasses and platinum blonde hairs raised her hand up.

Louis looked at her and nodded.

"Aren't you going home this year for your birthday?" the girl asked with familier fond eyes which Louis was used to seeing on many of his female (sometimes male) students' faces and he didn't understood why can't they be a bit more subtle because Louis knows, he really does.

"What are your plans for your birthday Mr. Tomlinson?" another student butts in with the same look.

Too many personal questions.

"I can't share the piece of information with you dear because it doesn't concerns my subject but I'd be most probably preparing notes for you all and feel free to ask for it when you return because exams will be conducted immediately after the university reopens" and with Louis picks up one of his files and two sheets of papers got distributed throughout the class containing his stack of homeworks.

The girls looks at the words in the sheets with a frown because again their attempt to woo the hot teacher was debunked by the hot teacher himself. Louis knew that and he was used to it since the time he started working in the University as an English professor. He had got many proposals from many of his students and even got love letters on Valentines Day flooding his teacher's drawers. He would politely collect all of it and take them home because Louis wouldn't disrespect his students' efforts or feelings but he'd always politely decline if anyone came up with a bold proposal face to face.

The whole lessons went by him clearing academic doubts that his students came up with and in between he'd sometimes sass them which would leave them in fits of laughter. They would sometimes be too charmed by him and messed up their question but he didn't mind because once he was a student too and knows all the student crisis because he has gone through them in his days. But all in all, Louis liked his students, he liked the subject he taught them and he couldn't ask for more.

So when the lesson was ended, Louis wished them "happy holidays" and came out of the ancient classroom with a bright smile and books held securely in his arms but then he was stopped by some of his females students again and he mentally rolled his eyes.

"We just came here to wish you an advance Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas" the girls gave him shy glances and wide smiles.

"Aww thank you loves. I really appreciate that" Louis nodded with a sincere smile.

They asked quick two-three questions and Louis tried not to give away much but he couldn't show that he was tired and he didn't wanted himself to get indulged in any of those conversations with the girls at the same time.

Very subtly he dismissed his students and walked down the familiar corridor that led to the building number six. The day was over so Louis was planning to drop his things into his teacher's lockers and head back to the teachers quarters which was in the other side of the campus, away from the main area because the University really cared about their teachers' privacy.

So Louis enters into the big common room which was shared by all the humanities Professors of the institution, and dropped the books onto the table. He sorted out the files and important sheets spread onto the desk and kept them inside the lockers orderly. That's when someone that shared Louis' popularity and fondness from the students entered into the room.

"Hey" Louis said while checking one of the files.

"Hi" Zayn huffed and sat on the velvet chair and laid back his head with marks of exhaustion on his beautiful face.

"Rough day?"

"Don't ask"

"Okay"

"I mean ask" Zayn huffed and opened his eyes to look at Louis with a hint of irritation.

"Was I quoting Robert Frost a minute ago?" Louis looked at him with a raised brow.

Zayn sat straight on the chair "I am exhausted Louis. My students are stupid"

Louis widened his eyes "Oh my god Zayn!"

"What?"

"What happened to 'No child is talentless. Each have their own ability to excel in their life. I'll never call them stupid or anything that'll discourage them from being their best selves'?"

Zayn gave a massive eye roll "Louis I am being extremely serious here. These kids are actually stupid. I told them even enacted the whole scene and they can't even get one dialogue straight. They should know they are wasting both mine and their time yet they wanna act"

Louis dropped the file on the table and faced him properly "so why don't you change the cast? You still got time for that. The festival is months away"

"Who will even agree to change the cast in the last minute? Besides the whole process of audition is time consuming" Zayn hid his face behind his palms.

Louis looked at him for some seconds before heading towards him. Zayn was a theatre arts professor at St. Joseph and was very passionate about his profession. He has performed in multiple plays and had won millions of heart since he was practically a kid and grew up to become a phenomenal actor. Many had asked him if he wanted to join the Hollywood but he said his true home lies on the stage and he didn't wanted to showcase his talent on the digital platform. He wanted his audience to see his work with their own eyes as he mesmerises them with his elegance and talent.

When Louis first met Zayn as a Professor, he thought him to be an actor strolling around the campus. He even told him why wasn't he trying for the big screen and Zayn replied "he'd rather devote his time upon imparting his knowledge to the next generation than indulge himself into the toxic money making industry and watch his talent waste way on some expensive champagne and drugs"

Louis thought the exeggeration was actually the true self of Zayn as he was dramatic almost all the time but then you can't stay unmoved when you see Zayn performing because he has that power to make his audiences laugh or cry by his performance and then Louis thought Zayn is actually a very good and hardworking performer plus a nice professor.

"We'll find a way, you better prepare for the auditions" Louis knelt down and removed Zayn's hands from his face and gave him an assuring smile because Zayn was one of his best mates and he can't see his best mate in distress.

"You'll help me?"

"Yeah why not? Let's see who we can get for those Shakespearean characters" Louis said.

Zayn pulled him into a bone crushing hug without any warning "Louis, you are the best human being in this whole world do you know that?"

Louis giggled "yeah of course I know that. I am the best"

Zayn pulled away and grinned at him "wanna grab some dinner before you disappear behind that misery you call home?"

"Oi!" Louis scoffed "teachers quarters are very cozy. Stop that disrespect Malik"

"Only you think they are cozy. Seriously Louis, get a flat" Zayn got up and unlocked his locker to put some books that were stacked on his table.

"I'm so happy to stay alone because then I don't have to share my food or space with anyone" Louis walked back to his table and began cleaning it up from the remaining files and various student's weekly journals and newspapers.

"Stay alone in a flat at least. Why are you even giving companies to the ghosts that lurks in those quarters?"

"Zayn...there are other teachers that share the building. You cannot call them ghost, c'mon"

"Oh yeah that bald Atkinson and Mrs. Vernon are your building mates. They are almost getting retired soon. Why are you even bothered to defend them?"

"Mrs. Vernon is very sweet okay. And Mr. Atkinson can be a good company if you wanna have a nice conversation over a cup of tea" Louis rolled his eyes.

"Sometimes you worry me mate"

"I'm glad you worry about me" Louis grinned at him while locking his locker and keeping the keys inside his pocket.

"When was the last time you had a good smooch?"

Louis whipped his head towards Zayn who was finishing up with his stuffs "are you actually asking that?"

"Answer the question Tomlinson"

"I don't know...may be months"

Zayn faced him and widened his eyes "we really had to get you to a club Louis. Months? really?"

Louis laughed out loud because Zayn was a drama queen. He was actually staring at him with wide eyes and open mouth that anyone would think it's something serious if they saw him like that.

"Zayn can we go grab some food because I'm hungry"

"Did someone say food?" Came Niall Horan's voice from the other side of the room.

Both the boys craned their necks towards the direction. Niall was carrying a guitar and two drumsticks.

"Took you long to wrap up" Zayn commented.

Niall placed the drum sticks and the guitar on his table and pushed back his parlour-made blonde hairs. Niall was the head of the music department in the University and was known for his best students orchestra and his extremely social nature. He started working at the University just a year before Louis started as a professor. When Louis met Niall for the first time, he thought Niall had a very contagious laughter and a brilliant voice. It didn't take Niall long to befriend Louis and become his best friend because who can deny Niall and that cute smile of his?

"Was working on a piece with couple of students. Took me whole day but the results came out just fine" Niall said with a proud grin.

"When do we get to hear that?" Louis asked.

"When my tummy is full of food and booze. So are we going to Samuel's kitchen or Ruth's cart?"

Both of them chuckled and the trio went out of the room which was only crowded by them because the other professors were already headed home.

They settled down on Samuel's kitchen which was a small restaurant around the corner, just ten minutes walk from the campus. They took the last table that was available and took their seats. Niall was talking about how his day went and Zayn lamented about his. Louis was listening to them because his day went just fine.

Soon the food came and Niall ordered which could be fed to half of the city and was happily chomping down while narrating many of his never ending exaggerated stories. Louis discussed about the audition and the process they are gonna go through to make it perfect. Niall was ready with his suggestions and Louis had to remind him that it was an audition to find new casts for Zayn's drama team and it was completely (well not entirely) different from the singing auditions but who could stop Niall from giving his suggestion anyway?

The evening went by hogging down delicious food and beer and it was time for them to retire to their respective homes. The lads walked Louis back to the campus and their cars were parked in the parking lot of the university. So Zayn and Niall drove back to their homes which was in London itself and Louis walked back to his quarters humming a song. The night was cold but it wasn't snowing and Christmas was three days away and from the next day, the students won't be stepping into the campus as they had already gone for the holidays.

That night Louis was totally exhausted and was about to hit his comfortable bed and call it a night when one of his best mate from school thought to call him and messed up his early sleeping plans.

"Hello Tommo" Stan's overexcited voice chirped from the other side.

"Stan, I am very sleepy right now. Can we skip these call till the morning?" Louis said while yawning.

"I won't take long mate and we are talking after ages. Don't you miss me Lou?" Stan asked, his chirpiness never wavering.

"We literally had an hour long call the day before yesterday which was not so long ago" Louis rolled his eyes and sat cross-legged on his bed.

"So the holidays are starting and you are gonna turn twenty-eight in just a day. What are your plans? Are you going back to Donny or you got someone to spend your holidays with?" Stan said it all in a breath.

"Woah! slow there mate. Don't torture your lungs" Louis giggled "I have plans to write some notes for the students and order two boxes of pizzas and couple of pastries from Samuel's and have a cozy silent birthday night"

"Blimey Louis!" Stan almost shrieked and Louis could actually hear the horror in his voice "you are not going to do those things on your birthday. We gotta celebrate it mate. It's your big day"

"C'mon Stan. I'm a grown up man. I don't have to celebrate it every year. It doesn't matter" Louis shrugged even though Stan can't see him.

"It does matter Louis. How Jay even let you be alone in your day?" Stan asked still shook from his best friend's attitude.

"Mum is going on a vacation with the girls and I convinced her because why would she even cancel her plans for me and things at University needs strict attention so I can't leave it that way. One year of not celebrating my birthday won't hurt anyone--"

Stan interrupted him immediately "24th December, my home. Bring extra clothes because you gonna have a sleepover. Don't say no. You don't have that right"

"Stan, mate you genuinely don't have to--" He was interrupted again "I genuinely seriously honestly have every right to do whatever the fuck I want to do so no more arguments. On Christmas eve, I want you here in my residence and Ashlyn says hi...now sleep. Good night" and with that Stan disconnected the call without even giving any chance to Louis to reply back.

Louis stared at his blacked out Iphone screen because his best friend just ordered him and hanged up the call on him. Louis had that convincing power on Stan and would've changed Stan's mind from throwing a party for him but looked like Stan knew better and hence hanged up the call just so Louis couldn't have time to argue back. Smart lad.

So Louis shook his head and kept his Iphone back on the night stand and laid back. The mattress was cold but he knew it'll warm up soon. He pulled the layer of sheets onto him and tried to sleep. Cold wind was blowing outside and it'd occasionally hit one of the windows but the heaters were keeping the room warm for Louis and he slowly drifted into deep slumber.

Next day was a cloudy day and Louis had to put extra layers on him before stepping out of the building. As usual he was greeted by Mr. Atkinson who was taking a routine morning stroll. He was an old math professor in St. Joseph and had been teaching in the university for years. He had his family in some other parts of the UK and thought to stay in the quarters till the end of his service.

"Good morning boy" Mr. Atkinson waved at him with the morning newspaper.

"Good morning Mr. Atkinson" Louis said. His hands getting numb due to the morning cold so he pushed them inside in his jacket pockets.

"I thought you already went home. No plans of going home this year, eh?"

"Still got some works left in that common room then I'll be headed to me mate's home later tonight" Louis said. Mr. Atkinson knew Stan because of his multiple visits in Louis' quarter and he even saw Mr. Atkinson bonding with Stan because yep Stan is as social as Niall.

"Good good. Don't stay indoors all alone me boy. It's a festive month" Mr. Atkinson gave him a pat on his shoulder which was a bit too forceful to be called a 'pat' but Louis was used to that now because he's been getting that particular 'pat' for years.

"Meet you after holidays, yeah?"

Louis nodded with a smile "Merry Christmas in advance then Sir"

And Louis walked away towards the common room which was in the other side of the campus. The whole university was empty. Only workers were walking around cleaning the whole area and the large fountain in the middle of the large campus.

St. Joseph Franklin University was one of the most prestigious universities in London. It had a good name and reputation in academic world. When Louis freshly passed out from his university, the first thing he wanted was to apply for a job and start earning. Stan was already planning to go for a startup as he had friends from his business school. So they went for a partnership for the business and now Stan owns a big company and a busy life.

Louis always wanted to become a professor and he applied for some small colleges because he knew no big universities would give job to an inexperienced lad who just passed out from college. But then when St. Joseph was hiring professors, he thought to try his luck and mailed his resume to the authorities.

Days later he got a call from St. Joseph which was totally unexpected and was asked to give an interview. And then he didn't have to look back because the authorities were amazed to see Louis' academic achievements and his way of communication, he was hired immediately.

His first day of work was pretty dramatic as he had to take three classes. So when he entered into the first class of the day as a professor, his students didn't even acknowledge him. He had to stand for a good thirty seconds awkwardly in the middle of the ancient yet elegant classroom with full fifty students being themselves and not really baited any eyes towards him. So he cleared his throat and kept his books and schedule file on the teacher's desk and then when the students got to know that he wasn't one of them rather he was the "new English professor who looked too young and beautiful to be a professor"

Louis actually had not that of a age difference with his students back then rather he looked two-three years younger than them. That was the confusion but the day served him well as he could charmed his students by his sassy yet humble nature.

Now it's been years he has been teaching in the institution and he was happy, very comfortable in his small world which revolved around his students and his job. It was fine and he was happy.

Louis climbed up the stairs and stepped inside the common room. Zayn left early for the holidays and hence he won't be stepping inside the campus until January and Niall was in his studios and his students were actually working with him. They'd be leaving for home by the end of the day.

So Louis had to sit down and scribble the notes he had promised to his students. He does that for every last semester students every year. He'd provide them handwritten notes about the lessons and they'd accept them wholeheartedly. Favorite professor for a reason.

Louis made himself comfortable on the velvet chair and pulls out sheets of paper to scribble things down. The room was empty and he was glad to get that peace that required to complete his work. The common room was big and beautifully decorated with antique furnitures as teachers' desks and wooden lockers. The walls were painted light shade of brown and peach which gave out the cozy appearance of the room. It even had a fireplace in one of the walls and various photo frames and showpieces decorated the room. Louis thought the place highly resembled Gryffindor common room which was actually true.

Hours later when Louis' stomach growled due to hunger and he felt his back getting stiff due to sitting in a same position the entire day, he thought to take a break because really he needed one.

Louis got up from the chair and stretched his body. Then he gave a call to Niall to ask his whereabouts. He picked up after two rings.

"Hello" Louis said.

"Give me two minutes mate" and Niall hanged up the call.

Louis frowned and pulled his phone away from his ear to look at the screen. He did not just-

And the phone rang again flashing "Nialler" on the screen.

"Hello Louis" Niall chirped almost immediately.

"Why did you disconnected the call?" Louis said.

"Was middle of a call with an important person" Niall said simply.

Louis frowned deeply "it didn't say busy when I called you"

"I have two phones mate. You forgot?"  
Louis rolled his eyes. Of course Niall had two phones, one for his business calls, the other was his personal cell phone. Niall might look regular but he had his own way of doing things which can be called weird but Niall says he is just a man of discipline and management. Yep, that's Niall for you.

"So you could've just avoided my call"

"I can't be rude to you Louis so I picked up" Niall said.

And did Louis say that he actually loved Niall so much?

"I was thinking of getting some lunch. Want to join?" Louis asked.

"I actually had my meal an hour ago"

"So I will be alone while walking down the streets" Louis huffed.

"Who said I won't be having a second lunch? Meet me in five at the entrance Tommo" Niall informed.

Louis couldn't help but giggle. Niall has a great appetite and a flat stomach and Louis didn't know where all those food goes. The lad's on super powers for sure.

"Alright. See ya" Louis said and disconnected the call with a chuckle.

Louis packed up the stuff temporarily as his work was still not done and headed out of the cozy room.

The day was not getting any warmer and it looked like it'll snow soon. Louis wrapped a soft woolen scarf around his neck and hid his chin behind it as he walked down the concrete pathway that led to the entrance of the university.

He waited for Niall and soon got a glimpse of blonde hairs far away coming out of building number three. Niall spotted him immediately and waved. Louis just nodded because his hands were warm inside his pockets and he had no intentions to pull them out.

Soon they were back at Samuel's and Louis ordered some pasta and hot water whereas Niall ordered a double cheeseburger and fries. The lad actually had a well for a stomach.

"How's your preparation going for the festival?" Louis asked stuffing a spoonful of pasta into his mouth.

" 'S going fine. Me students are actually very focused on creating something unique. We still got time but it's better to not take things in a rush so we've thought to do some advance preparation" Niall said popping some fries into his mouth.

"That's actually nice. So we can expect a good piece of show"

Niall grinned and Louis tried not to look at his teeth but then he loved Niall and can spare him for not following the table manners.

"'Course mate. This time it's gonna be grand. I promise you. What are your plans for the months? Magazine's coming out fine?" Niall asked.

Louis took a sip from his hot water and spoke "Yeah, been working on that for sometime. Me students have came up with great ideas, very creative I must add but a lot is still left to be done. It'd get started after the holidays ends. Two magazines are a lot but it'll be fine"

"So heading to Stan's tonight" Niall asked and of course Stan has already texted about the party to all of Louis' friends and colleagues.

"Yeah... You and Zayn would be coming tomorrow right?" He couldn't help but ask.

"Of course Louis. It's your birthday tomorrow. Did you expect us to not celebrate your big day" Niall said in an obvious tone and Louis rolled his eyes because he'd beginning to distaste the words "your big day" because really!

"Yeah...okay I appreciate that Niall" Louis nodded with a smile. And they completed their meals with various topics going in every direction.

Louis walked back to the common room after saying bye to Niall as he won't be meeting him again until the next night. He sat down again to complete his works and didn't got up till he wrote the last word in the notes. By the time his work was done, it was already dark outside. So Louis, this time, wrapped up his stuffs because he won't be needing them until January. And when he was done, he went back to the quarters.

The room was cold when he entered into his home. He got hardly thirty minutes to pack his clothes and head to Stan's home. He could've just gone there the next day but Stan messaged him earlier and said he should come early because there might be a heavy snowfall and roads usually gets jammed for that.

So Louis grabbed a back bag and started stuffing clothes in them. He added extra pair of tees, hoodies and socks because he knew Stan wouldn't let him come back for the Christmas and wearing Stan's oversized clothes was a whole new level of struggle. One time Louis had an unexpected sleepover at Stan's place and he let him borrow one of his t-shirts. Louis literally didn't understood if he was wearing the clothes or the clothes were wearing him because they were too big for him. One of the sleeves would slide down his shoulder exposing his skin and perfect collar bone and Louis didn't wanted to have that experience again so it's better to be safe than sorry.

Louis got out of the university campus and walked down the streets towards the bus stand. It'd already started snowing but he'd reach his place before the atmosphere turned harsh.

After fifty minutes, Louis got down from the bus. It was snowing harder by the time Louis stood outside of Stan's door. He was covered in snowflakes and was freezing like a fish.

Ashlyn, Stan's wife opened the door and welcomed Louis with a hug. A bone crushing hug.

"Long time no see Mr. Professor" Ashlyn said and ushered him inside the warm house.

"Hi Ash. How are ya?" Louis dropped his bag on the floor and took off his drenched coat.

"Here, give me that" Ashlyn said and took the coat from him "I'm good. Do you want coffee or tea?"

"Tea will be just good. It's ruckus outside, honestly" Louis complained and plopped down on the soft five seater couch.

"They said a storm is on its way. After the Christmas though" Ashlyn said and went somewhere inside the house to hang his coat.

Ashlyn was Stan's high school sweetheart. She was friends with him and Stan in high school as long as Louis could remember. She was very sweet since the very beginning.

"Where's the guy?" Louis asked as Ashlyn came back with a tea tray and kept it on the center table.

"On a video call meeting with some grumpy looking international business man. He'll be here soon"

She passed a cup towards Louis and he accepted it gladly. He was shaking from inside and badly needed something hot to gulp down and Ashlyn could see that. After Stan, Ashlyn was the one who knew Louis properly among his friends.

"Hey mate!" Stan's voice came from Louis' behind. He was wearing a grandfather sweater which was looking lame on him and Louis was definitely going to say that.

He kept his tea down on the table and got up "Stan!"

And they did their years old weird hug which they did every time they meet and it's been so many years but that one thing haven't changed between them. It'd never change anytime soon.

"Did you lose weight?" Stan said looking at him properly with a frown.

"No Stan. I think you should get some glasses on" Louis rolled his eyes with a laughter.

"My eyes are just fine. What kind of food are you eating?" Stan said with a frown and yep his mom mode was on.

"That normal humans eat" Louis pursed his lips.

"Get ready to gain some pounds till you're here Tommo" Stan smirked and then laughed.

"Alright Stan...I'm fully prepared for a food battle" He chuckled.

After that both the boys got into a long conversation because they were actually meeting after a long time even if they lived in the same city. Adult life was boring.

Soon Ashlyn called them for dinner and they took their conversation to the dining table where Ashlyn happily took part.

It was a nice night with lots of talking and eating and Louis was actually glad that he was at his best friend's home. Finally it was time for bed.

Louis quickly changed into his comfortable pajamas and got onto the bed in the guest room. He laid down on the bed as the clock was making a ticking noise, slowly nearing to midnight. He closed his eyes and let his body relax because it was a long day afterall.

***

Next day Louis woke up with some kind of noises. He was still very sleepy when a finger poked on one of his shoulders. And it happened again with the constant yelling. Louis knew what it was so he slowly opened his eyes.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOUIS!" Stan shouted enthusiastically with what looked like a cake on his hand.

"Thanks Stan. Thank you so much" Louis rubbed his eyes and gave a smile to his best friend whose eyes were still wide with excitement.

"Oh c'mon lad. Wake up" Stan pulled Louis by his arm from his sleeping position which made all his sleep go away.

"That was a very violent-friendly move. Thanks mate" Louis said sarcastically while sitting up.

"Don't be shy, c'mon blow the candles" Ashlyn said with a chuckle. She was standing by the door.

Stan brought the cake in front of Louis and Louis did what he was told. It was some type of ritual Stan has developed over the years. He would always wish Louis with a cake on his birthday in early hours of the morning. Even when they were in school, Stan made a pact with Johannah that he'd bring Louis his first birthday cake when the day begins. In those days, Louis would never woke up early and sabotage Stan's plans so he used to kept sleeping and waited for a shriek of noises that would woke him up. It used to be more noisy back then because his sisters used to join Stan on his mission every year. And Louis liked it all very much. He loved all the attention he used to get. He loved his best friend then, he loved his best friend even now.

Soon Louis was smeared in cake because why not? Both Stan and Ashlyn were covered in cream too and that's how his day started with laughter and cake.

They spend whole day putting Christmas lights all over the house and ate homemade cookies because it was Louis' birthday and Christmas eve. They had a good lunch made by all three of them because Louis didn't wanted them to do all the labour alone.

After lunch Ashlyn went back to her room to take a nap before they prepare for the party and the lads settled down on the couch to watch a football match. Louis was actually enjoying it, the day. Occasionally they'd cheer loudly and get some good slangs coming from Stan's room because they were interrupting Ashlyn's nap. They'd giggle because it was not the first or last time they were doing that. It's been a years old habit and Ashe would get same amount of irritation all those years.

The day swept by fast and it was time for the party preparations. Ashlyn woke up all bright and fresh from her sleep and the lads were given mercy by her. Louis went back to his room for a quick shower and change of clothes.

When he came out, everything was organised properly. Extra furniture were pushed away and the food items and drinks were kept on the big table. The room was made dimly lighted and the television was switched off. The speakers were on which were playing some soft jazz.

Louis felt relaxed. He even had a call with his mum who was not at all happy because they were not together for his birthday. So he told her to enjoy her vacation and that he'd be meeting her soon. They talked for a while and Louis said he loved her and the girls and hanged up the call.

Soon it was time for the guests to arrive. Niall, Zayn and Gigi were the first to arrive at Stan's residence. Niall was carrying a Trivento Reserve in his hands and Louis thought that it was too much. He even tried to tell Niall that but then his voice was firmly muffled into Niall's chest who thought to give him a massive hug with a cheer of "Happy Birthday mate".

So the evening started and all the lads settled down on the couch. Zayn was having a conversation with Louis and both Niall and Stan were having a competition of who can be the loud talker and who has the world full of exaggerated stories to tell. On the other side Ashlyn and Gigi were gossiping among themselves.

Soon the other guests started to poured in and the big house started to shrunk in size with all those people loading inside. Louis knew half of them because they were either his colleagues or some of his and Stan's mutual friends. Rest were Stan's and Ashlyn's friends or their neighbors. Honestly, it was a big party and Louis wasn't expecting that.

The room filled with giggles and laughter and loud music. Everybody was getting drunk. Louis was having some cool conversations with different groups in the room and Stan introduced him to lots of people. Zayn was by his side and both of them were goofing around. While Niall was playing some weird cup games with some suited lads and his laughter could be heard from across the room. Later Zayn went and stood with Gigi who wanted to have a selfie session with her boyfriend. Ashlyn was with them too.

The air inside the room was getting stuffy and no one was beside Louis, not even Stan as he was talking with one of his friends whom Louis didn't know, so he thought to get a smoke in the balcony.

Louis gets up from the chair and walks slowly towards the glass door. He could feel the room swirling a bit for all those cups of beer and wine he had thrown back. But he was still sober compared to weirdly dancing Niall with now different group of people he has managed to socialise with.

Louis chuckled and turned towards the direction of the glass door when he felt a vibration in his jeans pocket. He fished out his Iphone and found a private number flashing on his phone.

He picked up the call and gets almost collided with one of Stan's furniture on his way to the balcony.

He didn't caught what was said from the other side. He slowly pulled the glass door aside and stepped out of the door. Cold breeze immediately touched his cheeks and he felt relaxed.

He noticed that he was still on the call.

"Hello" He said.

For some seconds there was no voice coming from the other side but he was sure he could hear heavy breathing.

"Hello, who is it?" Louis tried again.

And after, what felt like ages, a very deep, slow voice spoke "Louis"

Louis stopped...breathing. He froze. He felt like all his blood was leaving his body, draining him out of his consciousness as he felt cold, both from inside and outside.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for taking out your precious time and reading this. I hope you have an amazing time throughout the book. Please feel free to comment down your thoughts about the chapter.

**_Past_ **

It is only 6:30 a.m when I hear a commotion going around somewhere in the house. I try to cover my ears and fall back into sleep as it was too early to get up but then the shouting never ends. I can even hear mum calling my name from downstairs. But I don't want to leave my warm bed because really I want to sleep more and avoid the chaos downstairs.

But it really doesn't goes that way does it? Mum calls my name again and she sounds angry. So I open my eyes lazily with a frown and sit up right on the warm bed.

This.happens.every.time.

"LOUIS!"

There comes the third one and I know she is losing it. Better go downstairs before the volcano erupts and engulfs us all.

I make my way downstairs with disheveled hairs and pink strawberry printed pajamas. Don't judge me, I love that color and I love strawberries.

And I'm greeted by more yelling, not directed at me though.

"Oh shut up" Daisy says calmly.

"I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE. AND WILL NOT SHUT UP" Phoebe shouts at her waving her phone's charger in the air. Her face is totally red with anger.

Oh dear god

"Fine. Don't come then" Daisy shrugs with indifference.

Not again

"What's the matter?" I ask to Lottie who is having cereals with a bored face.

"She took my blue crop top when she clearly knew that I was going to wear that to the trip" Phoebe answers me and Lottie shakes her head with I-am-done face.

"That's my blue crop top" Daisy says.

And they start yelling at each other again.

I go to the kitchen and find mum packing lunch boxes for those two yelling hyenas for the trip.

"Did they stop?" Mum asks. She is angry too. Which is not great.

"You called me downstairs to make them stop? Mum, they're gonna take this to their school bus you know that" I take a seat on the dining table.

"Louis. I've tried and Lottie tried too. Fizzy is not even bothered to come out of her room. Only you can do this. They'll listen to you. I don't want them to be grumpy towards each other the whole day and not enjoy the trip" Mum says and it's early morning yet she looks so tired.

"Yeah alright. I'll go talk to them" I say and get up from the chair.

When I come back to the living room, the twins were still shouting. Lottie was busy listening to music in her Ipod.

"Daisy Phoebe, what is the actual matter?" I ask them.

Phoebe opens her mouth to answer when I interrupt her "no more yelling"

She stops and Daisy popps in "I want to wear this blue top to the trip but Phoebe won't let me. When I asked her if I can borrow clothes from her, she said yes. And when I did, she is yelling at me"

"I told you to borrow other clothes. Not the one which I've already made a plan to wear" Phoebe huffs.

"Daisy, that's bad. Give that back to her" I say calmly because I don't want to get yelled at from my little sister. They got some nasty temper and it's only morning.

"But I don't want to change. I have already combed my hairs. They'd get tangled if I change"

"Stop being a baby"

"Okay stop" I say and get up.

They look at each other with great despise which is not right.

"How about you borrow something from hers Phoebe?" I say.

"No. I don't want to. I even selected matching shoes and earrings for that top. Tell her to give that" Phoebe says and her voice cracks at the end.

I look back at Daisy and see her biting her lips. Signs of guilt. That's good actually.

Daisy looks at me and then looks down at the top she was wearing.

"Ok fine. I will give it back to you. Don't start crying jeez" She says as she fidgets with her fingers.

"Very good Daisy" I smile at her.

"But what will I wear?" She says again.

"How about I choose something for you from my closet?" Phoebe offers. Daisy smiles at her and both the girls runs towards their shared room.

So that's my sisters. They'd fight and next second they are best friends again.

"Is the WW3 over?" Lottie asks unplugging one of the earplugs from her ear.

"Yep thank you very much for helping" I pass a look at her.

She returns me a sly smile "I love you" And gets busy listening to some ear-bleeding rock so early in the morning.

"Yeah okay" I roll my eyes. Lottie says that anytime and everytime. She only knows why. But that doesn't stops me from smiling. I love her too.

I go to the kitchen and mum is busy making breakfast for the rest of the house.

"And the peace has been restored with the sacrifice of my sleep" I sit down again on the chair and she passes me a cup of tea.

"Thank you Louis" She grinned. No traces of anger could be seen.

"When are they leaving?"

"Around 8:00. The bus is going to pick them up" Mum says.

The twins are going on a trip organized by their teachers. It is an amusement park they are visiting. It's chilly outside as it's the starting of November and my sisters were arguing over crop top which in no way going to stop the cold. But I know mum and I know that she has already kept the heavy jumpers ready on the couch which they have to wear when they go out.

So I finish my tea quickly and head back to my room to get ready for school.

I don't bother to take a shower at this cold weather so I just brush my teeth, wash my face and come out of the bathroom. I just showered last night so it can wait till the night comes again.

I go and take out some clothes from my closet and put them on. I love winters and hence more than half of my wardrobe is filled with oversized hoodies, jumpers, jackets and what not. Winters are beautiful and everybody should love it.

I brush my hair and take a final look in the mirror. I push extra fringes away from my eyes and it was done. I hear bus coming near the entrance of my house. So I take my school bag and go downstairs.

The twins were ready to go so I hugged them and told them not to fight on the trip and they said they'd be fine as the "issue is already resolved".

As I said, mum made them wear heavy jackets and they kissed her cheeks (not angrily because the jumpers were looking fine on them). Lottie and Fizzy walks them out and I seat down to have my breakfast.

I complete my breakfast while flipping the pages of a novel I've been reading for days now and it's too big and interesting and has no intention to end because it's too big.

"You are still reading that?" Fizzy asks me while sitting down on the opposite chair.

"It's interesting"

"Want a spoiler?"

"Don't even dare"

"Be aware of the ghost that sits on the drawer" Fizzy says lifting her milk glass.

"You did not just" I can't believe her.

"That's not even a proper spoiler" She shrugs.

"And do you think I'm that dumb to not understand that sentence even if I still got half of the book to complete. How dare you Felicite!"

"Relax big bro" Fizzy tries to contain her laughter.

Oh it's not funny.

"I'm not letting you read any of my books till I don't read them first" I scoff.

She starts giggling "I'll still somehow sneak them into my room without your knowledge"

"Oh yeah!" I say and then I smirk "you know Gus dies"

And I see her frown and then horror spreads across her face when she realises.

"No he doesn't" She growled.

"Yes he does"

I know which book she was reading.

"You cannot..you spoiled it...you-" She gets up from her seat and runs around but I'm fast.

We are running around the whole house and she is shouting behind me.

"Relax small sis" I tease her and she chases me even faster.

"I hate you so much" She shouts when I step out of the house with my school bag.

"Aww I love you too Fizzy...enjoy the book" I say and she shouts again and goes inside.

Well, I shouldn't have spoil that for her. Harsh move, I know but she'd come around which will cost me a pastry treat of course.

So I wait for my best friend Stan who lives two blocks away from my house. We walk to the school together. I don't have my own car. Stan has a bicycle which he rarely uses so we prefer to use our legs to go to school instead.

I'm waiting since ten minutes but Stan is nowhere to be seen. Maybe the bloke overslept. He is a panda and he loves to sleep which makes me irritated sometimes because for him I get late for school most of the time. And I'm not that fond of the stares the kids at school gives me whenever I had to go inside the class with an awkward smile when the class had already begun. I don't like getting unnecessary attention and I don't think I'll ever be confident enough to handle any of it any time soon.

And I see Stan walking ever so carefreely towards my house with a large grin as he sees me standing by the porch.

"You are late" I say walking towards him.

"Overslept"

Of course. I knew it. He'd watch football matches till the am and then have long hour calls with Ashlyn, his girlfriend, and go to sleep. Hence, wake up late hence making me late for the lessons. 

"Sleep early at least on school nights" 

We start walking towards our school which will take us good thirty minutes because it's a bit far on foot.

"Can't mate. Made a pact with both dad and Ashe. One for the football matches and the other for the love talks"

I make a face "Love talks? when did you start saying those sappy things Stan?"

"Love, my boy Love. Love will make you talk sappy shit" He answers dreamily.

"Can't relate mate" I laugh "but looks like you are whipped"

"Like a cream, I know" he says again and I laugh and shake my head.

Stan, Ashlyn and I are friends since middle school and it was a love at first for him. Ashlyn's a nice girl and Stan is happy so I'm happy for him.

He never stops talking till we reach school. We straight went to our lockers and I wave Stan bye because we didn't share same lessons before lunch. So I go in my first lesson and thankfully the teacher was not there. I take my seat and fish out the book for the lesson. Everybody is talking or laughing with their friends. They stay in groups. Well I don't have any group because you see, I am not one of the popular kids in school. But I love my anonymity as much as I love studying.

"Heyo Louis Nerdlinson! Wassup?" 

I look up from the book and turn back. I find Kyle Wilson waving and smirking at me.

Yep, I'm a nerd and that'd be one of the names they call me. 

I don't respond to him instead I look down and try to concentrate on my book. I hear him laugh and call my name again. He has a group, of course. 

There are two types of groups in here. One with the super rich prankstar popular kids and the other was of one lower level rich kids who doesn't mind if you join them or attend one of their parties. The super rich prankstar popular kids contained of six people in total and you cannot be a part of their group because you have to be worthy of it. Every prank that has been carried out all these years in this school is done by them and no one, absolutely no one has any power to stop them because really, money talks.

"Louis Nerdlinson is too busy to even acknowledge us. Don't bother him Kyle" Pete, the other member of the group said.

"Oh no! Do we have any test?" Joshua, yet another member speaks.

"Even if there's a test, do you expect yourself to pass mate?" Brian (another one) says again.

"Louis give me some tuitions please. I wanna prove this blokes that I can pass a simple test" Joshua says and I craned my neck towards them. And they bursts into laughter.

I turn back and look down.

"What are you lads laughing about?" this time came Liam Payne's voice. 

"Josh's planning to take tuition from that nerd" I hear Kyle say, still laughing.

They can really talk about someone loudly when that someone is actually present in the same room and not on a great ear level. I really want to read this book but those blokes won't let me.

I hear a deep voice chuckling and then "you are really ready to get yourself into that mate? I like the will power"

I slowly turn my head over my shoulder and look at the tall frame of the boy in black button down, leather jacket and skinny jeans. His back is facing me but Kyle notices that immediately as he flicks his eyes on him.

And he turns.

Harry Styles turns back and looks at me. Why am I still staring, don't ask me. His eyes are mocking me. His face full of amusement. He pushes back his curly hairs and looks back at his friends. I turn my head again and I swear to god I'm not gonna look back again even if they chuckl-

And they start laughing with occasionally my name slipping out from their mouths. The whole class saw that. It was nothing new. But I don't...I never wanted to become the center of attraction (bleh..there's no attraction) for my nerdy nature. I love to read books all the time so what? I want to score good marks so what?

Knowing all the answers for all the questions is not a bad thing. Getting praise by the teachers for your hard work is not a bad thing. Getting good grades is not a bad thing. Being nerd is not a bad thing.

Well senior year is ending anyway and I'll soon get rid from the names and everything so I'm just waiting for that. Until then I'm going to stay as I'm and bunch of bullies cannot stop me from being myself.

So the teacher comes into the class and thankfully gives us task to do because really, I need a distraction from them. They don't care though. They never cared. They are still mocking other people and distracting the class. Even if the teacher told them to behave, they won't budge. I put my concentration on the work and slowly their voices fades away. Concentration is a power.

Minutes later I get up from my seat and and take my notebook to the teacher to submit it. I have already studied in advance for the topic so it didn't took me long to complete the work in class. The teacher smiles at me and I smile back at her. She takes the notebook and keeps it on the table. I go back to my seat. But before that I caught Harry's eyes. 

Now I don't know if he is staring into the space, thinking about the task or he is actually looking at me.

I don't break the eye contact and take my seat. His eyes are following me.

Yep

Definitely looking at me.

But, what do I even do about it? He isn't smiling or anything. He...kinda have this intense look on his face. Had he have a smile on, I would've smiled back but again that's Harry Styles we are talking about.

So,

Better to not do anything I guess.

With that I look down and began reading the novel because I really want to complete this damn book. 

Then the lesson comes to an end and I pack my stuffs to go to the next lesson which was mathematics. Not one of my favourite subjects but I'm pretty fine with the grades. Stan have the same class but on a different time.

I walk down the corridor which was pretty much crowded by the students. So I push through them and reach near the corner which connects with another corridor.

So as I'm about to take the walk from the turning, I almost get collided with a tall figure.

"Oops" I said and keep a hand on the wall to balance myself.

"Hi"

I look up immediately.

Harry Styles is standing just five inches away from me with hands in his pockets and deep green eyes watching me.

Well, thank god I didn't fall on my arse.

"You alright?" He asks me.

"Yeah" I say and pull down the hem of my hoodie.

Wait a minute. When I left, he was still in the class. How did he even reach the corridor before me?

I look down.

Oh! Long legs.

But as far as I remember. We share the same math class so why would he go to the opposite direction.

Okay, why am I asking those questions to myself?

 _Because you cannot ask them to him directly. Duh._ My subconscious commented.

Am I actually talking with myself when Harry Styles is still standing in front of me, observing me...eh

"Were you going to your class?" He asks.

"Yeah" I said and begin walking ahead.

He is behind me. He is walking behind me but wasn't he headed to the other direction?

I go inside the class and take my usual seat. The classroom was filled already and chatters and giggles are echoing around.

I see Harry Styles walking into the room and takes a seat in front of me.

_What!_

He takes a seat on the front row. But he is a back bencher. He really is!

He turns back and I just look down at my math book although it's nothing interesting about it.

"Hey" He says.

Now I have to look up. But really why is he even bothered to start a conversation with me, of all people?

"Hi" I say...very quietly. His deep green eyes are bothering me actually.

"What are you doing Louis Tomlinson?"

Oh....kay

"Reading"

"I didn't know you could read" He says and I look up. Looks like he is about to laugh.

Did he just-

"You just quoted the movie dialogue which I'm not very fond of"

"Well books or movies. I still love HP" He grinned.

"Why are we talking?" I ask and look down at the math book which I have started to dislike.

"I thought we could be friends"

I look up again "What did you say?"

"That we could be friends" He is grinning.

"Just an hour ago, you and your pals were making fun of me. And the next hour you want to be my friend?" I say it so fast that I don't even recognize my own voice "I'm _that_ nerd, remember?"

"I remember you Louis William Tomlinson" He says again. This time getting up and taking a seat beside me.

_Woah! Woah! What's happening?_

"Is that your new prank or something? Because I'm not falling for that" I warn him.

For a second his smile falters but then the corner of his lips quirks up into a beautiful smile. His dimple caves in one of his cheeks and his curls falls lightly over his forehead making a beautiful mess. And-

_And did I just checked Harry Styles out?_

Well, he is good looking. Not going to lie about that but...

"I want to be your friend" He says.

I stare properly and his eyes are actually sparkling...why..though?

"Harry Styles are you on something?" I couldn't keep the startle tone out of my voice. I don't know when I'm going to be a bit more subtle.

"I took caffeine actually" He says simply.

I resisted to roll my eyes "why do you want to be my friend all of a sudden?"  
Really, why all of these attention all of a sudden when we have been on the same batch for so many years and he never bother to even acknowledge me. Because he is a popular kid and I'm no one. Nobody cares about me other than Stan in this school.

"I have no reason as of right now" He shrugs.

"Do you want notes or something?"

Because people only talk to me when they needed help academically. And then they won't care. I help them of course because I don't know how to say "no" or be a cold hearted asshole that I'm not.

And I don't swear.

Trust me, I don't.

"No Louis Tomlinson. I'm academically just fine."

I didn't say anything. I look down and stare at the book because I don't know what to say. This feels odd. Very odd.

"Math books can't be that interesting, can they?" Harry leans towards me and stares down at the book.

I look at him and he was still staring down with a frown which almost, almost makes me smile but I don't.

I didn't smile.

"What are you talking about?"

"Can we be friends?" He asks again this time looking up. He didn't lean back which makes this weird position we are in. I gulp because really, he is too close and his cologne is too strong, might give a headache if I inhale more.

"I don't understand why are you being so adamant to be friends with me"

"I'm stubborn"

"That you are" I nod.

"So?"

"So?"

"Are we F.R.I.E.N.D.S?" He asks again for the umpteenth time. He spells the word, putting little dots between them.

I open my mouth to answer when the teacher comes inside the class. We get up to greet him but Harry is still staring at me with expectations.

I sit down and look ahead.

"Louis Tomlinson. I'm still waiting for the answer" He says, his eyes never looking away.

I clear my throat "We are in class"

"I know" He says again..nope, still not looking away.

I look at him "it's just Louis. You don't have to say the whole name"

"So are we-"

"We'll see" And I turn towards the teacher. I can feel his smile and I can feel mine too.

***

**_Present_ **

"Louis" He repeated again, this time slow and deep.

Louis couldn't feel his hands but he could feel the phone which he was clutching tightly. It was pressed to his ear.

"Are you still there?" He asked. His voice slurred.

Louis closed his eyes because he couldn't. He wasn't able to reply to that. It was too much. The cold was too much.

He exhaled... Louis could hear that.

"Please...talk to me" He said again, now all defeated.

Louis felt a buzzing sensation in his temples. The music from inside was very loud by then but the other side was silent. Very silent.

The heavy breathing was constant but Louis didn't respond. He couldn't!

"Please" He whispered, almost miserable. Almost.

"What do you want?" Louis said, finally. Gulping down the massive lump in his throat.

_"I miss you"_


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for taking out your precious time and reading this. I hope you have an amazing time throughout the book. Please feel free to comment down your thoughts about the chapter.

**_Present_ **

Louis closed his eyes and left a shuddery breath which mingled with the cool wind and vanished into the atmosphere. He was breathing heavily after that because he didn't need to hear that. He wished if he could just delete certain things but it was impossible. If he could delete the voices in his head just like he deleted the person who was behind them. But then that person was again there to mess up all of his hardwork that he put up to keep things in control.

"Say something Lou" Harry said softly.

"Stop" Louis opened his eyes. His head was throbbing. He couldn't keep talking. He has to hang up immediately.

"I don't-I...can't..sto- stop missing you Lou" Harry's voice goes heavy and it cracked at the end of the sentence.

Louis fisted his other palm. Why was he doing that? Why all of a sudden after so many years...Harry was saying he missed him. Don't he have any shame? Any self respect? Any guilt?

"That's your fucking problem. Not mine" Louis said in a low tone. He wanted to scream. To shout but his voice was not supporting him. Neither was his body or his brain or his heart. He was feeling everything and nothing at the same time.

Harry didn't spoke for some seconds after that.

Louis could still hear his heavy breathing.

"Lou...please... I want... I can't-... I miss you so much" Harry huffed and Louis could hear some shuffling noises from the other side and then a glass smashing sound echoed from the other side.

Louis flinched and he heard a whimper.

"Harry?"

No reply

"Harry!"

Still there was no response.

"Harr-" And the line went dead.

Louis didn't know he was holding a breath. He didn't know he was staring ahead into the space idly. He didn't know when Ashlyn was calling him inside. He didn't know how he felt.

But he knew, he was numb.

He was numb from the pain that was still fresh. He was numb from the pain he thought he forgot. He was numb from the pain he tried to hide into some deep corners of his healing heart. He was numb from the pain that curly-headed boy had caused him years ago. He knew Harry has opened years old wound with that one call. With that one fucking call.

"Louis" Ashlyn stepped inside the balcony and tapped his shoulder.

He turned.

"Why are you here alone?" But then she noticed Louis' glistening eyes amidst the darkness of the balcony.

"Are you alright?" She asked again but may be she has already got the hint.

"I'm fine" He turned his head away from her. He quickly rubbed way the unwanted tears with his sleeves and faced her.

"You don't look very fine" She was concerned.

"I'm fine" He repeated and walked past her into the room.

It was warm again for the amount of body heat that was generating into the room. Everybody was happy. Everybody was dancing but nobody noticed the man who was troubled. Who was standing in the middle of the hall with large oceanic waves flowing inside him.

"Cake cutting time!" Stan exclaimed after a while and everybody cheered.

Ashlyn guided Louis towards the middle of the room where everyone was paying attention to him.

There was a large beautiful chocolate cake resting on a coffee table in the center. Stan pulled Louis beside him and passed him a plastic knife.

But when Louis faced his best friend, Stan knew that something was not right. He always knew. Maybe he knows the exact thing that was troubling Louis because that look he had on his face was familiar, very familiar and Stan had seen that look on his face before. He was almost used to that look some years ago but then one day Louis didn't had that look on and Stan thought maybe Louis was happy again. But now, it was back. It was back after so many years.

Stan patted Louis to go on and cut the cake. Louis nodded because he could do nothing, could tell nothing in front of all those enthusiastic guests. So he leaned to blow the candles. But Gigi stopped him.

"Make a wish first" She said with a smile.

Louis nodded and closed his eyes. What will he even wish? There's nothing he could think of. His mind was clouded. He couldn't think straight. So didn't wish anything.

He opened his eyes and blew the candles. Everybody cheered but he heard muffled voices. He slowly slit the cake from the corner.

He picked up the first piece and turned to Stan. He smiled but that smile didn't reach his eyes and Stan saw. He fed a small piece to Stan and turned to Zayn.

He thought only Stan know what was happening but by the look of Zayn, it didn't look like that. Zayn was looking at Louis with a slight frown. So Louis thought to smile. Build his walls again around him.

But that didn't work either when Zayn asked "are you okay?"

Then Louis thought to dismiss it just with a huge grin and pushed a piece of cake into his mouth. Zayn wasn't convinced but didn't press it further.

Next was Niall. Of course he was cheering loudly making everybody laugh and that made Louis smile (real one) a bit. Niall, with his oblivious self, smeared some cream over Louis' left cheek and laughed loudly. Louis followed suit and gave out an empty laugh.

All was well after that.

At least it was made to look like that.

Everybody was happy and dancing around the room. Drinks were passed and splashed everywhere. Music was turned loud.

But Louis was standing alone with a beer bottle that someone passed him from somewhere. He wasn't in a mood to indulge himself in that fun part. His birthday party was over for himself a long time ago.

"Hi, Louis?"

Louis turned his head towards the voice. It was a boy. A pretty boy with short auburn hairs and light green eyes which looked almost silver. He was smiling with shining white teeth.

"Hey" Louis said with a tasteless voice.

"I'm Jackson. Happy Birthday first of all" The pretty boy forwarded his hand.

Louis looked at his hand and then to his face and nodded "thank you"

Jackson's smile faltered a bit. But it didn't vanish completely.

"I work at Stan's office by the way. I saw you standing here alone so thought to give you some company" Jackson said keeping a hand on his arm.

Louis wasn't in any mood for flirting so he took a step backwards. But then Stan came from nowhere and patted him on his back.

"I see you made a friend Louis" Stan nodded towards Jackson who's hand was hanging in the air because Louis' arm wasn't in contact with it.

"Hello sir" Jackson said.

"We were just talking" Louis said with a shrug.

"That's good then. Jack, don't forget to grab a piece from the table" Stan said pointing at a large table where Ashlyn was arranging cake pieces on small plates.

"Okay" Jackson nodded with a smile.

Stan turned to Louis who was swirling the liquid in that beer bottle with no intention to throw it back.

"And you. You've crossed your sugar intake limit for the day so Ashe's gonna save you some cake for tomorrow. Don't hesitate to call it a night and don't go to sleep without saying goodnight, alright?" Stan eyed him.

Louis pursed his lips and nodded. Stan gave a smile to him and patted his back again. He gave a nod to Jackson and walked away into the crowd after looking at his best friend one last time.

"Shall we take a seat?" Jackson asked looking around the room. He wasn't aware of Louis' lack of interest on him.

"Alright" Louis sighed because why was he so miserable over a phone call? It was his birthday and he should enjoy it.

He felt Jackson holding his hand and guiding him towards one of the corners of the room. It was fine, he said to himself. It was just a pretty boy trying to be friendly with him, he tried to convince himself.

They reached the corner and sat down on the cushions that were set on the floor. Fairy lights were hung on the wall that made the space glow with hue of golden. It'd have felt perfect if Louis was genuinely happy.

"I love fairy lights" Jackson said and looked up at the wall with shining green eyes.

_Green eyes._

He shouldn't think about that. He shouldn't go in that lane of thoughts again.

"So are you a professor?" Jackson asked making himself comfortable on the space, too close to Louis.

"Yeah" Louis nodded and finally took a sip from the bottle he was holding for such a long time.

"How did you know Stan?" another question came from the pretty boy.

Louis looked at him this time "we are best friends from high school"

"Ooo... That's so nice. You must be lucky to have contacts with your old friends"

Louis gave out a humorless laughter "not friends. Stan was my only friend when we were in school"

Jackson stared at him intently. Maybe he was being very obvious or may be it was the alcohol, his mask, his walls weren't strong enough to hide his misery. His displeasure towards the situation.

"Are you alright there?" Jackson asked, yet again.

"I'm fine. Why'd everyone keep asking me that!" Louis said it, rather rudely.

Jackson didn't answer but he was looking at the beautiful birthday boy who had no smile on his face.

Louis sighed again "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you. It's just that...I'm just tired" and then he looked at the pretty boy with apologetic eyes.

"It's fine. I didn't mind" Jackson smiled and gave a light squeeze on his hand.

And then some more time went by with Jackson talking about him and the world and Louis listening to him with occasional nods and "hmms".One time even Niall joined in the conversation and it became a bit louder. But then Niall got up and got busy with another set of people.

Finally when Louis thought he had have enough and in dire need of sleep, he got up. Jackson followed him too.

"Where are we going?" He asked.

Louis turned to him "I'm going to sleep. Thanks Jack for the company"

Jackson's face fell incredibly. He held Louis' arm again and stepped a bit closer to him "can I walk you to your room?"

Louis wanted to say no but he couldn't be rude. So he just nodded and detached his arm from his hand and began walking towards the corridor.

It was not midnight yet and the party wasn't dying down any time soon. Louis walked through the swarm of sweaty bodies and felt his fingers getting intertwined with someone. He looked back and found Jackson holding his hand.

_Why was that boy so touchy!_

Louis kept walking till he reached the corridor and halted outside his room. His hands were still not free from Jackson's grip. He turned and faced him.

"That's my room"

Jackson looked towards the door and turned back at him.

"are we going to see each other again because you see, I loved your company too" Jackson said slowly. His eyes looking expectedly at him

Louis didn't know how to respond to that. Okay maybe he knew how to respond to that but he wasn't in a mood to use any of his sassy remarks.

So he just "yeah...we can hang out some time" and pulled his hand away from Jackson's grip.

"Ok... I'll be waiting for your call" The pretty boy beamed and stepped a bit closer towards Louis. And Louis gulped.

When Jackson was too close to Louis, something interrupted him. It was a voice.

"There you are!" Stan was walking into the corridor but his attention was fixed on Jackson.

Pretty boy stepped back and Louis exhaled deeply.

"Somebody asked about you Jack. C'mere" Stan said and signaled at the crowd.

Jackson nodded and looked at Louis with sad eyes "see you later Louis"

Louis didn't nod to that.

Jackson walked away into the group.

"You going to bed?" Stan asked.

Louis smiled at him "good night. Meet you tomorrow"

Stan waved a bye and Louis got inside the guest room, closing the door securely. The room was dark and cold. He was too tired to mind that. He stripped out of his clothes and got inside the multiple layers of sheets.

He stared up at the ceiling. Even if his eyelids were heavy with sleep, his mind was chaotic.

His voice was stuck in his mind. It has been that way the whole evening. His deep voice, his heavy breathing...everything was revolving in his mind. He couldn't push them aside even if he tried.

Louis rubbed his face and pulled the sheets over his head. He was frustrated and sad and drunk and miserable and yet it was just a phone call. Just a fucking phone call for fucks sake.

He closed his eyes and tried to fall asleep. He tried.

***

**_Past_ **

"So that lad is your friend now?" Stan asks me while taking a sip from his soda can.

I look back at the group. Harry is seated with his pals and we are in the cafeteria. He catches my eye and gives a smile. I turn back and lean forward resting my arms on the table. Stan was watching behind me, at Harry with a frown.

"I don't know. I mean he has been with me half of the day. He was kind of clingy and..." I was this close to say cute.

_Don't stare at your screens like that. Harry is cute okay. It's just a compliment he doesn't need to hear, coming out of me._

"He is a bully Louis. Do you want to be friends with him?" He asks.

I don't know if I want to be friends with him. Well...anyways. He has been good to me past some hours. Should I trust him just because he's been polite for some sometime whereas his pals have been making fun of me all these years. Harry never actually directed any insults on my way directly but that Kyle lad is always so mean and Harry never stopped him. So should I really trust him?

Ugh...this is stressing me.

"So?" Stan asks after a while "did you get any conclusions?"

I shake my head and look back. Harry was still watching me, this time with a frown. Is...is he observing my every move?

"What do you think Stan? Should I give him a chance?"

"It's your decision to make Louis. If you think he is worth your time then I'm fine with it. See, even if I'm your best friend...I won't get any insecure or anything like that over you. You deserve to have more friends Louis" Stan says and smile.

Stan is so understanding that sometimes I get insecure if he gets close to his new friends. Because I know I'm boring and no one likes boring people. But he is like this adjustable best friend. If you go to him and ask for suggestions even over stupid things, he won't judge you. He won't laugh at you. He may sit down and explain the stuffs but he'd never, never look down upon you just because you did some dumb things or you want suggestions over dumb stuffs. If you don't want to talk, he'll just be okay with it. If you want to rant, he'll hear you without making any face. That's why I love him a lot.

"Hello lads" Harry says and I almost jump on my seat. When did he came here?

I look up at him as he is standing near our table. Stan is looking at him too, with a questionable face.

"My friend Liam Payne there is hosting a party at his house tonight. Louis, you and your friends are invited" He says and spared a look towards Liam who is still seated with the group. I look back and Liam waves at me. I...uh smile back and look back up to Harry who is staring at me with expectant eyes.

"Can't mate. Going out with girlfriend" Stan says and I look at him with wide eyes.

Oh! That I didn't know.

"Actually I can't too. But thanks for inviting Harry"

Harry's face falls immediately. He looks at me and it bugs me. It...it shouldn't matter anyway but-

"C'mon lads. Stan you can bring your girlfriend too" He says.

Stan shakes his head "Ashlyn will go nuts if I cancel the plans. Next time, we'll come"

Harry looks at me again "Louis you have to come"

How am I supposed to go to this party alone? I don't even know anyone. I don't even know Liam Payne or Harry Styles or anyone in that particular.

"Harry, I... I don't usually party...like it's something that I'm not familiar with-"

"I'll pick you up from your home. Just be ready"

_What?_

He's gonna pick me up?

From my home?

Wait but

"Mum won't allow me to party on school night"

"Tell her you are having a study session at my place" Stan says. Okay so he thinks Harry is my friend and he is agreeing to lie to me mum. What is happening!!

"You are actually okay to lie for me?"

Stan shrugs "you are my best friend. I can do that for ya"

"Perfect then. Tell me where and when to pick you up and I'll be at your service" Harry says and grins at me. With that he goes back to his group. We already shared the numbers (he was been asking me the whole day.. he is actually very stubborn) and yep, we are still not friends yet.

Or may be he thinks that we are.

This is so bizarre.

***

So mum bought that whole I-am-going-to-Stan's-house lie. Stan is not a terrible liar and my mum has a detective type of eyes but I didn't know Stan would be a pro to convince her with all those white lies.

I can't believe my best friend lied just so I could go to a party with Harry Styles.

Crazy!

So now I am standing on the block, I bit far from my house because I don't want mum to see me getting into an unknown lad's car.

She didn't know who Harry Styles is.

Can't blame her for that.

I have my house keys with me just so when I go back, she won't have to get up to open the door for me.

Not that I'm staying all night there. Maybe an hour or so.

I don't know why I'm even going to this party.

What am I doing?

I see two headlights coming from the other side of the road. May be it's him.

The car stops just near me. It's a Mercedes.

Oh!

And Harry is seating on the driver's seat with a large grin.

"Hop in" He says.

I go around and get inside the car. I wasn't expecting to travel in such a posh car.

Sometimes I forget Harry is rich.

"You look good"

I look at him and then to my clothes. White trousers, black hoodie and old sneakers...that's no "good" but ok.

"Thanks" I say and look at him...

He is wearing a pink shirt with white polka dots all over and skinny black jeans.

Alright, I'm not judging his dressing sense besides that shirt is kinda cute.

"I like that shirt" I say.

Now he is smiling fully with all those dimples and white teeth.

"Thank you" He says and unbuttoned first two buttons.

Really!

I look ahead as he adjusts his shirt. Won't he get cold in that thin shirt?

He begins driving and I don't talk because really what do I even say?

"Is this your first party?" Harry asks after a while.

_Oh the small talk. I was better off without speaking._

"Not really"

He looks at me and then stares back on the road.

"I mean, Stan goes to a lot of parties so sometimes I tag along. But it was only two or three times. He'd get so loaded that I had to take him back home"

Stan is a party animal. Not gonna lie there.

"So you don't drink?"

"No, I don't"

He faces me "Louis Tomlinson you are every parents' dream child"

I frown "why'd you say that?"

"You are good at studies. Very focused. Humble natured. Teacher's favorite. Don't party. Don't drink. You're that kid every parents would want to have"

Did he for real said that?

"Thank you for all those kind words Harry but you have to remember that I'm boring. Extremely boring"

"I don't think you're boring"

I look at him. I can't believe he is saying all these things.

"But your friends thinks that I'm boring" I say. I can't help saying that. Kyle has been mocking me for years. Harry knows that.

"I don't care what they think. But for me, you are not boring" He says not facing me.

Something warm spreads inside me. He really thinks that I'm not boring.

"Thanks"

He says nothing after that. It's just silence all around.

After a while which felt like hours, we...Harry pulls over near a big house. I look past him to the house. It was buzzing with people going in and out of the place.

_Oh dear god! My social anxiety will be kicking soon._

"So?" Harry looks at me. He might know what I'm thinking.

"Are we going out of the car?" He asks, again.

_No_

"Yes" I nod and open the door. It's cold outside. But I stepped down from the car and look at Harry who was grabbing his leather jacket from the back seat which I didn't realise was there the whole time.

He gets out too after that.

"Shall we?" He asks again raising his thumb towards the house.

I nod again and walk towards him.

The music is loud, very loud. As we walk down the path towards the entrance doors, I feel Harry's hand behind my back, guiding me the way.

Okay

We enter into the huge place and it's louder inside. The whole place is crowded with people dancing, shouting, laughing and drinking. The lights are so dimmed that I can't even see anyone's faces. It's all blue and red and green all around.

"Let's go to the counter" I hear a whisper in my ear. The hairs in the back of my neck raises. I turn my head and see Harry leaning towards me.

I nod.

Harry steps into the front and holds my hand.

Alright

He walks through the dancing bodies and I follow him. His fingers are large and cold and securely holding me. I have to push through the crowd stepping on whose shoes I don't know.

Soon we reach near a large counter which is in some corners of the room. This part of the room has lights and some people are seated on some stools near the counter.

Harry stops and turns "wait for me there. I'll be back in a minute". And he leaves my hand and gets disappear into the crowd.

I stand here idly because...he left me. How...I...ok calm down.

I took a deep breath and go near the counter. It's a proper bar.

Rich people things.

Well, I should go talk to Liam as it's his party and but I don't see him. I didn't see him while entering the house and its impossible to find him among so many heads.

And where is Harry?

Right now I may look like a lost child standing here all alone. I look around and find no familiar faces. Did Harry left me in some unknown place and went away?

Oh no

No no...he won't do that. I should just stop thinking those weird stuffs. I should just stop thinking, that'd be better.

"I thought she winked at me"

I look at me right and see Pete and Kyle walking towards the counters. I never felt so relieved before on seeing them.

"C'mon Pete. Do you think that hot girl would be interested in you" Kyle laughs like a hyena after saying that.

And I roll my eyes.

"Beer" They stop at the counters and orders the drink.

Now I'm mentally praying that they won't see me.

"Louis Tomlinson is that you?"

Oh sweet Jesus

I look away and slap my forehead, mentally. I should've put my hoodie on when I had the chance.

"Hey mate" Kyle jumps and stands in front of me.

"Hi" I say with an awkward smile. I'm sure I look extremely stupid.

"What you doing here?" He asks.

He doesn't know?

"Harry invited me" I say slowly.

"He did!" Kyle looks back at Pete and then to me "well it's good then. I didn't know people like you party"

"Always a ton of surprises" I mumble.

"Hmm..what?" Kyle shouts as the music turns an octave louder "did you say something?"

I shake my head a "no"

"Well why are you not drinking something bro" He shouts again with wide eyes and large grin.

Oh god

"I don't drink" I say.

"Can't hear you mate" Kyle shouts again.

"I don't drink" I shout too this time.

What can I do to get out of this conversation and where is Harry?

"Here" Kyle passes me a cup.

"No no..thanks" I try to decline it but he hands that to me anyway.

Ok.. I'll just carry that but I won't take a sip.

"Go on..have a sip" He says and pats my shoulder.

I shake my head. I'm not going to drink that.

"Don't worry..it's just a punch. It won't upset your stomach" He puts the tip of his index finger on the bottom of the cup I'm holding and pushes it up.

"I don't.. I don't think I should" I look down at the purple-orangish liquid in the cup with a great distaste.

"Oh c'mon. Be a sport" He takes the cup from me and brings it near my lips. I feel cold liquid washing down my throat. It...taste funny.

I push the cup away from my mouth and cough as it burns my throat. It was bad. Very bad.

I hear Kyle and Pete cheering my name. My eyes are watering and I see blur.

"What the fuck did you do?"

I hear a deep voice growling. I catch my breath and try to focus my eyes on him.

"It was just a punch" Kyle says with a shrug.

I feel a hand grabbing my arm. And another rubbing my back.

"You alright?" He asks.

I look up at his green eyes which were full of concerns...for me.

"I'm fine" I say. It doesn't burn anymore. It doesn't feel bitter anymore in my tongue. I'm fine.

"Let's get you out of here" He says and holds my hand.

I don't know when we enter a place which was quiet...well not that quiet but the sounds from outside were muffled a bit.

Then I realise we are in a kitchen. An empty kitchen.

"Here" Harry passes me a bottle of water. I gladly accept it and take a gulp down.

"Better?"

"Better" I say.

He leaves my hand and go to the fridge. I walk around the big fancy kitchen. Why rich people are so fond of big things?

I go and hop on the kitchen island. All sorts of drinks and snacks were kept on the other parts of the island. It's a lot.

"Do you want something to eat?" Harry asks as he stands beside me with a can..err beer can. The tip of my left shoe is touching his leg.

"I'm not hungry" I say.

He nods and takes a sip from his drink.

"Where did you go?" I ask him.

"Went to talk to Liam about what a great party he has thrown" He says

Not even two minutes into the party and he knew it is great...how though?

"I want to talk to Liam"

He frowns "why?"

I pass him a look "because I want to thank him that he invited me to his party"

"Oi... I invited you to this party"

"But Harry, Liam is our host and we should thank our hosts when we are attending their parties. That's called manners" I say.

Harry doesn't says anything but then he grins "you are such a baby Lou"

I cross my arms "no I'm not"

"Yes you are" He bops the tip of my nose.

I pout "no I'm not Harold. Let's go and talk to him". I am about to hop down from the kitchen island when Harry puts his large palm on my chest to stop me.

"You don't want to walk in on him when he is having some alone time with his girlfriend do you?" He says.

Oh-

I seat back properly "alright. I'll talk to him in school tomorrow"

Harry retreat his hand and takes a large sip from his can.

"What was there in that punch anyway?" I ask.

"Vodka mixed with multiple drinks" He says.

"It tasted bad. They should not serve that to the guests" I say.

It was really bad. I'm not lying-

I notice Harry's lips twitched violently. He is holding back a smile or laugh...I don't know.

I roll my eyes "I'm not fond of drinking those stuffs. It was bad according to me"

"About that" Harry goes a bit serious "I'm sorry for what Kyle did back there"

"It wasn't your fault. Don't apologize" I shake my head.

"No...he shouldn't force someone for something they don't want to do. It was very irresponsible of him" He says harshly pushing back his hairs.

Ok he's getting worked up without any reasons.

"Calm down there. It's fine" I take his forearm. He looks at me.

I clear my throat and pull back my hand "how does vodka taste like...as in like an individual drink?"

He frowns but a smile is playing on his lips "you just drank that a few minutes ago"

I make a face "it was 'orrible. Don't remind me of that punch. I'm just asking about vodka...just vodka"

"You wanna try" He smirks.

I nod. I really want to see what all the fuss is about.

He keeps his can down on the counter and goes out of the room.

He leaves again without saying anything. But then he is back.

That lad has some good walking speed with those long legs.

"Here" He hands me a small glass. It looks so cute. Inside, it is the transparent liquid.

"Bottoms up on count of three" He says. He has one for himself too.

I nod. There's a sudden rush of excitement that courses in me. I never knew the thought of drinking some liquid could excite you.

"1..2..3"

And I throw back the drink. My throat burns, it really does but it's different this time. It's a happy burn. I feel warm instantly.

"How was it?" Harry asks with an amused face. He passes me a piece of lemon "Take a soury bite"

I make a face "why.. I'm not biting that thing"

Once Stan told me that when I bite a lemon, I make an extremely embarrassingly funny face. So I don't want to.

"Come one" Harry grabs my jaw and squeezes my mouth open. Then puts some lemon drops in my mouth.

"Good boy" He leaves my jaw and throws the lemon in a bin.

"Now who's gonna apologies for that? Kyle?" I keep my hands on my hips and pout.

He chuckles...actually he laughs out loud.

"No seriously...that wasn't necessary" I say

"Oh it was. By the way, you look cute when you made that face" He grins.

Am I embarrassed...yes.  
Am I flushed...yes.

I look away from him and hop down the counter. Something blue catches my eyes. I go to the other side of the kitchen and grab the bottle. It was full blue in color.

I turn to Harry who was watching me "What's this?"

"Something you should stay away from" He says.

I look at the bottle. It was shining bright with the liquid inside it. I'm curious, very curious to know what that liquid taste like.

I look up at him "can we drink this please"

"What happened to 'I don't drink'? He smirks.

"One time won't hurt anyone" I say sheepishly while looking at the bottle. It's shining beautifully.

He walks to me and catches my hand with which I'm holding the bottle "we are not drinking that"

"Why not?" I whine.

"Because I'm saying that" He takes the bottle out of my hand.

"Why are you saying?"

"Because I've mouth"

"Why do you have mouth?"

"Because I'm a human being"

"You are too god-like to be a human being"

Oops

Did I said that out loud?

But I was supposed to say that in my mind.

Jesus

I look away from him and walk to the fridge. Suddenly I feel thirsty. I open the fridge door.

"Louis...Look at me" I hear Harry say.

"I won't" I look through the various stuffs that are being set up in the whole fridge.

"Louis!"

I stand up straight waving a soda can at Harry "can I drink this?"

He was still smirking.

"Did you just flirt with me?" He asks, still smirking.

"I'm drinking this" I wave it more vigorously. I want to change the topic...anyhow

"Answer me first" He stroll towards me and catches the can that I'm holding.

"Take it as a complement Harry"

"That I will" He grins a large grin.

"Now can I drink this" I shake the can in front of him.

"Yeah but-"

Before he could complete I open the can and-

Uh oh

The liquid spills all over my clothes. And then I hear a laughter. I look up.

Harry is laughing his arse off while clutching his stomach.

"Shut it" I say. Oh god...that was so stupid of me. I just stained my white trousers.

"You should see your face Lou" He is still laughing.

"Me mum's gonna kill me Harry. It's not even looking like a coffee stain. She'll know" I place the can on the island and inspect the large ugly mark on my white trousers.

"Let's clean that up then" He says when he notices my troubled face.

"Where? How?"

"At my place" He says simply.

I stare at him. Is he serious?

"Doesn't Liam has any place where I can clean this up?"

"He does but I don't want you to use that place" He says and holds my hand.

"But why?" I frown.

"I just..don't want you to use that because I'm gonna put that trouser in my washing machine. Those stains won't go away with plain water. Now let's go"

He didn't let me to protest as we push through the now overcrowded place. The room is so hot due to all those body heat that has been generating. The lights are still so dimmed.

In no time we are out of the house and inside his car. I practically have to run all the way to keep up with him. Why don't he understand my legs are short?

Well I'm five nine.

Alright I'm five seven but shh he don't have to know that.

***

I stand in front of his house. Its huge... obviously. And when I say huge, I actually mean its a straight up palace.

"Are you secretly a prince or something? Are you related to the queen?" I ask, still looking at the hou-... Palace.

He chuckles "No Louis. My parents are just wealthy"

We step inside the house. It is dark and cold. Well, I expected it to be well lighted with chandeliers and expensive lights but it's nothing like that.

"Both mum and dad are out of town. And I mostly stay with Liam when they are out. I don't like empty houses" He says as if he read my mind.

We climb the stairs "Are you afraid of ghosts?"

He turns to me "I'm afraid of loneliness". He smiles and turns his head away.

I don't say nothing. Harry is never lonely. He is always surrounded by people. Still...ok who am I to judge? I only know this lad for a day.

"And that's my room" He says pointing at a brown color door. It is almost blended with the walls.

He pushes the door ajar and a beautifully lighted room comes into my view. It's contrasting with the otherwise dark house.

He steps inside the room and I followed him. There's a king size bed in the middle, followed by expensive furnitures and beautiful night lamp. There is a large tv stuck to the wall and a wooden book shelf occupying one side of the room. And it's clean, the whole room.

"You've got a beautiful room Harry" I comment.

"Thank you" He goes inside yet another room which I didn't even notice before.

I peek behind the door and its... a closet. A very big closet. Bigger than my whole room.

He comes out holding a brown pants.

"Get change" He says and hands me the pants.

I take it and unfold the cloth in front of him.

"It's too large for me. I'll trip"

"Fold the end then, c'mon" He gives me a light push towards the closet and closes the door.

I look around the room. Half of the space is taken by the boots, sneakers, vans, adidas, reebok and all sorts of shoes. The other half belongs to the clothes. I push aside one of the white wooden doors and all types of black clothes comes into view. Shirts, Tees, Hoodies, Jumpers, Jeans.... everything is black. I close the door.

Next I push the other side of the clothes section. This time everything is colorful like rainbow. Same type of clothes, but colorful.

Well... that's an interesting way of arranging clothes.

Harry is... weird... in a good way.

I quickly get changed into the brown pants and go out of the room. The end sleeves are sweeping the floor. I roll my eyes and sit on the floor to fold them.

"Give me that" Harry comes out from what looks like a bathroom and signals at my white discarded trouser.

I hand it to him.

"You are going to wash it with your hands?"

"I've a washing machine in there" Harry points at the bathroom door.

"You have a washing machine in your bathroom?"

"I do my own laundry" He shrugs.

"Your mum allows that?" I am shocked.

"I love some things my own way" He goes inside the bathroom.

I look around and spot the book shelf once again. I go to it and stare at the 'stuffs'.

Comic books... comic books and some horror and love novels are stacked in the shelf. Horror and Love novels... nice combination.

"You hungry?" Harry comes out from the bathroom.

My stomach is yelling at me.

"Yeah"

"Want some pizzas?

"Okay"

"Alright... I'll order it then" He takes out his phone from his pocket.

I look back the shelf and pick out a love novel. Never thought Harry would read something like that.

Interesting

"Do you wanna watch some tv before dinner arrives?" He asks stuffing his phone inside his pocket.

I place the novel back. He doesn't said anything when I took the book. Whereas I go nuts when someone touches my bookshelf without my permission. Even Stan is not allowed...not that he's bothered to read.

"No it'll be fine"

"So we are finally friends" Harry says with a smile.

I look at him "I don't know... are we?"

He walks and stops in front of me and forwards his hand "I think we are. I'll be sharing the last slice of pizza with you"

The corners of my lips lifts up. I smile "Then I think we are fine" and take his warm hand into mine.

His eyes twinkles with thousands of stars in the sky.


	4. Chapter 4

Present

It was a fine Christmas morning. Everything was white outside and everything was warm inside. The snow was falling gracefully over the house roofs, car tops and on the trees that surrounded the house. Everything was white and beautiful and festive.

Louis woke up by the sound of the muffled Christmas songs playing somewhere in the house. The door of his room was locked from inside. He didn't remember locking that previous night. He took a deep breath and turned his head to look at the fogged up window. He was warm under the sheets but he tossed and turned the whole night and only got a few hours of sleep. He wasn't tired or cold but he felt empty...quite empty.

May be it was his stomach because he didn't had dinner last night.

Definitely his stomach.

He stretched, still under the sheets, and blinked. The thoughts in his mind were not bothering him anymore...yet. He just wanted to stay that way because it was too cozy and he was warm. He closed his eyes. He wasn't going back to sleep but he wanted to feel the darkness. He wanted his thoughts to just blend with the darkness his eyelids were providing. That way his problems didn't feel important. Maybe he could just solve them by lying on the bed...alone, warm and alone.

But then came the nature's call and no one could ignore that, right?

So, cursing under his breath, Louis got up from the bed and went inside the bathroom. The floor was cold under his bare feet. He was wearing nothing but his boxers so his body shivered when he entered the cold bathroom in his room.

He got freshen up after that and was still in boxers. He might be planning to fall sick and get pampered by Stan or Zayn or Niall. It didn't matter because it had happened before when he used to get a sudden rise in temperature, Zayn would take care of him at his teachers quarters (which Zayn absolutely despises but he loves Louis too much to leave him when he's sick). Sometimes Niall will drop by with medicines and food. Louis was glad he had them. They pampered him like a baby when needed. Stan have been doing that for years. So see it wasn't that big of a deal. Louis was happy. He didn't have to think twice for stuffs. He got his people and he was happy.

Louis went to his back bag and took out heavy jumper and sweatpants. He quickly got changed. It was a festive day and he didn't wanted to look disheveled and distressed. He combed his soft hairs with his fingers. He was done...presentable. He walked out of the room towards the leaving area.

Stan was seated on the couch reading the morning newspaper. He was dressed in oversized Weasley sweater with a big 'S' knitted on the front. The sweater was beige and too large for his body. Louis rolled his eyes because he knew who sent that sweater and he knew there's one for him too.

"Good morning" Stan said when he noticed him strolling slowly towards the other side of the couch.

"Morning" Louis sat on the couch and grabbed the newspaper from Stan's hands. He looking around front page, flipped through the other pages quickly and gave it back to Stan, whose eyes were narrowed.

"I was reading that" Stan said

"I know" Louis fluttered his eyes.

Stan sighed and kept the paper on the center table. And faced him.

"You've got one too" He said and pointed on one of the brown boxes that were kept on the furniture which was placed at a corner of that room. Louis rolled his eyes. He already got so many Weasley sweaters over the years that he'd developed certain distaste for them. Since he started working at St. Joseph, Johanna started knitting them for him, all his siblings, Stan and Ashlyn. She even made them for Zayn and Niall too. On other years, Louis would visit his family for the holidays and she'd present them to him. He'd accept it happily because he loves his mum and he kind of liked the sweaters.

"She wants pictures" Stan smirked.

Louis made a face and got up to fetch his box. It was green this time when he pulled out the cloth from the box. An usual blue 'L' was knitted on the front but he liked it. He liked the color.

He wore the sweater over his jumper and it was big...very oversized. But it was soft and beautiful and he liked it.

"The color suits you" Stan commented.

"Thanks" He looked down at sweater with a smile.

"You up!" Ashlyn remarked coming out from the kitchen with a tray. She set it up on the center table.

"Did you had a good sleep last night?" Stan asked.

Louis pulled a velvet chair and sat down after grabbing a steaming cup of tea from the tray.

"Yeah" He said.

Ashlyn and Stan exchanged glances and Louis was aware what they were thinking. He cleared his throat and wrapped his pale fingers around the cup.

"Thanks for the party Stan and Ashe. It was really very great" Louis said with a smile. But Stan didn't return his smile. And Louis knew the couple was waiting to hear more. Louis wanted to avoid talking about that part of the night. He looked down at the steaming liquid he was holding.

"Louis" Stan called.

Louis looked up immediately. Both of them were looking at him with curious yet concerning eyes. They know what it was but still they were waiting to hear it from Louis if he wanted to share. They were concerned and Louis wasn't not willing to share it with them. After all, they've been there with him since the very beginning so it was of no use to hide or lie.

"He called" Louis said simply taking the first sip from the cup. He was still so numb from the cold that he didn't felt the words.

He looked up and Ashlyn was staring at him but Stan wasn't surprised. As if he knew that was gonna happen someday. As if he saw that coming. Stan was always not that dramatic...always.

"What did he say?" Came his first question.

"He didn't...he didn't say anything. It was a drunk call...probably" Louis said.

"After so many years" Ashlyn remarked with venom. Her hate was pouring out and spreading all over the floor. Louis could see that.

"Where did he get your number?" Stan asked again

Louis shook his head "I don't know...didn't bother to ask that"

"Why didn't you ask him? He just cannot pop up from nowhere and call you. He doesn't have that right after everything" Ashlyn's shrill high pitched voice echoed through out the living room.

"Calm down Ashe" Louis said. Stan was still watching him. Louis didn't meet his eyes. Louis couldn't.

"That bloke got some audacity. I never saw someone this shameless" Ashlyn fumed

That escalated quickly.

Louis left the cup on the table and walked towards the couch and squeezed himself between the couple. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into his warm hug.

"Calm down mate" He said slowly. "Don't stress yourself too much. I don't even remember the call"

"I'm just worried about you Lou. Why'd he even call in the first place? Didn't he...didn't he-" Ashlyn was shushed by Louis who was rubbing her back to calm her down. She'd always freak out first.

"You okay?" Stan asked when Louis broke the hug. Ashlyn didn't nod because she knew it was directed towards Louis.

"It's nothing Stan honestly. It doesn't matter. I've been ignoring him all these years and I'll keep doing that" Louis shrugged. He was doing that again...keeping things from Stan. Last time he did that, it left Ashlyn fuming and Louis hurt and Stan ended up locking Ashlyn in his room for three whole hours. It was a total chaos. Ashlyn got some bad temper and Louis wasn't aware of that at that time. Bad days.

And now Louis could feel the tension in the room. Nobody was speaking anymore. Stan was looking down and Ashlyn was just quiet. Louis didn't wanted that. It was a happy day and he wanted Stan to go back to his cheering self and wanted back Ashlyn's chattering about different stuffs and most importantly Louis wanted a distraction...from the cold.

"You guys are so boring. C'mon...let's do something" Louis said cheerfully. He ignored the cold. He could do that. He was doing that for years.

"I'll go and talk to mum. She has been calling me since morning" Ashlyn said and got up.

And now it was only the best friends. It was silence again.

"Stan"

"Wanna play some fifa?" Stan grabbed the game control and passed Louis one.

It felt normal finally, as if Stan was almost confirmed that Louis wasn't miserable...not anymore. That Louis know what was better and it was true. Louis actually knows what was better for him but if only Stan was aware of the sleepless long nights, the dreams, the haunting memories. Louis was fine with all of that. He was used to them by now. Louis was fine.

After some minutes of cheering, swearing and grunting throughout the game, Stan and Louis were light headed. Ashlyn came out of her room after a long call with her mum. She called Stan and Stan had to pause the game to go listen to his wife. Louis was still seated on the couch crossed legged as he didn't want to bother asking her because maybe it was something personal.

But when Stan went to Ashlyn and Louis noticed her showing something on her phone to Stan, Louis got curious. Stan stared onto the screen for good two minutes as if he was reading something and then he passed a look to his wife. It looked like something gossipy...something worth reading. Maybe an article or an online news paper headline. Louis was watching Stan's expression which wasn't giving out anything. He couldn't make out anything from the whispers being exchanged between the couple from far. And Louis thought it was actually something personal so he suppressed his curiosity.

Soon enough Stan came and sat beside Louis who was flipping through a magazine because Stan took too long to come back and he was bored but he didn't remember a single thing written on the fashion magazine. He wasn't interested.

"What was it?" He couldn't handle his curiosity anymore because Stan looked stiff but his face was neutral.

"Just some photos Ashe's friends sent her" Stan said resuming the game. Ashlyn went back to the kitchen to prepare for brunch.

"Oh" Louis' curiosity wasn't fulfilled. But he thought not to ask anymore because if it concerned him then Stan would've surely said it and god knows maybe it was something only married couples shared like getting pictures of new curtains or a picture of washing machine as a Christmas gift from their friends who were happily married too. So Louis didn't wanted to hear those things as it wasn't interesting and Louis was a bachelor and wasn't seeing someone so that's that.

The day went by pretty fast with delicious brunch and a good gossiping hours between the trio. They reminisced their old school happy memories and their individual memories that they've created in different universities they've gone to get a degree. Ashlyn was in a public relations farm and Stan was always busy with his business and travelling. Louis was, of course happy with his job and the trio never thought they could actually lead a happy adult life occupationally.

Night came by pretty fast and Louis had a long Skype call with his mum and the girls. They were in one of their relatives house where they were vacationing. Jay was happy to see the green Weasley sweater on her son. The call was a bit chaotic as his sisters tried to squeeze into the frame just to say a cheerful "Hi" to their brother. Louis was smiling brightly to see all of them together. He was missing them and it's been quite a while he's seen them. But he was smiling even brightly...fully even after the call ended.

He went back to the living room and joined the pair near the huge Christmas tree. They were opening their presents and Louis was watching them. Both Stan and Ashlyn gave him his presents. They'd always give him two presents, one for his birthday other for his Christmas. They were so sweet and he loved them so very much.

"Aww you guys..thank you so much" Louis stared at the new shoes that came out from Stan's present and a beautiful wrist watch from Ashlyn's present.

"No formality Louis" Ashlyn patted his shoulder and then Louis had already kept their presents under the tree at afternoon. And they said they liked it. It was a book for Ashlyn and some colorful printed tees for Stan. Louis laughed when Stan's eyes went wide with admiration for the tees. Louis knew he'd liked them.

Christmas night was pretty warm and nice as they shared their dining table with Stan and Ashlyn's one the neighbors. They were a young married couple and everybody had a good time between laughing and giggling and passing jokes over the champagne glasses and delicious food. Louis was telling the jokes most of the time, making the other couple laugh. He was quite charming and Stan was smiling widely at his best friend's social skills. After that, smiles and good nights were exchanged and Louis went back to his room to get some sleep. It was past midnight and it was cold again. He felt it but he knew it'll get warm soon. He just had to get under the sheets. Then it'll be fine soon.

So this time, Louis changed into some comfortable pajamas. It was red in color...cherry red. He got inside the sheets quickly because he was cold. He was always cold. It was a years old cold. Louis was used to it but he shivered every time when he felt it.

He was laying on the bed. The blinds were drawn on the window. He couldn't see the fogged up window anymore. It didn't matter because he wanted to sleep. So he closed his eyes and concentrated on the darkness that surrounded him.

***

Next day was quite eventless. The snow wasn't pelting against the windows or the roofs anymore. It was still chilly and white. Louis was awake long ago and was having his cereals at the kitchen table. Stan was seated across from him with his own bowls of Cheerios.

Ashlyn was attending a morning call from her office and she wasn't calm. It was a heated call and she was really very pissed. It has been that way the whole time. Stan and Louis stifled their laughters whenever she was hurling abuses on the phone. She wasn't having a great time.

Louis was planning to head back to the Uni quarters as it wasn't Christmas anymore and he didn't wanted to stay at Stan's place till the new years eve. Moreover the couple had to visit Stan's in-laws and Louis had no interest on staying at their home alone. He fancied to be isolated in his home rather than somewhere else.

"When are you planning to visit Donny?" Stan asked when they settled on the couch.

"I don't know. Probably after the new years. I have to check my schedule" Louis said scrolling through his feeds.

"And about that night" Stan began and Louis stopped his thumb over the screen. He didn't look up, not until Stan continued.

"Did you liked Jackson? He can be clingy sometimes but the lad is good otherwise" Stan said.

Louis pushed the power button on his IPhone and looked up "he's fine. We were just having some conversation that night. It's nothing much"

Stan looked at him cautiously "he asked me about you this morning. If..you were staying in or heading back"

"What did you say?"

"That you'll be going back to home...Doncaster"

"You lied"

"I know"

"Why?"

Stan passed him a look "because I know you are not interested on him and there's no use of leading him to nothing"

"It's...it's not like that...I'm interested but I wasn't in a mood that night" Louis removed the fringes away from his eyes with the back of his index finger "He is...he is fine Stan. I may call him. He seems like a good lad"

Stan kept a hand on Louis' hand and gave a light squeeze "don't be so harsh on yourself Tommo. You don't have to explain anything to anyone or do things to anyone's convenience"

Louis was taking shallow breaths. He wasn't speaking and Stan understood.

After some time he looked up and said "am I being miserable Stan? Am I giving people chances to feel pity for me?"

"No Louis! Absolutely not. You are strong and you know that. You've nothing to explain to anyone. It's your choice...everything. You know what's right for yourself" Stand said. And Louis felt lighthearted but still not convinced.

"You tried to set me up with Jack" Louis smirked.

"Maybe..may be not. You can't deny he is not good looking" Stan smirked back.

"That he is" Louis nodded and fell silent again.

"Take things slow, yeah?" Stan said and gave a slight tap on Louis' left cheek. Louis nodded.

But Louis didn't even want to try. He didn't feel like trying...persuading Jackson. He can't see himself with that pretty boy. It didn't feel right.

"Did he called again?" Stan asked him again.

Louis shook his head "I won't be picking up next time"

Stan looked at him for sometime and then nodded. He wasn't sure but he trusted his best friend. He knows that Louis won't slip.

"You reckon it's been almost ten years. That bloke really got some audacity after everything"

Louis wasn't in any mood to discuss Harry. He'd never be in a mood to discuss him. So he just shrugged and Stan understood. And the topic was dropped.

Later they had couple of drinks at afternoon along with Ashlyn. She was pretty fine after the call. The topics and laughter were never ending and soon it was time for Louis to head back to his quarters.

The best friends did that weird handshake and then Ashlyn gave Louis a bone crushing hug just like when he first stepped into the house on 23rd. Louis was smiling brightly as he waved back to his friends and turned to walk ahead towards the roads. It was still blanketed with cold and white snow. Louis pushed his hands inside his jacket pocket and headed straight towards the bus stand.

He waited for a bus to arrive. There were a few people at the stand who were just like him, standing without speaking to anyone.

Finally a scarlet bus came and halted in front of them and everybody at the stand walked forward to board the bus. Louis took his time to get on because he knew people would push through and he had no rush. Luckily, he got a seat for himself by the window. He made himself comfortable and pressed his head against the cool window pane. The bus wasn't that crowded.

And the journey started.

It was calm and peaceful.

Louis didn't mind the cold. He took a deep breath and exhaled. He took out his phone. Niall sent him some snaps with captions

"This is sick!"

"Just got to meet some popular people"

"The gig went fabulous"

"Next time you're coming with me"

Niall was partying and performing and it'd go on till the new years eve. He was grinning brightly in every picture, every snaps or Insta stories. Louis smiled looking at the ball of energy. After that Louis texted back to Zayn. It was just a reply to some 'what you doing?' or 'you back to the haunted place?' or 'coming to Ni's party on new year's eve?'

Louis said he'd be going to Niall's place on new year's eve. Niall organizes that one grand party every year. He'd invite anyone and everyone he knows and it'd be the best night. It's always best every year. Louis enjoyed partying with his friends. He didn't mind that because it kept him busy and happy and who doesn't like some free food and booze? Plus it's Niall Horan's party and it'd be best.

Louis plugged in his earphones and turned on his playlist on Spotify. He had very carefully selected and added the songs on the playlist and he listened to it almost everyday. He closed his eyes when Ed Sheeran's voice touched his eardrum. It was soothing and he felt relaxed. He couldn't feel the other people's existence around him. It was just him, Ed's beautiful voice and the cool window pane pressed against his smooth cheek.

***

He was back.

He looked at the white door of his flat. It was quiet. The whole building was quiet as Mr. Atkinson and Mrs. Vernon were gone to visit their families. So it was only Louis...isolated alone in the teachers quarters. He didn't mind though. He never mind that loneliness. So he went inside and locked the door behind, securely. His flat had a small kitchen and some food supplies so he won't have to go to Samuel's kitchen for dinner. Moreover it was too chilly outside and he was tired.

Louis quickly changed into comfy pajamas, oversized t-shirt and cream sweater. He turned on the heater in his room. It was dark outside and his flat was dimly lighted. He pulled out his phone as he made his way towards his kitchen to cook some instant noodles for dinner. 

He didn't bothered to check the news articles because he wasn't in any mood to know about the UK's political situation nor he fancied knowing what the tabloids were posting about celebrities because really they were too gossipy and extremely fake. So he just switched to his Netflix app and streamed Friends for the umpteenth time instead.

His bed was as usual cold when he got into it after dinner and five episodes of Friends. He pulled the sheets onto him and stared into the ceiling. He wasn't thinking much lately. So he thought everything was fine until his hand slide out of the warm sheets and grabbed the Iphone resting on the nightstand. And the call log was clicked and the display lit up. His eyes stared at that one number, that one private number from the other night.

He resisted himself. He resisted the temptation to click on that number. To hear it ring once, twice, thrice and may be hear the voice when the phone was finally picked up. Louis gulped and kept his phone back hastily. Why was he thinking all those stupid thoughts knowing very well that how it could mess up his brain completely? Why was he so keen to let a 'slip' happen? It might've been ten years...exactly ten years since he'd heard Harry's voice technically. Louis never expected him to call...to be so bothered to call Louis all of a sudden...

Louis closed his eyes shut and tried to not think. He didn't wanted to think about his phone on the nightstand, his empty dark room, his frustratingly cold bed and that one curly-headed lad who was capable to mess up his head like a cocktail and he hated it...he hated to get frustrated over something which happened so many years ago. He hated to be still stuck at something which was so fucking annoying. He was fucking done with himself being not able to just obliviate the thoughts. He hated everything. 

Sometime he hated himself too.

Just sometimes.


	5. Chapter 5

Days went by in a blur.

And Louis eventually managed to keep himself busy throughout the day. He'd either clean up his messy room or his unruly closet or the kitchen. It was quite nice to clean up everything every once in while and Louis would do a whole concert while dusting his small bookshelf or while scrubbing the bathtub. He was finally able to keep his mind off of stuffs and the extra works helped...very much. Also he'd been cooking lately and YouTube was a big help. He even sent some snaps to his mum of all the dishes he'd made and she was utterly delighted to know her son was slowly getting self-sufficient in all aspects. She was happy and he'd always smile.

Things had been fine for him.

Louis even had long calls with all the lads and Stan would tell him how much he was been pampered at his in-laws' house and Zayn said he'd gone in a short vacation with Gigi and he'd return before the party and Niall would have a long list of his wild stories over a long video call. It was fun for Louis to have stay connected with his friends.

Also, he'd been binging too many web series and documentaries on Netflix while lying on his bed or his couch with a big bag of crisps.

He was somewhere balancing himself between being extremely productive someday and behaving like a cat on the remaining days.

It was fine

Beside no one was there to judge him

And came the day when the much awaited storm occurred. Snow was pelting hard against his windows. He stayed in the whole day while it was wild outside. He ended up reading a whole eight hundred pages book in a single sitting. And he was very proud of that because why not!

After that, nothing much happened and the days were just running by. Until Louis found himself rummaging through his closet to select clothes for Niall's party.

Yep, it was that night.

The big night for which Louis had decided to not stay sober and enjoy it fully. He wouldn't be wasting away the night without at least gulping down considerate amount of pints like there's no tomorrow. He was even going to join Niall on the dance floor and be a fucking nightmare to the other people because really, he was in the mood. Mood to have a sick night and wake up with a killing hangover. He was prepared...completely.

So he dressed up in a maroon turtleneck, thick jacket and skinny black jeans which was way too tight for him but he convinced himself that he was comfortable. He wore boots and brushed his hairs back in a quiff. No fringes were falling on his forehead. He thought he looked pretty decent but the author thinks he looks hot.

So he pushed his wallet into his back pocket and grabbed his house keys. He planned to show up early because firstly, he wanted to make himself comfortable. Secondly, he wanted to help Niall, if needed, in setting up for the party.

Louis headed out of the building and walked through the concrete pathway of the University. The grass were frosted still but it was not white anymore. Lots of people were working to keep the University clean and free of muddy snow.

He walked to the bus stand and immediately got into the bus. It wasn't snowing anymore. The sky was cloudy the entire day but it was pretty peaceful. Louis sat on a seat beside an orderly man who was reading a book...a French book.

Niall's home was not that far like Stan's and Louis liked travelling by the metro or the bus. He never had his own vehicle because he didn't owned any house in the main city and he didn't had to do much travelling so public transport was okay for him whenever he had to go somewhere.

***

"Hey mate!" Niall said as soon as he opened the front door.

"Hi" Louis smiled brightly.

Niall held his elbow and pulled him inside. Niall lived in a three BHK flat and it was actually huge for just one inhabitant. But the flat was posh and beautiful (not that clean) but decent.

Of course Louis was the one to reach there first. Zayn and Gigi were on their way. Louis looked around the house. The Christmas lights were still on but there was no Christmas tree in sight.

"Do ya wanna open a bottle..." Niall said and handed a beer bottle to Louis. He looked at the blonde and pursed his lips because Niall wasn't even asking that question.

He shook his head and took a sip.

"Your gigs are going fine it seems" Louis said and kept the bottle on a coffee table. He took off his jacket and handed it to Niall.

"They are going fine Louis. Had been performing at some events. Ya know people celebrate from Christmas till the new years. Had been having a great time" Niall said with a large grin pasted on his face.

"Oh well...that's very good there Nialler" Louis patted on Niall's shoulder.

"I'll go and get change. Do you need something to eat..." Niall handed a crisps bag to Louis and Louis didn't know where he got that from.

Niall was gone to his room and Louis was frowning at the crisps bag that rested on his arms. Niall might be a magician too..who knows?

So it took half of the crisps and Louis' beer getting almost empty for Niall to come out of his room. He was specked and suited. His blonde hairs styled with gell and his teeth shining bright.

"How do I look?" Niall asked and did a slow spin in front of Louis who was rubbing his fingers in a tissue paper.

"Look good...glasses looks fine... Your blonde is fading... Don't spill ketchup on that white shirt and literally change those panda socks. Seriously Neil?" Louis said inspecting him head to toe.

"I'm gonna wear shoes so no one's gonna see those socks. They are new anyway" Niall said flaunting his socks-clad feet and slipped them in some polished office shoes. And Louis rolled his eyes.

Niall turned on some 80s rock on his giant speakers and Louis thought he'd lose his hearing ability till the end of the night.

But it was all good

Both the boys were having some good conversation and Niall emptying the remaining crisps in between. Zayn and Gigi reached and the room finally started filling up shortly after. Niall had those American red cups stacked on the kitchen counter which divided the room into half. Niall went to attend his guests while Zayn and Louis refilled their glasses and smoked some cigarettes inside the room. Niall didn't mind. He never minds.

"How are you even entertaining yourself in that..." Zayn grimaced " 'house'?"

Louis smacked his arm playfully "Stop sending hate to the teachers quarters. Come and live with me. You'll know how cozy it is"

"Never in a million years" Zayn rubbed his arm with a disgusted expression.

Louis laughed "why do you hate it so much Z?"

"Because it feels cold and lonely when I go into those flats. I don't know why but it makes me feel old and maybe...miserable a bit"

Louis wasn't laughing anymore but he didn't show it on his face. He didn't know if Zayn was talking about his flat or about him.

"Well" Louis looked down at the dark brown liquid in the cup "the flat just works fine for me"

Zayn didn't say anything. Louis didn't look up from the drink.

"C'mon lads" Niall came out from nowhere and pulled both of them to the center of the room. Louis gave a big smile so did Zayn.

Niall was ready with his guitar. He sat on a stool in the middle of the room and everybody cheered for him to sing.

"Suggest me a song" Niall said loudly.

"Anything but rock" Louis said.

"May be some Indie pop" Zayn said.

Niall nodded and pulled a string. He began singing and Louis actually liked it. Niall's voice echoed throughout the room as people sang along during the chorus.

"Not bad" Louis clapped and sang the line 'sweat dripping down my dirty laundry '

"That lad's good" Zayn nodded.

"I sometimes wonder why doesn't he record any song yet for the music industry" Louis looked at Zayn with furrowed brows.

"I asked him that one time. He said he was waiting for the right time besides he's working on some plans regarding his songwriting and singing" Zayn remarked.

"He said that?" Louis raised a brow "good for him. He's talented"

"I know right"

The crowd began cheering again till the song ended. It was nice. Niall was happy and then the music was turned on louder.

The wild part of the night began finally when Louis found himself with a large group of boys standing in a circle. Niall was standing at his right side and Zayn was on his left. They were accompanied by many other Niall's male guests and each one of them had two glasses of tequila shots. Somebody did the counting and the others threw back the liquid. Niall cheered loudly and went for another round of shots. It was noisy...it was loud.. Louis felt wild, carefree and all sorts of feelings one should feel because it's new years after all.

After that Louis found himself posing with Gigi in front of her camera. They were giving out some Vogue model poses which Louis found extremely fun. The picture was uploaded then and there with a caption

"Lady and Lad in glitters and shots"

They even clicked some weird selfies alongside Zayn who was making some obscenely funny faces.

"You gotta learn how to make faces Z" Louis mocked when Zayn did the terrible job and Gigi giggled.

"Oh please Tommo... I know what I'm doing"

"Oh the oblivious one!" Louis threw his hands dramatically over Zayn's shoulder and looked deep into his beautiful hazel eyes.

"Aww..you guys are so cute" Gigi clicked some snaps of them both.

"We would make a good couple" Zayn said and wrapped his arms around Louis.

But Louis pushed him aside "I like girls. Get off"

Gigi couldn't hold back the laughter as Louis joined her. Zayn let a smile slipped upon seeing the duo and rolled his eyes.

Later, it was the time to hit the dance floor. Louis was totally drunk till the time he stood beside Niall who was swaying his hips along the beats. All the people were jumping and shouting and dancing with joy. Louis was doing some of his own steps. He might've even joined Niall in twerking when the Macarena was played at some point. Zayn was performing some salsa steps with his girlfriend and god they looked fine. Louis had another selfie session with both Niall and Zayn and he sent all of them to Stan immediately.

But then Louis realized he was totally out of control when he stumbled upon someone. He looked back.

"I'm sorry"

"It's fine"

It was a boy. He was tall and a bit muscular. He had sparkling light green irises and dark brown locks which were falling beautifully over his smooth forehead and broad shoulders. His face was perfectly round with sharp jawline and perfect pink lips.

Louis was mesmerized.

"It's fine" The pretty boy number two said. The words were deep and honeyed.

Louis knew he was staring at him shamelessly so he dropped his gaze to his shoes. He adjusted the hem of his turtleneck and cleared his throat.

"I didn't see you there. Did I hurt you?" He looked up and found the boy smiling.

"No you didn't. I'm fine"

Louis noticed they were walking towards the other part of the room which wasn't occupied by any crowd. Although the music was still loud and the alcohol in his tummy was making the world move in front of his eyes, Louis was still controlling himself.

"I'm Ray by the way" The boy forwarded his hand.

Louis looked at him and then to his hand which was tanned and large and beautiful with freshly manicured nails but had no rings.

"That rhymed" Louis chuckled and amusement spreads over Ray's face.

"Yeah it did"

Louis took his warm hands into his and felt himself grinning.

"I'm Louis William Tomlinson" He said and thought it wasn't required to say the whole name but damn he was drunk.

"Sounds like you're some french prince. Are you a prince?" Ray was still holding his hand when Louis felt a sudden dejá vu.

He pulled his hand out of his soft grip "no I'm a professor"

Ray looked in his eyes "interesting"

It was like that for some time. They talked, giggled and laughed over various topics. Louis was enjoying Ray's company. He got to know that Ray was Niall's friends of friends but they go along quite well. Ray was a doctor and that amused Louis very much.

"So you're that hot doctor that gets to attend all the patients because they won't let anyone else check them" Louis joked.

And that made Ray laugh "the only reason my other fellow docs are salty towards me"

Louis knew he was openly flirting with Ray but it looked like it was same from the other way around.

Soon the countdown began. Niall and Zayn were the loudest in the crowd. Ray was standing very close to him when the other people were counting the seconds.

When the clock stricked twelve, everybody gave out a loud cheer and Louis found his lips touched Ray's one. The kiss was short and smooth. Ray pulled away and smiled at him.

"Happy new year Lou" Ray said while holding his hand firmly.

Louis couldn't tell if he liked his name coming out of him. He didn't know if he was expecting that new years kiss from him. Louis didn't know how he was feeling besides he was extremely drunk.

Later Zayn, Niall and Gigi joined them and had some cool conversation. The party was still alive and happening even after midnight. Louis didn't look at his phone. He wouldn't know even if it vibrated because he kept it on silent. He wouldn't be taking risk because he didn't trusted his drunk self who might wanted to have a drunk call.

Ray was beside him the whole night. Louis actually liked the attention he was getting from him. And when Louis finally thought to go back home, Ray got up too.

"I'll take a cab" Louis said to Zayn while he was wearing his jacket. He'd already said bye to Niall who was still loaded with so much energy to continue the party till dawn.

"I can drop you if you want" Zayn suggested. Gigi was sleeping beside him on the couch. Her head rested on Zayn's shoulder.

"Zayn, take her home. I'll be fine" Louis insisted.

"You going?" Ray said as he came and stood beside Louis.

Louis nodded and looked at Zayn who wasn't sending any teasing expression his way.

"I'll take you home then" Ray said.

"No it's fine... I called the cab already" Louis said.

"I'm taking you and that's final" Ray said and wore his jacket.

Louis looked back at Zayn who nodded back at him with a go-along-and-call-me-if-needed face.

Louis sighed "alright"

Ray held Louis's hand to walk out of the flat. Louis waved a bye at Zayn. In no time they were out of the warm flat to the dark streets.

People were still walking down the street and he could hear laughter echoing momentarily from the blocks.

"Are you cold?" Ray asked as they got inside his car.

"A bit" Louis said rubbing his cold hands together to make them warm.

Ray flicked the heater on and Louis felt nice instantly. He gave a small smile at him and looked out. They were headed towards the university in silence.

***

As he got out of the car, Louis thought it was a good idea to stroll across the campus because Ray was visiting St. Joseph for the first time.

Alcohol was slowly taking away his ability to think rationally.

Now he was shivering like a kitten as they walk around the gardens whose grasses were still frosted. The air was fogged up and Louis' head was swirling.

"I've always wanted to visit the campus. Some of my friends studied here but I never got the chance to actually roam around" Ray said as they stood near the building number three, a couple of feet away from the fountain. The sky was pitch black, starless and empty. Louis looked up and let his face go numb against the chilly breeze.

"Its so peaceful here" Louis said.

Ray was watching him and he was aware of that.

He looked down at him "what?"

"You are beautiful" Ray said with a soft smile.

But...

But Louis didn't feel warm from those words coming out of him. Sure it felt nice but not warm. As if something was missing. As if those words lacked something when they touched his skin.

"Thank you" Louis looked away from Ray's bright eyes. His eyes were shining from the light coming out from the university path lights.

They were walking ahead, together. Sometimes Ray's shoulder would brush against Louis'. They were holding hands till they reached the quarters. They were standing just outside the entrance of the building. No one was there except them.

"You live alone?" Ray asked looking at the dark staircase and then to him.

"Yeah" Louis nodded.

They were still holding hands. Louis noticed that but he didn't pull out this time. He looked down at their shoes, at the cold ground.

Ray's right hand travelled up slowly and held Louis' jaw with his long tanned fingers. Louis looked up at his light green irises.

Then he felt Ray's soft lips touching his once again. But it wasn't the same this time. It was rough. The kiss was rough and Louis had to stable himself on the ground. Ray's hands were gripping his waist and Louis felt no control over his self. Louis was gripping his suit while his dark locks were tingling Louis' forehead. He closed his eyes as he felt Ray taking over him in that kiss.

Louis broke apart when he felt his tight jeans getting tighter around him. He looked at Ray's dilated pupils and felt nothing but a sudden body rush. A need was growing within him, burning with pure passion.

"My room" He panted.

Ray held him and pulled him towards the stairs. Louis was too weak but he knew what he was doing because it was New Years and he had every right to be happy. Besides he was drunk and in a verge of getting wasted so might as well make it a carefree night.

***

Next day, when the sunlight was pouring through the half closed curtains in the room, Louis felt a vibration near the back of his fingers. He felt too weak and sleepy to open his eyes.

But the vibration didn't end there.

Louis finally opened his eyes slowly and found his right hand resting on the night stand along with his phone. He looked back at the sleeping boy on the other side of the bed. Ray was sleeping on his stomach. His long hairs sprayed around the pillow. But Louis was far away from him. He noticed the space between them.

Louis looked back towards the phone which stopped vibrating. He didn't remember when he put his phone on vibration mode last night.

So he picked up the Iphone and pushed the power button. The screen lit up and Louis checked his call log.

Four missed calls

His eyes got widen when he recognized the first two calls from that one private number.

The first call came at 12:00 am  
The second was at 2:00 am

The other two calls were from some different numbers but Louis knew who it was from.

Louis knew he called him. He called him first time when the clock strike twelve.

Harry called him when the new year started.

Harry called him again and Louis didn't pick up.

"Fuck!"


	6. Chapter 6

Past

I'm sitting in my math class. Everyone is scribbling on their notebooks. The teacher is inspecting us like the Hawkeye. He doesn't like when students copy from one another. I don't like math really and now I'm doing this geometry sum. It's boring and time consuming. I hate geometry.

The seat next to me is empty.

I look up and see Harry walking into the class. He is late. He immediately catches my eyes and stops. He turns and looks at the teacher who is frowning...angrily frowning at him. And then he looks back at me.

I didn't know I was frowning too.

He turns and walks out of the room. Stops and turns again, at the threshold.

"May I come in sir?" He says. His dimples caving in on his cheeks.

I look down at the quadrilateral on my notebook. I'm smiling.

The teacher let him in with a mild frown. His father is one of the patrons of this school so no teacher dares to say anything to him.

I feel him beside me, taking the seat. He drops his bag on his other side and he leans in, towards me. I'm still looking down.

"Movie after school" He says.

I look up at him and whisper "I've studies to do"

"Do it after the movie"

"I've two essays to complete Hazz. I can't" I shook my head.

"Please" Harry pouts "I'll help you write those essays after we come back from the movies, I promise". He forwards his pinky finger towards me.   
I'm still smiling.

"Stop talking you both" The teacher says and I look away from Harry.

I'm embarrassed. I'm not used to getting scolded by the teachers in front of the whole class.

"Sorry sir" I mumble and (pretend) concentrate on the notebook.

Harry is still looking at me. Waiting for me to speak. He is unfazed by our teacher's warning.

"Lou" He whispers.

"Hazz" I whisper back.

"Lou..." He whines this time.

I look up at the teacher who was staring at Harry...angrily.

Oh no!

I look back at Harry "okay"

He smiles and turns away to take his notebook out from his bag. I look back at the teacher, who is still frowning at us.

I didn't want Harry to get detention and one movie won't hurt.

Besides, who can resist those puppy eyes.

***

It was supposed to be just one movie. But Harry had a whole lot of plans to watch a movie plus some episodes of Friends after that.

I mean I love friends.

And I love The Notebook too.

And really, Harry weeps like a kid when the credits rolled after the movie ended.

I realized he is this sappy romantic geek. I am amazed actually.

Harry Styles, the popular kid of our grade cries when Elle and Noah had their kiss under the rain.

And mind you, it was not the first time Harry was watching that movie.

"You look cute when your nose gets red" I say.

Why my compliments are so weird?

"Then you'd love watching me cry all the time" He says while rubbing his eyes with his sweater paws. His curls are falling softly on his forehead.

"No... I don't want to watch you cry. People don't look good when they cry" I take his forearm and he looks down at our hands. He doesn't pulls back.

So I stay that way.

We were supposed to watch the new Iron Man movie but the theaters were houseful so he suggested we could go to his home and watch something from his collection.

So, here we are now. The Notebook was done and he said he'd like to watch Friends too. So I go along.

He is laughing like a kid all this time. Not that I've not seen him laughing before. He'd literally take all the hallway in our school while laughing with his pals after a successful prank.

But this

Him laughing watching a sitcom is a pure bliss. He looks more open and lighthearted. He wraps his one arm around my shoulders somewhere between the episodes.

I am aware of his every move. His every smile, his every laugh, his every giggles are leaving a trace in my heart. His face goes all blushy when he catches my eyes on him and my cheeks heat up.

When did I started observing that curly?

Well...alright.

I clear my throat and push away from him...from his body.

We are sitting on his bed, in front of his large TV.

"I think I should go home now" I say sparing a glance to my wrist watch. It's quite late but I still have some time until the curfew.

He frowns and pauses the TV. Then he turns to me. His knee touching my knee.

"Why so early?"

"I'm tired Harry"

"You are going to study till late night" He tells it as if he is stating a fact.

Well, yeah, I am planning to study late because homeworks are more important than sleep.

"I'll just do my homework and go to sleep" I say.

"I'll help you do that... I promised you" He leans towards me. His one hand on my left knee, balancing himself and his other hand is reaching for my school bag which is kept on the ground.

I uh-

I hold my breath because really, he is too close.

He turns his face and looks in my eyes. His deep green irises are shining brightly. He has a little tinge of blue in them.

I stare.

I don't know how to move when he is this close. He is still not grabbing my bag.

He is still watching me. I don't dare look down at his lips which are smirking or smiling I don't know. It's somewhere in the middle. Somewhere in being cheeky and cute.

He is cute.

He looks away, grabs my bag and moves away from me. He sits back in his place on the bed.

I am looking down because I feel my cheeks getting hot. I can feel them getting red.

"Louis...look at me" He says.

I take time to look up. He is watching me. A small, very tiny smile pasted on his lips.

He unzips my bag and pulls out some books.

"Woah! Slow down there tiger" I take the bag away from him.

"You are invading my privacy. I might have personal stuffs in here" I tease him but try to keep my face neutral.

"Like what?" He asks me curiously. His eyes going a bit wide with wonder.

Alright!

"Like...maybe a journal or..." I look down at my bag.

"Or?"

"Or love letters" I say and try not to smile or blush. He'd know I'm lying.

"Love letters? You get love letters?" He says and I look up. He isn't curious anymore. He isn't smiling anymore. He thinks I get love letters. He can't be serious.

I don't say anything.

I unzip my bag completely and flip it upside down. All the contents inside it pours down on the bed.

"No... I don't get love letters. I...was just joking" I say.

Besides who will write me love letters.

"Louis"

I look up at him.

"You are an open book. Do you know that?" He says slowly. His voice deep and raspy.

I shook my head.

"And I'm enjoying reading you"

He tells that. I'm happy but I don't know how to react to that. How to say that I wish we were friends all these years. I wanted to tell him I'm really enjoying his company. I'm enjoying being his friend. It's been just days but it feels home when I'm with him.

"Alright. Homework time" He takes back my bag and start stuffing my books into it, leaving the history book and a notebook on the bed.

"I don't maintain any journal" I say.

He looks at me while neatly putting my stuffs away.

I'm a mess, really!

"You should. It's good when you write down what you're feeling" He says keeping my bag aside while scooting near to me.

"I tried keeping a journal once but then I got bored and forgot about it" I shrug and pick the history book.

But then...

"Do you keep a journal?" I ask him.

He smiles and gives a nod "I love penning down my feelings"

Now I'm curious. All these years of stereotypical views about Harry I had in my mind are just proving out to be so wrong.

He loves watching romantic movies. He loves having long conversations over a cup of tea. He keeps a journal where he notes down his feelings. He told me he loves to cook.

I didn't know this Harry existed.

Plus, I got to know that Harry is a pro at telling the lamest knock knock jokes. But somehow, he makes me smile.

He makes me smile always.

"Louis!" He breaks my trance.

"You zoned out" he says again.

I just shook my head and began reading the chapter we were asked to write an essay about. He listens to me carefully with knitted eyebrows and hunched shoulders. When I stopped reading a considerate amount of paragraphs, he tells me to note down my views on them.

I nod and begun scribbling down the points on the notebook. He'd occasionally ask question about some topics and clear his doubt.

This study session was unplanned and may be

I liked it.

"Knock Knock"

"No Harry, I'm trying to form a sentence here" I hiss because I'm struggling with this one paragraph.

"Knock Knock"

I keep down the pen and stare at him "who is there?"

He grins and says "Mustache"

Oh dear god!

"Mustache who?"

"Mustache you a question, but I'll shave it for later" He is still grinning but this time sheepishly.

I pick up a pillow and throw it at him. He catches it immediately like a ninja that he is. He is laughing loudly with all those white teeth and glittery green eyes.

"That was the lamest thing I've ever heard"

And this time he throws the pillow at me. I couldn't duck down on time and it hit me on my face and I hit my head on the headrest of the bed.

"Lou!" He shrieks and comes closer and removes the pillow from me. He is holding my face in his large hands "I'm so sorry. Did I hurt you?". His eyes are widen and he is concerned.

"That was quite a blow" I blink once, twice but no, I didn't get a concussion.

But, who doesn't love a little pampering.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you Lou. Are you hurt? Let me check" He looks at the back of my head. His fingers sliding in and out my hairs.

I don't stop him.

I'm just enjoying a good head massage.

"Did you find any lump there?" I point at my scalp when he is intently checking my head with a serious face.

He looks at me and I burst into laughter.

He leaves me and sits back with a pout "this isn't funny"

"Just like your knock knock jokes"

He widens his eyes dramatically and next second I know, he is tickling me. I roll on the bed, trying to stop him.

"Harry...stop..." I try to push his hands away.

"No I won't" He is laughing with me.

"Harrryy" I whine. He is on top of me.

"Louuu" He whines back, still tickling me.

He finally stops when I'm struggling for breath. He is close, too close to my face. I'm breathing through my mouth.

We are not laughing anymore. He is still on top of me. I don't push him away and he is not getting up.

He leans further and I stop...

I stop breathing.

"Louis" He whispers when he is close to me...just a few inches away. I'm still holding my breath. He is too close to me...dangerously too close. And I can't...I don't know how to not look at his red lips. I don't know if he knows he is affecting me.

He shouldn't affect me.

But he is and I don't hate it. I don't hate the feeling.

"You zoned out again" He says. His breath caressing my face. His long lashes casts a shadow over his cheeks. His lips are parted as he speaks.

"I...I am just-"

"Your essay is still incomplete" He says and gets up from me and sits down on his usual place.

I get up and straighten my jumper. He is reading my half-done essay. I adjust my clothes and my hairs. I can still feel his touch on them.

"I'll complete it later. I should probably go now" I say grabbing my stuffs.

He nods and closes the notebook and hands it to me.

"I'll drop you. It's late outside beside I'll say Hi to your mum" He says and in no time gets out of the bed.

"No" I say and look at him "It's late Harry. I...mum will not be very happy to see me entering the house after the curfew. You don't want her to go all hulk over you, do you?"

He smiles "don't worry. I won't mind if she goes Hulk on me afterall it was I who kept you back"

"No Harry... she didn't even meet you. I don't want her first impression on you to be that bad. She is sweet but when she is angry, boy you wanna stay away from her" I say and throw my bag on me shoulders.

"She's got a bad temper it seems."

"You can't even imagine. Can't blame her. When you have to carry a whole house with five kids, you'd become a bit moody regarding everything." I say and began walking out of his room.

"I have my own sibling too so I know how mums can get sometimes"

I turn to look at him "bet you have a better situation than mine"

"I have a sister..big sister. She is away for University but whenever she returns, mum totally forgets what peace actually is" He smiles. I can see his sparkling irises. They are beautiful.

"You are very close to your sister" We are walking down the stairs.

"I love Gemma. She is the best sister one could ever have" He says.

And I smile.

His parents are still out of town and he is been staying in his house all alone. Sure there are people...workers in this house but he is still alone here. Liam went to see his grandmother who lives in London so Harry came back to his house.

"Harry, are you alright living here all alone?" I ask him and see how his face falls. I already know the answer but I let him speak.

"I have been living here my all life. I'm familiar with all the corners of this house so sometimes I don't mind the loneliness." And he smiles.

But I don't see the carefreeness in that smile. I don't see the carefree Harry in that smile.

And he knows that.

***

Present

Louis walked out into the streets. He was in his sweats, jogging around the block...far away from the campus. Far away from that sleeping boy on his bed. He didn't left any note that when Ray wakes up, he won't be there to say him "good morning". He won't be there to make a cup of tea and talk about the hangover they both were feeling from the previous night. They won't be exchanging the shy smiles across Louis' small kitchen. They won't be thinking about the night they had spent together.

They won't be doing any of those things.

Because Louis didn't wanted them to do so.

Louis didn't wanted to spent the morning with him. Maybe he was planning to spend the whole day with Ray before but Harry Styles has managed to mess up his plans, yet again.

Harry Fucking Styles had managed to mess up Louis' mind again with full success.

Louis stopped on his tracks and rested his hands upon his knees and he leans forwards. He was panting hard for continuously running for so long. He gulped and took in all the fresh oxygen he could because he had to clear his mind...from the junk.

He didn't get proper eight hours sleep and it was still too early to wake up. Also he was hungover from last night. But he didn't want to stay in his room. He was distressed. Harry called him four times and he was having a bad feeling about it. He wanted to call him back but his screaming mind stopped him.

He has nothing to do with Harry

And he wanted to keep it that way.

At least his mind wanted to keep it that way but his heart was whining, cursing him.

He didn't hear his heart.

He'd never hear to that little shit inside him.

He stood correctly and looked around. He was near a field stretched a long way. It was green everywhere and the sky was plain blue with little clouds. It'd be a bright day. Some people were walking by the road, continuing with their usual life...welcoming the new year with a fresh start.

But for Louis, it wasn't a fresh start. He was still stuck in that loop. Loop of never ending miserable days and lonely nights.

Sometimes when he finally thought to get a stable relationship, get into a committed relationship, live a normal life...there will be someone or something to ruin his plans.

He hated it. Hated everything so very much.

He took out his phone and dialed Johanna's number. It was ringing and then it went straight to the voice mail. He cut the call and look up. His eyes were half closed. He crossed the road and went into the beautiful field.   
He could see some people walking their dogs around the green field. Some were running with earphones plugged in. Some were just walking and occasionally clicking some pictures here and there.

He tried to call his mum again.

Finally she picked up

"Hello" Her voice was groggy with sleep.

"Mum" Louis said and sat under a tree. He felt a pang in his heart. He cannot keep himself strong while talking with his mum when he was feeling like shit.

"Louis? Louis are you alright?" She was concerned and fully awake.

"I'm fine mum" Louis squeezed his eyes shut and tried to sound casual "sorry to wake you up... I...just-"

"Louis what is it?" Jay asked. She had a panic edge in her voice.

"Mum I fine...calm down. Just wanted to talk to you. Happy new year by the way" He tried to sound cheery but failed miserably.

"Love... I know what is up with you but you know you are strong right?"

Louis opened his eyes and looked beyond the long field "I know mum. I'm trying"

"Hold on darling. You'll be okay, yeah? Come back home if it's too much"

He gulped down a sob because he knew he's strong. He was better than that.

"Thank you mum. I love you"

"I love you too baby. Go home, take a long shower and have a nice heavy surgary breakfast"

He smiled and said he loved her and the girls once again and hang up the call.

He didn't know if he was happy but he was better...

He was feeling okay.

***

Past

I wave bye to him as I walk through my driveway towards my house. I look back and he smiles at me.

Then he is gone.

I turn around and get inside the house with tippy-toes. Once inside, I close the door as slowly as I can. The lights in the living room are already switched off and it's silence all around.

I sigh...may be Mum's asleep.

"Louis"

May be not

I look towards the kitchen door where mum is standing, leaning a bit on the kitchen wall.

She might be smirking because she has caught the thief.

Well, I look like a thief now with a backpack and face as if I was trying to trespass.

"Hi mum" I say and began walking towards the staircase which will lead me to my room.

"Wait" She commands.

I sigh and look back at her "the girls are asleep?"

"They went to bed a long ago" She says and walks back into the kitchen.

I have no choice but to follow her.

So I drop the bag on the couch and go inside the kitchen.

I know she has seen me getting out of Harry's car. She still haven't met him yet so she doesn't know that I've been hanging out with him since days.

"Mum... I am sorry for missing my curfew. I'll be careful next time" I say while looking down at the floor.

"I'm not mad at you" She states and I look up.

I look for any anger traces on her face but there's none. I sigh again of relief.

"But" She says again.

Here we go...

"I don't think that was Stan's car you came out from besides Stan bought a car?" She points out of the window behind her. We can see the road from that window.

I clear my throat "um... I wasn't with Stan today"

"Then who?"

Why am I so hesitant to say it out loud to mum? I share everything with her anyway.

"His name is Harry. He is from school"

Her brows furrowed with curiosity "you made a new friend. Is he some new kid?"

"No mum. I mean yeah..he is my new friend but he isn't a new kid" I rub the back of my neck.

I can feel awkwardness at this point.

"Harry?" She asks.

"Styles... Harry Styles" I had to clear my throat again.

"Desmond Styles' son?" Her eyes go wide a bit.

So she knows about him.

I nod. The rich families are quite famous here.

"Oh!" She says but I can see she's not sure. Mum turns around and pulls a plate from the crockery shelf.

I take a seat at the dining table.

"Is he a good kid?"

"Yeah mum... I mean he has this group...popular group at school but I'm just friends with him. I don't hang out with his friends...it's just him" I say and rest my hand on my lap.

"It's good then. You are finally making friends" She serves me dinner. And takes the chair beside mine.

"But I don't see Stan quite a lot in this house"

"Mum...he is too busy with Ashe these days. Her cat died so he is consoling her" I say.

Poppy was a cute cat and Ashlyn adored her.

"Aww. That's a shame"

"Besides Stan is always busy with Ashe and I don't want to interfere" I say looking down at my untouched food.

Third wheeling is not fun.

"So you thought you can find your Ashe. Well Harry is really keeping you occupied"

WHAT?

I look up at her immediately. How...whe-...what?

"Mum.. Harry is my friend. You...you cannot compare him and me with Ashlyn and Stan" I say it super fast.

"Calm down Louis. I know you and Harry are friends" She grabs my hand and gives a light squeeze.

I look away and bite my lower lip.

"Call Harry someday over dinner. Would love to meet him" She smiles.

I nod "I will"

"Eat your dinner. I'll go to sleep. Don't wash the dishes. I'll do it tomorrow" She gets up from the chair.

"Okay"

"And Louis" She calls and I look at her.

"Don't study after dinner. Go to sleep yeah? I don't want my beautiful son to get dark circles under his eyes"

And I smile.

"I love you mum"

"I love you too sunshine. Good night" She goes to her room.

I pick a spoonful of rice and stuff it inside my mouth. Then I get a text message from Harry.

"Mum's fine?"

"Yeah...she wasn't angry" I text back.

After some minutes

"Missing you already :(" He sends a picture attachment with the text.

I open the picture and he's made a sad face on it but he was not in his home.

The background looks like a club.

"You reached home?"

He replied "bumped into Kyle on the way home so he took me to a club"

I keep my phone on the table and look down at my food with a glare.

I know I shouldn't say it but I don't like him hanging out with his pals.

There, I said it.

Liam is fine. I like him although we haven't hung out a lot but that lad is polite and calm and I don't mind Harry hanging out with him.

But I don't like his other pals. I don't like Kyle. I don't like any of them because Harry had to put up a fake persona in front of them.

He thinks I don't see it but I see it...I can see it all.

But I can't tell him to not be friends with them. After all they are his best friends and I'm just a friend.

He'd been with them for so long so I can't tell him to stop going out with them all of a sudden.

But maybe someday, I'll tell him my concerns. And maybe he'll understand.


	7. Chapter 7

Present

It was yet another day.

The days were just passing by without much happening. The sun would come out lazily and shine brightest for some parts of the days as if desperate to eliminate the rival cold from the earth.

But the cold would somehow conquer it's region because it's proud of its consistency over sun's disciplined nature. Cold knows Sun's time is limited on earth whereas cold can last a lifetime, feeding on like a parasite.

Louis was feeling that cold. He was shivering with it and wished if he could just soak in the warm sunlight all day long throughout the night.

But he knew, it was impossible.

So he covered himself more with thick layers of jumpers and jackets and sweaters and hoodies.

Finally, he was warm.

Just from the outside.

But still he was warm so that's what that mattered.

Students were coming back to the dormitories that were situated in the other side of the campus, away from the mainland, away from the teachers' quarters. Louis could still somehow hear their laughter and chatters echoing around.

The classes were yet to resume. So Louis spends most of his daytime at the library or the cozy common room with a cup of tea or large Starbucks coffee.

Niall and Zayn came back to the university ahead of their schedule. They wanted to give company to Louis and also prepare for the music and cultural fest that was due in some months. As for the students had already begun filling up the university campus, they thought to resume their respective works regarding their departments because once the classes resumed, the tension for examinations were going to take place into their heads and everything would become too hectic for both the students and faculties.

So, Louis had an informal meeting over some cup of tea at the Uni cafeteria with his students about the magazines they were to publish on the cultural event.

It's a every year thing. The English department of St. Joseph publishes two magazines for the university. The formal magazine (magazine no.1) works were done by the final year students and the informal magazine (magazine no.2) were done by the junior year students. It's a bit chaotic time of the year when Louis had to run to and fro between the final year and junior year group to inspect the work in progress. Everything's done under his supervision and he tend to do everything with precision and perfection.

Louis was returning from one of his meetings when he thought to stop by the auditorium, Zayn's safe place as he likes to say.

He opened the door and stepped into the big hall which wasn't illuminated with any lights. But that one spot light was giving enough brightness to look for the steps Louis was taking.

But the stage was taken --not by Zayn-- but some other lad. He was in the middle of the stage with a mic, singing some pop. Louis stopped midway as he was the only audience in that giant auditorium.

"You maniac" Conan's voice echoed gracefully.

"Hey! I'm not a maniac" Louis crossed his arms against his chest.

Conan stopped singing and stared into the darkness where Louis lurked.

"You scared me Mr. Tomlinson" He said and took the mic stand and kept it somewhere in the corner.

"You were singing so I thought to give you some audience. And that some audience is me" Louis said stepping ahead and taking a seat on the raised platform.

"That's very generous of you" Conan smiled warmly at him.

"That's a sick song by the way"

"Wrote it last night. I like how it turned out" He said and took a seat beside Louis.

"When did you returned?" Louis asked.

"This morning. I left early and had enough of vacations. So I thought why not join early. Besides Mr. Malik is going berserk over the group B students. So I thought to share some of his misery now that I've returned to the battlefield" He stared ahead.

"He's really stressed out, isn't he?" Louis asked.

Conan nodded.

Conan Gray was the assistant teacher to Zayn in theater arts at St. Joseph. He did a double degree on both music and theatre arts at St. Joseph, performed in multiple plays with a drama company, wrote too many songs, went on the road to perform them and came back to St. Joseph as an assistant teacher. He was a final year student when Louis first joined the university and over the years they became good friends. Conan was a good assistant to Zayn and Zayn was glad he could rely on someone over handling the two Uni Drama groups.

"Why don't you lads open the auditions for the other departments too. Like if someone from English or Biology wanted to perform in a play, they should get the opportunity to showcase their talent and Zayn would get more options to choose. Not everyone gets what they want to do and also the students from other departments would get a certificate for participating. Imagine how motivated they'd get regarding their passion" Louis suggested with a big smile. He had been thinking about that for a long time since he had a talk with Zayn about this audition for his drama team.

Conan's eyes went wide "That's a brilliant idea Louis. Group A is still fine because there are solo artists too but the main problem concerns Group B. The students are more interested in getting bookish knowledge about the theater arts and some lost interest about performing and some are just terrible. But if we get some raw talent from the other departments then it'll be a great success. Imagine a physics student performing Macbeth. Zayn will be too happy to hear about this idea. We just have to talk with the chancellor about the whole thing and I know that kind man will approve it"

"May be take a breath or two" Louis patted him on his back.

"I'm excited is what I'm am" Conan grinned fully and dialed Zayn's number.

"You wanna grab some dinner?" Louis hopped down the raised platform and stood in front of Conan.

"I'd love to. Let me just tell Zayn to meet us at the Samuel's"

Louis nodded and messaged Niall to about their dinner plans. Of course Niall agreed. He was at the studios in building number 3 so Louis would meet him at the entrance.

"He'll meet us at the entrance. So shall we?" Conan gestured towards the exit door.

"Yeah" Louis nodded and both headed out of the room into the hallway.

***

They had some delicious food over various conversations.

Zayn was thrilled to know about the new idea and he hugged Louis with all the affection he had for him. Conan was equally happy and smiling brightly throughout the dinner. Conan even had a very serious discussion with Niall regarding some "album thingy" while Zayn was discussing about the auditions as they were going to start it shortly after the classes resumes.

"Just one week Zayn. Upload the details over the Uni website in next two days so the students gets some time to prepare" Louis said while keeping the glass of warm water on the table.

"I'll get to that tomorrow and put up a poster on the notice board by day after tomorrow just when the classes starts" Zayn nodded.

"And stop stressing over stuffs" Louis said.

"He literally went all grandfather over that poor kid Shelly" Conan commented.

"She cried ya know" Niall shook his head.

"Niall...you did not go and consoled her" Louis turned to Zayn "you shouldn't have made her cry"

"She is a terrible actor" Zayn said at the same time Niall spoke "she said she had a crush on me"

Conan looked down at his plate with a smile.

"Zayn... I'll get back to you but let me handle this Irish potato first" Louis said and turned fully towards Niall who was having his desert with an indifferent face.

"You..listen to me young man"

Niall looked at him with mouthful of food and nodded and looked back at his plate.

Louis pressed his lips in a thin line and picked Niall's plate up while he was in a middle to pick a piece of the browny he was having and kept it away from him.

Niall looked back at Louis with a serious face "give that back Tommo"

"Listen to me first. Students having crush upon their teachers is a common thing but teachers should never lead them on" Louis began his lecture.

"But sir it was just a date" Niall huffed.

"You went on a date with her!" Louis' eyes went wide with shock.

"She asked me out anyway" Niall picked up the plate and put it back in front of him.

"You should've said no"

"It was just one time. I don't mind dating students unlike you"

"That's illegal"

"No it's not"

"Yes it is"

"No Louis it's not. You can fall in love with your student. It's not a sin or anything. Zayn, back me up" Niall said looking at Zayn.

"Fight your own battles mate" Zayn raised both of his hands in surrender.

"See, Zayn agrees with me" Louis winked at him and looked back at Niall.

"Traitor!" Niall scoffed and turned to Conan "give me your support Conan. Tell Louis how it's fine to fall in love with your student"

Conan turned to Louis with a look and looked down at his plate.

Louis waited for him to speak but he wasn't saying anything.

And he wasn't smiling anymore.

But then he looked up and "I'm gonna pass"

Niall whined and lamented how everyone was betraying him.

Louis was watching Conan, who wasn't meeting his eyes. He was concentrating at Niall and his miserable rant.

Louis didn't stop observing Conan's gestures through out the time. It was odd..very odd.

Soon the lads retired to their respective homes after a long day. Louis was back in his flat. And the other three drove back to the main city.

Tiredness took over Louis as he landed on his bed. He pulled the comforter upon his body and covered himself like a cocoon.

He was sleepy, extremely sleepy when his phone rang and he sat on the bed with a start.

He took the phone from the night stand and saw the screen.

It was a number.

Louis gulped. He was staring at the screen intently. He knew it was him. But he wasn't sure if he wanted to pick up the call. His thumb hovered over the green button. Then he slowly touched it and pressed the phone against his ear.

There wasn't any heavy breathing but a very girly voice spoke from the other side "Hello"

"Who is it?" Louis said with baited breath.

"Louis, it's me Eleanor"

Louis sighed of relief but then frowned "Eleanor? why are you calling me now?"

"We haven't talked in a while. How are you?" She sound cheery from the other side. Louis could hear faint music coming from her background.

"Currently I'm very sleepy and its literally midnight" He rubbed his forehead with his fingers.

"I thought you were partying or something just like the college times"

"El...can we talk some other time? I am really very tired" Louis tried not to sound too irritated or rude.

"Alright Mr. Sleepyhead. I just called to tell you that I'm in New York with Max and I'll be returning to London soon and we are gonna spend a whole day together and you have to get out from Joseph for a while" Eleanor chirped.

Louis rolled his eyes "you called me to say this?"

"I'm not taking a no for an answer"

"Alright, we'll see"

"Louis!"

"Good night Eleanor" Louis hanged up the call and switched off his phone before he kept it back on the nightstand.

He laid down back and made himself comfortable.

Eleanor was his college friend and spending a day with her will be...we don't know, tiring because really she has the world full of stories and exaggerated events to tell and Louis cannot spend a day with her without rolling his eyes every once in a while. It's not that he don't like her but she was this popular girl with great fashion sense at college who chose to be Louis' friend (he was grateful to her for that) at college but he'd had enough of association with those 'popular rich kids' for a lifetime at that time that he despise those three words with all his heart when he stepped into his college ground.

And an outing with Eleanor...

No thanks.

***

Past

"Harry!" I yell and run behind him.

He looks back at me and with a teasing smile and runs out of the room. I chase him while carefully climbing down the stairs. He is giggling while he runs away.

Damn those long legs!

"Catch me if you can Lou" He yells and jumps down the last three steps.

"You are so screwed Styles" I run faster.

"You wish"

He gets to the entrance and goes out of the main door and closes it behind him. I stop and look around. I spot a water bottle and smirk. Oh well, he is really screwed. I go and grab the bottle and walk to the door.

I pull the door and splash the water on the person standing behind it.

Oops!

My eyes goes wide when I look at the person.

Liam is standing with a wide mouth and widen eyes. His shirt completely wet.

"I'm so sorry Liam. I thought you were Harry" I raise my free hand in surrender.

"Well I'm Liam" He pointed at his wet shirt with a pained expression.

"Hi Liam" I really should've been a bit more careful.

We turn our heads when we hear Harry's laughter. He is standing behind Liam clutching his stomach as he laughs his arse off. Liam turns, takes the bottle out of my hands, turns again and splashes some water at Harry.

"What are you laughing at?" Liam says with no change of expressions.

"What the hell Liam!" Harry shrieks while stepping back and falling on his arse as he slips due to the spilled water on the floor.

"Harry!" this time I shrieked.

I grab the bottle from Liam's hand and empty it entirely upon him "that's your fault"

Liam's eyes goes wide with shock as water drips down from his head soaking in his already wet t-shirt and now freshly wet jeans.

"Thank you very much Louis" He says sulkily.

"You're welcome Liam" I don't even look at him. I help Harry up on his feet. His curls are sticking to his forehead.

"Are you alright?" I ask him.

"My bum hurts"

I press my lips to stop the laughter that was on its way. His shirt is wet as well, sticking to his chest.

Soon, I feel more water poured down all over us. At first I thought it's the rain but then I realize it's The Liam Payne.

And it fucking rhymes.

Did I-

Did I just swear?

"What the fuck Liam?" Harry shouts.

We are completely drenched.

"The revenge has been taken" Liam says (his is holding a bucket) and shakes his head with a serious expression but I know he is holding back a laugh.

"If I get water inside my phone Liam I swear to god" I get up while Harry holds my hand as he stables his foot on the floor.

"I'll buy you a new one" He says apologetically.

Of course he will.

I roll my eyes.

"What were you lads even fighting for?" Liam asks me as we enter into the house.

"Harry thought I cannot reach the top layer of his book shelf but I somehow did" I start.

"He cheated. He climbed upon me and touched the shelf"

"And Harry called me short which he shouldn't so I needed to teach him some lessons"

"But you cheated Lou"

"No I didn't"

"Yes you did"

"Harry.... I didn't!"

"YES.YOU.DID"

"Jeez...get a room you both" Liam comments.

I turn to him and back to Harry. Then I realised we are standing too close to each other. His face is almost inches away from mine. My index finger touching his chest.

I step back. I can feel the heat rising in my cheeks. Harry is smirking.

Cheeky bastard!

"Can I get some towels Harold" I ask, avoiding his gaze.

"Sure Lou" He says and walks away with his signature smirky face. I hate him.

"So" Liam says and I look at him.

"Sorry for that. I will really pay for your phone if it doesn't starts" He says with a concerned face.

"It's fine Liam. I was just joking. It's old anyway" I take out my Iphone from my jeans pocket and push the power button. It lits up.

"See...it's fine" I wave the phone at him and relief floods across his face.

"Saved you some bucks" I say.

"So why not we order some McDonald's with those saved bucks" Liam suggests.

"I'm in for it" Harry appears with some towels and fresh clothes. I roll my eyes again because really, his clothes are nightmare for me. They are way too big.

"Go get change Lou" he teases me because he knows what he is doing.

Ugh!

Some day I'll make him wear my t-shirts. That too tight ones.

Umm...

Alright

***

We get into Harry's Mercedes and drive out. We decided to go to a mall. It's not that far and I'm glad it's only Liam.

Am I really getting insecure about Harry's friends?

I shouldn't be that possessive. It's not right.

"Louis" He calls me. I turn to him.

"What you thinking?" Harry asks.

I shrug "nothing important"

"But it looks important to you. What is it?"

I'm seated beside Harry and Liam is seated behind. I'm beginning to think that Liam is totally different from Harry's other friends. He really cares for him.

"Louis!"

I turn to him "what?"

"You keep zoning out. What is it?" Harry's eyebrows are knitted together with concern.

"It's nothing Hazza. I just... I'm thinking about that important test we are gonna have in a month or two" I lie. I don't want him to know what's going on in my brain.

He isn't convinced.

"Speaking of that" Liam says "Harry, we are gonna do something about that science presentation we have next month"

"Science presentation?" I frown.

"It's haven't been announced yet. I asked the teacher beforehand. She is gonna announce it to the class next week so that saves us some extra time to prepare" Liam explains.

"Is it even allowed?" I look at Harry and then to Liam.

They got to know about it beforehand when half of the class is living in oblivion.

"It's not that important... Besides you should start helping me Lou... I don't know shit about that presentation" Harry says.

I narrow my eyes on him "what happened to 'I'm academically just fine' thingy?"

He looks at me and turns back to the road "I'm still academically fine but I'm not very fond of science so you gotta help me"

"Alright... But what you gonna give me in return?" I smirk.

"Lots of hugs and kisses"

What?

I widen my eyes but he is smirking.

"Aww you guys are so cute. When is the wedding? Am I invited?" Liam asks from behind.

"Shut up Liam" I say and he grins.

I clear my throat "hugs are fine but kisses are gross"

I know I'm playing with the fire.

"Don't knock it until you try it" Harry's left hand leaves the steering wheel and rests on my right knee. He gives three taps and goes back to hold the steering wheel.

Why am I not breathing don't ask me. And I'm going to ignore the fact that I'm blushing and he knows.

"Alright but first let me get a nice girlfriend" I say slowly.

Harry's jaw tightens immediately. His eyebrows sinks slow and gets pointed. He is staring ahead with a frown.

Is he...is he jealous?

But why?

"Have you ever dated anyone?" He asks me...with gritted teeth.

Umm what?

I shake my head "no... I have never dated anyone before"

His face clears a bit. I look back and Liam is furiously typing on his phone, not even caring what's happening here. I turn ahead.

"You never kissed anyone?"

"No" I look away from him.

I have seen him dating people. I have seen him walking around the school with them. Holding their hands, kissing their cheeks, him whispering in their ears. He'd always smile at them with admiration as if they are the most beautiful people on earth. I have seen him loving them.

I have seen him.

Now he will think what a loser I'm because I've never had any love life.

It's not easy. He has a simple sophisticated life. It's not the same for me. I can't just date people.

Besides who'll ever date me anyway.

"Why not?" He asks. Now he is curious. All traces of those 'jealousy' gone.

"Never felt like dating anyone. I don't know if I'll ever be a good boyfriend...to someone" I still don't look at him.

He says nothing for some time but then "I know you'll be a good boyfriend"

I smile and turn to him "you think that?"

"I believe that" His eyes twinkles.

And I smile wide.


	8. Chapter 8

Present

The classes were finally resumed.

Louis was back among his students and he finally got some peace. Not completely but some. He loved when the campus buzzed with students walking down the long corridors and going in and out of the ancient classrooms.

He liked it.

He liked his busy life.

When he entered into the junior year class, he was greeted with full smile and fresh faces from the students. As if they were as happy to return as Louis was. He had a good lecture as they interacted with him throughout the lesson. Sharing the jokes, the doubts, the confusions and what not. It was all good.

Louis came out with a fresh mind and prepared to go to his next lesson when he nearly bumped into Conan who was strolling down the corridor from the other side.

"Didn't see you there" Louis said standing a few inches away from him.

"My fault" He stabled the books he was carrying in his hands.

"What's all those hurry is about?"

"Mr. Malik got the permission from the Chancellor. He emailed him and was responded right away. So we made the poster and I'm on my way to the stationary shop" Conan huffed. He was running all the way till he almost collided with Louis.

"That's good. Can I see the poster?" Louis asked with a curious face.

"Sure" Conan pulled one of his hands from under the books carefully but the books began sliding out of his grip when Louis pushed them against Conan's chest and held them there. His right hand over Conan's left.

"Oops...thanks Louis" Conan gave an awkward smile. His face turning a shade darker. He swiftly pulled out his IPhone from his pocket and slided his thumb over the screen and showed the screen to Louis.

Multiple colors were splashed on the screen and some words were describing the poster. Telling about the auditions that were to be held in coming week.

"Nice" Louis nodded with an impressed face.

Conan smiled and pushed back his mobile phone into his pocket. He adjusted his hands under the books securely as Louis left his grip on the books.

"I should probably go now. The schedule is tight today" Conan said as he made his way ahead.

Louis nodded "see you around then"

Conan was gone already. So Louis thought to go his own way too because he didn't wanted to be late for his lesson.

***

"You'll can take the notes. Only one can come to my office. Rest can make the copies out of them" Louis said as it was almost time for the lesson to end.

"How did your vacation went Mr. Tomlinson?" The rimless-glasses girl asked.

They were back to asking personal question to him and he didn't show any disinterest regarding that...not yet.

"It went pretty fine" He gave a slight nod.

"Saw the pictures though" The girl beside her whispered to her.

Louis didn't follow any of his students but looked like he was being followed by them. That was something he didn't have any knowledge about.

Getting attention from students was fine but those extra attention was a bit too much. He never felt like leading his students on because they were his students of course and it was scandalous to even think about forming any other relationship with a student.

And it was gross.

According to him...it was totally gross to go out with students.

"Alright. The class is dismissed" Louis took his books and walked out of the classroom.

Soon he was stopped by one of his student on his way to the common room.

"I'd like to thank you for the notes. Everyone is really very grateful to you" Kourtney said. She was in the final year.

"No problem" Louis smiled as they walk down the long corridor.

"No teacher would give us handwritten notes like you" She said with her slow tone. She was soft spoken from the very beginning.

"Everyone has their own teaching styles" Louis said the last bit with a pause because really, a simple word can be triggering.

"Your's is everyone's favorite" Kourtney shrugged.

They both climbed the stairs.

"I'm glad that I could help my students and make their life a bit more easy. Studies can go hectic sometimes and literature is not easy" Louis said while shifting his books from left arm to right.

"I bet you were that bright student at school" Kourtney said with a smile.

"Yeah.. A nerd" Louis snorted.

"I was a nerd too. I still am" Kourtney laughed.

They turned left which led them to a corridor where the common room was situated.

"That's a quality only some can master" Louis mumbled.

"I was bullied for that. You know high school kids can get nasty sometimes" Kourtney tugged her fingers on her sweater paws as her cheeks turned a shade of crimson.

"I know that but that's not your fault for getting bullied" Louis said entering into the common room.

She nodded shyly. May be she wasn't expecting to share that piece of information with her teacher but she did and Louis understood. He really did because somewhere he was a victim too in high school.

"Hey...do you get bullied here, in St Joseph?" He asked suddenly stopping on his tracks.

"I don't anymore. University is better than high school" She said with a nod.

"Don't hesitate to report if you face any type of bullying in your life" Louis said.

"I won't"

"Good girl" He smiled and gave her the notes.

"Thank you Sir. I'll pass it on to everyone" She smiled and turned to leave.

"Kourtney" Louis called and she turned.

"Yes Sir?"

"Don't change yourself for anyone's convenience" Louis said and gave a little reassuring smile.

Kourtney smiled back. Somehow she know what Louis was trying to say. Bullied kids could connect without much words and she understood.

With a slide nod, she walked out of the common room. And Louis felt a bit better about himself. He knows how much the piece of advice was going to help her in a long run. He wished he had someone to tell him exactly that some years back when he tried to be reckless in his growing years. He wished he would have just stayed how he was before he tried to change himself for the world.

He wished.

But also, what's done was done and he can't do nothing to change that.

Also, he was not a reckless, party freak with good brains, fuck-you-I-am-rude 20 years old college going lad anymore. So he doesn't have to remember those dark times when he used to wash down his miserable days with Champagnes and Wines in some expensive clubs.

Now, he was better than that.

He knows who he was and what he was meant to do.

He knows he was his finest self and he would never slip again.

Never.

***

Days turned into a week. The classes turned hectic and magazine works were adding to their already busy schedule, draining them out of all the energy. Louis would get up early and head to the library where his student would be waiting for him and go back to his quarters late at night. He was used to such schedule for every year but that year, the days were very busy.

Soon it was Zayn's birthday and the lads and his girlfriend planned to throw a party for him but he straight up said "no" because he was very occupied with his work and he didn't wanted to waste a night as he was supervising his students' rehearsals plus he had to take some classes for the senior years. Moreover, the audition was due next day so he couldn't afford having a hangover while taking the auditions.

So everyone decided they were going to have a nice dinner at a fancy restaurant and celebrate Zayn's big day.

Louis was glad to get a small break from all those hustle bustle. He stood in front of his closet and scanned it up to down and did it again four times and damn he had nothing to wear. He pulled out a cream shirt from under the pile of clothes and everything that was kept above came showering down.

"Oh for fucks sake!" He said with an exasperated tone because he was getting late and he only managed to choose one clothing when there are two others to go.

He bend down and collected all the clothes from the floor and dump them inside closet. He pulled down some gray pants and gray blazer from the other pile and closed the closet hastily, stopping the pile from sliding down again. He was messy, extremely messy but he would organize his closet some other time because really, he has got some time to do that.

Trust him, he really does have some time for that.

So, he quickly ironed his clothes and wore them straight away (this way he got some artificial heat from the clothes because it was still cold outside). He grabbed his jacket from a hanger, took his wallet, phone and keys, wore his shoes and headed out of his flat after locking it securely.

The campus was still buzzing with handful students who were taking their evening stroll in pairs or groups.   
Louis walked past them, his hands pushed deeper into his jacket pocket as he steps out of the university campus.

It was dusk and the sun was setting with hue of orange and red everywhere, preparing to turn blue and purple soon. Louis plugged in his earpods and walked down the footpath towards the bus station, his old friend.

Roads were busy with cars driving down and people walking by, heading to their destinations, carrying on with their own lives. Louis looked idly around him as Sam Smith was playing from his playlist.

He gets into the familiar scarlet bus and settled onto a window seat. The bus was moderately full and Louis was lucky to have the seat all for himself. He looked out of the window. He wasn't thinking much lately. His mind was no longer preoccupied...not yet. Overthinking was his other talents and he knew he can't go a day without making up unnecessary scenarios in his mind but he enjoys that little amount of time he has without overthinking stuffs. So he just thought to concentrate on the songs that were been played from his playlist and not think much.

***

"You are late!" Niall exclaimed.

"Try travelling through a public bus in the middle of 7:00 pm to 8:00 pm" Louis stuffed his earpods inside his pockets.

"I have my car"

"But I don't"

"Buy one then"

"Gift me one"

"Your birthday is gone"

"People don't need reasons to gift people"

"I need one"

"Ok alien"

"Tommo!"

"Neil"

Louis gave him a tight lipped smile and walked past inside the restaurant. It was a fancy family restaurant because Zayn wanted to behave like a gentleman (that he was) and not get drunk like a teenager. So he chose the restaurant to have a nice meal with his second family, the lads and his girlfriend whom he loved the most.

"Finally the princesses graced us with their presence" Gigi said as Niall and Louis took their seats.

The restaurant was warm and cozy with delicious aroma scented the air. The walls were adorned with mahogany paint and covered with beautiful paintings and some small chandeliers hanging from the ceiling. Soft jazz was playing from somewhere around them.

"We are late due to Niall" Louis said.

"Oi" Niall furrowed his eyebrows "don't blame me for your sins"

"Suspect uses excuses to get away from the crime they had committed" Louis raised a brow towards the Irish boy.

"Tommo was late. Thou know me. I can't be late for food" Niall turned to Zayn dramatically.

"Thou art speaking lies" Louis pointed at Niall with his index finger (very very dramatically).

"Thou both are irritating" Conan commented with an unimpressed face.

"I agree" Zayn nodded.

"Couldn't agree more" Gigi shrugged.

"C'mon lads and lady" Both Niall and Louis whined.

"Y'all should appreciate our little skit" Louis said.

"No thank you sir" Conan said and the other three nodded.

"No one appreciates our talent Niall. Let's go where our worth is praised by the citizens" Louis took Niall's hand.

"No I'm hungry" Niall pulled his hand firmly out of Louis' grasp and leaned back.

"Ya know, I'm beginning to think that I should take you for one of my plays" Zayn said to Louis.

"Really?" Louis grinned. "For which character?"

"The tree. This way you'll be stiff and silent"

Louis' smile faded "you don't want me to give you a wet willy, do ya?"

"Let's order the drinks, shall we?" Zayn look around the room and called a waiter, avoiding Louis' narrowed eyes completely.

The glasses were filled with drinks and table was covered with delicious cuisine and the night was turning out warm and chattery. Niall was hogging down his plate as he tells about his rehearsal with his students orchestra.

"Are they bringing anyone this year Niall?" Gigi asked while sipping her red wine.

"I still have no idea" Niall shook his head.

"You are a terrible liar Niall. I have my sources so don't be shy. Tell us who's it" Conan smirked.

Niall went stiff "I swear I don't know. I'm just so busy with the students that I don't even know if they are even bringing someone for the guest of honor this year and I think it's too late now. If there was someone, they'd have definitely announced that by now"

Everyone gave out a murmur of agreement.

"Besides if there was someone, we would have had the staff meeting. The authorities can't take the decision all alone" Louis said.

"During my senior year, they called a politician. And the teachers had no idea about that until the last day. Who knows if they are even going to discuss it with us. They are the higher authorities anyways" Conan stated.

"Some of us knew though. Our college is not that secretive. If they are planning on bringing someone, the news will come out eventually. The walls are thin and our students are FBI" Zayn said.

Louis didn't commented anything more. It wasn't that important who'll be the guest of honor for the music and cultural fest. He knew it was going to be some boring retired professor from some other big university or will some old know-it-all celebrity turned politician. Even if Louis was a grown up working man, he still despised those guests who had all the big things to say over the mic and bore the hell out of everyone. They'd just hand the degrees to the students, give a heartfelt (boring again) speech, click pictures with the faculties for the local newspaper, drink all the free champagne and tell how thankful they were to be the guest of honor....utterly boring.

"Louis" Conan called.

He looked at him "what are you thinking?"

"Uhh" Louis shook his head "nothing"

"I wanna propose a toast" Niall said and raised his glass which was half filled with Absinthe.

Everyone focused their attention towards the blonde lad who was smiling brightly.

"Thank you Zayn for the wonderful dinner party. The food is actually very good. And also thank you for being an amazing friend all these years. I will love you always and forever even when your hairs turns gray"

"Thank you Niall" Zayn laughed. His hazel eyes sparkling.

"That was very emotional" Louis said rubbing away his imaginary tears.

"Thanks Tommo" Niall grinned. "To this night and the birthday boy" He took a sip from his glass and everyone followed suit.

"I can't believe another year went by" Zayn said to Gigi with a pout.

"Aww honey... You getting sad?" She asked pecking his lips.

"He's sad because he's aging" Conan said.

"He should be happy because he's aging like a fine wine" Louis commented.

"Louis... I love you" Zayn held his hand from across the table.

"I love you too Zaynie" Louis pouted this time.

"Gigi... Don't you think something is going on between this two" Niall whispered, tapping his index finger on his chin like the Sherlock that he's not.

"I know right" Gigi contained her laughter. "But I mean, look at Louis. Who can resist?"

"We can hear you both" Louis crossed his arms over his chest.

"We were just talking about the weather. So...the weather?" Gigi turned to Niall.

"Gigi thinks you are hot" Conan said as if he were some teenage girl talking to her best friend's crush.

"Oh why thank you Gigi" Louis smiled sincerely.

Zayn cleared his throat "somebody should know they have a boyfriend"

Gigi's eyes went wide "Louis you have a boyfriend? You wanna break my heart?"

Louis' smile faltered instantly but he somehow managed to bring it back on his face "I'm currently having the time of my life"

"I bet you are" She grinned.

But Louis' eyes landed on Conan and he didn't know he was observing him. Louis just smiled and gulped down his drink to avoid getting into any conversation that has taken place around the table.

"You fine?" Conan asked.

"Yeah..why?"

Conan shook his head "just"

***

Next day, Louis found himself walking down the corridor towards the auditorium after his classes ended. The auditions were going on but he didn't hear from Zayn the entire day.

So he thought to check on him if everything was alright because really, sometimes Zayn worried him.

Louis opened the side exit door because the main entrance was reserved for the students that were auditioning.

"Hey" Conan said quietly on spotting Louis walking towards him. He was sitting on the left row, away from the center, away from the stage.

"Hi" Louis looked around and found Zayn scribbling furiously on some papers and four students were standing in front of him with nervous looks.

"How's it going?" Louis asked looking back to Conan.

"For me it's fine but for him, it's hideous"

"Why?" Louis took a seat beside him.

"We have been getting nice solo acts and they were brilliant and maximum performances are tragedy. Group A has decided to do a tragic play this time so Group B is left with comedy but all the contestant knows how to make someone cry rather than laugh. And some are so good at doing a tragic act that we can't even say no to them. So we took them but Zayn isn't able to find his 'cast' for the decided play" Conan explained.

"It's just the first day. Six more days to go. Tell him to not lose any hope" Louis looked at Zayn who wasn't even aware of his presence. He's too focused on the students.

"I know we are going to get the cast but what if we don't?" Conan said ruefully.

Louis placed a hand over his shoulder and gave a light squeeze "don't get so stressed out love, you'll be fine"

Conan took his time to smile a reply and when he did, he went "thanks for the moral support Louis. It means a lot"

Louis nodded and smiled back. He got up from the seat and began to walk towards the exit but Conan stopped him.

"Would you like to get some coffee?"

Louis awkwardly stood with his hands inside his pockets. He looked back at the door and turned to Conan who was expecting an answer. Louis wanted to go home and catch on a football game on his mac but alright.

"Ok but you wanna leave him alone?" Louis gave a glance towards Zayn, now busy on his phone with his earpods plugged in.

"He just gave a script to those four kids. We might receive a good news. And I'm going to bring some coffee for him" Conan said.

"Let's go then" Louis shrugged and walked forward. Conan followed him. In no time they were out of the building, on the main campus. The fountain on the center of the university was gleaming with lights as water showered down from the whole structure. Both the lads walked slowly without speaking much. The sky was cloudy the whole day and the evening was chilly. Louis inhaled deeply the cold air.

"You remember the first day I thought you were a student?" Conan said.

"That whole year, people thought I was a student. Wild times" Louis chuckled.

"I still feel embarrassed for that" He sniffed.

"It's been years. We are good buddies now Conan"

"Yeah"

They walked down the concrete pathway and took a turn around the fountain which led them to the exit.

"You thinking on doing something with your songs you've been telling me about the other day?" Louis asked.

"I don't know yet. I mean I've been writing them and singing them. I have to sign with a label. But I'm thinking to continue my job here for sometime. St. Joseph makes me happy" Conan said.

Louis looked at him "St. Joseph makes me happy too. Same pinch"

"You thinking to do anyone in fest?" He asked.

Louis shook his head "I don't think so. I'm just going to sit back and enjoy the show like any other year. The megazines are enough"

"You've got some good voice. Why don't you sing?" Conan asked as they walk out of the campus towards the small coffee shop that was round the corner. Most of the time they avoid going to the Starbucks because it was another block away and they were too lazy for that.

"I'm happy talking about Shakespeare and Marlowe. One thing at a time" Louis said removing the fringe from his eye.

"Can't relate. I'm fond of doing two things at a time" Conan snorted.

"You're just keeping yourself occupied plus you've got talents"

"You've got talent too. Just try singing. Niall and I jam all the time. Get involved whenever you feel like" Conan said with a slide shrug.

"Well... I'll think about that" Louis nodded with a grin. He wasn't sure if he was actually going to take the offer but why not try things besides he was more confident now about his voice than he was before. He gave hours and hours of lectures with that voice so he knew he was confident enough to try his voice on singing. Besides, developing a hobby wasn't seemed like a bad idea to him.

They got their large coffees and thought to stroll around the block for some minutes.

"You've always wanted to do this?" Louis asked after a while.

"What? Music or theatre?"

"Coming back to St. Joseph"

"That wasn't my plan... I can say that" Conan said as he wrapped his fingers around the cup. "I prefer music more than the theater. Don't tell that to Mr. Malik (Louis laughs). But I'm doing a job here to save some money. I'm already in search of a label. When I get one, I'm going to focus on that completely. But until then, St. Joseph is everything that I have"

Louis face him. Conan was taller than him.

"You've some plans going around there" He said with an impressed smile.

"You don't think it's stupid? Leaving a stable job and going after something which carry an unsure future" Conan looked down at him with a serious face.

"Everything we do has an unsure element in them. But if you don't take risk then how are you ever going to know what's wrong and what's right for you. You've got the talent. You've got the passion. You've got a plan. So, no. I don't think that's stupid" Louis said but kept his mind clear as far as he could. No, he cannot think about those things again. He cannot think about his past at that moment when he was encouraging someone to make right decisions.

"Wow, Louis" Conan said softly. "You've got some good words there. My grandma never told me those things when I left the states"

"Just follow your dreams Conan. You'll be happy" Louis said and smiled.

"I'll sir"

And Louis thought he did something productive because he made another lad believe in himself.

He felt good about him some more.

***

Louis knew he was sleeping less and depending upon caffeine to go about his days because the extra work was testing his patients and his students were getting bags under their eyes too so everyone had their share of frustration but couldn't blame no one. The magazine no. 2 was going fine because the Junior year were enjoying doing that. Who doesn't liked to write an informal magazine which gives you a chance to talk about your favorite stuffs. But the main "problem" was the magazine no.1 and there's where the serious formal things that added up. So that was what keeping Louis and the senior year students busy. Plus they had their exams round the corner and the faculties were preparing for them too.   
Days were running by and the University was turned into some office with every department doing their 9 to 5 jobs. And returning homes drenched in exhaustion, head to toe.

During those busy days, Louis got some time to relax as one day Zayn barged into his classroom with a wide smile and excited eyes. He shared the big news that he finally got his cast for the Group B and also managed to form a Group C which contained students from the other departments who were also the "finest raw talents". The class was about to end anyway and Louis was grinning fully as his students were staring at them curiously. (Who wouldn't like to watch the two hot teachers on the same floor?). So to celebrate the news, the lads thought to go to a club. Zayn was finally stress free and Louis got his mind off of his stuff that night but he didn't drink like there wasn't tomorrow but he drank enough to feel light and relaxed. Niall was wild that night because that lad was not stressed out a bit for his stuffs and Niall was never stressed for anything so he sang (with Conan along side who was sober the whole time like a good kid that he was), danced his arse off and drank like he got the world's best liver and swore as if he owned the place. Louis had a great night. Zayn was happy. Conan was giggling the entire time while carrying drunk Niall around. All was well.

And no one knew how January was almost ending. The cold was still constant when one morning Louis woke up in this flat and realized it was January 28th.

The month end.

The date he hated.

But also the month was ending. So it was fine.

He as usual got dressed up for the day. He had very little work that day as his students told him they would manage the section and asked him for help if needed. So he just planned to take his three classes and spend the rest of the day at the library and come back home to make a fine dinner. He thought his day was sorted.

He locked his flat and walked into the campus and headed straight to the common room to collect his books for the first lesson.

But he stopped.

He stopped on his way when he bumped into Niall who was standing near the fountain in the middle of the campus. He was still in his sweats and his blonde hairs hand-combed.

"What's going on?" Louis asked looking around as workers were cleaning the area with broomsticks. It was an unusual sight as the cleaning works were done only on the weekends and it was only Thursday.

"They are cleaning" Niall waved his hands as if stating a fact.

"That's a brand new information" Louis rolled his eyes. "Why are you supervising this? Took a side job for pocket money?"

"There's a music workshop going to start and I want everything to be perfect. So I'm keeping an eye on these stuffs"

Louis frowned "what happened to the studios?"

"The thing is going to take place in the open ground. In here so the people can participate" Niall explained.

"Niall the fest is starting, isn't it?" Louis asked. Keeping the horror away from his tone. Because he was aware the authorities were fucking playing secretive again.

"Oh no no Louis. The fest is still month away. It's just a small workshop. I can assure you that" Niall said quickly.

Louis still wasn't convinced but thought to believe the Irish lad because really he had enough on his plate and didn't want anything more to get stressed upon.

"Didn't see any notice about that" Louis said.

"It's not a big thing. So didn't thought of getting a notice. I dunno...they might hung a notice" Niall shrugged.

"I'll head out then" Louis looked around suspiciously but Niall had a subtle face on. May be it was nothing but a small music workshop on board daylight. Louis had nothing to worry about. He'd knew if the fest was starting early anyway.

With that Louis headed towards the common room after waving a bye to Niall because he looked too busy with the cleaning stuffs. Moreover Louis had continue two classes at the building where the common room was situated so he won't have to leave the building at least for the next three hours. So he can enjoy the morning laziness without walking much. After all it was winters and people tend to get lazy on winters.

Louis collected his books and headed down a long corridor towards the ancient classroom.

Only a few students were present when he entered into the class. Everyone was sleepy and tired.

"C'mon kids. Rise and shine" Louis said loudly as he kept his books on the table.

"Didn't get a proper eight hours sleep Mr. Tomlinson" A lad said.

"Now Magazine 2 is keeping y'all up all night?" He frowned.

"Blame Gracy... She gave a brilliant idea for the other half of the magazine and everyone got too excited to bring on the materials till late night last night that we forgot to keep check on time" A girl from the first row spoke.

"Really? Well...where's she?" Louis asked as Gracy Stanford wasn't present in class.

"She's sleeping. She was the last one to go home last night. I'm her roommate" Another girl said.

"Oh! Alright. Let her know what we are doing in class today" Louis said and began the lesson. Some students walked into the class after some minutes and he led them in.

The lesson went on fine as they were almost end of the term so there was nothing much left to complete. Louis tried to keep them engaged with his "fun lectures" but at the end he too got bored speaking about the same things over and over again.

"This is it. Email me your essays just before fifteenth February. This is going to give you internal marks" Louis smiled and walked out of the lesson as students started packing their stuffs to head to their next lesson.

Louis was back into the common room as he had an hour break before the next lesson so he thought to scribble down important points for the magazine 1.

Soon Louis got up to head to his next lesson. He walked out while checking his phone because he hadn't replied to any of his sisters' messages and they'd go nuts if he ignore them anymore. Work was keeping him so busy that he didn't had time to talk to his family. He replied all of his messages and ignored the family group chat which had thousands of messages because really, who'd got time to read them.

Louis pushed his phone back into his pocket and stepped into the class. The students were not as tired as the Junior years so he was hoping to get a little more enthusiastic response to his questions. And really, the lesson went fine. They mostly discussed about the progress of their works and Louis handed them the scribbled papers. The work was going fine and ahead of time as intended. Louis was glad that the students were very co-operative unlike the other years where half the class would stare at him blankly as if he was speaking a language out of human acknowledgement. That year went better for him.

When Louis walked out of the classroom, he was happy and satisfied because really everything was fine and going according to plans.

Until

Louis stopped by the notice board as he caught a sight of a leaflet pinned. It was neon blue and pink bordered.

And it said in bright white caps letters

"MUSIC WORKSHOP  
DATE: 28TH JANUARY  
TIME: 12:00 PM

VENUE: NEAR THE FOUNTAIN" 

Louis frown deeply because that didn't look like Niall's notice. It didn't even felt very St. Joseph to him. The way it was typed and colored told that someone else printed it out. He thought the workshop wasn't that important but why'd Niall pin a bizarre looking leaflet on the notice board without detailing it out.

And

Louis checked his wrist watch. It was twelve already so-

Louis stopped as he heard a noise.

It wasn't "someone was shouting" type of noise rather "someone pulled a electric guitar string" noise.

It was Niall for sure because he had a knack of playing electric guitar so Louis walked out of the building. The leaflet was in his hand.

But as Louis walked down the halls, he found it surprisingly empty. Not one soul was occupying the space. It felt like he was the only person present there. He could hear people cheering outside. Their voice muffled due to multiple walls between him and the outside.

He climbed down the stairs and headed towards the exit. By now he could hear drums and electric guitar harmonising.

And when he went out of the building, a huge crowd came into his view. They were standing around the fountain.

Louis stopped on his tracks when a voice echoed throughout the campus.

"She worked her way through a cheap pack of cigarettes"

Louis walked ahead and pushed through the crowd. Everyone was cheering.

"Hard liquor mixed with a bit of intellect"

Louis gulped a lump he didn't even know had formed inside his throat. His motion was slowing down as he couldn't feel himself between the other bodies he was slowly pushing through to move forward.

"And all the boys, they were saying they were into it"

Louis stopped. He stopped finally when he was standing on the front. He somehow managed to walk ahead but he regretted it immediately. He regretted even stepping into the crowd. He could've just avoided doing that.

He could've avoided facing the reality that Harry Styles was standing in front of him on a raised platform with a mic stand. He was singing and it was rock.

And Louis hated rock.

He hated Harry Styles.

He hated that it was happening.

He hated everything.

"Such a pretty face, on a pretty neck"

Louis wasn't moving. He was just staring ahead, unblinking. He was staring at Harry Styles who was singing with the most charming smile. He was staring at Harry Styles who was adorned in yellow suit with purple silk scarf tied in a knot around his neck.

He looked extremely different from what Louis saw him last time. His hairs were less curly more wavy and brushed back. His nails were painted in purple and black. His long fingers were crowded with multiple rings. His face changed a lot but still somewhere had that baby glow.

Louis' breathing was irregularly. The leaflet was crumbled into a ball in his fist. But Harry, not for once, spared a glance at him.

Harry didn't look at Louis who was standing in the very middle, looking directly into him.

Maybe Harry wasn't aware of Louis' presence there. Maybe Harry didn't recognized him amidst the over enthusiastic audience who were cheering his name. Maybe it wasn't Harry Styles at all.

But Alas!

It was Harry on the stage. Charming the crowd by singing some bizarre songs about Kiwis and Watermelons.

And Louis thought he had enough of it. He was suffocating. He couldn't feel his limbs. He was not okay. He didn't want to take it any longer. He was struggling on his feet. He couldn't believe Harry was standing in front of him, near the fountain, in the main campus, on St. Joseph Franklin University...his university.

He was done.

He felt sick. He wanted to run away and not face the reality.

He took a step back. The electric guitar and the drums and Harry's voice was stinging his ears, piercing him from everywhere like thorns.

He turned. He turned to leave. He turned to go way from the thing...from him.

When everyone felt silent.

But only one person was singing. It was a different song that time.

"If I could fly"

Louis gulped again. His throat hurt suddenly. But he didn't turn. He didn't wanted to turn

"I'd be coming right back home to you"

Louis turned slowly and faced the front.

Harry was looking at him.

Louis stopped...completely.

He wasn't blinking or moving. His gaze was fixed onto the short lad among the crowd.

Louis felt so many things at a same time that he didn't even know when those deep green irises were firmly connected with his light blue ones.


	9. Chapter 9

Past

I was in the classroom when a teacher told me that the principal sir wanted to see me.

I'm not nervous as I follow the lady towards the office room because I didn't do anything. I know it's about something else. Harry was confused too when I left the classroom with my bag.

I'm about to enter the office when the lady told me to wait outside and she went in, probably informing Principal sir that I was here.

I wait patiently outside the office when I see a tall figure walking towards me. His bag loosely dangling on his shoulder.

"Harry?" I frown.

"Come inside Mr. Tomlinson" The lady reappears and I glance at him. He was just some steps away, furrowing his brows. I go inside the office after I look at Harry again.

Principal sir was seated with an unreadable face. I don't know if I remember doing something obnoxious. And Harry wasn't involved any pranks his other friends were playing around the school. I can say that he has lessened his interaction with his friends. It's only me and Liam he spends his time with.

Am I happy?

Absolutely.

Anyways, so what can it be?

"Mr. Tomlinson, please take your seat" He tells me, pointing towards the chair across him.

I nod and sit down. This cannot be a good news. He looks...worried.

"We got a call from your mother's office" He began and I go stiff.

"She had an accident at work. Her colleagues took her to the nearest hospital. I'm afraid she might had some serious injuries. You can take a leave now. Your attendance would be excused" He said grimly. "Also, we didn't tell your sisters yet. You were the older brother so we thought to inform you first"

But I was already on my feet. Mum met with an accident.

No no no no.

I hope she is fine. I...I-

"Don't panic Mr. Tomlinson. The school can provide you with a ride to the hospital if-"

I interrupt him "thank you sir but I'd manage. Thank you for informing me. But the school can give a ride to my sisters"

I don't want them to go to the hospital but they won't listen to me and also I don't want them to go to the hospital all alone.

"Alright. We'll do some arrangements. But are you going to be fine Mr. Tomlinson to go there all alone?" He asks me as I make my way towards the exit.

"Yes Sir... I'll be fine..thank you" I walk out of the room. I don't look back at him. I have to meet mum as soon as I can.

I bump into Harry and he holds me.

"Hey! Slow down there" He is holding my shoulders but I'm getting late.

"Mum is in the hospital Harry. I've to go" I detache myself from him and walk ahead towards the exit.

"Louis" He calls me as he follows me.

I am out of my school and I don't know if I'm even walking right. Everything is blurry in front of my eyes. Those are tears I'm sure but I couldn't careless. I have to reach the hospital on time.

"Louis wait!" He holds my elbow and stands in front of me. He is looking down with a serious face.

"Harry me mum is in the hospital. She is hurt. I've to go see her" I say but I can hear my voice break. I don't see his expression. Everything is too blurry. I'm panicking.

"I'll take you there" He says and pulls me ahead towards his car. My legs feels wobbly and I'm almost dependent on him for support.

I don't know when and how I got into his car and when he drived out of our school. I don't remember the time between getting out of the school campus and reaching the hospital. I don't remember when he pulled me out of the car and when we walked towards the reception.

I don't remember anything.

But I do remember when they told me to wait outside of the cabin. The doctor was checking her. They told me she was still unconscious. They told me to wait till she wakes up.

I was impatient. But Harry held my hand throughout the time. I do remember that too. He was telling me everything would be alright. I was worried. I could see mum through the hole in that blue door. I could see the white coated doctor around her. But she wasn't awake yet. And I was getting anxious with every passing minutes.

After almost half an hour, they told me she was awake.

She had a concussion.

But they let me meet me mum because they'd seen my troubled face. Maybe I was crying a bit. Harry didn't tell me if I was crying or not.

She is on the bed in blue hospital gown when I step into the cabin. Her left hand had a caste and a side of her forhead was bruised. Her face is pale but her eyes lit up when she saw me. She is smiling.

"Mum" I cry out and go to her.

I wrap my arms around her and bury my face in her shoulder.

"Mum are you alright? How did it happen?"

She rubs my back with her other hand and chuckles "Lou..baby, I'm fine. It was just a minor accident"

I pull back "but you broke your arm. How can it be a minor accident?"

"I was walking down the steps and had armful of files. Missed the last three steps and slipped. It's not too much" She shrugs as if it was nothing.

"You should be more careful mum. What if it was something worse? You worry me" I hugged her again.

"I'm alright love. Calm down" She whispers.

"I love you Mum and I can't calm down when you are hurt" I say.

"I know that baby but I'm alright" She kisses my cheek and I look at her, checking her wounds.

"Louis?"

We both turn our heads towards the door. Harry is standing awkwardly by the door, holding a brown paper bag.

"I bought the medicine" He says.

I go to him and take them from him "thank you Hazz"

He nods slowly.

Aww, he looks adorable when he's awkward.

Shh...don't say him that.

"Mum, this is Harry and Harry...that's Mum" I introduce them.

Well, I didn't think they'd meet like this for the first time. I thought it differently in my head.

But...alright.

"Hello, Mrs. Tomlinson" He gives a slight wave her way.

"It's Ms. Poulston Harry. But you can call me Johanna" She smiles at him.

Harry looks at me and I shrug. Mum and Dad were divorced long time back. And she's seeing someone else now. I never thought to mention to him about that. It wasn't that important.

"So we finally meet" Mum says.

"Yeah um how are you feeling now?" He asks walking a bit ahead towards her.

"I'm buzzing. Well I had a mild concussion a while ago but now it's fine" why is she trying to be so friendly with him?

It's not even five minutes, they've been talking.

"I hope you recover soon" He says sincerely.

"Thanks love"

Alright....

"Well I've heard a lot about you Harry" She says and spare a glance at me.

Ok..that she shouldn't have said.

I don't look at Harry but I can feel his smirk. Damn it mum!

"Oh.. I'd love to hear what people had been telling about me" He says and looks at me.

I give a massive eye roll to him because really, it's hospital and he's being cheeky for no particular reason.

"Come for lunch sometime. I already told Louis to invite you long ago" And she drops the bomb.

"Oh! Really?" Harry pushes his hands inside his pockets and turns his whole body towards me. "I think somebody forgot to tell me that but thank you Ms. Poulston. Get well soon very quickly."

"I was going to" I mumble and turn to Mum. "Thanks for reminding me mum"

She frowns and then she smiles at him again. Harry smiles back but he won't look at me.

I tell mum to take rest and go out of the room.

Harry follows me like a hawk.

"Lou! Look at me" He says

And I turn. I look up at him "why?"

"She wanted to meet me so why didn't you tell me Louis?" He asks and I could see him gritting his teeth.

I could smell a fight.

Thanks mum.

"It's not like I don't want to invite you to my house Harry. I just got occupied and it slipped completely out of my mind" I try to say.

"We have been friends for a month and you didn't get time to tell me your mum invited me for lunch. This doesn't sound like you" He narrows his eyes on me.

"Harry... I don't want to fight you over such silly things" I say. I don't want him to get any wrong idea for this. It genuinely slipped my mind. Moreover, mum never nagged me about calling him over so it just...slipped.

"Are you not sure about me?" He says standing in front of me.

I look up. I am sitting on one of those hospital chairs.

"What do you mean?"

"You are not sure about our friendship and that's the reason you don't want your mum to meet me. You don't trust me completely" He says.

I get up and face him "You are talking bullshit now Harry. Of course I trust you. I just forgot to tell you about that doesn't mean that I don't believe you"

"You don't sound genuine" He shrugs.

"Bloody hell Harry! What do I do to make you believe in me?" I say desperately.

"I dunno...that's your call" He takes some steps back from me. His face grim. He's mad at me. Oh no!

Why is he behaving like a child? Why is he making it a big deal out of such a small thing?

"Louis" I hear Lottie's voice coming from the other side of the corridor.

My sisters are running down the hall towards me. They are all worried.

"Where's mum?" Fizzy shouts and a nurse tells her to keep it low.

I see Harry walking away. He is going away. I know he is hurt and I have to catch him before he disappears.

"She's in there but two at a time" I tell them pointing towards mum's room and they nod. A teacher accompanied them to the hospital so I thought to follow Harry.

I have to clear stuffs up. I don't want him to hold any beaf against me. I don't want him to be mad at me over such a small thing. I don't want him to be mad at me for anything.

"Harry!" I shout as he was getting into his car.

He stops and turn.

"Are you mad at me?" I ask.

He pushes his hairs back and closes his car's door. He is frustrated... I can see that.

"Yes"

"Just because I didn't invite you to my house?"

"You thought it was not important to invite me. You thought our friendship wasn't that important for you to introduce me to your family. I'm still a stranger to your family. Some random lad you're hanging out with"

"But you are not some random lad!" I exclaim. I desperately want him to know that. I want him to know that how much he matters to me.

"You are important to me Harry" I mumble.

He stares at me. I don't know if he's convinced or not.

"It doesn't matter if my family knows you or not. What matters is our friendship...us. I believe in you, our friendship Harry. I don't want you to be mad at me. It wasn't intentionally" I try to explain to him.

"Lou" He says slowly. "I'm sorry"

I look at him "Why are you apologizing?"

"Your mum's in hospital and I'm being a jerk to you. I'm really sorry" He moves forward and wraps his arms around me.

That...that escalated quickly. Sometimes his mood swings are worst than my sisters'.

I hug him back with a sigh. At least he's not mad anymore. That's what that matters.

"It's ok" I say.

***

We took mum back to home. The doctor said she had to go back to the hospital for a back scan just to be sure she didn't had any spine injury or blood clot.

Harry gave a lift to her, Lottie and Fizzy and I travelled with the twins back home on the school van. Now she is resting and her boyfriend dropped by to check on her.

And I'm in Harry's car, a block away from my house. It's already dark outside and he'd been my side the whole time. He even befriended the girls (they knew about him) in no time. At first they were just shy and curious but Harry's charms worked on them.

"You really got tensed Lou" He says.

I rest my head over his shoulder because I'm very tired. It's been a long day.

"Hmm"

"You sleepy?" He asks.

"Just tired" I say and yawn. I'm trying to soak as much body heat as I can coming from him. It's cold outside but I'm warm.

"You should go home and rest"

"Hmm"

"Lou" He mumbles. "I'm sorry for today"

I don't lift my head but I look up at him "stop saying sorry after every minute Hazza. I lost count how many times you said 'em throughout the day"

"Sorry"

I roll my eyes and sit back "I started hating that word. Thank you very much Mr. Styles". I go back to rest my head on his shoulder.

He wraps his one arm around me and I close my eyes.

"Alright.. I won't say that 's' word anymore" He tells with a slight chuckle.

"Better"

"But are you planning to sleep on me?"

"Mmhm...you are comfortable" I say and smile.

"Sleep then" I feel his smile and the twinkles in his beautiful green eyes.

***

Present

Two days.

For two fucking days, Louis had been living in a complete fright. He would leave for work with a dreadful feeling of bumping into Harry or crossing his path in the campus. 28th of January could never bring good things to him. That day when Harry was having his supposed "workshop" which later turned out to be a fucking concert, Louis lost his peace.

He walked out of that place that day when he found Harry watching him. Louis couldn't react. He couldn't take in everything that was happening. But then when he saw Niall climbing into the raised platform and standing beside Harry with a huge smile and complete admiration for him, Louis felt betrayed. Niall was beside him. Singing the song with him. Playing a guitar for him. Laughing at his jokes. Louis felt apprehension. He was shocked and angry and betrayed.

So he left the place. He went to his flat skipping his last class but all those times, Harry was still watching him. Harry was aware of him. And Louis was sick. He couldn't believe the stuffs that was happening.

He couldn't believe that Harry Fucking Styles was into the campus. So...so close to Louis.

Louis couldn't sleep that night. His mind was jammed. His throat was sore. He was numb and cold. He thought to call Stan or his mother but didn't because it was his trouble and he couldn't drag everyone into his miseries.

Louis had worked so hard to avoid Harry all those years that when Harry was finally in front of him, Louis had to endure the massive blow.

It was a storm. Storm of inevitable emotions. Storm of pain. Storm of haunting memories.

And his insomnia was back.

Louis would go to his work and manage to avoid crossing paths with Harry and he thought he almost did it. He thought it was only a dream where he saw Harry performing in the campus. It almost felt like that because past two days, he didn't caught Harry's sight in the whole place.

But it wasn't a dream. Everybody was talking about him. Every student, every faculty, every staff and every worker was chanting Harry's name like a mantra which felt like thunderstorm in Louis ears. Louis was tired and angry and irritated by everyone. He couldn't take classes without hearing a whole whispered conversation between his students about Mr. Popstar.

He even stopped talking to Niall and Zayn and everybody in particular because his mind was clouded and he didn't want to be rude to someone. So he decided to stay silent and pretend he knew nothing about that popstar who threw a surprise concert at St. Joseph with the help of Niall.

Of course both Niall and Zayn were confused about Louis' sudden change in behavior. He was avoiding them completely. They even tried to drag him to the Samuel's but Louis declined their offer with excuses about his extra work or an upset stomach.

Louis knew it wasn't their fault but he wasn't thinking straight. He needed to be alone. To be isolated so he could cope up with the events that were happening.

And when there was no traces of Harry Styles in the campus, Louis thought it was over. It was just a one time thing.

But...

He nearly dropped his Macbook onto the floor when he got an email from the authorities that there was a three day luncheon with the Chancellor and Mr. Harry Styles on the 29th, 30th and 31st of January. And the Humanities faculties were asked to join them on 31st.

Louis made his mind that he won't go. He'd skip because he can't be in the same room with Harry Styles. He can't have food with Harry in front because Louis would feel sick the entire time. He cannot interactive with Harry like it was nothing. Louis cannot fucking face Harry Styles after so many years. He cannot smile at him and treat him like a guest that he was. He cannot pretend that everything was okay.

Louis hated pretence.

He hated that action with all his guts.

So Louis thought to actually fall sick. He tried to have an upset stomach for real but couldn't. It only gave him a long wee hours and other than that he was fit as a bright butterfly. But only if he felt bright from inside.

So next day Niall thought to knock his door vigorously as if there was an earthquake. Louis woke up with a start and opened the door.

"Good morning" Niall wasn't smiling.

"What is it?" Louis left the door and walked back while he rubbed his eyes. He knew he looked utterly sleepy and disheveled.

"It's Sunday but that doesn't mean you'd sleep till noon" Niall sat on the couch on the living room.

"What do you want?" Louis said it rather rudely.

"What's the matter with you Tommo? Where have you been these two days. You won't be picking up our calls. You won't reply to our texts. You have been ignoring us completely" Niall got up and walked to him.

"'S nothin'. Just-"

"Don't say busy. You are not that busy to have forget us all"

"Why are you here Niall?" Louis was irritated.

"Get ready you salty crisps" Niall passed him a look. "We have to go to the luncheon. You cannot miss that. And Zayn is on his way"

"I won't go" Louis said simply, going into his bedroom.

"What d'ya mean you won't go?" Niall followed him. He was frowning.

"I don't feel like eating" Louis got into his bed and wrapped the comforter around him.

"Are you alright?" Niall touched the back of his hand with Louis' forehead.

"I don't know" Louis said and he was being honest.

"There's no fever" Niall's frown deepen.

"I know"

"Then why are you being so lazy. Get up and dress up" Niall went to Louis' closet.

Louis got up from his bed "No wait-"

Niall opened it and a pile of clothes fell on him, ruining his brushed hairs. Louis slapped his forehead and walked to him.

"You're messy" Niall pulled the clothes off him and began folding them.

"Very known fact" Louis kept his hands on his hips.

"Here" Niall passed him a black hoodie and white jeans.

"I'm not going"

"But why? What is the problem?"

Louis turned and walked back towards his bed. He couldn't tell the reason. He wasn't ready to share that piece of information with anyone else.

"Tommo?" Niall was still standing there with his clothes.

"Niall I don't know why but I don't want to go. I believe in intuitions"

Niall walked to him and shoved the clothes on his hands "stop being stubborn like a kid and get dressed. You are just being lazy and I don't want to be late for the luncheon"

"Why didn't you tell me that Harry was coming to the university?" Louis couldn't resist asking that. He had been avoiding that confrontation with Niall but he couldn't resist the temptation.

"Strict instructions from the authorities. It'd to be confidential" Niall said.

"Would you be able to tell me more?" Louis asked again.

Niall shook his head "still can't"

Louis sighed because he understood. It wasn't Niall's fault. Nothing was his fault and Louis had to pull himself together until he didn't get to know what Harry's business was in the university.

Louis took the clothes from Niall, receiving a huge grin from the Irish lad, and got quickly changed. Louis brushed his hairs across his forehead but he wasn't enjoying getting dressed up. He was just going into the rabbit hole and that's not exciting. Sometimes being Alice is not exciting. Sometimes wonderlands are terrifying.

Later, Louis found himself walking down the concrete pathway with Niall who was blabbering god knows what. Louis wasn't listening. He wasn't stable from inside. He was aware it wasn't too long when he'll be in front of Harry. He wasn't ready...he can never be ready for that.

They stepped into the Building no.2 which was the important building in the campus. The inside of the building highly resembled the Ministry Of Magic because it was one of the busiest places. People were constantly going in and out of the elevator and most of the office works were done in that building. It also had a room which also resembled the Great Hall and that's where the two lads were headed.

Niall walked inside the room first and Louis followed him with slow short steps. Once or twice he even thought to turn and go back but then he thought why not face it with a broad chest and confidence because he shouldn't be the one running away. He wasn't at fault and both of them knows that.

"Ah! Welcome Mr. Horan and Mr. Tomlinson" The Chancellor greeted them when they stepped into the hall.

The Chancellor was seated on those big, antique, elegant chair at the far end of the giant table. There were two giant tables and people had occupied each of the chairs. Louis knew them all and passed them nodes and small acknowledging smiles.

"Good afternoon Sir" Both of them greeted.

"Good afternoon. Please take your seats" The Chancellor said with a kind smile and pointed towards two chairs on their side. Zayn was already occupying one for himself. Conan was beside him who was smiling too. Louis thought everyone was excited for the luncheon and he was the odd one out.

They took their seats and Louis noticed two more chairs, just opposite him, were unoccupied.

Of course Harry would want his grand entry and Louis mentally rolled his eyes.

"What took you two so long?" Zayn whispered to Louis. He was sitting between Zayn and Niall.

"He was throwing tantrums" Niall whispered.

Zayn frowned at Louis "what are you, five?"

"Shut up Zayn" Louis whispered back.

And suddenly everyone got up. Louis, for a moment thought, it was cancelled. Everybody was heading home but then his dreams were squashed when Harry walked into the room. Very slowly...painfully dramatically.

Harry was dressed in navy blue coat with black small roses on them with bell bottoms. His shirt was black and a white elegant tie rounded up his neck. His nails were painted light blue and his curls were brushed back.

Bizarre.

Totally obscenely bizarre.

Now that Louis had observed him properly, he thought how much Harry has changed. The guy in skinny jeans and long saggy tees was gone. Harry was now a man with broad shoulders and wide chest. The baby glow on his face was fading. He had a hint of mustache on his upper lips.

He was a grown up man. He has changed. He was a celebrity now and Louis was sure Harry won't even spare any attention to him. And he desperately was praying for that.

Everybody stood up except Louis. Nobody bothered to observe him though because everybody was too mesmerized by Harry's presence in that room. Everybody was busy greeting him. Everybody was under his spell but Louis wasn't. He didn't turn to look at him. He wasn't interested to pay his gracious to Mr. Popstar.

When Harry walked around the table and finally stood by the chair, that's when Louis looked up. He didn't lift his head but he was looking at him from under his lashes. He was glaring at him. He wasn't smiling.

But Harry was.

He was grinning brightly at everyone...at Louis.

And then the second chair was claimed by Liam.

Louis' was surprised. He wasn't expecting to see him. He wasn't aware of Liam's presence in the campus.

Liam gave Louis a small smile but his eyes were unsure. He wasn't sure if he should even interact with Louis.

But Louis didn't smile back.

And everyone in that room sat down.

"Welcome Mr. Harry Styles and Mr. Liam Payne" The Chancellor was still standing. "We have been delighted to have you both here."

"We are happy to be here too. We are enjoying the hospitality the university have been providing us throughout these days" Harry said with a charming smile.

Louis looked down and closed his eyes. He was dreading being there already. But it was too late to get up and go back. It was always too late.

He opened his eyes and looked up only to find Harry looking back at him.

Shit!

Louis averted his eyes away from him.

"We may begin the feast" The Chancellor said and clinking sounds of various cutlery filled the air.

Louis didn't had any appetite. He didn't want to pick the fork or the knife. Even the pies looked tasteless.

"You alright?" Zayn whispered.

He didn't know if he was alright when the Hawk was sitting right opposite him. Watching him with those green eyes.

"I'm fine" Louis whispered and picked up the fork finally.

"Mr. Styles, would you like to tell your upcoming plans to the table?" One of the faculties asked.

"Sure" Harry said (fuck those smiles). "I'm doing a workshop here and my friend here Mr. Niall Horan is going to accompany me throughout the venture" Harry raised his long fingers towards Niall's direction.

Friend!

Niall grinned "I'm excited to begin the project"

"I'm sure you are" Harry said.

"And how long are you going to be here?" Louis asked, finally. But the tone he used was frowned upon. It wasn't sweet. It was bitter. Louis' bitterness was pouring out and Louis didn't even put any effort to sugarcoat his words. He didn't have too.

"A month and a week" It was Liam who answered. He sound almost apologetic. Louis didn't care.

But also

"A month?" Louis was shocked. Genuinely shocked. He might've had wide eyes too.

"Yes Mr. Tomlinson, a month" The man spoke finally. His face had a smile and it was somewhere between mischievous and happy.

And Louis didn't want to encourage either of that.

A month! Louis have to brace himself to tolerate that scumbag for a month. He wasn't even prepared for the battle. That was a last minute call. And Louis had no intentions to pick it up.

"You sure it's an actual workshop and not another surprise concert like the other day?" Louis said, his face completely subtle. Over the years, he had learned how to not show too many emotions in the situations.

"Yes...it's a workshop this time. I can assure you that" Harry smiled again.

Doesn't his jaw hurts from all those smiling?

Louis didn't know what to say next. Harry was still watching him, shamelessly. Louis wanted to disappear into thin air. Niall was chatting with him and with Liam and Harry's voice was ringing in his ears.

"How are you Mr. Tomlinson?" Liam asked.

Why'd he ask him from the all the people?

Now everybody will know that they knew each other.

Fuck.

"I'm good" Louis said quietly. Zayn nudged him.

"They know you?" He asked.

"No...they don't" Louis shook his head immediately.

Louis turned to Niall and whispered "I'd love to get some answers. Wait for me after the luncheon"

Niall knitted his eyebrows "what is it?"

Louis didn't answer instead stabbed the broccoli on his plate. He looked up and Harry smiled brightly at him.

Oh for fucks sake!

Louis gave such a piercing glare to Harry that his smile faded within seconds and he looked down at his plate, almost small...almost scared.

Louis thought that was better.

But then Harry started entertaining the table with his conversational skills and charms. Everybody was laughing at his jokes. Everybody was enjoying his company and Louis had the urge to flip his plate off and scream at them to stop.

But instead he picked up the champagne glass and threw back the contents as if he was drinking water.

The painful long luncheon was over which felt like hours. Louis didn't eat any food from his plate. But he was glad it was over. Everybody got up and shook hands with Harry and Liam.

Louis stood by a corner with folded arms because his friends were busy chatting with those two lads. Louis still didn't know what Liam was doing there. Why was he with Harry?

So when Niall and Zayn took all the time to come back, Louis thought to go to them. So he went and regretted all his life's decision immediately.

They were laughing at one of Harry's lame jokes. Niall was the loudest.

Obviously!

"What's so funny?" Louis almost scoffed.

"Hello Mr. Tomlinson. We've been just talking about one of my escapades. Would you like to hear some?" Harry said with his honeyed slow deep voice.

"No thanks, I'll pass"

Everyone surrounding them gave a look to Louis. Even Niall and Zayn were open mouthed. Louis can't help with his displeasure towards the person he hated.

"Oh come on. Give me a chance" Harry waved his hands frantically before him.

Louis looked at him "no"

"I'm sorry Mr. Styles" Zayn wrapped an arm around Louis. "My colleague here is having a rough day. Don't mind him. Now, if you'd like to excuse us. Niall" Zayn nodded at Niall.

He pulled Louis out of the group towards the exit. But Louis was still glaring at Harry. He was ready to throw a fit. Maybe he was half drunk which was making him bold.

Or maybe it was the hate that he carried in his heart.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Zayn asked when the trio was out of the building.

"He's been acting strange the whole time" Niall said.

"I'm fine" Louis chirped.

Zayn began "You were behaving like an-"

"Arsehole. I know" Louis said.

"Are you on your man period?" Niall frowned. They were walking down the concrete pathway, towards the exit.

"I said I'm fine Niall" Louis snapped.

"No you are not" Zayn stopped and faced him. "You are behaving utterly out of your character and it's getting irritating. What you did there is not acceptable. Mr. Styles is our guest and you are one of St. Joseph finest professor. You are ought to be good towards him. You cannot behave badly with him even if you don't like him"

Louis opened his mouth to reply but Zayn cut him short "but why don't you like him?"

Louis closed his mouth and rubbed his temples. Now what was he supposed to say to him.

"Harry didn't even do anything to you but you've been acting strange since he stepped into the campus" Niall said.

Louis gathered all his subtlety from his back pocket and spoke "sometimes you don't need reason to not like people. And I don't like him. As simple as that"

They looked at him as if he'd grown two heads. But he spoke the truth...half truth.

He had his reasons to hate Harry. But he's never going to share that with anyone. And Harry won't dare to tell that story to anyone about why he and Louis don't go along because it was Harry who ruined everything.

It was Harry who betrayed him.

It was Harry who broke Louis' heart.


	10. Chapter 10

Present

Louis finally got to know Harry's entire plan. Niall told him because Louis was being a grumpy kid throughout the time. Zayn thought Louis was on something because he's never seen him behaving like that. He's never seen him so rigit...so cold. Zayn was almost convinced that Louis despised Harry with all of his heart and soul. But he wasn't convinced with the excuses Louis gave him. He said he just didn't have any reasons, it was just his face and his glorified false charms. Zayn still wasn't convinced.

Niall was a bit offended but seeing Louis' mood swings, he thought to not poke him. After all, people had right to believe what they wanted to believe and hate what they wanted to hate. And Louis was the stubborn type and convincing him was a tough job. So Niall let him be.

So he blabbered out the whole thing that Harry's team contacted the college authorities because he had a project for his next album. He wanted to write music among the university students as he planned to "reminisce" his uni days. He was also planning to do a documentary film for his HS3. Harry would take classes along with Niall and give some tricks and tips to the aspiring singers in the younger generation (Louis thought that sounded like some oldies in his late 80s and rolled his eyes). Niall continued by keeping his offense at bay. Harry was going to perform on the cultural fest that's going to be held on the first week of March and he was the guest of honor for all the event that was going to take place throughout the time.

And also, Liam was his manager.

Louis took good ten minutes to process the new information. Harry had planned so many things to do at St. Joseph but was he aware that Louis was also working there? Did he know that he was going to face Louis the entire time? How can he be so confident about everything?

Those calls and these projects, what the fuck was Harry thinking? Why was he after Louis after fucking ten years?

And Liam was his manager?

Louis' mind was swirling. He had so many questions and he knew he'd get all the answers from that one lad but he wasn't ready to ask him. He'd never go to him voluntarily to ask 'em. He'd never initiate a conversation with Harry.

Harry was no one to him and he was chanting that like a mantra.

Next day, Louis went to do his classes with a foul mood because he wasn't getting enough sleep. He would toss and turn the entire night but no comfortable position on his bed would make him fall asleep. Sleeping pills were not his options and he'd promised himself that he would never take them. So he tried to listen to music (fuck meditation) or fluff his pillow with no win. Then again when he thought he'd enough of insomnia, he got dressed and went for a walk. The university gates were always open at night so he strolled the entire block all alone...well his thoughts were giving him enough company for the lifetime. It was peaceful, the walk. No one was there talking about Harry. No one was there to bother Louis with their admiration for Mr. Styles. No one was there...Louis was alone. He was always alone.

But still, he didn't get a peaceful sleep.   
So he entered into the class and every student looked cheerful and happy. Magazine works were not keeping them up anymore and even if it did, they were more excited to come back to the campus because Harry Styles.

Louis rolled his eyes "alright... I'm already here"

"Good morning Mr. Tomlinson" The students smiled at him fully. He could still hear them talking about him and it was only Day 1.

It was February 1st.

Louis kept his books on the teacher's desk and began his class. When half of the lesson went by him ranting in full volume because his students were no longer patient for the lecture to end (also three of them were yawning), Louis snapped "I know Chaucer is boring but at least pretend you are interested"

They straighten their spine and gave full attention towards the professor.

Louis came out of the class with a hint of exhaustion. It was that way for all the other three classes he took. He wasn't paranoid about bumping into Harry.

Trust him, he wasn't.

So Louis entered into the auditorium where the rehearsals were going full fledged. Zayn and Conan were the busiest. (Also Louis wanted to hang out with Niall but he'd heard people saying that Harry was with Niall the entire day in the studios, entertaining the students as they were having the time of their life, so Louis avoided the building number 3 completely).

"Louis...come and sit with me" Zayn said when he spotted Louis walking down the aisle.

"The rehearsals going fine?" Louis took a seat. The students were busy on the stage. Some were doing the hand gestures some were learning their lines.

"It's going great. They are passionate about the play" Zayn smiled brightly.

"Heya mates!" It was Niall entering through one of the exit.

Louis went stiff. He carefully looked behind Niall, just to check if he had any company or not.

But there was none.

Louis sighed and sat back properly.

"Niall" Zayn grinned.

"I'm hungry" Niall said and sat beside Louis.

"Let's go to Samuel's then" Louis said. His stomach was gurgling too.

"Fifteen more minutes lads then we can head to Samuel's" Zayn said and went to the stage to instruct the students.

"How's your work going?" Louis asked.

"It's going fucking brilliant Louis. I can't even describe. The students are absolutely delighted to have Harry as their tutor. They started shooting the documentary" Niall said with a large grin.

"Good" Louis nodded. Him hating Harry was personal. If students are happy to have him in the campus, then Louis had to live with it. Students are more important than his hate.

But Louis was still not ready to accept the fact that Harry was actually on the campus as him. Harry was walking down the same pathway as him. And he knew it was only a time before Harry actually approaches him to talk.

And Louis wasn't ready for that.

He'd never be.

"Let's go lads" Zayn came back and the trio walked out of the auditorium. The campus was emptying slowly as the students were retiring to their dormitories after a long day.

When they approached the exit, Louis stopped.

The gates were guarded with black suited men. All wearing Ray Bans and had walkie talkie in their hands. There were at least six black suited men standing by the large Uni gates.

"What's this" Louis asked as they went out of the exit.

"Harry's security. They'd be here until Harry is here" Zayn said.

Louis looked back at the gates. The men looked stern...all of them.

"Celebrity things. Liam gave them strict instructions. No one is allowed to enter into the campus without any identity proof. They'd have to be related to St. Joseph to go inside" Niall explained.

"Now we have to show proofs to go inside the university we have been working our whole life. For someone that came yesterday. Fucking celebrities" Louis grunted in exasperation.

"There was a mob waiting for Harry outside the campus. They tried to enter. Everybody knows what Harry is upto so it became very difficult for our security guards to control them" Niall defended.

They stepped inside the restaurant and took their usual table. The place was pretty empty as it was too late for the lunch time.

"And if I forget to show them my I-card then they won't let me enter. I have to stay out in the cold" Louis sneered.

"Give it a rest Lou. Just carry your card always" Zayn said and called the waiter.

"People are trending St. Joseph on Twitter" Niall said.

"I have seen the tweets. You are in the pictures" Zayn said as he pulled his IPhone out of his pockets.

Louis was just sipping his waters and thought to keep quiet. The boys gave their orders and the waiter went back to the counter.

"Yeah I've seen them. Next year, we'll be getting more students" Niall remarked.

"St. Joseph is famous enough to get students. We don't need to use a celebrity's face for clouts" Louis commented.

"Louis...me lad...calm the fuck down. Will ya?" Niall passed him a look because he was getting irritated slowly.

"By the way, Liam told me the documentary would cover the whole campus. Harry will interact with everyone. So he might walk-in while ya'll are taking the classes so Louis, don't be too cocky on him. Remember, people are going to watch it" Zayn said while staring at Louis.

"I'll try but I don't promise" Louis shrugged.

"Louis-" Niall began but he was cut short by Zayn "well I like Liam's name. Isn't it a bit Shakespearic. Liam Payne...Pain with an 'y'"

Louis blinked at him "please don't let Liam hear your thoughts"

"He knows" Niall stated.

"He appreciated the thought. He says I'm a very poetic person" Zayn said dreamily.

"First of all, you are a dramatic person. Second of all, if you don't shut it about Li, I'm going to give you a pain with an 'i'" Louis said sarcastically.

"What? Now you don't like Liam too?" Zayn said.

"I don't know. But I don't want to hear your thoughts about him. I'd rather pass"

Zayn looked the most offended "Louis, Liam is the most sweetest lad you'll ever meet. He's soft spoken, charming and responsible. You can't hate him-"

"Somebody's got a soft corner for Liam. I can see all the fonding going about here" Louis smirked.

"They are hanging out a lot lately. They even went to the Starbucks together last night..." Niall said.

"Oi...we both thought to get some coffee after a long day. We happen to bump into each other last evening" Zayn passed him a look.

"Yeah alright. We're getting Ziam content anyway" Niall mumbled and sipped his beer.

"Ziam? Huh" Louis smirked at Zayn.

"Shut up Niall. Liam has become my good friend. Stop sailing that ship right there" Zayn scoffed but he wasn't mad.

"Sure Jan" Louis nodded with furrowed eyebrows. "And it's been only three days"

Zayn rolled his eyes.

But then

"Did you call Liam...Li?" Zayn asked Louis.

They were served their food and Louis didn't even know about that 'slip'.

"No I didn't" He said slowly.

"It's Harry's birthday today...do ya know that?" Niall said and stuffed a spoonful of spaghetti in his mouth.

Louis went stiff all over again. His hand was clutching his fork tightly while he kept looking down at his plate. Appetite completely jumped out of the window.

"He is throwing a massive party at Hotel Blue Roses" Zayn said.

"I'm fucking excited for that. Louis are you coming?" Niall asked. His eyes wide with wonder.

"No" He said simply.

"Come on Louis. Don't hate someone so much to not accept their free booze and food" Niall said desperately.

"I'm not going Niall" Louis raised his head and looked at the blonde lad with stern eyes. "Besides, I didn't get any invites"

"He told me to bring as many friends as I want. So you are going with me" Niall said.

"I have never seen you declining a party offer. So what now?" Zayn asked. His eyes observing Louis.

"You are going and that's final. Be ready at 7" Niall declared even before Louis could protest further.

***

"I.am.not.going.Niall" Louis protested when Niall pulled him out of the campus towards his car.

"Stop being so stubborn Louis. Get in the car" Zayn said from the other side of the car. Louis walked out of the gates after glaring at the suited guards.

They didn't get offended. Instead gave a polite smile to him.

Louis was annoyed. Completely utterfuckingly annoyed.

Niall picked him up and pushed him inside the car on the back seat.

"Oh for God's sake Niall!" Louis yelled.

"You are such a baby Louis" Niall said and got on the driver's seat. Zayn sat on the passenger's seat.

Louis felt silent almost immediately. It was like a blow, the Deja vu. Louis was tired and sad.

He was sad even if he was being sarcastic and cocky the entire time. Even he was faking it the entire time that he just hated Harry with all his might but the reality was Louis was hurting himself. Harry's presence was too much for him. Those past events were swimming in front of his eyes whenever he was seeing Harry. All those buried down memories were raising from their graves, hunting Louis at night, at day...every moment. Everything Louis did all those years to keep himself away from those memories was squashed by Harry. His recklessness was the reason behind Louis' misery.

And Louis hated it.

Louis hated Harry so much.

Even if he can't hate him completely.

***

It was a posh hotel on the mainland. The glamour was lustrous. The exterior was screaming elegance and the interiors were displaying money and power.

Every guests were dressed in expensive clothes and carried a champagne glass in their hands. They were smiling and laughing with everything that Harry was saying.

And Harry;

Harry was shining the brightest in his golden floral suit and a black bow tie on his neck. He was smiling at everyone and handing the glass to anyone who's stepping into the party. His hairs looked the straightest Louis has ever seen. And his smile the brightest Louis has ever came across.

Harry was happy.

Louis was not.

So Louis stood at a corner, narrowly escaped from that hawk's green eyes when Niall and Zayn went to greet him. It was Harry's birthday after all.

But Louis was making plans to escape in an hour or so because he didn't want to talk to him or say "Happy Birthday" or fucking smile at him.

So Louis grabbed a champagne glass from the tray of one of the passing uniformed waiter and threw it back and grabbed another one.

But it wasn't long that Harry finally noticed him.

Louis looked away while his hand was clutching the glass. He felt like breaking it.

"Louis Tomlinson. You came!" Harry's arms were open wide as he walked towards Louis.

"I was forced" Louis said straightforwardly. His hands still gripped the glass.

"I'm delighted to have you here. Thank you" Harry's dimples were caving in his cheeks.

Louis frowned at him. Why was he putting a fake persona in front of him?

"Stop smiling all the time. It's irritating" Louis commented.

Harry's smile dropped immediately. His whole demeanor changed within a fraction of seconds. 

"I didn't think you'd come. I... thought... to invite you personally but you won't talk to me..." Harry began to speak but Louis was quick to interrupt him.

"At least something you know about me. That I don't take shit. Anyways, I came so now you can go back to flatter your guests" Louis said coldly, waving his hands towards the other part of the room where most of the crowd loomed.

"Lou..."

Louis looked away. He was dreading for it and now it was there, watching right into his face. Harry finally came into his real stature.

"Louis...that's my name. Call me that or don't call me at all" He snapped. He was suddenly feeling all the anger he had stored for a long time at that moment.

"Lou please...can we...talk...please-"

"Go and attend your guests" Louis felt cold and suffocated. He desperately wanted to go out of there. It was a bad decision to even come to the party.

"Louis" Harry said again. His face almost miserable. His shoulders were hunched down. He took some step towards Louis.

"Fucking hell Harry...stop" Louis whispered screamed as his breath clogged up without his knowledge.

Harry stopped "okay..okay calm down Louis...please"

Nobody was aware of what was happening. If anybody saw them, they'd think they were having some serious conversations because they looked too close and too serious to look like they were in the same team.

But not everything was what it appeared to be.

Louis was terrified of Harry invading his personal space. He was terrified that Harry would break his walls which took him so long to build. He was terrified of the thought that Harry held that power to break his walls in a most painful way that Louis would never be able to find himself again.

He was terrified.

He was scared of Harry.

"Can we talk Lou?" Harry said quietly.

"No!" Louis replied. "I don't want to hear anything from you... I don't..." Louis trailed off as he walked past him towards the exit.

He stopped upon seeing Liam entering the room. He was wearing a maroon suit. His hairs gelled beautifully as he had a beard on his face.

Very different from the boy he knew with hairs swept across his forehead. Liam was changed too.

"Hi Louis" Liam smiled softly at him.

"I was headed out" Louis looked everywhere but him.

"Please stay a bit Louis. The party has just started" Liam said.

"I'm not interested. I didn't even wanted to come in the first place" Louis looked at him. It was a bit less difficult to talk to Liam.

"I can understand Louis but" Liam kept a hand on Louis' shoulder "I'll make sure he doesn't bothers you. Don't ruin your night for him"

"I can't...thank you Liam but I can't" Louis walked out of the room and out of the hall and out of the hotel.

"Louis"

He stopped and closed his eyes shut. It was Harry and he was fucking out of energy and ways to tell him to fuck off. And he realized he was still clutching that champagne glass.

He turned "What the fuck do you want Harry? Can't you just fucking leave me for fucks sake? What's your fucking problem?"

Harry stopped on his tracks. His face completely devastated. Strands of his dark hairs were falling softly on his forehead. His long legs looked wobbly as he walked further ahead towards Louis.

Harry was devastated. And it looked real.

"Louis please don't go"

"Leave me alone!"

Louis wasn't convinced of his devastation because Harry was good at pretense.

"Lou" Harry stood in front of him. Louis didn't back up that time. He was facing him with a brave face. He was ready to throw some hands if Harry was planning to be funny.

"What do you want?"

"Your forgiveness"

His voice was deep...slow...rough...and broken.

But Louis felt something. Something painful. He has crunched the glass and it was shattered. It was shattered into million pieces that were piercing him.

"Fucking hell Louis!" Harry shrieked when he noticed the blood that was flowing from Louis' left palm.

But Louis wasn't responding. He was just watching Harry. Glaring at Harry with all the hate he had for him in his heart. Glaring at him with all the anger he was feeling. Glaring at him with all the sadness he had in him.

How dare he asked for forgiveness?

How dare he?

"Louis it's...it's bleeding" Harry held his wounded hand. Glass pieces were stabbed in his skin.

"It still hurt less you know" Louis said. He was cold from inside.

"We need to get you to the hospital. It's bleeding so much Louis...it looks so bad" Harry held his shoulders with one hand and his other hand was holding Louis' wounded one.

But Louis detached himself from him.

"I am fine Mr. Styles. I will take care of it" Louis stepped away. He stepped away from Harry.

Harry looked at him helplessly. Louis was maintaining his distance from the man. Louis was stepping out of the scene.

His physical pain was less painful than his emotional bruise.

"Louis...don't leave like that. You are hurt" Harry whispered miserably.

Louis looked at him and gave a smile.

A humorless smile which didn't reach till his eyes.

"I know that I'm hurt Harry"


	11. Chapter 11

Past

I was happy.

When Harry stepped inside my house for the first time, I was happy. He was finally spending an evening with us. Mum was absolutely delighted to have him eat her cooked food. And Harry was flattering her with all sorts of compliments on her food. Basically spoiling her.

He was the happiest though when I invited him for dinner. He told me he was waiting for that for so long.

Next my sisters were happy to see him. They were being too noisy the entire time. Fizzy was busy discussing about football with Harry (she's obsessed with that game). Lottie was talking about her favorite musicians and bands with him. The twins were putting makeup on him.

They even painted his nails.

They were thrilled.

And Harry was looking beautiful.

The entire evening my sisters kept him occupied with their stuffs but I'd seen him smiling the entire time. He was happy.

"And I said Kevin I liked him" Lottie said as she blushed.

She was saying that to Harry and Harry was intently listening to her.

My sister was talking about her crush with Harry.

"Well that's very brave of you Lottie. What did he say?" Harry asked with curiosity.

"He liked me too" She said excitedly.

"So now is he your boyfriend?" I asked because really she'd always share her stuffs with me.

"No" She said quietly.

"Why?" Harry asked her. His eyebrows sink down with sadness.

"He's already seeing Martha and they are like very serious. I didn't know that actually. Martha's my good friend and she deserves a good boyfriend and Kevin is a good lad so..." She trailed off. Her voice broke.

"So you sacrificed your love for your friend?" Harry was very serious when he said that.

"It's no sacrifice. I...I did nothing and it's just a mere crush and it'll go" Lottie shrugged.

Both me and Harry embraced her tightly.

"I didn't know my little sister has become so mature. When did that happened?" I say.

She chuckled "learned from my big bro"

Harry looked up at me and gave a large smile. His hand gripped my back. I was clutching his t-shirt. Lottie was between us squeezed like a sandwich.

We broke the hug and I gave Lottie a kiss on her cheek before Mum escorted the girls to their rooms because it was bedtime.

So, it was just me and Harry, seated on our couch in the living room. Mum went back to her bed because she was tired and Harry decided to stay a bit longer with me.

"You should probably go to sleep Louis. We have school tomorrow" Harry said but I wrapped a blanket around us. It was a cold night and the heater was not on.

"I'm not sleepy" I said. His arms were around my neck, tugging at my shoulders. He was warm.

"Your mum likes me" He smiled.

I turn to him "she loves you"

"And your sisters?"

"They loves you too"

I gulped because I didn't know what he was going to ask next.

But then,

"You've got a lovely family" He scooted a bit closer and rested his head on my shoulder. We were facing each other. The blanket was cocooned around us. I felt warm and so cozy.

I chuckled "you're curls are tickling me"

I felt his grin against my neck "they're quite a bit unruly"

"I like your curls. You're me curly headed lad"

His smile widen as he looked up. His eyes were lustrous as they twinkled under the wall lamp that illuminated that part of the room.

It was peaceful whenever I'm with him.

We're like that until I almost slept on him and he went back home. I offered him our guest room but he said his mum was returning home after a weeklong work.

So I let him go with a promise of meeting him again next day.

***

It's been many days since Harry visited my house. We keep hanging around each other in school, after school, at the weekends, weekdays, holidays and the list goes on.

But I'm not tired of him.

And I hope he feels the same about me.

It feels good when I'm with him. The time streams by without our knowledge. He's making me used to his company so much that sometimes it scares me. The thought of him not around scares me.

What if someday he's gone...really gone so far that I won't be able to catch him again. That I won't be able to get a hold on him. What if he gets bored of me and stops hanging out with me? What if one day he realizes I'm not good enough friend for him? What if one day our friendship fades? What if everything we had now gets washed away with time?

What if I change and he stops talking to me?

I shake my head and try to go back to sleep. There's no need to over think stuffs which has little to no possibilities to actually happen.

Moreover, a friendship like ours can never fade. It gets stronger with time. And I believe in me and I believe in Harry.

And I believe in our friendship because he's become my anchor in no time.

Right now I push my head further into the soft pillow. I know it's already morning and I should get up because in no way I'm going to get more sleep. I'm already wide awake.

But I'm waiting for a noisy thing to happen. Which happens every year by the way.

And I finally hear that. I hear the commotion going around outside my room. I can hear Lottie's whispers and Stan's voice. I can hear them clearly. The walls are really very thin around here.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"

I open my eyes and turn my head towards the door. All of them were standing at the threshold with wide smiles and a large eyes. Stan is carrying a cake.

"Wake up big bro" Lottie jumps on my bed and pulls the comforter off me.

"You should be thankful I sleep fully clothed" I say and Lottie's face turns red.

"Eww Sorry" she says and jumps down from the bed.

"Stop embarrassing your sister and blow the candles" Stan comes and stands at the foot of my bed. My sisters were standing beside him with excited eyes.

I sit up and stand on my knees on the bed. I blow the candles and they give a loud cheer.

"Alright alright. Don't be so loud so early morning"

But they replied me with all the cream the cake was coated with. It is crazy. Everyone of us went down being all pink and brown and sticky.

Stan really thought to bring a double layer red velvet chocolate cake.

"Aww my kid turns eighteen" Mum says and stands in front of me. Her hands holding my shoulders and her eyes all teary.

"You don't have to remind me mum. I don't want to grow up" I pout.

"But you turned 18, you should be happy Lou"

I turn my head towards the door

And Harry is standing there with a large smile.

"Harry!"

"Happy Birthday Louis" He says but before he could reach me, my sisters attacks him into a group hug.

"That's called mobbed" Stan stands beside me.

"They like him a little too much" I furrow my brows and go to them. "Ok...enough. Daisy stop pulling his hairs. Fizzy you are suffocating him. Lottie stop hanging on his neck. Phoebe...yeah stop whispering to him. Come on girls leave him. Bloody hell...let him breathe" I pull them away one by one.

Harry grins at me. His hairs all over his head and he is freshly coated with cream.

"Happy birthday Lou" He stands in front of me.

"You already said that"

"I'm going to say it the entire day. Prepare yourself"

I smile.

"Harry darling. Thank you for coming. Everyone, clean yourselves up and come back to the dining table" Mum says and goes to the kitchen.

"Ashlyn was trying to call you last night but you were telling busy. I wonder why" Stan says with a suspicious tone.

I look at Harry and Harry looks at me before averting his eyes away with a small smile.

He called me last night when the clock struck midnight. He was the first to wish me last night. And then we talked for hours when I finally fell asleep. When, I don't remember. I don't even remember hanging up the call.

"Network issues probs" I say but Stan smirks.

"Stop that Stan" I slap his shoulder.

I walk back to my room to take a shower and clean the cream out of me. Harry followed me.

"Where do you think you are going young man?" I stop him and frown.

"To clean myself of course" He shrugs.

"You could've used the other bathroom"

"Why? Can't I use your one?"

I bite my lip "I mean you can". I go inside the room.

He follows me still.

We stand near the sink. Harry runs the water and washes his face. The front of his hairs gets wet and sticks with his forehead. The water droplets trails down from his forehead, touching his porcelain cheeks and further down on his neck and hides behind the black tee he's wearing.

"Louis... I'll clean you" He says and looks at me in the mirror.

"What?"

"I'll clean you. C'mere" He pulls me by the front of my shirt and I bump into him.

"But why? I...I can clean...I will clean-"

He puts his large index finger on my lips "shh...let me do my work, will ya?"

He takes handful of water and rubs it on the side of my face. The water is cold. His large fingers sliding down my face towards my chin.

I don't look away from him. He's not breaking the eye contact either.

I like his green eyes.

I don't know if he likes my blue ones.

He pours more water on me which falls softly on my face and I blink. My eyelashes are wet. His fingers trails down my jawline towards my neck and I shiver. I shiver in his touch.

"You cold?" He whispers.

I shake my head even though I am freezing.

He rubs the cream from my neck. His fingertips are red due to the coldness of the water. His palm cups my jaw.

I'm still looking at him. His hairs are falling on his forehead from a side. Tiny droplets were dripping down, soaking into his tee.

"Done" He leaves me. "Your face is clean. You know those cream has colors and those colors can get you pimples so you should always wash your face after a cake fight"

He grins.

I don't.

But I have to. So I smile back "thanks Harry"

"Take a quick shower and come out quickly..." He says. "I have clothes for you in that brown paper bag on your bed. But don't touch the white one"

With that he goes out and closes the door behind.

I'm a bit confuse now.

Okay.

I turn on the hot water and stand under the shower. It's a bit too hot at first as the water touches my cold skin but it gets to the perfect temperature and I close my eyes.

I can still feel his touch on me. My skin has that memory alive and fresh. Did he know I get goosebumps every time his fingertips are touching my skin?

I wonder if he has ever observed that or not.

I get a good refreshing shower. I wrap a towel around my waist and go out of my room.

It's empty.

I open the brown bag and it has clothes in it.

Brand new Adidas hoodie and pants. My eyes goes wide.

"Liked it?"

I turn my head and Harry is leaning against the door frame with his hands crossed against his chest. His lips curved in a cheeky smile.

"I mean yeah but Harry...these are expensive... I can't-"

"Oh you will. Come on. Get dressed baby boy" He walks towards me.

"Why did you spend so much money?"

He waves his hands in front of me "Come on, I have plenty of it"

I look at the clothes and then to him "thank you"

He grins widely.

And I remember I'm just standing here in a towel.

I blush "I should probably get dressed" and I go back inside to the bathroom. But I caught him smirking.

Eye-

Why does it feels so good when you wear new clothes?

I look in the mirror and the maroon white hoodie fits perfectly on me. It's not too baggy or tight. Just the perfect oversize for me.

I dump the wet towel into the laundry basket and go out to my room. Harry is sitting on my bed cross-legged. Totally busy on his phone.

He looks up and smiles "they look good"

"Yeah yeah" I look down. "They are comfortable"

He gets up from the bed and picks up the white bag.

"Louis come here" He says.

I walk to him and look inside the bag.

"More clothes? Harry I-"

"They are mine"

I look at him and frown.

"I want to give them to you. I'm sharing my clothes with you" He says, pulling the clothes out of the bag.

"But why?" My frown deepen.

"When I'm not with you, you can wear them and think about me" He holds them to me.

"Why are you saying that? We are always going to be together...anywhere we go" I say.

His smile drops a bit but still stays intake. I don't know how to react to that.

"Of course we are going to remain friends always" He says and wraps his arms around me. He's still holding the clothes.

"Friends"

I rest my head on his shoulder.

"Going to remain friends always"

I close my eyes and inhale his cologne. They don't give me headaches anymore. I feel warm when the fragrance touches my nostrils.

"And I love watching my clothes on you" He says.

"They are too big for me" I pout and he smiles.

"You look cute in them Lou" He looks at me. His eyes are crinkling as his smile reaches to his eyes.

"Then I should share my clothes with you too" I say and detach myself from him to go to my closet.

"You don't have to Lou"

"Oh I very well have to. Consider it a return gift from me" I remurage through my clothes.

I spot the 'Hollistic' hoodie me mum bought me an year ago. I love to wear that but

"Here" I give that to him.

He takes it from me and looks at the print. And then he puts it on over his tee.

"At least it fits" I pull the sleeves up on his arm. "Perfect"

"Thanks" He says, pushing his curls back. I stop him and sweep his curls across his forehead. I comb his hairs with my fingers over his forehead.

"You look young when you keep your hairs this way" I say and puff his hair. "Done"

He grins "I used to keep it that way in my junior year"

I know. I have seen him.

But he doesn't know that.

He doesn't know that I used to observe him quite a lot all these years. He doesn't know so many things and I don't know if we are ever going to talk about them. I don't really know if we will reach that stage to talk about them.

We are friends. And I would like to keep it that way without ruining it with my stupidity.

He is my friend. A very good friend.

And I'm ok with it.

"Shall we go down then?" I step back from him and head towards the door.

He hums and follows me.

***

Later at evening, after we had a wholesome meal (which my mum cooked for us because she loves to feed people and it's my birthday which is a very big deal to her), Harry and I head back to my room. He had spent the entire day with me. I told him to bring Liam too but he said Liam has already gone to his Grandma's house for the holidays and she wasn't keeping too well so he thought to spend some time with her. But Li gave me a call and wished me which was very sweet of him.

Stan went home after breakfast and came back with Ashlyn for the dinner. We played some games and Ashlyn baked cookies with the help of Lottie and Fizzy. Whenever Ash is here, she'd make sure that the cookie jars are not empty. Lottie and Fizzy are always there to help her.

The twins were keeping Stan busy with their rants and mum had a nice conversation with Harry. He was entertaining her with all sorts of stories. I was listening to them without rolling my eyes most of the time. Harry is a drama queen and has a basketful of exaggerated stories to tell.

But he looks cute when his eyes goes wide while narrating something exciting. His voice gets so soothing that it's difficult to not fall asleep while he's speaking.

Nonetheless, he was a good storyteller.

Much later, mum goes to the kitchen to prepare for dinner and Harry and I talk to kill time. Then Stan joined us. Then Fizzy. It became noisy at a point because we're talking about football.

After that we have our food (which was delicious of course) and Stan bid us goodbye as he departs with his girlfriend.

Harry promised to stay a bit longer for me. So we took two cake pieces in one plate and go back to my room.

"Are you tired?" He asks me. We are seated on my bed. The plate is kept between us.

I cut a small piece with my fork "not really. Are you?"

"I don't get tired easily"

"I know that"

"How?"

I look up at him "all those fooling around in the campus the whole day and the weird dancing in the school events. You are a little ball of energy aren't you?"

"Somebody is being very observant" He says and bops my nose.

"Oi!" I wave my hand. "My observational skills are tremendously good"

"Oh really" He raises a brow. "What else do you observe?"

"Basically everything...every little detail to everything" I eat the cake.

"Do you observe me?"

I don't look up "yes"

"What do you observe in me?"

I still keep my gaze down "everything"

"Be a bit more specific Louis"

I glance at him "your face and your voice. How your eyes gets wide when you see the stuffs that you like and your voice gets deep and slow when you are explaining something to someone"

He keeps the fork down on the plate "you like my voice?"

I look at him properly. His face is serious.

"You've got a lovely voice Harry. Why don't you sing?"

He scoots closer to me and clears his throat "I...I sometimes sing when I'm alone but I never sang in front of anyone. Dad sent me to piano lessons when I was little but I never really gave any attention to my voice"

I push the plate aside and move forward towards him.

"You should give yourself a chance in singing. A little vocal training and you'd shine like a star" I take his hands. They are warm.

"I..don't know Louis. I'm a bit insecure about my voice. I don't think... I don't think I have that potentiality to sing...professionally. I never sang in front of anyone" He looks down at our intertwined fingers.

"We have to start from somewhere right? Why don't you give a try?" I say. "Sing for me something, will ya?"

He looks up "now?"

"Yes dummy, now"

"Ok...but don't laugh" He says.

"I won't laugh Harry. I can never laugh at you" I tap on his cheek and give a light squeeze on his hand.

He smiles and look down.

And he begins to sing. It's 'Isn't she lovely' by Stevie Wonder. His voice is so beautiful that I get mesmerised by it. I can't believe he's never sang before the audiences. He deserves an audience. He deserves appreciation.

When he finishes, he doesn't look up. He's still watching our hands.

"Harry"

But he won't look up still.

"Harry"

He draws imaginary circle with his thumb on my knuckles.

"Hazza. Look up"

He slowly raises his head and I smile widely.

Slowly the curve of his lips lifted up forming a beautiful, heartwarming smile.

"You did great Harry. You've got the voice to become a singer. Please become a singer. You deserve fans"

"You think I'm good? No one told me that before" He says slowly.

"Then it makes me the first person to say that. Do you believe in me Harry?"   
He nods.

"Then believe in yourself too. You'll do great. You'd be great Harry" I pat him on his head. And then smooth his curls over his forehead. He grabs my hand and keeps it on his right cheek.

"Thank you Louis" He leaves my hand but I keep it there, over his cheek.

"You're welcome Harold" I smile. Scratch it, I grin widely.

He grabs the plate and stuffs a piece inside his mouth.

And then he moans.

I stare at him.

"It's so tasty" He moans again.

"Stop being horny over a cake" I pass him a dirty look.

"I'm always horny" He says with a mouth full of cake.

I shift on my seat and clear my throat "that wasn't necessary to share"

"Have I made you uncomfortable? But it's only the truth" He says simply while licking the fork. And he looks straight at me. His tongue still connected with the fork.

I look away "no...I'm fine"

"Really...huh" He picks up my fork, stabs out a piece and pushes it inside my mouth. I choke.

"Hawwy" I try to swallow.

"What Louis?" He rubs away the cream with his thumb from one of the corners of my lips.

And then he licks his thumb.

I uh-

I watch him with open mouth.

No seriously.

WHAT JUST HAPPENED?

HARRY JUS-

Harry just looks up and gives me a smile. A smirky cheeky smile.

"You want another piece?" He directed his fork towards me.

"No thanks I've had enough" I look away and grab the water bottle from the night stand. I take a long gulp from it.

He's looking at me.

I stop and directed the bottle towards him "you want some?"

He shakes his head and looks down at the plate.

And I don't even know that I was smirking.


	12. Chapter 12

Present

"How did you ended up with that bandage again?" Niall asked and he furrowed his brows towards Louis' left hand.

Louis slide his left hand carefully out of Niall's sight and put it under the table, resting it on his thighs.

"So inspector Horan, I was doing something and accidentally broke a glass. When I tried to clean it, I wounded myself because I wasn't being careful. Now I hope you've got your answers. Further inquiries would be answered by my middle finger" Louis looked down at the file he was working on.

Niall was seated across from him. He had his own stack of papers scattered on the table in front of him.

"And when exactly did that happened?" He was unfazed by Louis' sarcasm.

Louis rolled his eyes "last night Niall. Last night"

"But you were in the party last night, aren't you?" Niall pressed further.

"Yeah but I went home early. Now would you let me work?"

"I didn't see you though after we went to the hotel. Harry was missing too. Liam did all the hosting" Niall said.

The other night, after Louis wounded his hand by the champagne glass, Harry tried to escort him to the paramedics in the hotel but Louis didn't let him. Instead he walked out of the exit of the hotel towards the deserted road. His left palm was bleeding so much that tiny drops were trailing behind his path.

Louis didn't feel any pain at that time. He was only feeling anger surging within him. Harry was following him the entire time. They weren't followed by his black suited bodyguards or securities.

Harry was constantly telling him to go back to the hotel because there wasn't any hospital nearby and no cars were passing by them. And Louis was bleeding so much.

"I said leave me alone Harry!" Louis turned to him.

"Your hand is bleeding so much. How can I leave you alone in that state Lou?" Harry replied to him.

"I fucking don't need your help. Get that inside your small head" Louis yelled at him. He felt exhausted. He felt the world spinning in front of his eyes. And finally he felt the excruciating pain in his hand. He stared at his red palm and blinked because he was seeing double images. He knew he was fainting.

"Louis!" He heard muffled voice. The world was still spinning for him. He didn't feel his legs.

He was about to touch the ground when he felt strong grip on him. And then Louis didn't feel the ground beneath his leg. His vision was blurred and watery. The last memory he had before blacking out was a pair of dark green eyes looking over him.

Much later, Louis woke up with a start on a hospital bed. He was wearing a white hospital gown. He blinked once and twice before his eyes focused on the bright room that surrounded him. He looked around. He was the only one in that shared cabin.

But then he felt a stinging pain in his left hand when he tried to lift himself up on his palm. He forgot he was wounded.

"Louis, what are you doing? Lie down" Harry came out from nowhere and pushed him back ever so lightly on the bed.

"Where am I? How did I ended up here?" Louis pushed Harry's hand away from him.

"You fainted in the middle of the street" Harry said. His eyes were large with worry and sorrow.

Louis was about to speak when a white coated lady walked into the room with a statoscope around her neck and a clipboard in her hands.

"How are you feeling now Mr. Tomlinson?" She asked politely. She was in her mid thirties. But her voice was soft, child like. She glanced at Harry and Louis could tell it was admiration. Again she looked at him, expecting an answer.

Louis was feeling like shit. His throat felt dry when he spoke "I'm feeling alright. Can I go home now?"

"Yes you can" She smiled again. "but are you having a proper meal dear? Your vitals seems very weak. That's the reason you fainted. We removed the glass pieces from that cut. It was bad though because you lost too much blood"

Louis wasn't meeting Harry's eyes who was listening to the doctor with concentration and sparing worried glances at him in between.

"I've wrote the medicines and gave them to Mr. Styles. Take them on time after having a proper meal" She smiled again.

"Thank you Doctor" Harry said and smiled at her.

Louis was still silent even after the doctor went out of the room leaving both of them alone.

"Where are my clothes?" Louis asked looking around the room.

"I sent them back" Harry said quietly.

"What?" Louis sprinted up on the bed. He was feeling weak but he couldn't show that on his face. He just wanted to go out of that room as fast as he could. "Where did you send them?"

"Back to my place. They're blood stained and they could've cause infection. So I sent them for the laundry" Harry said and kept a brown paper bag on the bed, beside Louis.

"Who told you to touch my clothes? Did you take my permission? Moreover no one asked you to do the charity. So bring my clothes back" Louis retorted, while standing on the other side of the bed.

"Louis, I brought you fresh clothes. Wear them" Harry said. "Please"

"No I won't. I'm fucking not wearing them" Louis shook his head. He can't wear them because he knew they're Harry's. And he would never wear Harry's clothes. Not in that life. Never.   
"Louis please don't be stubborn. You are hurt and you need to get some proper food. Please wear them. We need to get you home as soon as we can" Harry pulled out the clothes from the bag and kept them on the bed.

"I told you I'm not fucking wearing them. I'm not wearing your clothes. And I am going nowhere with you. You are not allowed in my house and you should tattoo that on your forehead" Louis felt breathless. He didn't know he was so weak. Or maybe it was Harry's presence that was making him weak. And Louis can't be weak in front of him. Louis cannot be vulnerable again in front of him. He doesn't need Harry.

But Harry was watching him helplessly. That Louis was completely new for him. But Louis couldn't care less.

"But you are weak Lou. You need attention and care as Doctor Sandra said" Harry said it so quietly that Louis had to stop for a moment to make out the words.

"I can take care of meself. I don't need anyone for that. Thank you very much" Louis sneered. "Why are you still here? Do you want me to use more harsh words for you to get the fuck away from my eye sight?"

Harry looked at him, so small that he was almost curled into a ball "I... I'm sorry Louis. I...I'll go...but you need to take care of yourself. Your vitals are very low. You have to eat more-"

"Where's my prescription?" Louis asked. "And my phone?"

Harry looked at him and then looked down.

"Harry give them to me!" Louis exclaimed and forwarded his hand. He was authoritative. But still his throat hurt when he spoke.

"But the medicines.. I-"

"Give. Them. To. Me. Now"

Harry pushed his hands inside his pockets and took out a thin folded paper and an Iphone. Louis took them away immediately.

Louis pushed the power button on his iPhone and dialed Conan's number. His house was not too far from the place Harry threw his party. Conan didn't attend his party even though he was invited. He said he was busy and was trying to stay sober for a month because his songs were more important than being drunk and wasting away a night even if it was Harry Styles' party.

So Louis called him in front of Harry and told him to pick him up from the hospital and also asked to bring some clothes because "he soiled his own one and needed a desperate change of clothes".

Harry was watching him with grim expression. Louis didn't look back at him while he texted Conan the address of the hospital.

"Is...is he coming" Harry said it with difficulty. He wasn't asking the question.

"Mmhmm. And I don't want him to see you here with me. So now you can go" Louis said simply while sitting back on the bed. "Take those clothes on your way out Mr. Styles"

Louis didn't look up towards Harry. But he knew what expression he held. He could feel what was coming from him. And Louis absolutely knew that Harry was hurt. Extremely hurt by his words. By his actions.

But he deserved it. Harry deserved it all.

"Bye Louis. Take the medicines on time" He heard him mumble before Harry walked out of the room.

And Louis felt it.

He felt a rush of satisfaction in his veins.

But a tiny bit in him was crying. That tiny bit in him was sad, devastated and angry with himself. And Louis hated that bit of him. He wanted to kill that part of him but he knew that part was immortal.

Soon Conan arrived at the hospital with a bag. He looked highly confused and lost.

"How did you end up here?" He asked on spotting Louis inside a cabin, all alone.

"Had a small accident. Thank you for coming" Louis got up from the bed. "And sorry for disturbing you at this hour of night"

"It's no problem. Weren't you in the party?" He asked passing the bag to him.

"Yes" Louis didn't meet his eyes "yes I was but I came out early."

"Where are the other two anyway?" Conan shrugged.

"They are still partying" Louis went inside the bathroom with the bag. He had difficulties to change because of his injured palm but he somehow did and when he went out of the bathroom, Conan was talking with a lady...a nurse.

Not one day Louis had Harry around him, he's already got hurt.

So Louis knew that he had to avoid Harry. He had to stay away as far as he could for his own benefit. He couldn't compromise with his own mental health again.

"Should I drop you back to the campus or are you going back to the party?" Conan asked.

Louis gathered his stuffs from the bed. Harry took the clothes back with him and Louis was glad. So so glad because didn't want anyone to know that Harry was with him instead of his party.

"I might take a cab. It'll be a lot of driving for you" Louis said.

"Oh it's fine" Conan took the prescription from Louis and began unfolding it. "Let's get the medicines first, shall we?"

Louis nodded awkwardly. He was feeling strange all of a sudden without any particular reason.

They both walked out of the cabin. Conan was leading the way towards the pharmacy. On their way out of the hospital, Louis caught a glance Dr. Sandra and another doctor of the same age as her directed his way. Their eyes were full of curiosity. It looked like they were whispering a lot.

Louis looked way and followed Conan while keeping his gaze down. He knew they were talking about Harry. Louis didn't even remember how Harry brought him to the hospital. He might remember being carried from the ground. He might've remembered a little bit of entering the hospital as muffled voice was touching his ears.

But he didn't remember the entirety of the incident. He didn't remember the cologne Harry was wearing. Neither he remember how warm Harry was. Or how Harry's grip was so protective yet soft and firm around him. He didn't remember any of it. He didn't remember the familiar warmth which was years old yet felt so comforting after so many years.

He didn't remember anything.

And he wanted to keep it that way. He wanted to stay oblivious to those things. He made himself oblivious and it was for the greater good.

"Louis?" Conan broke his trance. "What are you thinking?"

"Um nothing... Wait...let me take out my credit card" Louis pushed his hand into the back pocket when he remember the pant he was wearing wasn't his. Hence he didn't have his wallet with him.

Shit!

"I might've dropped my wallet somewhere" Louis said unabashedly.

"No problem. I'll play" Conan said and gave his credit card to the cashier.

"I'm sorry Conan. I'll pay you back the minute I get back home" Louis said.

"It's fine Louis. I'm happy to help you" Conan smiled.

Later they got into Conan's car and he drove towards the University. Louis was extremely tired by the time they were halfway through the journey. He rested his head on the windowsill. He could still feel a pinch of pain in his Band-Aid arm.

"Are you alright?" Conan asked slowly breaking the silence between them.

"Yeah..yeah I'm okay" Louis looked at him.

Louis wondered why Conan wasn't asking him tons of questions like "how did you ended up wounding your palm?" or "where are your clothes?" or "where did the accident happened?".

He wasn't asking those questions and Louis was somewhere thankful because he had no answers for them.

"You got some stitches on that?" Conan pointed at the hand.

"I...yeah may be" Louis said. He didn't know if he got stitches or not because he was unconscious the entire time. Harry would know but who'd ask him anyway.

Conan nodded and it looked like he wasn't bothered to poke him for the details because really, Louis was being extremely stupid at that time. And it felt like Conan understood.

When they reach the campus (and Louis avoided having any conversation with Conan because he didn't know what he'll say or when he'll spill too much accidentally so he kept quiet), Conan dropped him near his building.

"Thank you so much Conan. Thank you for everything" Louis said while getting out of the car.

"Oh stop embarrassing me Louis. It was nothing" Conan smiled.

"I'll see you tomorrow then, yeah?" Louis asked.

Conan nodded "yeah... See ya tomorrow. Good night Louis". He drove the car backwards to roll it out of the lane, towards the exit.

"Good night" Louis smiled and turned to leave.

Everything was pitch black when Louis climbed the stairs and walked towards his flat. The entire floor was empty and quiet as usual.

But then he spotted a small box on his door step. He bend down to pick it up. He removed the lid of the box and his previously wore clothes (clean and freshly ironed and neatly folded) came into view along with his wallet and a note.

A small sunflower with a smiley face was doodled on it.

Louis pressed his lips together. He wasn't smiling. He knew who it was from. He didn't even react to that.

Louis unlocked the door and went inside his flat. He kept the box inside his closet and crumpled the note and threw it at a corner.

He didn't need that smiley sunflower.

He kept the medicines on the kitchen counter and sat on the couch back on the living room. He was practically walking around the whole flat because his mind was jammed with thoughts as he wasn't thinking right.

He didn't know what to do next. He didn't have proper dinner as instructed. He didn't had the medicines as asked to. He didn't do anything that was told him to do because he wasn't going to listen to Harry. He was trying to convince himself that he was still his own man. He would do what he wanted to do. And won't listen to Harry. He won't take any instructions coming from Harry.

Louis went to bed with an empty stomach and the medicines were still untouched on the kitchen counter. He thought he was okay.

Next day he took his classes, went about the whole day around the campus with banded hand, he thought he was okay. But after two classes he was feeling weak. He didn't cared about that. And when he went to the common room, he almost hit the ground before Niall caught him. He detached himself from the blonde lad after telling "I just twisted me legs. 'S nothing" and went back to do the work.

Since then Niall was asking him questions about the "wound" and Louis tried to answer him without being rude or giving away too much. But then Niall wasn't Conan. He wasn't convinced neither spared Louis from all the questioners.

"I had no intention on staying at the party so I went home early and hurt myself accidentally. Now Niall, let me do my work" Louis turned his head away from the Irish one and began scribbling on the file he was working on.

"Last night was a sick night ya know!" Niall began chattering, unbothered by Louis' irritation and lack of interest.

"No I don't"

"I did a gig ya know. I wish Harry was there so we could've harmonized together. But that didn't stop the fun. The lad was missing from his own party but Liam made sure everyone was enjoying. The drinks were so good. The food was amazing. Zayn was totally wasted the other night. You missed the fun-"

"Fucking stop Niall. I'm trying to work here" Louis snapped.

"Hi Harry" Niall said looking behind Louis, towards the door.

Louis, as usual, went all stiff. He could feel his presence in the room. Louis could feel Harry's eyes on his back.

"You were not in the studios so I thought to check the common room" Harry said while walking towards the table both the lads were seated.

"Arranging this stack of papers. And also giving some company to Tommo" Niall grinned.

"Thank you Niall" Louis rolled his eyes and stared down at the file, completely lost the things he was scribbling.

"The cameras are set?" Niall asked.

"Yeah...Liam is inspecting everything. We'd do the first session today and see how it goes" Harry was standing beside Louis. But Louis wasn't reacting.

"Give me five minutes H till I arrange the sheets and then we can head to the studios" Niall said and swept the sheets one by one. But then his phone began ringing and he excused himself out of the room. And Louis mentally cursed the caller because it was Louis and Harry, alone in that part of the room.

"Hi" Harry said.

Louis turned to him and then went back to not notice Harry's existence beside him.

"How are you feeling today Louis?" Harry took the chair beside him.

"Why are you trying to have small talk here?" Louis said without lifting his gaze from the file.

"Did you take the medicines last night? Do you feel the pain Louis? Is it bleeding? They said it'd need a surgery if the bleeding doesn't stop. Did it bleed last night?" Harry kept on pressing.

"No it didn't" Louis closed his eyes tightly.

"Did you take the medicines?" Harry's voice was an octave low as if too happy to at least get a straight answer from Louis.

"No, I didn't" Louis looked at him. "I didn't take the medicines and I won't take them"

Harry's eyes went wide "but..but.. Lou...why? You are weak. You have to take them. Doctor Sandra-"

"I don't fucking care what Doctor Sand dune or whatever her name is said. I'm not swallowing those pills" Louis snapped again. "I was fine before that and I'm absolutely fine now"

"But you are not. You...you don't have..."

Louis faced him "I don't have what?"

Harry looked at him. His gaze going down from his face to his body. Louis held his breath.

"You are thinning Lou. You don't eat more, do you?" Harry said. His eyes looked up at him.

"I eat just fine. Stop asking that question. I'm fine" Louis looked away. The pen in his hand was clutched tightly.

"Stop lying"

"I'm not lying"

"Louis, I know when you're lying so stop that" Harry said and firmly kept his hand over Louis' right forearm.

Louis jumped out of the chair. His eyes wide with fear "don't...don't touch me"

"Calm down Louis. I didn't... I didn't mean to scare-"

"Fucking stop.... Go away...go away Harry..go away" Louis' eyes were looking down. His hands were wrapped around as if defending himself from any threat.

Harry got up from the chair "I will... I'm sorry... I didn't... I didn't mean to scare you Lou... I don't-"

"Stop!" Louis gathered his stuffs and walked out of the room, practically running down the path.

"Louis?" It's Niall who was returning to the common room. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing nothing... I just... I have class" Louis' voice trembled. But he didn't face Niall. He didn't want him to see Louis' frightened face.

Louis avoided looking up as he headed towards the rest room. He wasn't terrified of Harry...fuck no.

But he was terrified of himself. He was terrified of that small part in him that might grow. He was terrified because if he let Harry leave his traces on him then Louis would be fucked up again. He would 'slip' again.

And Louis couldn't let that happen. He can't give Harry that right. He couldn't let Harry to touch him again. He didn't want his skin to remember Harry's old habits.

He couldn't let Harry give him goosebumps again.

He couldn't and he'd never.


	13. Chapter 13

Past

"Come here" Harry calls me. I look away from the mirror and go to him.

He stood up and began fixing my Bowtie. I have been trying to put it properly for the last ten minutes but it's so tough.

"Is it necessary to wear suits and ties? Can't we wear more comfortable clothes?" I whine.

"I'm hosting the party and you are going to be beside me the entire time so we got to wear suits" He says. He adjusts my collars and smoothens the creases on my suit.

"Can't I just stand in a corner and watch you host instead. The people won't like me standing beside you...ruining the view for them" I mumble. Harry was capable of entertaining the public all alone. His pals are coming into the party too so he won't be needing me anyway. They're going to keep him busy the entire night and I don't want that and I don't want to be around them and I don't want Harry to be around them.

But it's the New Years party after all.

"Who said they won't like you. Don't underestimate yourself so much Lou" Harry's finger tip sweeps the extra fringe away from my eyes. "They'd love you too"

"You wish" I step away from him and look back at the mirror. Mum didn't mind when I told her about the party. She took out the best and the only suit I own because Harry told her so. They've been talking a lot lately and she'd know everything that's happening that concerns Harry. She said she liked when I'm socializing more with people and Harry's helping me to do so.

But I only like socializing with Harry. I don't care about other people because they judge me. Harry never judged me.

"Are we ready?" Harry asked standing behind me. I look in the mirror towards his curls.

"I don't think so. Aren't you going to fix that mob on your head?" I try not to smile. I like his curls even if they are messy...extremely cuckoo nest messy.

"I already did but I'm having a bad hair day" He brushes the curls with his long fingers. I turn and stop him.

"You are making them more messy" I slowly puff his hairs and softly touch them with my fingertips. I push the strands back slowly, not ruining the overall curls. He's looking down at me but I don't look back at his green irises.

"Done" After putting one last small strand behind his ear, I look at him.

Umm...his pupils are dilated. And he is looking down at my....fac....lips--

"We would be late Harry" I walk away from him towards the door.

"We still have time" He whispers. He is still rooted in his spot.

"Let's go down and see if everything is in their places. We don't want to make your guests upset" I go out. And he follows me. He's always following me. I'm not complaining though.

I can never complain.

"My helpers are used to it Louis. They know what we need for the party. Their work is perfect" He says as we climb down the stairs.

"Still, as a host, you should do the last minute check. Don't be sure until you see it yourself"

Harry holds my elbow and turns me to face him "Louis Tomlinson, why are you always so perfect?". Small trace of a beautiful smile can be seen on his lips.

"That... I am not fully aware of. Give me some time for research" I can feel my cheeks getting all heated up.

"You sit back and relax. I'll do the research. The thesis will be ready before the due date" he smiles.

"I would want it on my table then. Knock before you enter" And I stop.

Are we still talking about...

What were we talking about again?

I turn away from him and climb down the remaining stairs.

"I will" He says behind me. His voice is all of a sudden husky.

I would really love a milkshake right now because really!

I look around the giant hall. It's shining brightly under the grand Chandelier and little lamps on the side walls. The curtains are spotless white with golden borders. The Champagne glasses were set in a pyramid on a table near the bar. It's the first time I've seen Harry's house this bright and lively. The helpers are dressed in uniforms as they walked around the house. His parents lended him the whole mansion for the party.

"It feels like the Cinderella ball" I say with a smile.

"Wait until the teenagers steps into the house. It'll look like a stuffy club in no time" Harry says passing me a glass from the giant table. "Did you taste the punch?"

"Yeah...it was good" Harry called someone who was an expert in making drinks in some big restaurant. He let me taste it. It was good. He said he added some strawberry essence into it to kill the bitter taste of the drink. I was satisfied. I would probably drink the punch more tonight.

"Here they comes" Harry said as people start filling inside the hall. Everyone dressed casually. Some of them were in suits and jackets. The girls were in short dresses and the last time I checked, it was freezing outside. They might have some superpowers to endure the cold...who knows?!

Harry began greeting them and passing them the drinks the helpers were carrying on the trays.

The guests (which where mostly people from our school and some I don't know who they are but it seems like Harry knows them) were charmed by him. They were smiling and giggling for him. Harry was an expert in entertaining people. I stood beside him the entire time. I smiled at them. Some of them were smiling back. Some were talking back. And some just thought to ignore me. I didn't mind. Harry was beside me so I didn't mind.

Very soon Harry's friends comes with their "girlfriends". They were the loudest when they enter through the gates. I saw Harry grinning widely upon spotting them. They attack Harry with a bone crushing hug and I slowly step away from them...from Harry.

"The man finally conducts a party" Kyle howls with amusement, slapping Harry's back.

"Thank you lads for coming" Harry says with a large grin.

"When did you start behaving all good boy? Tomlinson is teaching you manners it seems" Joshua said loudly.

I look away. I don't know if they knew I'm actually standing here...just some feet away from them. But Harry knows. And he looks at me with a dimpled smile.

I smile back.

The music is turned louder and more people started filling in and the lights are dimmed. It's difficult to find people in such lights and it's more difficult when the other people are dancing and you try to push through them to reach to the person you are looking for.

So I'm just standing in a corner with a drink. Harry's lost in the crowd and I don't bother him. After all he is the host and people wanted to talk to him. And his friends are here so he deserves some time alone with them. And I'm okay with it.

Well, me being okay or not doesn't even matter here. He's hanging out with me all the time so I shouldn't complain. And he deserves his time away from me...to be more open. He's only open when he's with his "pals". He can shout, swear loudly and talk about girls with them. The things he can't do with me. And sometimes I feel I'm just restricting him from doing "things" Because...

Because I've seen Harry with people. But now I don't see him with them. And I wonder why...why don't he keep on seeing them. I never asked him that. I should ask him but I don't know how to ask such personal questions.

But...why am I talking with meself in a middle of a party.

I wish Stan or Liam was here because I'm getting bored and this loud music isn't helping. I throw back the contents in my glass (the punch is actually good) and push through the bodies. It's all sweat and drunken enthusiasm. But I feel a pull on my elbow. I try to balance myself on my feet.

"Where do you think you are going young man?" It's Harry. He's smirking. And his pupils are dilated at an extreme level that his eyes are almost jet black in color. He's drunk.

"To your room. I'm tired and it's too stuffy in here"

He pulls me further towards him with his strong grip. I look around, none of his friends are surrounding him. He's alone in that corner.

"The countdown hasn't even began yet Lou" He comes closer and rests his hands on my forearm.

"I...it's tiring. I'm tired Harry" I look down. Harry's left hand trails up towards my shoulders and stops behind my neck.

"It's our first new year Louis. We can't miss the countdown" He whispers. And I shudder. A chill ran down my spine.

"How much did you drink?" I ask him. I still don't look up.

"I don't know" He hiccups. "Oops... I... Kyle challenged me. So I had to drink those shots. But I won Louis... I am the winner" He laughs creepily.

"You should've had a bit of control over yourself Harry" I pull him further deep into the corner. He stumbles on his feet but I catch him immediately.

"No control.... I have no control Louis" He mumbles while I make him sit on one of the stools I pull from the bar.

"You'll have control if you stop drinking so much" I stand beside him and rest my right palm on his shoulder. He is looking ahead towards the crowd. Everyone is dancing on the beats.

"Is everyone enjoying the party?" He asked in his slurred voice.

"Yeah. They are enjoying it"

He slides his hand on my waist and slowly pulls me forward.

"Harry! What are you doing?" I can hear my heartbeat drumming in my ears.

"Why are you standing?" He asks and pulls me so quickly that I stumble and land on his lap.

"Harry!" I exclaim again and look back at him. His arms are wrapped around my stomach. "Leave me"

He pouts "why? Are you uncomfortable on my lap?"

No I'm extremely comfortable but he's drunk. And not thinking straight. I don't want anyone watching us like this.

I don't... I shouldn't be sitting on his lap.

"People would take it wrongly. Let me go" I slowly pull his grip from me and get up.

"But Lou... I want you on my lap. I don't care what people will think" He wraps an arm around me again.

"But I do and you are drunk" I take a step away from him. "Your sober self won't want it" I mumble.

"Lou you should be drunk too. Then we'll be equal equal" He grins and gets up "I'll bring you a drink"

I push him back on the stool "you stay exactly there Harry. Don't even try to get up from that seat"

"But you should drink" He pouts again.

"No I won't drink and won't let you drink either. You've already had enough for the night" I say sternly.

The countdown begins...finally. The people in the room are excited.

10

9

8

I cross my hands against my chest. Harry holds my folded arm.

7

6

I turn to him. He's smiling.

5

4

He gets up from the sit and pulls me slowly towards him.

"Harry be seated" I say to him. I can feel my throat getting dry.

3

2

"Happy New Year Louis"

1

Harry pulls me into his embrace. It's tight, a bone crushing hug. But it's warm and soft at the same time. His hands are wrapped around me and I feel protected.

I feel I can stay in his arms forever...just like this. I can hear his heart beat. It's fast. It's beating loudly and he knows I can hear it because I can feel his smile. I can feel him getting relaxed against me while everyone in the room is shouting, cheering and laughing.

While I'm here in my safe heaven. In my home. Harry makes me feel like home whenever I'm with him.

And my New Year can't get anymore better.

***

Present

Louis closed his flat's door loudly behind him.

He was angry. He couldn't even take his last class properly because of the foul mood. Poor students thought it was their fault that Louis was so grumpy while taking the lecture but it wasn't them. His students can never make him so angry. But he did snapped on two or three of them because they were talking and not paying attention.

And he immediately regretted that.

After the class ended, Louis without wasting any time walked back to his flat.

Of course he was exhausted. He was getting tired so frequently that it was making him realize that how weak he was actually getting. He looked at the kitchen counter.

The medicines were still there, untouched.

Louis rolled his eyes and went to the kitchen to prepare a lunch. He only had a frozen croissant before he left for work so he was starving.

So he prepared a meal for himself with some chicken gravy and rice. It took him good twenty minutes and the room got scented with aroma. He was happy. At least something good happened.

So he arranged a plate for himself and rested it on the kitchen counter. He thought he could avoid that packet of medicine but he couldn't. So he grabbed it and unloaded it on the counter. He carefully read the prescription and checked the pills which he had to swallow (unwillingly) after food. He began eating his lunch slowly after arranging the medicines.

After lunch, he sat down to do his leftover work that he couldn't previously do.

It was all fine.

Later,

Louis got up to make himself a cup of tea after working for hours. He stretched his arms on his way to the kitchen. Putting the kettle on the stove, he went back to his room to retrieve his Iphone.

But then it began to ring.

"Hello"

"Meet me at the Starbucks in ten minutes" Stan said from the other side.

Louis stopped "you are here?"

"Yeah"

"Come home then...oh wait" Louis rubbed his forehead with his thumb and index finger. "Wait for me"

Louis pulled the kettle off the stove and took his keys and id-card (he gave a huge roll of eyes) and went out of his flat.

The campus was unusually buzzing with students walking around the path. Sun was setting slowly and the air was getting chilly due to the evening breeze. Louis pulled his hoodie on and walked down the concrete pathway towards the exit.

Those suited man were still present by the gates, doing their duties. Louis still glared at them whenever he's going in and out of the university or while showing his ID. But those man only gave him a polite smile in return. Louis also noticed some unknown people waiting besides the Uni gates. Niall said they were there for Harry. There are different types of groups standing beside the gates everyday, waiting for Harry. They would run behind Harry's car whenever he was entering the campus. Once, a girl climbed onto the bonnet of his car while it was entering. The security guards had a tough time convincing her to get down and get out of the campus. Harry was sitting inside the car the entire time. Louis thought it was crazy because even if Harry was a celebrity, he deserves his privacy. And those crazy "fans" were behaving like fucking coyotes.

Are they even his fans?

Louis stopped. He was actually thinking about Harry not in a hateful way and that's illegal. So he frowned and resumed walking towards the Starbucks which was a block away.

***

"You want to go to my flat?" Louis asked sitting at the table across from Stan.

"Nah... I won't take long" Stan took a sip from his coffee and set the cup down on the table.

Louis knew why he was there.

"I actually thought to go inside but when I saw those Men in Black in front of the gates, I knew I won't be getting any entry" Stan said.

Louis rolled his eyes "I know right. Life has become tough. Every damn time they need to see IDs. Even if they've seen your arse going out of the campus just a minute ago. It's irritating"

"St. Joseph is trending worldwide on Twitter every single day. It has really become a big deal. That bloke really thought it all" Stan shook his head. "First he calls you then he stands by your doorsteps. The audacity even after everything"

Louis looked away at the glass wall. People were walking down the streets, may be returning to their homes to their loved ones.

"I don't know why he's here" He said quietly.

"Did he tried to talk to you. Does he know you are working there?"

Louis nodded "many times. I told him I don't want to talk but still he won't budge. I don't want to talk to him Stan. I want nothing from him". Louis rubbed his face with his hands.

"What's with that bandaid?" Stan frowned.

Louis sighed "I broke a champagne glass"

He didn't need to hide things from Stan. After all Stan knew everything and was also aware how Louis was feeling.

"Niall took me to his party and there I broke the glass. He was fucking asking for forgiveness. He was out of his mind Stan. He really came up and asked me for fucking forgiveness. How can he even think about that? How can he even think about that after ten fucking years?" Louis was fuming. He wasn't about to let it all out to anyone. But he did finally and Stan held his hand.

"Calm down Louis" He said with an understanding tone. "Don't burn your blood over unnecessary things. He might've no shame after everything he did all those years ago. And he thinks he can just come out from nowhere and ask for forgiveness. But Louis, I won't tell you what to do and what not to. You are a grown up man. You know what's right for you. You'll decide if you want to associate with him or not. He did what he did all those years ago but remember you are better than him. You are doing well now. Don't let anyone take that away from you"

Louis heard him patiently but didn't say anything.

"See, you can't throw him out of the campus keeping mind the position he holds now. But you can let him say whatever he wants to say and then tell him to fuck off. We can't solve the problem by ignoring them"

Louis removed his hand from Stan's grip "I don't want to listen to him in the first place Stan. I can't stand him for a minute. It's frustrating. His whole existence is frustrating to me. And if I let him speak then I know he'll only speak bullshit and nothing else". He said it desperately.

Stan nodded "as I said, it's your decision to make after all. I don't know why he's here all of a sudden and you have every right to ignore him. To banish him from your life. But ignoring him won't solve the problem. He'd be here for sometime. How will you ignore him without having people pointing fingers at you?"

"So you want me to go talk to him and ask him why he's here? Why he's being an active participant in Louis Tomlinson's life after ten years of hiatus? After everything he did? Fuck no Stan. I am not doing it. I'm not letting him ruin my sanity with his false honey coated words. I am not falling for his lies this time. I. Am. Not"

***

Louis got back into the campus after an hour. Stan was understanding as usual. Although he gave bad ideas to him but still he wasn't bitching about anyone in particular. Somewhere Louis could get the point Stan was getting on but Louis would never work according to that. He'd never go and let Harry talk to him.

Because he knew Harry. He knew his manipulative nature so he won't he sliding down the rabbit hole again like he did so many years ago.

And he didn't care if Harry was a celebrity now. He didn't care if people admire him. He didn't care anything for he knew what Harry was. He knew Harry's white washed personality that he displays in front the world but underneath he was an extremely cunning and manipulative wolf.

And Louis won't let anything happened so many years ago happen again.

So he walked down the concrete pathway and reached near the stairs of his flat. It was already dark around and the campus was emptying rapidly. He climbed the stairs and passed the first two floors within a sweep. But he stopped just on his floor when he spotted something unusual.

The door of the flat opposite his was opened ajar. It was never like that. He'd been staying in that building for so long but he'd never seen anyone renting that flat. The building was three storied. The first two floors only had two flats in them which were huge in size and rooms. However Louis' flat was half the size because the other flat was sharing it's space. So Louis was a bachelor and extra space wasn't necessary for him so he happily moved in and since then, he was living alone in that floor. The opposite flat was never occupied.

But Louis could hear noises from inside. People were talking. He walked ahead and peeped inside flat. It was dark. The living room was stark dark.

But then a black suited man came out followed by Harry.

Followed by Harry?

Louis' frown deepen and eyes went wide.

"Thank you Robin for all the help. Tell Liam that I have got everything necessary inside" Harry said to the suited guy.

"I'll sir. He might drop by while going out of the campus. Give us a call if you face any inconvenience. Good night Sir" The man said, shook hands with Harry and walked out of the floor.

Louis was still standing there open mouthed. He was shocked.

"Hi Louis" Harry smiled.

"What are you doing here?"

"I moved in" He gave him a toothy grin while pointing at the open door behind him.

"Why?" Louis wanted to sound tough but he couldn't hide his shock from his voice.

"You see...my house is too far from here and it's a bit difficult to do the to and fro everyday so I thought to rent one of the Flats. The Chancellor was kind enough to lend me one in such a short notice"

Blasphemy!

Louis' heart was thumping loudly in his chest. He couldn't believe Harry would be staying across from him for a month and so. How would he even ignore him every time their paths crossed in the hall?

"So you are going to stay here for the rest of your days in St. Joseph?" Louis asked quietly.

"Correct. I'll be right across the hall" He was full on grinning mode.

Which was so very annoying.

Louis said nothing. He just unlocked his flat and went inside, closing the door in Harry's face.

It was already enough of Harry being in the campus all the time. But now Louis had to endure him while coming home.

Louis was done for good. He knew something bad will happen yet again because really, Harry was making sure that that bad thing happens again.

He was making absolutely sure that Louis should lost his mental health, his sanity again.


	14. Chapter 14

Present

"Looks like he's whipped" Niall said before he took a big slurp from his large Starbucks milkshake.

"I am actually thinking the same" Conan nodded.

"Hmm?" Louis frowned.

Both Conan and Niall looked at him and gave an incredulous look as if he said something which was highly offensive.

"What?" Louis asked.

"Look at them. Aren't they look a little too close?" Niall said pointing towards the stage where Zayn was explaining god knows what to Liam with keen interest and a huge smile.

"Niall, Zayn has a girlfriend. And Liam might be having one" Louis said and sat down on the chair.

"Liam's single for your information. And Zayn had been having some good times with that lad" Niall said. The straw was in his mouth from a corner (and he looked like a baby aww).

"But Zayn has a girlfriend. Think about Gigi will ya?" Louis passed him a look.

"Stop being an anti will ya? Niall you keep on shipping them. Don't listen to Louis" Conan patted on Niall's back with encouragement.

"Is Zayn okay with that 'ship'?" Louis asked.

"Don't get serious Louis and yes, he's okay" Niall grinned. "Zayn is always hanging out with Liam whenever he's in the campus"

"That's the reason I don't see him often. Bloody hell. He's replacing me" Louis got up. "I'll go and talk to him"

"Okay Hulk, calm your balls down" Niall kept a hand over his chest. "Let them have their moment without your butt interrupting them"

Louis rolled his eyes "I'll still talk to him. I feel betrayed"

"Somebody is jealous of Liam it seems" Conan whispered and began tapping on his phone.

"Oi... I'm jealous of no one" Louis pointed a finger at him.

"Mmmkay" Conan nodded.

"Don't you have any classes? Did you abandoned your students?" Louis turned to Niall who was busy drinking that bloody large milkshake.

"Harry's with them. Next hour I'm taking the auditorium and everyone's gonna come here. You know we had a writing session yesterday. Conan tell him" Niall said with excited eyes.

"Yeah. He's writing songs for HS3. Well, he has many songs for his upcoming album but then we were like talking and then one things let to the other. Next we know, we wrote three songs" Conan said.

Louis raised his eyebrows "HS3 you say huh". He pushed his hands inside his pockets.

"Yup, isn't it exciting?" Niall grinned.

"Um..he already wrote two albums?" Louis asked with a casual shrug.

But he was a very curious person.

"Yeah. They are masterpieces. Total bangers" Niall nodded. Finally the milkshake was over.

Louis nodded. But no, he's not interested to hear them.

"I'll see you lads later" Louis said.

"Where are you going?"

"To get a smoke" He turned to leave.

"Stop killing your lungs" Niall pulled his arm back but Louis got off his hold.

"I haven't smoke for so long. I deserve one now" Louis said with a shrug.

"What is stressing you so much?" Conan asked.

"Nothing... Come on, it's just a smoke. I'll be back" He walked out of the entrance even before the other two could stop him. He smoked since his college days. His then 'friends' taught him to do so. Louis knew it was bad but he couldn't stop that habit. It was worse when he was away in States. He'd smoke a packet in a day. And he's friends thought he was so cool and a pro. But then Louis realized he was being too harsh on himself. He was just destroying his health and taking up all the bad stuffs. So he reduced. He reduced smoking anything and everything in his last year of university. Those friends stopped hanging out with him because he'd become "uncool" according to them. And Louis was slowly getting hold on himself. He managed to lift his grades and become a good student that he always was. But still he'd need a smoke sometimes. He just loved cigarettes a little too much to completely stop smoking because sometimes bad days arrived and that white tiny roll of nicotine helped him to stay sane.

Other than that he was fine. And in control over his addictions.

Louis walked out of the building and stride ahead down the narrow pathway which ended up behind the building. It was covered with bushes and most of the time the small space gets unnoticed by the passersby. And that was also called the unofficial smoking zone. Even the students uses that part to get high (which was not allowed and the punishment could be nasty if caught but teachers were free to do whatever they liked because being a teacher had its own privileges). Louis preferred smoking in his residence most of the time but he needed one so desperately that he ditched the idea of going at his home just for one smoke.

So he stood by the wall and took out a packet of Marlboro and a lighter. He pulled a cigarette out and kept the packet back. But then he heard some footsteps coming his way, from the other side of the bushes. He puts the cigarette in his mouth and stare at the direction.

Harry's head popped through the bushes as he frowned at Louis (who flicked the lighter on).

"Louis?"

Louis looked up and stopped. His one eyebrow slightly raised with surprise.

"What are you doing here?" Louis asked. His voice a bit muffled due to the cigarette in his mouth.

Harry stepped into the pavement, pushing away the bushes. He stood some feet away from the short guy. He was staring at him with a deep frown.

"You...you smoke?" He asked. His tone was totally surprised.

Louis looked up at him. Burned the tip of the cigarette and took a long drag. Then he slowly blew out the smoke, making a white airy wall between them.

"No" Louis said.

Harry was still staring at him. He was still surprised. Louis looked away and blew out another smoky air.

Then he turned towards Harry and said "stop staring. Haven't seen someone smoking before?'

"Haven't seen you smoking before. You never used to smoke Louis" Harry took a step ahead. His face never leaving Louis' face.

"Well there are many things I never used to do before but I do now..if you catch my drift" Louis took a long drag again and dropped the cigarette on the ground only to crush it under his shoes. "Now, if you'll excuse me"

He walked passed Harry but Harry caught his elbow and pulled him back "are you seeing someone?"

"Even if I was, why do you think I'm gonna tell you?" Louis sneered. He didn't flinch when Harry held him. He didn't jump back. He just glared at him, challenging him with his glaring blue eyes.

"Who's he?" Harry asked with gritted teeth.

Louis pulled his elbow away from his grip. His face was getting red slowly due to adrenaline rush...or was it anger or blush?

"It can be a 'she' too. How do you know?" Louis stepped away from him but didn't break the eye contact.

Harry's face contorted with a different expression. He was shocked and curious at the same time. His shoulders crouched down completely. His eyebrows sank low.

"You are dating a girl? Aren't you...you're not gay anymore?" Harry's voice came out deep.

Louis made a face "don't you have any filters in your mouth? And I'm unlabeled for your information. So I'd be seeing anyone which is none of your business"

"You don't like guys anymore" Harry pressed more. He wasn't bothered to put any strainer in his statements.

Louis rolled his eyes "no I don't. I don't like guys. I only date girls. Are you happy now?". He turned and left.

But he caught Harry's reply. He heard his "no".

And Louis felt terrible after years. All thanks to Mr. Harry Styles.

***

Louis walked into the class and every student sat straight on their chairs. They immediately gave him their undivided attention.

But Louis was lost in this thoughts. Although he was standing in front of the whole class with a composed face, a whole tsunami of emotions were flowing in large waves inside him. He pushed away a fringe from his eyes and turn to take the book he was suppose to do that day.

But then,

"Who's idea was that to put short stories in the formal magazine?" He asked.

They looked at each other and then turned to him.

"It was Sam and Caroline's idea" One of them said. A girl and a blond bloke looked at Louis with a sincere look. They were expecting to get praised by him but Louis' foul mood was back and he had to let it out on someone...

So he just "utterly bullshit. Are we doing a primary school's journal? Who told to you to add those cliched stories? It's not a children's book"

"But...every year they add stories in the first magazine" Sam said. His whole face was red because everyone was looking at him. Even Caroline was looking down due to embarrassment.

Louis was yet to feel guilty so he went on "but I told everyone to replace the stories with the articles. Write anything and everything about the important people but remove those short stories Jesus...what are you, ten?"

"Calm down Sir" one of the first row girls said to him. They were frowning because really, their professor, who was always so calm and bubbly towards them, has already turned into a fuming man all of a sudden. He'd literally get triggered for small things. "We had already added the stories. So, now if we remove them, there will be so much space left to fill up"

"First of all, I'm the professor here, so you won't tell me when to get angry and when to stay calm. Secondly, I never told anyone to add the stories so why'd you add them without my permission? Thirdly, I'm the incharge of the magazines so you all will do what I'd say" Louis looked at them sternly. Each and every student were staring at him with slightly open mouth and a perfect frown. "We don't even have a month to complete the magazines. So collect the articles and give those stories to the junior year. They'd add the stories in their magazine and I don't want any flaws this time. Any questions?"

They all looked at him and shook their heads. Louis was feeling bad to snap at his students again but in some way his mind was stabling. He'd feel guilty in no time and he knew that but he tried to keep himself out of those guilty thoughts for later.

He took his book from the table awkwardly. Even after so many years, he'd always feel awkward after snapping at his students. He had always managed to not get angry at them for silly reasons but this time it was a bit hard. He wasn't angry at his students, hell no. He was angry upon himself. He was angry upon Harry. He was angry at so many things that he was unable to keep his mind clear. How Harry could even ask him those personal questions? Why did he even gritted his teeth when Louis told him about dating "someone". It shouldn't matter to him anyway. It shouldn't fucking mean anything to Harry if Louis was with someone. 

And Louis just lied to him about being 'straight' which he wasn't. He'd never bothered to come out to anyone at the university officially. It was just Zayn and Niall who got to know he was not that interested on girls. They guessed it and Louis confessed to them over some couple of beers. They were fine and very accepting. Niall even accompanied him to gay bars because he said "he can go anywhere that serves good beers and delicious food". So it was all good. But somehow the whole university had a concept that Louis was actually Bi so his students were okay with flirting with him openly and Louis never told them anything and the assumptions were keep on circulating around the campus. And then one day Harry comes and asks Louis if he was still gay or not. He had the audacity to do stuffs even if after so many years. Even if after so many years, Harry was again trying to gain Louis' trust only to destroy it later for fun.

But Louis won't let him do that again. He won't let Harry to get into his headspace and destroy his sanity once again with a snap of his fingers. He learned his mistakes once and he'd never repeat it again. He'd never repeat his mistake of trusting Harry again.

Later, Louis found himself smoking in the "unofficial smoking zone" again. He was still alone in that space. Just once, one of the junior years student made his way to the pavement to smoke but ran away when he saw the professor there. Louis didn't scold him, so he just giggled and shook his head. His mood was apparently very good after the class because he managed to lighten the mood inside the class because guilty was a bad thing and can eat you up from inside.

Louis puffed out small smoky rings into the air. It was his third cigarette of the day and even if he was feeling a bit okay, he still needed to smoke. 

Not too soon, Louis heard the sound of familiar footsteps coming towards the bushes. Louis kept the lit cigarette in his mouth and looked at the direction. 

Harry walked into the pavement. He was dressed in a big grandma sweater and brown trousers. His hairs were combed back but small soft curls were threatening to fall on his softly-tanned forehead. But he wasn't looking at Louis, as if he wasn't aware of Louis' present there. Louis noticed Harry was carrying a cigarette. Just one cigarette.

"Why are you following me?" Louis asked removing the rolled nicotine from his mouth.

Harry didn't look at him but he raised his cigarette up towards him and said "I'm just here to smoke". He fished out a lighter and flicked it on, the flame engulfing the tip of the cigarette. 

Louis was silently watching the curly headed one with a slight frown. Harry wasn't looking at him still when he kept the lighter back in his pocket.

Harry took a long drag (not that long) and almost immediately he began coughing violently. 

Louis gave him a long stare while Harry was practically choking. But Harry was stubborn so he took another long drag and started coughing severely. Puffs of smoke were coming out of his mouth and nostrils. He covered his mouth as he couldn't stop coughing. His eyes covered with unshed tears.

Louis walked ahead and snatched the cigarette out of Harry's fingers. He let it drop and crushed it with his sneaker toe.

"You don't smoke, do you?" He asked. His face completely expressionless.

Harry looked at him with watery eyes and perfect moist red lips that were parted. Louis wasn't letting his eyes faltered from his eyes. He wasn't looking at any other part of his face other than those green orbs.

"N...no. I..I smoke. It's been a while so..." He trailed away with one last cough. His eyes were slowly going downcast.

Louis rolled his eyes with annoyance "why are you always lying Harry? Can't you just be honest for once?". Louis dropped his own cigarette and crushed it under his shoe rather mercilessly.

"I wanted to talk to you" Harry said. He looked so, so small that Louis almost felt a small tinge somewhere in his left chest. It was something opposite of cold. Something unfamiliarly familiar. Something Louis didn't want to feel.

"You want us to talk over shared cigarettes about the old days?" Louis leaned his head down as if trying to match Harry's downcast eyes. But Louis was sneering "to have little buddy talks?"

Harry looked up at him. His fingers were fidgeting as if he was nervous to even stand on that spot. Harry was embarrassed and vulnerable and so small that Louis looked away with gritted teeth. He was mentally cursing his entire existence in that very minute. It should feel good. Hurting Harry should feel good. 

"Lou...I want to talk" Harry said, he was looking at Louis with expectant eyes.

Louis gulped and bit the inside of his lower lip. Something very chaotic was happening inside him. But he wasn't focusing. He was just trying to get numb so that he could feel nothing.

So he just looked straight into Harry's eyes "we can't".

"Please Louis, can...can we just talk. Just give me a chance" Harry wiped his eyes with his sweater paws.

"Say what Harry? You said enough last time" He snapped.

Hurting Harry wasn't helping him.

Harry looked at him sadly. But Louis was cold, too cold to even let Harry talk and bring back all those memories that Louis had pushed in some deep corners of his mind...and his heart. So Louis pocketed his hands and walked passed him.

This time it was just a question that stopped Louis on his tracks.

"Louis, you hate me?"

He didn't turn. He didn't face him. It was a simple question and he had the answer already on the tip of his tongue. He'd been telling that answer to himself even before the question ever existed. He'd waited for that moment his whole life to tell that one thing to that one person. And now that, it was finally time. When finally he could tell Harry what he'd been telling in his mind for years, it sting.

"You can't even imagine" He said. It sting, but it wasn't that deep. It wasn't the exact words. Louis knew he should've use the exact words to say how much he hated Harry with all his soul and mind and.....

But he couldn't.

And it didn't matter anyway right?

It shouldn't fucking matter.

But he wished he didn't hear Harry while leaving the "unofficial smoking zone". When he left him alone in that small space.

He wished he didn't hear Harry's defeated voice when he mumbled "I hate me too"

Louis just wished he didn't felt frustrating sting somewhere in his body. Somewhere in his left chest. Somewhere he thought he'd not feel anything for that curly headed lad.

His curly headed lad.


	15. Chapter 15

Past

I slowly open my eyes.

I really took good thirty seconds to analyze everything around me. The room and the bed I'm on. It wasn't mine but I'm very familiar with it. I'm sleeping on my stomach and the room is dimly lit. It's dusk I guess.

I turn my head to my right and spot him sitting with a book. His head resting against the wall.

"Good evening" He tells with a small smile.

"How long have I been sleeping?" I don't lift my head from the pillow. I'm still so much sleepy. And my voice comes out raspy unintentionally.

"Dot forty minutes"

I turn on my back and pull the comforter over my chest. It's too much comfortable here, in Harry's bed.

"I won't be getting any sleep at night" I say. Sometimes I sleep like a panda whole day and sometimes if I take a small afternoon nap, I'd be insomniac for the rest of the night. My body literally glitches for no reasons.

"We'll talk on phone Louis" Harry says.

I turn to him and give a look "I'll study. We have a test coming soon, remember?"

"So you don't wanna talk to me at night?" Harry keeps the book down and rests his elbows on the bed. His face on his hands. He's too close to me so I turn my head a bit away from him without dropping my eyes from his face.

"We talk silly things anyway" I tell.

"I like talking silly things with you"

"But they are silly"

"They matter to me"

I press my lips to stop from smiling "you should make a list Harry. 'Stuffs I like to do with Louis'"

"I will" He sits up on the bed cross-legged. "But I'll make that list in my journal"

I look away and smile. Why is he like that?

I'm always smiling when he tells stuffs like that.

I turn to him "do it then". And I close my eyes because I feel like to yawn. Another hour of nap won't harm anyone. Besides, Harry's bed is too comfy to miss the opportunity to sleep on it.

"Lou?" I hear him.

"Hmm"

"Wake up"

"No" I put my hand forward and it brushes with Harry's curls. They are soft. He grabs my hand with both of his large hands.

"Lou Lou Louisssss" He whines, tucking at my fingers.

I pull the comforter above my head. He slowly intertwines his fingers with mine and I open my eyes under the comforter.

"Louis!!!"

"What Harry?" I pop my head out of the duvet. I try not to stare at our hands.

"Want to play football?" He asks. He's still holding my hand. His fingers securely intertwined with my fingers.

"I'm sleepy Hazza" I try to sound sleepy but I'm wide awake. I can feel the warmth coming from his hand. It's shuddery but it's warm.

"Let's play Lou...please" He sticks out his lower lip, making a sad face.

"No!"

"Louis please"

"No no"

"Yes yes"

"No Harry"

"No Louis"

"Yes Harry"

"Yes!" He shrieks and pushes his legs backwards, getting down of the bed. His hand is still connected with mine.

"I'm tired Harry. I want rest" I whine.

"No you're only being lazy. Come on, get up Boo Bear" He gives a soft pull with our intertwined fingers.

I try to pull my fingers out of his grip but his hold is too strong to break.

"Louuu" He whisper-whine again.

I push the comforter off me and get up. I still want to have that nap but Harry looks too active to even let me sleep more. And it's been quite a while I've played football. So one game would really help me warm up.

But I don't like to exercise. I never go to gym. And yes, I'm quite active so why waste money on those gym equipments?

He pulls me out of the room as I comb my hairs with my fingers. They are a mess in my head. Bad hair day!

We go out of the house from the back door. It's dark around. The lights at the corner is illuminating the place but it's dark enough to see our shadows on the ground.

Harry brought a ball and placed it on the ground. I tie the shoelaces of my sneakers.

"You see that tree" Harry points. I look forward and at the far end of the ground, there's a large tree. It's shading that part of the ground with its large branches. "If the ball hits the trunk or go passed it, then it'd be a goal. As we don't have a goal post so we have to pretend that tree's one"

I stand up and pull the hem of my tee down.

"You have a football but why don't you have a goal post Harry?" I ask him.

He pushes his hairs back and tied a small ponytail with his front hairs. Harry is growing his hairs. They'll look good once they reach to a certain length.

"I had no one to play with me" He says.

Had!

"What about your friends?" I wanted to use air quotations around friends but then it'd be rude. Why am I being so apprehensive of his friends?! This is not good and I try to remind myself that continuously whenever I'm having a conversation about his pals with him. He have every right to have as many friends he want and I shouldn't be the one judging even if I don't like them. They make him happy so I should be happy too. After all, they came to his life way before me and he likes them.

And they are going to be his friends for the rest of his life. So am I. So I've to be more open minded about it.

"They don't like playing here. They are more into other sports. Sometimes Liam comes along and we play but not that much. We'd study every time he's here. So..." He slides his shoe toe on the ground, making imaginary figures.

Can he see that I don't like his friends?   
Because every time he'd talk about them, he won't meet his eyes with me.

"But I'm here. I can play anytime you want" I say. He looks up at me and grins widely.

I love his smile. I love it so much. It's like a sunshine whenever he's smiling or creepily grinning. Ha!

"Shall we start?" He asks and I nod.

He kicks the ball and I run. He's fast with his long legs but he doesn't know me yet.

I change the direction and increase my speed slowly. He kicks the ball again and I stop it with my right foot. He looks up and widen his eyes.

I smirk "you shouldn't be that fast"

I give slow kicks to the ball as it rolls forward. Harry's chasing me. I slide the ball right to left to avoid him. He tries to snatch it away but I kick it hard and run fast.

"Louis!" He exclaims.

I run fast and give another hard kick and it slams against the tree trunk and bounces back.

"0-1" I cheer.

He stops and pouts "you didn't even let me start properly"

"Aww Hazz. But you should be always prepared for an attack" I slide the football from right to left with lazy kicks.

"Gimme the ball" He says.

I kick it towards him. He misses it.

"You should be prepared Harry!"

"Sorry" He smiles sheepishly. Harry rolls the ball with his foot and kicks it towards me. I catch it with my feet.

"Chase the ball" I say and begun running with it. He follows me. His ground is big enough to run from one corner to the other. He puts his right foot between my feet and kicks the ball. I almost lose the balance but he catches me with my t-shirt and then leaves me immediately. He gets the ball and chases it to the front.

He kicks it and the ball goes diagonally towards the tree, going past it.

"Woohoo 1-1" He gives a loud cheer and turns to me. "Now we are equal Lou"

"But wait till I win" I sneer at him like Malfoy.

"You wish" He smirks and kicks the ball towards me. It's a hard kick. The ball bounces on the ground and goes up. I try to stop it with my chest but I collide with Harry and we both fall down on the ground with a thud.

He's grabbed my arm so I actually land on him.

"Oow!" That'd be me because my knee gets rubbed against the grass so there's a nasty scratch for sure.

"Louis!! Are you hurt. I'm so sorry. We both were trying to grab that ball at the same time. I'm sorry" He stables my weight on him. His hands resting on my hips. I can feel cold wind touching my back, may be the hem of my shirt is slide up exposing my skin. I rest my head on his chest. He's taking fast breaths and I can hear his heartbeat which is racing.

May be because he was running fast or may be....I don't know.

I rest my hands against his arms which were hot. He's sweating but I don't get up. He doesn't mind I guess.

"It's okay" I whisper. I smell the cologne he's had. But also there's his smell too which is manly and sweet at the same time. And I like it. I feel his arms slowly wrapping around me. His finger tips grazing my exposed skin gently.

I shudder.

"You cold?" He whispers in my ear. And I shudder again. He tighten his hold around me and I bury my nose in his chest. It's January and I should freeze but his body heat is keeping me warm.

"Lou"

"Hmm?"

"Are you hurt?" He asks. His voice turning raspy and deep as his heart beat thumps in normal speed. His breath caressing my neck.

"No, I'm not" I reply slowly. Most of my voice gets muffled into his t-shirt. But I feel burn in my knee. But I don't want to get up.

I pull up my scratched knee on the other side of him just to be on more comfortable position. He's still holding me. And we are laying on the grass. The sky is dark. And I think it's kinda perfect.

I don't know where the ball landed. So I lift my head and immediately catch Harry's gaze on me.

His eyes are illuminating from the lights. They are light green now. I can even spot the blue tinge in them. He's smiling.

"You know your eyes are sparkling?" I ask him.

"Yes" He says. "I can see their reflection in your eyes"

Warm spreads in my heart. I can feel it. I can feel myself getting more comfortable over him. I can feel his smile getting bigger and bigger. May be I'm smiling too.

May be my smile is also getting bigger and bigger. May be he is also getting comfortable below me.

But I won't know that because he isn't saying anything. I can only guess.

I look down at his face. His lips are perfect red. They are of perfect shape.

I look up again and his eyes are rested on my lips too. His eyes getting dark..  
.dilated...his pupils are getting dilated.   
I bite my lower lip and rest my head back on his chest. I hear my heart beat thumping in my chest in a jet's speed.

I feel his hand on my thigh. It goes up and down slowly. I'm wearing his shorts (which are not at all shorts for me). His fingertips tracing the cloth over my skin and it slowly goes up towards my knee.

And "oww!"

He stops. His fingers stops on my wound.

"Louis!" He exclaims. His voice no longer raspy or deep. He's concerned.

"Louis??" He calls again. His fingers are over the uninjured part of my knee.

He wiggles and I have to get up from him because he won't let me sleep anymore.

I sit on the grass and my scratched knee folded up. He's staring at my redden skin. His eyes wide with concerns.

"It's nothing Harry. Just a scratch" I say.

"But you are hurt. We have to clean that up first" He looks at me and then back to the wound.

"That's not required-"

"Let's go inside. I have the first aid kit" He holds my hand and pulls me up on my feet. I began to walk but guess what?

I twisted my ankle too.

When did that even happened?

"Louis...are you okay?" he's eyes got so wide that I'm afraid his eyeballs might pop out.

"yeah Harry...its...I'm fine" I limp. Damn it hurts!

"No stop" He picks me up from the ground. He doesn't even gives me time to react. We are already inside his house and on the way to his room.

"Harry you'll drop me. Put me down" I say when he began climbing the stairs. I have my own weight and I don't want him to end up getting hurt.

"You trust me?" he stops and asks. He is looking at me with a straight face.

"I...yeah" I nod. He resumes walking.

I literally shut up. I let him carry me to his room.

Okay, I don't mind getting a free ride.

We...he enters his room then to his bathroom and makes me sit on the little space near the sink. I look around, in the mirror. My hairs are disheveled. My skin is moist and flushed.

I look like shit.

And I'm sitting here, in front of Harry, looking like this?

"Now sit here quietly till I clean your wound" He says and I nod.

He sits on his knees and pulls out a drawer in the sink shelves. There's a large box inside it.

I tap my fingers on the slab as I watch him dabbing a cotton ball with an antiseptic liquid. He holds my knee with one hand and gently touches the scratch with the wet cotton.

It burns.

It burns so much that I grab fistful of Harry's hairs.

He's still dabbing it around and on the scratches.

"Harry it burns" I hiss and tighten my grip around his hairs.

He grunts and slide his hand up from my knee to my upper thigh and squeezes it. I don't leave his hairs from my grip. His hand is still on my upper thigh.

He's still squeezing it so tight that...

That I don't know when I moaned. My fingers are tangled with his curls. His hairs are messy due to me and also the non-existent previously tied ponytail he had is untied ages ago.

He looks up at me with his dark eyes. His pupils are dangerously dilated. I don't break our eye contact. His hand is still on my thigh. He slowly slides it up further towards my hip and rest it there.

I gulp. I'm taking shallow breath. His green eyes are piercing in me. His curls are falling on his forehead, casting a shadow over his eyes.

He breaks our gazes and stares at my knee. I feel heat everywhere in me. I can feel my fingertips burning against his scalp.

And I can feel something happening down there.

OH MY GOD!

no no no no no no

I remove my hand from his hairs and pull my other leg up on the slab. I just hope he didn't see anything.

This is embarrassing.

He tosses the used cotton into the bin and pulls out a pain relief spray from the ginormous box.

His hand won't leave my right hip. His touch is light as a feather but I can feel the heat radiating from his grip in me. And my cheeks gets heated up too.

"Done" he says after spraying on my ankle. I do a full 360° spin with my ankle and yelp.

"Don't be that harsh on yourself. Let it heal" he holds my foot.

"I was just checking" I shrug. He keeps the spray in the box and closes the drawer.

He gets up and stand between my legs. Yeah, his hand is still on its place...and that place is my hip.

And he just "your waist is so small and cute. Let me see"

I gasp

Did he just... What?

He slowly tugs at the hem of my shirt. I blush.

"Harry... no... stop" I hold his hands which are holding my tee.

He frowns "it's just me. C'mon"

I press his knuckles to stop him. I'm not smiling anymore. I don't want him to see me.

"Lou"

"I'm insecure Harry" I say slowly. Meeting his eyes is tough. I've never said this to anyone before and somehow it feels right to share with him. I know he'd understand.

"But you shouldn't be insecure" he lifts my shirt up till my chest. "you are beautiful just the way you are"

I'm still holding his hands but I don't look up. "I'm too skinny. I don't have muscles like any other guy in our grade. I'm not good looking enough. Nobody loves me Harry. I don't love me. I don't love how I walk and how my stomach is so flat. I don't like my pale skin and my short legs. I'm too short. Everybody laughs at me for that. He says I'm not 'man enough'. I'd never get a girlfriend if I don't walk properly. He said my voice is too shrill and its annoying....it's irritating at time. Even I don't like my voice. It stings in my ears. It's not deep...its-"

He hugs me as I spill my tears. I can't control them. I can't control my tears in front of Harry. He's holding me tight. I bury my head into his neck.

"Shh shh" He caresses the back of my neck. His other hand slides inside my tee, touching my skin...holding me close...skin to skin. "Don't believe all those things. Don't believe him. You know better than him. You are beautiful and you should know that. Anyone's opinion shouldn't matter to you"

"But I can't ignore him Harry. He's my Dad. He knows me and I believe him"

"No" He holds the back of my neck gently. "You only believe what he tells you. And he's motivating you against yourself. He's framing you into someone that you are not. Don't let anyone tell you what you should do or shouldn't do"

"They won't love me if I start behaving how I want"

He breaks the hug but doesn't leave me "Does it matter? They don't know you. They don't know your story so their statements shouldn't matter". He cups my face with his left hand. "Love yourself Louis. It's okay to love yourself"

I look at him and smile a little.

He frowns "any doubts? Email me"

I don't say anything.

Because I'm not sure.

His hands slides down towards my stomach "your tummy is cute and most girls would kill to get that flat stomach so you should feel proud about that"

"I just eat less when shit gets out of control" I say dryly.

He leans and kisses my stomach.

I widen my eyes.

"Promise me you'll eat more" He looks up at me under his lashes.

And then kisses there again.

"It tickles...stop Harry" I giggle. He grins and stands straight again. His thumb drawing slow circles on my stomach.

"I promise" I kiss him on his left cheek.

But...

But that wipes the smile away from his lips. He pulls down my t-shirt and holds my hand.

"Try to get down Louis" He says.

Have I upset him? What did I do?

"Harry-"

"We'll have dinner now and then I'll drop you to your home. Jay might be waiting for you" He pulls me up from the slab and slowly makes me stand.

It doesn't hurt anymore. But why is he so grumpy all of a sudden?

"Harry did I do-"

"Let's go" He pulls me out of the bathroom and out of the room and soon we are walking down the stairs.

Soon, I found myself seated at the dining table and my dinner is being served by the helpers. Harry's sitting on the other side of the table. Stuffing spoons of salad in his mouth.

Did I offend him in any way?

But he too...

And I just...it was his cheek...I...

I should've stayed in my limits. Maybe I made him uncomfortable.

Oh sweet Jesus, please don't let him be mad at me for that.

I look at him but he's busy with his phone. He won't look back. He won't say anything. I roll my food on the plate with my spoon. Appetite, who's she?

"Eat Louis"

I look up. He's frowning at my plate "you promised you'd eat"

"Harry are you mad?"

He shakes his head "no...what made you think that I'm?"

I feel my cheeks getting hot again. I shake my head and look down "no...it's nothing"

He just hums and gets back to his phone.

But I can feel him getting stiff...reserved and I should just maintain distance now. That's a sign. He's uncomfortable and I should respect the distance.

He's just too polite to say that.

And may be I'm a bit upset too but he's set a limit tonight and I'm going to obey the rules.

Because we are....friends.

And I wish we were more.


	16. Chapter 16

Present

Louis' eyes were wide open when the morning sunlight poured into the flat through the curtains, eliminating the dark. He wasn't moving or tossing sides for a long time. It was calm...too calm. But Louis' mind was jumble with thoughts...some old thoughts, which can also be termed as memories.

He closed his eyes when he heard shuffling noises outside his flat. The walls were too thin. Even if he was two rooms away from the door, he could clearly hear sounds from outside. Louis finally turned on the bed and slept on his stomach, burying his face into his pillow. He decided to go back to sleep.

And the fact that Harry was just outside of his house was disturbing (distracting). Louis couldn't fall asleep knowing that Harry was just outside...just too close.

There was a time when Louis used to spend hours with him. When he used to think if he could just stay as close to Harry as he could just so he could see him every hour of everyday. And now, he just dreaded watching him everyday in the place Louis thought was his safe heaven (that it'd keep him away from everything). He dreaded watching Harry walking down the pathways, the concrete road of St. Joseph Louis had been using for years. He'd never thought Harry would take control over everything and everyone Louis had and ever known. He never had any idea that one day the whole place will be talking about Harry just like it did in high school. Louis was so utterly pissed because he didn't want to repeat his high school years again. He didn't want to hear about Mr. Popstar in the campus. Louis had managed to not hear about Harry all these years that he was almost convinced there wasn't any 'Harry Styles' in his life. He had kept himself oblivious of Harry's whereabouts. He'd completely cut Harry off of his life. He'd carefully chosen his Spotify playlist to avoid hearing Harry's songs accidentally (one time he did and it was enough). If somebody took Harry's name in the streets, he'd unhear it and pretend it's just another name he didn't know. All those years, Louis made himself believe that there isn't any lad who was once his friend was now a famous personality. A celebrity Louis didn't wanted to associate with. A celebrity Louis always thought Harry would become one day. But Louis never thought that he'd ever not want Harry in his life so many years ago.

Shit happened and brought him to where he was now. Dreading Harry's presence every minute of every day because Louis wouldn't go into that labyrinth of suffering which was also a trap...a fantasy trap that was owned by Harry. Louis would never go into that no matter how much it looked appealing. No matter how much Harry tried to persuade him. Louis would never slip again.

Once, it was all Louis wanted, to be with Harry. To hold onto him but now he just want him to go away. To disappear from Louis' life completely.

Just how fast the night changes!

The keys were shuffled again but then the door was opened and then it was closed with a slam.

Silence...

Louis knew it was too early to wake up but also he wouldn't get any more sleep. So why lay on the bed like a dead fish?

So, he got up and changed into sweats. He pulled out a grey Beanie from his closet and put it on. He took his keys, ID- card (with a massive eye roll) and his phone.

He got out of the door and began locking it when the door opposite him made a creaking noise as it opened ajar. Louis closed his eyes shut and sighed.

He didn't want his day to start like that but really, when was the last time things turned out as planned?

"Hi"

Louis locked his door and pocketed the keys.

"Good morning" Harry won't stop.

He was also dressed in sweats but it didn't look like he had any sleep the night before. Although he looked freshly showered but his eyes were tired from exhaustion. Also they were sleep deprived.

Louis didn't intent to observe those facts so he (tried to) ignore them.

"Good morning Louis" Harry's smile was intact while greeting Louis for the third time.

Louis just stared at him with a straight face. It was just an acknowledging face because he knew, he can't completely ignore Harry. First, Harry was stubborn (a very known fact). Secondly, he was there for a month so Louis had to endure his presence no matter how much he tried to avoid him.

"Someone is being really very clingy in the very morning" Louis said sarcastically.

"That'd be me" Harry grinned.

"Then stop being clingy" Louis walked ahead towards the stairs. Harry walked behind him. Louis was taking long steps just to leave Harry behind but damn those long legs!

And Harry was always following Louis like a ship. As if Louis was directing the way, like a compass.

Louis didn't want that.

So he pushed his hands inside his pockets and strolled ahead (stomping his feet on the ground). He took the long pathway that rounds the fountain and leads to the exit/entrance. Harry was still trailing behind.

Louis stopped and turned "why are you following me again?"

Harry stopped too "I'm just going for a run". He said casually.

"Then take another route. Why are you trailing behind me?" Louis said. The campus was empty but some people were cleaning the area, sweeping the dry leaves off the ground. So no one gave any heads to their banter.

"I'm just going towards the exit Lou" Harry shrugged, pointing at the giant gate at a distance.

Louis rolled his eyes "stop calling me that" and resumed walking ahead, now taking large steps (larger than his legs) to reach the gates and go out of the bullshit.

"But that's what I used to call you with. You never minded earlier" Harry paced fast and walked beside Louis.

He looked at him and turned away "it's not the same anymore is it?"

"For me it's the same"

Louis halted "but not for me". He faced him "You are really trying hard to get back to me and you think I don't see that. I'm not a dumbarse like I was before Harry. I know what you are upto. Stop that. You are just annoying the fuck out of me and it's not even funny. Nobody is laughing"

Harry looked at him. His hands were wrapped around him as if he'd turn into a cocoon if Louis just blinked.

"I'm not trying to be funny Louis. I just want to spend some time with you" He said quietly.

Louis sighed. He pressed his temples with his index finger and thumb and also he was fucking done.

"I'll pretend I did not hear that" He walked out of the entrance. Harry was still walking behind him. A black suited guy began to follow Harry but he stopped him midway.

Louis took the opportunity to change the direction he was headed. He just wanted to get rid of Harry. So he walked towards the green fields. He jogged (almost ran) to reach the place.

The fields were still green under the morning sunlight. The wind was grazing the grass softly while the sky was light shade of blue. It'd be a sunny day. Louis pushed his earplugs in and played Ed Sheeran.

Not much people were there to accompany him so he jogged around the area. It was helping though.

But not to soon Harry was there too, behind him. His hoodie was on, covering most of his face. There was no black suited guy following him. No bodyguards, nothing. He was alone. His phone was in his hand as he jogged in his black shorts.

Louis tried not to look at him or attract his attention. He increased the volume of his phone and pulled up his own hoodie.

He increased his pace and ran deeper into the fields. He ran between the bushes and tall trees that surrounded the area, also was the border for the woods. Louis didn't care so he just went deeper and deeper until he was in the center of the woods.

How did he know it was the center?

Because he caught sight of a small pond that was the heart of that whole place. Louis had visited the place a lot of times so he knew all the narrow lanes that connected the fields and the woods and the beautiful pond.

Louis walked ahead. The dried leaves were making crunching noises as he stepped on them. The water was still and shadowed under the largest trees that surrounded it. It was crystal clear and calm. Louis could hear the soft chirping of birds above. He pulled out his earplugs and stuffed them into his pockets.

It was a fine scene and Louis was glad he thought to visit the place. He sat down near the pond to observe the stillness of it.

"What you doing here?" Came Harry's voice from behind.

Louis sighed. That man won't even let him have a minute of peace.

"That should be me asking the question" Louis stated.

"Ask then" Harry took a seat beside him. He was looking ahead just like him.

"Will you ever stop following me?"

"I was just following the sun" Harry said with his slow honeyed voice. "And it brought me here"

Louis looked at him instantly. Harry's eyes were reflecting the waters. They were bright green with a hue of blue in them. It was still the same. Just like Louis remembered.

And suddenly he felt young again. As if he was with Harry, sitting beside him, enjoying the nature. Like a normal day. Like any other day.

Louis looked ahead. Both of them were silent. Harry wasn't nagging him any more. He wasn't pushing Louis to talk. He was just there...beside him. With him.

Just like the old times.

Louis was quiet too.

He wasn't reacting badly. He knew it was about time the reality will start to sink in. When he'd know that it wasn't an old memory he was seeing in his mind. He'd know it wasn't a normal day which he's spending with Harry. He'd know it's not teenage Harry anymore. He'd soon realize he wasn't his eighteen year old self anymore and it wasn't happening in past.

It was present. He's sitting with the present Harry near a pond in London. And it wasn't any other regular day and Louis cannot spend a minute with Harry. Louis couldn't make any more memories with Harry because it wasn't possible anymore. It was ten years later and Louis wasn't a teenager anymore and Harry isn't that popular lad from school he managed to become friends with.

It wasn't same.

Nothing was same or okay between them.

And Louis was breathing hard. Harry's presents beside him was too much for him. He was suffocating again. He was panicking again because...

What was he doing?

Louis got up from the place and took two steps back. Everything came rushing back in his mind like a punch in his gut. It wasn't okay. Nothing was okay with him.

Harry noticed him and got up immediately.

"Lou..are you alright?"

Louis was looking down. He wasn't thinking right. His mind was jammed again. Harry's face was reminding him about everything. And Louis realized his mistakes again. The mistakes he was so close to commit yet again. The mistakes of letting Harry come near him.

"Louis!!" Harry stepped towards him. His face full of concerns.

Louis gulped the lump that formed in his throat. It felt like he was swallowing a hard rock. He stepped back "don't...don't come near me". He raised his hands to stop him.

"But Louis...you look pale. Are you getting sick? Tell me...Lou" Harry took two more steps towards him.

"Don't" He whispered. His forehead covered in beads of sweat. He started feeling hot all over his body. His breath getting fast and heavy.

"Louis...what's happening" Harry walked ahead. His eyes were widen with shock.

Louis bumped into a tree and stood there. He wasn't able to breathe. It was too fast and it was happening again.

Harry caught him by his arms and stabled him on his feet. Harry pulled down Louis' hoodie and took off his beanie. He began rubbing his back.

"Jesus...you are hyperventilating Louis" Harry wrapped his arms around him and pulled him away from the tree. He helped him sit down on the grass.

"Leave me!" He tried to push Harry's grip away from him with his wobbly hands.

"I can't Louis. Look at yourself. How can I leave you like this?" Harry pulled him close but Louis resisted with the little power he had in him.

"I don't...I don't want..." He trailed away as he fell out of breath. Harry took Louis right hand and rested it on his left chest. With his other hand, he pulled him closer. Louis rested his head on his shoulder (unknowingly) as he tried to stable his breathing. His ear drums were ringing bells.

"Calm down. Don't think much Lou"

Louis felt Harry's heartbeat against his palm and the familiar heat radiating from his hand that was above him. The familiar heat radiating from his whole body, engulfing Louis entirely.

So he just...

He closed his eyes.

He was calming down.

Very slowly. Very steadily.

And he fell asleep there, on his shoulder.

Louis didn't realize. It wasn't planned. The episode wasn't planned. He didn't know he'd have one in front of Harry. He didn't know he'd have one after so long. He thought he left those behind a long time ago but it wasn't the case.

When Louis woke up, Harry was still holding him. His arms were still wrapped around him. Louis' palms were still pressed against his chest, feeling his heartbeat. The side of Harry's head was rested over Louis head, it looked like Harry was taking a nap too. Louis' whole weight was on Harry.

So he tried to detach himself from him. Harry made a soft noise in his sleep and Louis stopped. He stared ahead. Harry's head was just above Louis' as his breath caressed the side of his cheek. Louis slowly moved his head and tried to look up. Harry's eyes were closed. His long eye lashes were casting lazy shadows over his flushed cheeks. His curls were falling on his forehead. His breathing was steady. He was still sleeping...like a baby.

Louis looked away because he had to get off of that as soon as he could. He couldn't let Harry see him in his embrace. He cannot let Harry wake up and start asking "what was that?". He cannot let that happen.

He had to go out so that he could pretend nothing that sort of thing happened between them.

Louis tried to move again when Harry gave a soft moan in his sleep. He tighten his grip around Louis and snuggled his nose deeper into Louis' hair.

Louis made a noiseless grunt.

He stayed that way for couple more seconds, just working out a plan.

Then he slowly wrapped his arms around Harry's shoulders and neck. He pushed him backwards, his hand securely holding the back of Harry's head. He laid him down gently (he too laid back on him in the process), placing his head on the grass. Harry made more soft noises till he was comfortable in the grass.

Louis wiggled out of his arms and stepped back. Then he got up.

Harry was in his deep slumber. Louis stood beside him and was watching him.

And then he walked out of the place, leaving the sleeping beauty there, all alone.

He'd wake up alone and may be he'd think everything that happened before actually happened in his dreams.

And Louis just prayed for that to happen.

***

Louis reached to his flat and he felt like he was drunk when all the previous events were sinking deep into him. When he finally had everything in his mind (another memory added to get another nightmare), every detail of every event that took place in the morning and Louis realized how fu...messed up it was.

First he got his episode after years. Second, Harry was there to witness it. Third, he was vulnerable (yet again) in front of him. Fourth, he slept on him. Fifth, he fucking slept on him. Sixth, he fucking slept on him while he was wrapped in Harry's arms. Seventh, Louis fucking slept on Harry, he fucking cuddled him.

Eighth, the inevitable slip was happening and Louis knew that. Louis knew it would happen sooner or later.

Ninth, he was too close to Harry.. dangerously too close.

Tenth, Louis realized his mistake. He committed them knowingly. He should've been more strong to not get a fucking panic attack in front of Harry from nowhere.

Louis was miserable.

He stripped his clothes on his way to the bathroom and ran the hot water into the bathtub. He was raging. He got inside the tub and submerged his head deep into the water.

The water was hot...so was his head.

He stayed that way till his lungs screamed for oxygen. He pushed himself up in the tub and rested his back against the tub. He was breathing hard with his mouth. His eye lashes were wet.

He began scratching his arms and stomach with his short nails to get his smell out of his body. He didn't let any whimper coming out of his mouth. At least something was under control.

He scratched and scratched and scratched until his skin was flushed red. Until he was feeling burn all over his body. Until it was just a physical pain to keep his mind at bay. Until Louis began regretting his actions.

There were red scratching marks on his arms and all over his stomach.

Louis did not care. He got up from the tub and wrapped a towel around his waist.

He went to his bedroom and dropped the towel on the floor as he watched his reflection in the full mirror. He looked like somebody assaulted him. His upper body was totally red with nail marks.

But he didn't react.

He was staring in the mirror...at himself but he wasn't really looking. His own nakedness wasn't bothering him but he wasn't proud of his body. He was never proud of his body.

He didn't care anyway.

His stomach was still too flat.

He didn't care.

His arms still lacked muscles.

He didn't care.

His legs were still short.

He didn't care.

He didn't really care about his appearance because people thought he was fit.

Harry thought he was beautiful. Harry thought Louis was perfect. Harry told him that.

So Louis believed him.

He didn't know if he still believed him but sure he stopped caring.

(Because Harry told him to do so...to not care)

But now he didn't know.

So he left that thought that way. He didn't know if he was still beautiful. So he just stopped thinking.

And Louis didn't realize that he was actually thinking about Harry. About how Harry used to tell stuffs to him. About how he used to flatter him with those words.

Louis didn't realize he was thinking about Harry in a normal way just like the older times.

Louis knew he was going insane and his mind was losing shit.

So Louis just got dressed before he lost his last brain cells.

Over thinking was an art.

And we are all artists, aren't we?

***

The whole day went by in a whip of wind. Students were strolling up and down the pathways and corridors, going about their usual routines. Teachers were taking the classes and the examination dates were announced finally. They're gonna conduct on the last week of February, just before the fest starts. So the whole university was slowly getting hectic over the schedules and extra classes and assignments and notes and what not.

Niall was spending his time inside the studios, working on a piece with his orchestra. Conan was also doing the double duty in both the departments. Half of his day would be spend in the studios and the other half in the auditorium. Zayn was busy taking some classes and then rehearsing the plays. He was also training the newly formed "Group C". Liam was roaming around the campus frantically, directing some group of people with big cameras or just strolling down the path with another set of people, explaining them so many things with all those loud hand gestures and extremely serious facial expressions.

But Harry wasn't in the campus the whole day and the evening that followed and the night. His car was missing from the parking lot. Also his flat was locked since the morning. There were no traces of him and even Niall didn't know where he was.

At first Louis thought he might've left the campus for good. But then Liam was still in the campus. He was still going busy to shoot the documentary. So the thing was still on. But Harry was missing. At times Louis would pass Liam in a corridor and receive a polite smile from him. Other times Zayn would be found hanging around with him, watching his team do the work. But Louis didn't bother to ask Liam where he was.

Once or twice Louis thought to go and check the woods. But then everyone was okay the whole day. So may be nothing bad happened. The wood was wild animals free anyways.

But when was the last time Louis saw Harry's car in the parking lot?

What if Harry was in a danger and nobody knows about it...yet!

Louis shrugged his thoughts out of his head and concentrated on brushing his teeth. It was almost midnight. He rinsed the brush and washed his mouth and face.

He walked out of his bathroom and climbed into his bed. He wasn't sleepy but he was tired. He placed his phone on the night stand and pulled the duvet over and closed his eyes.

It was silence again.

Louis pushed his hands under his pillow as he slept on his stomach. But sleep was nowhere to be found.

He still tried to sleep...just to get a wink of it with no success. The type of sleep he had in the morning in those woods was rare. It was dreamless and deep and comfortable. The type Louis didn't have for years.

He opened his eyes and sighed. Slowly putting his hand out, he grabbed the phone. Louis pushed the power button and the screen lit up. There was no important messages from any one. He scrolled through but it was just the same dry message section. He kept his phone back.

He pushed the comforter off him and got down. (Insomnia is boring when you have nothing to do to kill the time).

He went to his kitchen and took three large gulps of water. It'd not help him to sleep but still it was a type of habit he had (drinking water just to fall back into sleep). So he kept the bottle on the kitchen counter and went back to the living room.

But then he stopped...just near the door.

He wanted to go out of the flat to get some fresh air.

So he took the key from the wall hook and opened the door. He shuddered when cold breeze from the hall window touched him. He was only in his tee and pajama pants which were not at all helping him from the February cold.

He looked at the opposite door. It wasn't locked from outside. But it was close.

He took some steps ahead just then he heard something. Some noises coming from inside. Some highly sexual noises.

It was a girl...and a guy. The noises were very clear and distinct as if they were in the living room (although Louis haven't had any clear visits of that flat but he knew it was identical as his. It had the same rooms and same structure. The living room was just there, behind the door). And the noises were coming from there.

Louis stopped breathing.

They were loud. Very loud. The girl was moaning loudly and the grunts could be heard coming from the guy.

Louis stepped back. His eyes were wide with shock as if he'd seen a ghost. He took some steps back and quickly went inside his flat. He slammed the door and ran into his room. He was huffing by the time he was under his duvet, completely wrapped with it. He felt his throat getting dry and clogged up. His eyes were wide open staring at the space.

But also his eyes were welling up. He bite his lips to stop the whimper from escaping. He couldn't let that happen. He couldn't cry over something which wasn't his.

He cannot cry.

So he just stared ahead idly (a tear slipped from the corner of his right eye)...letting his mind go blank. He just let that happen and in no time he fell into a deep slumber.

***

Next day Louis woke up with a headache. He got dressed into fresh clothes and dumped the old ones into the laundry basket. He was blank...completely blank, The day was sunny again, contrasting Louis' mood.

He walked around his room, collecting his dirty pile of clothes and dumping them into the basket. It was Saturday so he had only two classes in the afternoon. So he planned to stay in the entire day, clean the mess that was his room.

But does anything ever happens according to plans?

Louis' phone started ringing. He looked at it from a distance. It was only 10:30 a.m. So he shouldn't pick that call up because he had no intentions of going out with that grumpy mood.

The phone stopped ringing.

He resumed his work.

And it started ringing again. He still wasn't moving from the spot. He wasn't enjoying his ringtone either. It stopped ringing again.

But that it went straight into the voicemail and a very girly voice yelled "Louis pick up the call you sleepyhead and come get me. These black suits won't let me get in. Come out and GET ME!!!"

Louis paused with a frown. He dropped the pile into the basket and went to get it.

It was Eleanor.

He rolled his eyes. Eleanor was definitely at the gates and Louis had no mood to entertain her in any way. But he had got no choice other than to go and recieve her. He took his essentials and went out of his flat. He didn't spare a glance towards the opposite door.

In no time he was out of the building and on the way to the exit.

He spotted Eleanor just outside the gates. She was throwing dirty looks to the suited guy and Louis thought at least someone had the same thoughts as him regarding those men.

"Louis!" Eleanor shrieked and jumped into his arms. Louis took ten seconds to stable his feet on the ground.

"You almost broke my spine" He said.

Eleanor pulled out. She was smiling brightly "I wanted to surprise you but those blokes won't let me in. What is going on?"

Louis looked at her "you don't know what's going on?"

"No" She frowned.

"What happened to your Twitter account?" Louis asked.

"I deactivated it ages ago. You don't remember?"

Louis still couldn't believe Eleanor had no idea of everything that's happening keeping mind how active she was in the internet.

"Anyways...Louis I missed you so much. It's been so many months since we last meet. I couldn't even attend your Birthday party. Don't be mad at me. Are you mad at me?" She pulled him into a hug again. Louis literally slammed against her (that'd be one of the things he didn't like about Eleanor since his Uni days. She'd always hug...like squeeze the life out of Louis with her hulk type hug).

"It's fine El" He pulled out of the hug and took a step back. "I'm not mad at you"

"How are you Louis...you look" She examined him "fit"

"Thank you..." He said. At least someone thought he wasn't thinning away.

"So, we are spending the whole day together before I get into the plane tonight at two for Greece" Eleanor said chirpily.

"You are travelling again?"

"I'm vacationing with my friends"

"Weren't you in New York some time back. And now you are here"

Eleanor started "I went to NY for my work. I didn't even got time to roam around Louis. I was so busy. I couldn't even give time to Max. But poor lad was so understanding. I'm so glad to have him as my boyfriend..."

Louis rolled his eyes. And that would be his first eyeroll of the day that was directed towards Eleanor and Louis knew it wasn't the last one.

Eleanor went on with her exaggerated hand gestures "....and we went to this club and drank so much. It was so fun and you can't believe I had to go to the Gucci store next day. It was a last minute call and... Oh! by the way I signed a modelling contract with Gucci. Can you believe that? Its crazy. So I was browsing through the outfits and you can't believe whom I met there-"

"Eleanor...calm down love. You are losing breath. You might faint" Louis wasn't really interested to hear her stories just when he was having a headache and in a desperate need of coffee.

"But Louis-"

"We should get some coffee because I don't work without it" He said and walked ahead. Eleanor followed him. She was still chatting but the topic was different. She held Louis's hand while crossing the road. Louis didn't shrug away but he wasn't that comfortable because he caught two or three of his students looking their way. They'd take that wrongly for sure but Louis had nothing to do regarding that so he let El hold his hand. Afterall Eleanor was his friend and they've been friends for so long for Eleanor to hold his hand in public. It was platonic anyway. And not that it mattered to anyone.

But it mattered to that on person.

That one person Louis wasn't aware was watching him. He didn't see when Harry's car was entering the gates when he was walking down the road towards the Starbucks. Harry saw him holding hands with a girl whose face he couldn't see.

Louis wasn't aware any of it.

But Harry was and that was a bad call.

***

Whole day Eleanor dragged Louis around the place. They visited a mall (because Eleanor wanted to buy Louis a belated birthday present, he denied to take any but Eleanor was adamant to give one...so he had to accept it). Also she bought stuffs for herself too and Louis had to sit and wait for Eleanor to come out of the trial rooms with different outfits. He gave thumbs up to each and everyone of them and Eleanor was delighted. At lunch, they went to a fancy restaurant which was chosen by Eleanor and they had a good lunch (that was the only time Louis liked because he concentrated on the food more than what El was saying. Also. she didn't notice that). She was just chattering all the time.

Later, they came back to the campus and they went to Louis' flat. She was permitted to go inside the campus finally but she didn't bother to ask the reason about why the security was so tight around the whole place.

"You'd never change Louis" Eleanor said once she stepped inside his flat. "It looks like an apocalypse happened here"

"Thank you very much El" he rolled his eyes and cleaned the couch to make room for them to sit.

"This actually reminds me of your room at college. Totally disheveled. Nothing changed" she said while sitting cross legged on the couch.

"Can't you just pretend it's clean. Don't have to call me out that way" He commented sarcastically.

"Whatever" She shook her head. "so are you seeing someone?"

"No"

"I assumed" she nodded. "I really thought you'd have someone till we meet again. But I see you made no progress"

"You wouldn't know how fun it is to lead a single life" Louis said.

She looked around "looks fun"

"Shut up" Louis gave another eye roll and went to the kitchen and came out with two beer bottles. He passed one to her.

Eleanor spoke "So I have this friend of mine-"

But Louis interrupted her "not you matchmaking again"

"-mine has a brother who's also a CEO of a big company. I have his number. If you want I can forward it to you" she completed with an unfazed expression.

"It's fine El. I don't want to go on a date...at least not now" He said.

"Why? Are you on your man period again?" She passed him a curious look.

He looked at her like The Office.

"Do you have a crush on someone. I think you have a crush on someone. Who's that lucky lad? Spill" She scooted forward with some new found curiosity. She poked him on his tummy. "Tell me"

"Stop it El. I am not crushing over anyone" He crossed his arms against his chest.

"Then why aren't you going on dates? what type of guy don't go on dates?"

"Let me think" He looked up as if he was thinking and then "oh its me!"

"I'm forwarding you his number. Then you know what you'll do" She picked up her phone and did the work.

"Yeah thank you" He made a face.

"welcome" She smiled widely.

They spend the entire evening together, munching through snacks and watching movies on Louis' laptop. Louis genuinely had a good time with her eliminating all the stories she told him about the "handsome CEO he should really go for". Louis just nodded and hummed showing just little to no interest on them.

Still he had a good time and soon they were out of the flat and on the way to meet Zayn and Niall. They knew her as his college friend. They also knew that Louis tried to date Eleanor at first but that didn't go quite well and they ended up becoming friends.

So both Zayn and Niall were elated to see her after so long that Louis was quiet most of the evening because the other three were busy gossiping. Niall of course got to meet his twin sister (because Eleanor had equal number of exaggerated stories as Niall so they really were twins) after a long time so it was stories upon stories that were served on the table when they were seated in the Samuel's.

But then Eleanor got up to go to the rest room.

"You literally spent the whole day with her?" Zayn asked.

"Yeah...I didn't know she'd be stopping by" Louis said. He lifted the glass of water and took a gulp down.

"Louis!" Eleanor exclaimed suddenly from his behind. Louis pulled the glass away from his mouth and stared back "what?"

She looked at the direction, just opposite of Louis, on the other side of the table. Louis followed her gaze.

"Hi Harry" Niall greeted him.

Louis looked at Harry who was taking the seat across. His eyes were already on him. It was a straight (a pointed) look.

"Hello" He said slowly. His eyes still on Louis.

"You didn't tell me you had a celebrity in the campus" Eleanor whispered in his ear. She had a mild glare on.

"Slipped my mind" He shrugged.

"You met El" Zayn said to Harry while pointing at Eleanor.

"Yeah...we have met before" Eleanor said with a smile.

"We did?" Harry frowned. Louis looked at her.

"Last month...at a Gucci store in NY, remember?" She said excitedly. Harry looked at her as if he was trying to figure out what she was speaking about.

"You didn't tell me that" Louis whispered back.

Eleanor passed him a look "you didn't let me". And then she turned to Harry "I just clicked a picture with him. Then I said bye and we headed to the same direction. That was totally not awkward"

"I might remember you. Were you that pink floral girl in brown boots?" Harry asked.

Eleanor showed him the picture she clicked with him that day "yep...that's me"

Louis was watching them with a constant frown. Was there anyone else Louis knew that haven't met Harry already?

Niall said "Well the world is small. We bump into people in the streets and then we go 'hey, I know you from my high school'"

Both Louis and Harry looked at him at instant and then they spared a glance at each other before Louis averted his eyes away, towards Eleanor.

"I agree" Zayn nodded.

"Besides I'm going for a shoot on March and I heard Harry, you're also going for one?" Eleanor asked.

"I'm not suppose to share that for, you know, obvious reasons" Harry replied.   
"Who knows we might have a photoshoot together" Eleanor whispered in Louis' ear (earning a glare from him).

Niall was talking to Harry but Harry's eyes weren't leaving Louis' side. Louis could see his eyebrows were knitted together in a frown or glare, he didn't know.

"Tomorrow is Sunday...are you planning on doing something or is Eleanor is having a sleepover at your place?" Zayn asked Louis.

"She's flying out tonight. So no, I'm not doing anything tomorrow" Louis said.

"Lou...look at the screen" Eleanor called him. Her phone was directed towards him. He looked at the screen and she started clicking selfies.

"I look like shit" Louis made a face. "Also, I hate the Snapchat filters"

"That's something my eighty year old grandpa would say" She commented.

With the corner of his eye, Louis looked at Harry. He was still watching him with narrowed eyes and pointed eyebrows. Louis looked back at the camera and he realised he was smirking.

Harry got up from the table "I'm sorry friends. I've to go do some works. Meet you all later"

"Okay mate, see you at the studios tomorrow" Niall said and gave a light slap with the back of his hand on Harry's forearm.

Zayn nodded at him.

Louis just...

He didn't respond and Eleanor,

She just "bye Harry... Hope we meet again" and she smiled.

Louis passed her a death glare (which went unnoticed by her because she was too busy smiling at him). Harry awkwardly nodded at her and stared at Louis before walking out of the table, towards the exit.

Louis rubbed his face with his hands. What was even happening and why was it so awkward?

They all had dinner together. All three of them were pretty okay but Louis was just staring at his food, eating very less from his plate.

Later Louis walked Eleanor to a cab.

"Call me sometimes. You don't even call" Eleanor hugged him.

This time Louis hugged her back because he didn't really had a bad time with her.

"Yeah... I will. Thanks for stopping by" He said.

"And think about Mr. CEO, will ya?" Eleanor said while getting into the cab.

"Yeah yeah alright. Message me when you reach home" Louis waved.

"I'll send you snaps from Greece too and send me jealous texts in return. Bye Lou"

Louis smiled and nodded. The car sped off and it was gone.

He walked back to the campus. Both Niall and Zayn went home so it was just Louis.

Walking down the road alone.

He slowly climbed the stairs to his floor. But, he stopped...just at the entrance of the floor.

Harry was standing there. Leaning by his door, busy scrolling his phone.

Louis walked slowly towards his flat. He pretended he didn't see him.

"Hello there!" Harry exclaimed.

Louis turned to him "weren't you doing your 'work?'"

Harry stood correctly and pushed his phone back into his pockets.

"That's exactly what I'm doing" He said. His face was still very straight...as if he was retraining himself before the outburst.

"Yeah" Louis snorted. "Poking someone even if they aren't interested in your banter. Sounds like you"

Harry walked ahead and grabbed Louis' arm and turned him "of course. I love poking people...especially you"

Louis tighten his jaw "leave me"

"You are seeing Eleanor, aren't you?" Harry asked through his gritted teeth.

"Leave me" Louis repeated. He could feel his whole body getting flushed.

"She's the 'she', right?" Harry just tighten his grip on him. "How long have you been together?"

Louis raised his other hand and pushed Harry with full force. Harry wasn't expecting the blow. He stabled himself on his feet.

"What the fuck is wrong with you Harry? You are literally going insane. You cannot force me to tell things to you. You cannot use your power on me. You fucking have no rights. YOU FUCKING HAVE NO RIGHTS ON ME" Louis was raging. He felt his ears going red.

"You are dating her that means" Harry still pressed.

"Does it matter? No...really it doesn't matter to you. It has nothing to do with you" Louis snapped.

Harry opened his mouth to speak when Louis interrupted him "And I have every fucking right to date anybody I want. It's me fucking life and I'd do anything I want. And you don't have a say in it. You are not even part of it...of me life. You fucking stay out of everything Harry... I've already had enough of your bullshits and I won't take anymore...Do you understand?"

Harry went and stood in front of him. He looked down at him but Louis looked back with an angry face.

"But it matters to me...it fucking does" Harry said. His eyes simply locking with Louis' blue ones.

"Oh really?" Louis folded his arms against his chest. "All of a sudden after fucking ten years you appear out of nowhere and then suddenly everything about me concerns you. How though?"

Harry rested both of his hands on Louis' waist and pulled him close. Louis looked down at both of them and then faced him again.

Harry leaned towards his ear and whispered "will you believe me if I tell you I want you? Will you believe me if I tell you that I can't see you with anyone else other than me? Will you believe me if I tell you all these years I've been waiting and dying to be with you? Will you believe me?"

Louis was taking shallow breaths. He was somewhat freezing and rooted at the spot.

"No" He grabbed both Harry's hands. "I won't believe you...and everything you say to me". He pulled Harry's hands off him.

Louis stepped back "Is this another prank you are playing?". He looked at him with a subtle face.

Harry's face was depicting pure shock "Louis...it's... I-"

"Did Kyle told you to play another prank on me huh? Is it another 'making a complete fool out of Louis Nerdlinson episode 2'". Louis raised his voice "SPEAK UP!"

Harry shivered "no Louis....it's not...it's not like that... I'm here..to-"

"Fuck off!" Louis snapped again. "Just get out of my life douchebag....just let me live in peace".

"Louis...please don't go..." Harry said miserably. His hands were raised forward.

Louis opened the door of his flat and walked in.

"You know I've been a dilutional stupid bitch who thought you cared for me. I couldn't see through your lies all those years ago. But you only cared about yourself Harry...and you are doing it again. You are just here for your fun. But I won't let you have your fun this time. I won't let you play with me this time. I'm not a 18 years old kid anymore Mr. Harry Edward Styles. You'll get shit if you throw shit and I mean it"

"But Louis I won't-"

Louis closed the door in Harry's face. His palms were pressed against the wood and his head bowed down. His heart was thumping in his chest even if he tried to keep a straight face. Even if he tried to be strong.

And the bloody tears came streaming down his cheeks.

He was broken.

And he could hear the sobs from the other side of the door.


	17. Chapter 17

Present

It was a cloudy day which wasn't very welcomed by the people in the campus. The trees were damp and the roads were washed with morning dew. Everyone that were strolling down the pathways of the University were wrapped in heavy shawls and Hogwarts mufflers. It was back to chilly after three days of continuous sunlight. The sky looked like it'd rain anytime soon.

It didn't look like a Sunday.

Louis was sitting at the studios with Niall because he'd nothing to do as his students were busy studying for their exams and also preparing the magazines side by side all by themselves. So Louis thought why not spend a day with the blond one and have some musical time.

No he didn't care if Harry was there after what happened the previous night. Louis didn't care.

So he sat silently beside as Niall played a soothing melody on the piano while singing a fifties song.

"Why don't you start singing professionally Niall? You're just wasting away your talent here" Louis said. "Your voice deserves a studio record"

Niall smiled "everything would happen in its correct time Louis"

"So you do have some plans going around don't you?" Louis asked with a curious look.

Niall nodded with an eye blinding grin and resumed singing when Harry stepped into the studios in freshly blowdryed hairs and long white shirt and black skinny jeans.

Skinny jeans?

Louis looked at his pants with a frown. Harry literally looked like he's already said goodbye to those jeans but he was wearing one now.

"Hello" He said. "Good morning"

Louis turned away from him and pulled out his phone to get busy on something just to avoid him.

"Hi Harry" Niall greeted him back. "You wanna take the piano today?"

Louis got up from the bench and sat on a stool, away from the piano. Niall looked at him and turned to Harry who was standing near the guitars that were kept on a table.

"I'll take the guitar this time" Harry said and grabbed one from the table and went to sit on the bench Louis was sitting earlier. Louis looked at him and then turn back to his phone's screen.

"So what we gonna do today? Conan is busy in the auditorium with Zayn. Should we call him?" Niall asked.

"Let him concentrate on the drama team today. Let's not bother him" Harry said and held the guitar properly on his lap.

He pulled a string and Louis looked at him from under his lashes, stealing glances.

"Louis" Harry called and Louis removed his gaze from him.

"Will you help me record something?" Harry added even if Louis didn't respond.

"Louis... Harry's saying something" Niall stated with narrowed eyes.

"I heard Niall but I'm not interested to help him" Louis said it while staring at Harry in his eyes.

Harry pushed his hairs back but he smiled "C'mon..it's just a video you had to record. I'll do the labor work while you'll just hold" and then he forwarded his phone to Louis.

Louis awkwardly looked at his phone and then to him "tell Niall to do that"

"Niall would you mind if I give Louis to do it?" Harry asked.

"Absolutely not mate" Niall shook his head with a grin.

Louis took the phone from his hand rather begrudgingly. He pushed the power button and Harry's picture in red floral suit came into display as his lock screen.

And wait

Was that a long haired Harry?

Louis blinked because really, Harry had that long hairs.

Louis swiped the screen and it unlocked.

"You don't have any passwords" Louis asked.

"I don't have any secrets in there so..." Harry shrugged.

"The song recordings are in here. What if people steal it?" Louis asked and re-analyzed what he said.

Harry's eyes were a bit wide while Niall looked between them like a pendulum. He had the biggest frown on his face.

"Well nobody is allowed to touch my phone so those recordings are safe. " Harry said quickly.

Louis bite his lower lip and stared down at the wallpaper. But then his eyes widen...full on widen with shock.

It was their picture. A ten year old picture when they were young and together. It was clicked that night before everything went downhill. Louis was smiling wide besides Harry, who's arms were wrapped around him. Louis took that selfie because he wasn't able to fit in the frame so Harry handed him his Iphone 5 and stood behind, wrapping his long arms around him. He was smiling too. Everything was dark around them. The terrace was so dark but still somehow the picture came out quite nice...quite perfect.

Louis was still staring at the wallpaper, at their picture. He looked up at Harry.

Harry on the other hand was clueless about Louis' expression but then he looked at the phone and then to him.

Harry's cheeks turned pink instantly so he just cleared his throat "shall we start?"

Louis tapped on the camera app. His fingers were shivering. Very slowly, everything from that night was coming back to him. But he tried to keep his compose intact.

Louis directed the camera towards Harry.

Harry started playing the guitar.

"Same lips red, same eyes blue"

Louis looked at him, tilting his head from the camera. His eyebrows furrowed.

Niall smiled with admiration.

"Same white shirt, couple more tattoos"

Harry sang while looking at the camera while Louis' frown got deeper and deeper with every line that came out from Harry's mouth.

"It's not you and it's not me"

Louis tried to stop his hands from shaking because he was recording a video and Harry was singing directly looking at the camera, looking at him.

And Harry was singing.

Harry was fucking singing and Louis was listening to him sing. Louis broke his own promise that he made to himself that he'd never listen to him. But there he was, recording a video for Harry...and that song. That damn song!

Harry sang the chorus while pulling the guitar string with such ease that Louis was sure he was developing a sudden liking for his voice.

Louis didn't let that happen. He couldn't let Harry getting into his head again.

So he just stopped recording the video and "done... My hands are hurting". He passed the phone to Harry who stopped singing midway.

"At least let him finish the song Tommo" Niall said with a hint of annoyance in his voice.

"I'm not stopping him from singing" Louis said and forwarded his hand more to give the phone back.

"You didn't like the song?" Harry asked quietly.

Louis looked at him and averted his eyes "not quite much"

"What?" Niall shrieked and got up. "You didn't like Two Ghosts? Louis what?!!"

"Is it mandatory to like each and every song that comes out?" Louis asked with a shrug.

Niall begin "But Louis-"

"It's fine Niall. You cannot push someone to like something" Harry said in a defeated voice. "its fine"

"Do you have any choice other than being okay with it?" Louis tilted his head on his side as he said that in a taunting voice.

"Louis!" Niall passed him a look and then he faced Harry "But Harry he didn't like Two Ghosts? The song that everyone admire. Louis what's wrong?" Niall said everything so quickly. He was highly offended.

"So what Niall? I never listen to his songs anyway. I'm not a fan. I don't worship him. And I didn't like it. I didn't like it and it's my choice" Louis was breathing hard. His fists were clenched on his sides.

"You never heard my songs?" Harry asked. His face twisted with hurt and new found shock.

Louis faced him "never"

"But...Lou I...I thought you've heard them... " Harry trailed away. He forgot Niall was still there, listening to all of this with furrowed brows and open mouth.

"I'm not interested to listen to you or your songs" Louis snapped.

"My songs didn't do anything to you. I at least had an expectation that you'll listen to them" Harry retorted with a deep voice. It nearly cracked by the time he completed the sentence.

"Oh so now you have expectations from me? How impressive. And I guess I really failed your expectations. Pity" Louis crossed his arms over his chest. His whole body was flushed in adrenaline rush.

"Louis...what are you-" Niall tried to speak but Harry interrupted him with his calm voice. He was just defeated for the thousandth time "I'm not forcing you to listen to them. But...I...I'd have been happy if you'd have listened my songs Lou"

"I don't want you to be happy" Louis snapped. His eyes were narrowed and face completely red with anger. "Do you think I really care about your fucking happiness?"

"What the fuck is happening here?" Niall said loudly to grab both of their attention.

But both of them were too into each other (in a negative way) to even notice that they had a third person standing right there...watching them with dumbfounded face.

"I thought you did even though you don't like me anymore. I thought you'd support me as an artist" Harry said with a small voice. He was looking down. The guitar in his hands was clutched tightly with his large hands.

"Then you are wrong on so many levels Harry. So...so delusional. How stupid you can get to think that I actually care for you? Don't you see how I'm pushing you away since day one but your stubborn arse won't leave my way. Annoying. Utterly annoying. You are annoying and-" Louis was interrupted by Niall this time "LOUIS FUCKING STOP!"

Louis wasn't moved by Niall's screaming so he went on "No Niall...He has to listen to that. I'm done with him being here. I'm done tolerating him in the campus. I don't want to do anything with him but still he would....cling to me like an used chewing gum. I'm fucking bored with his bullshit. I'm don-"

Harry gave a whimper. A tear rolled down from his eye. He rubbed it away quickly.

"Harry!" Niall shrieked again.

Louis stopped.

Niall went to Harry and held him by his shoulders "I'm so sorry Harry. He's not like that. Please don't mind. Please"

"No no..Its...Its fine...I'm...just" another tear rolled down and Harry turned his back and rested the guitar on the Piano bench.

Niall faced Louis and then grabbed him by his arm "we need to talk!" and pulled him out of the studios, leaving Harry alone. Niall was pulling Louis without speaking anything on the way. They climbed down the stairs hastily and Niall was taking long steps and Louis' legs felt wobbly. He wasn't even feeling anything. He didn't know when they were in the third floor of the building and when Niall took him to an empty classroom and when he closed the door behind.

He didn't know anything.

He only knew what Harry's face looked like when he was telling those hateful words to him.

***

Past

I'm at Stan's place.

I promised him that we'll hangout after school. It's been a while we had some 'best friends time'. So we are sitting in front of his tv..playing games in his XBox.

"I really thought I'd have to take appointment from you before we could spend time" Stan says. He's stuffing his mouth with crisps.

I take the bag from him and put one in my mouth "please...who was busy with Ashlyn?"

"Who was busy with Harry?"

"Not me" I shake my head.

"Then not me too" Stan stared back to the screen.

"Let's not talk about that topic" I say.

"Roger that" He nods and I giggle.

After a while when we got bored from continuously playing so we took a break and he made tea for us. He does that every time I'm here and I love when he does that. He knows how to make the perfect Yorkshire tea.

"I wanna show you something" I say and keep the tea cup on the ground.

Stan's face goes wide with glory "tell me you are proposing me. Where's the ring. Show me!"

I swat the back of my hand across his head "shut up". I pull my school bag and unzip the front of the pocket. I take out a small box from there.

"Are you really gonna propose me?" He asks again. I chuckle.

"Harry's birthday is coming. February 1st. So I bought this for him" I pull the lid to show him the bracelet. He stares at it intently and then he asks "can I touch it?"

"Of course you can"

He picks up the bracelet. It's sea green colored but somewhat it looks like blue from a distance. I went to this mall with Lottie some time back and saw a stall. They were selling these handmade jewelries and they were taking orders from everyone. And I caught sight of these custom made bracelets so I thought why not gift one to Harry for his birthday. But none of them felt like Harry. So I asked the lady if I could design one for an order. She smiled and took my request. But as it was a handmade product, it was costly...not that costly but expensive enough for me to save some bucks from my pocket money.

The bracelet is embedded with small pearl beads and the metallic clutch was hooked to the sides. I told them to write Harry's name in the middle. It's written "Hazza" because I like that nickname. It shines in the dark, the name.

"Do you think he'll like it Stan?" I ask him. I don't know because Harry was used to getting expensive gifts for his birthday. What if he don't like it?

"He'll love it Louis. It's beautiful" He grins and keeps the bracelet back in the box. I put the lead and keep it between us.

"I hope he does" I mumble.

"What's y'all planning for his birthday?" He asks.

"I don't know. He didn't say anything yet and I don't think he'll throw any party or summat"

"So do you have anything in your mind?" Stan grins.

"I mean" I pick a thread on my sweater paw. "I don't have anything planned but I'd love to bake a cake for him...with him because I don't know shit about baking and we can catch on some movies and stuffs or we can read books. I don't want it to be anything huge. I just...I don't know..." I trail off.

"Louis...do you, by any chance, have develop a liking for Harry?" Stan speaks.

I face him and give him an incredulous look. Is he kidding me?

"Stan...I..no" I shake my head.

"You can tell me you know that. So spill" He says smoothly while turning his whole body towards me, as if giving me full attention.

Wait!

He's actually giving me his undivided attention.

"Are we seriously talking about that?" I ask.

He nods "only if you are comfortable enough to share. No pressure"

I fiddle with my fingers and raise my both knees till my chest. I think I should let it out. Stan is my best friend and if anyone deserves to know first, it's him. It should be him and that's the rule.

"Yes" I nod. "Yes, I have a crush on him Stan. I like him"

I've always had a crush on Harry. I've always liked him.

Even before we were friends. Even before I knew what liking someone meant. Even before we had a clear images about life.

We were kids when I first noticed Harry. Don't ask me how but it just happened. We were in kindergarten and we were asked to draw pictures on those white sheets of paper. I was standing alone at the table and Harry joined me. He was oblivious of my presence in the table. Even I didn't know I was looking at him. I wanted to be his friend. So I went and shared my crayons with him. He smiled at me and took them and that was our first interaction. I thought I made a friend. I was wrong because the next day I didn't see Harry joining my table. He had some new friends.

I didn't mind because I didn't know. We were just kids. But from that day I began noticing Harry. I've always wanted to be his friend. But he never joined my table. Stan and I became friends but I looked for the curly one. Always.

We grew up. I was still noticing him. He was busy with his friends. He was slowly becoming popular in our grade and I was turning into that boy in the corner who's always busy reading thick dusty books and didn't involve himself much in the drama. I went unnoticed but he was recognized by almost everyone.

We grew up a little more and I thought something was wrong with me. I still liked to watch Harry without actually speaking to him. I told Stan what was wrong sparing Harry's name from the conversation. He was accepting. He hugged me and told me nothing was wrong and that it was fine. I was fine. Then he went on saying about this girl he liked from our grade. It was so ironic.

With time I tried to manage my little crush for Harry because I knew nothing will come out of that thing. But I still noticed him. Sometimes we had eye contacts and I'd avert my eyes away and whole day I would keep on smiling even if he wasn't bothered to acknowledge my presence. And I wasn't bothered to bother him. I didn't give up on my infatuation even if I knew I had no chance. And I was just happy getting a slight glimpses of him.

Then his friends started noticing me and eventually he did too. But they'd just...just call me names so... I stop stealing glances from Harry. I won't look at him when he's around because his friends would eventually find me and tease me. He'd never say anything but he'd look my way whenever they are talking about me...with me. But that didn't stop my crush on him. It's toxic and I was hopeless but I was okay with it.

I was okay with my little world where Harry was a beautiful, attractive display with rainbows and unicorns surrounding him and I'm just watching him with admiration without touching him.

Until Harry actually thought to enter my life. It was unexpected. I somewhat thought I'll finish my high school and get along with my life and Harry would just remain in my memory like a beautiful sunflower blooming under the sun.

But then, he was there, talking with me and I didn't know that it'll just increase that small infatuation into something so big...so huge. I like him..a lot.

But also I still don't know if he feels the same.

And I think he doesn't. He just sees me like his friend.

But it won't stop my crush on him. I'll be a silent admirer of him even if he wants to stay as friends.

After all not everyone likes boys.

And I'm not everyone.

"Are you going to tell him?" Stan asks.

I shake my head "hell no Stan. I don't wanna ruin my friendship"

"But you'll only hurt yourself by staying silent. It's not healthy Louis. Who knows he likes you too but he's just confuse about himself"

"No Stan. Harry's very open. If he has something in his mind, he'll tell me. And I...don't think so..there's something in his mind" I wrap my arms around my knees.

"But the amount of time you both spend. There's got to be something going around Louis" Stan says with a shrug.

"Nothing Stan. We just hang out. Nothing is happening" I don't tell him how Harry got stiff when I kissed him on his cheek. I made him uncomfortable and I embarrassed myself. I don't want to tell him that.

"But Louis...life is too short to overthink stuffs. I'll advise you to tell him when you are comfortable enough. Who knows if he's waiting for you to make the first move because he's scared" Stan keeps a hand on my shoulder and pats.

But I made the first move already.

"I'm scared too Stan. What if this ruin things? I can't imagine him walking out of my life. I have been waiting for years to be his friend. I wasn't brave enough to go and ask him. He made the first move. Now if I go and tell about my feelings and see him getting disgusted by me, what'll I do? I can't... I don't want to lose him. I've grown too attached to him"

"It's fine. You don't have to rush things. It'll happen in their correct time. He'll know and he'll understand because you see, he can't stay without you either" Stan assures me with a small grin.

But I don't know what to do now. It's confusing.

***

I come out of Stan's place and go to my home. It's dark and cold outside and I'm tired. Our teacher said we are going to get some test papers tomorrow so I'm nervous too. I hope I get good enough marks because we are soon going to apply for colleges.

I walk down the foot road that connects the entrance of my house.

But when I enter, I spot Harry sitting on the porch. I don't see any car around.

"Hi" He says and smile.

"What you doing here Harry? It's almost 9:30 pm" I walk to him.

"I just wanted to stop by. But then no ones home so I thought I should wait" He said getting up.

Something's not right. He look stressed.

"Mum and the girls went to Dan's place for dinner. And I told you I'll be at Stan's after school. How long have you been waiting?" I go and fish out the keys from my pocket. It's almost freezing outside.

"Ten or fifteen minutes max" He's standing behind me.

We haven't hang out a lot this week. We were anyway busy giving tests and assignments and his father was home so he was spending time with his family.

"You could've called me" I step inside and switch on the lights. He follows me.

"Thought not to bother you. You were with Stan and he might not like if I had disturbed you" He says.

I stop and turn "when did you become so formal Harry? Stan wouldn't even think that much. You could've just came over to his place"

He nods and looks down. I put a hand on his shoulder "what's wrong?"

He shakes his head and walks past me towards the kitchen.

"Hazza?" I follow him.

"I'm thirsty" He says and lifts a bottle from the kitchen table.

Something is definitely not right.

"Hazz? Is everything all right?" I hop on the kitchen slab just to reach his height. I face him.

"Gemma called" He says and I nod.

"She said mum was upset. She told me to see if she was alright or not" He rubs his mouth with the back of his hand. I hold his arms and pull him close. He rests his hand on my thighs. He's still looking down.

"I was there Louis. They were quarrelling. It was bad. It was so bad" His voice is so deep and quite. "Dad wasn't in his best mood. Mum was crying. I couldn't see her crying. So I came out. I left her there, with him. I shouldn't have left her that way. She'd be mad at me too. But Louis... I got scared. I didn't know what to do. They weren't stopping..." I didn't let him complete when I pulled him in my embrace. I lock my arms arms around his back. I can't see him this weak.

"I had nowhere to go...so..so I came here..to you" He sniffs. His voice is muffled by my shoulder. I pull him as close as I can. He's hurting and I can't let that happen.

"Everything will be alright Harry. Parents fight all the time. They'll come around when their anger cools down" I rub his back slowly.

"This one looked bad Louis. They were screaming at each other faces. I'm afraid they'd hurt themselves." His voice breaks.

"Shh...stay strong Harry" I don't have anything to share his pain. But I am here for him. I went through same things and I know how he's feeling but some problems don't come with solutions. Just time will decide.

So I just hold him until he's calm. I hold him close.

***

It's next day and I'm in school, going about my lessons. The day is quite boring and I don't have much classes with Harry plus he's not attending some of them. He's bunking again and I don't see his friends either. He's definitely with them...cooking another prank. Who knows?

I'm sitting in my physics class and we are suppose to get back our test paper for the tests we gave last week. The classroom is already full and we are waiting for the teacher. I look around and Ashlyn winks at me. She's sitting with her friends. I smile at her and turn to the front. We share the same physics class.

Finally the teacher enters with the pile of sheets in her hands. This is making me nervous now.

We get up to greet her. She nods. The whole atmosphere in the room changes suddenly. Everyone is looking curiously at the papers on the teachers desk.

"I'm going to distribute the test papers but I want you all to see how much hard work you all did. It was an important test and if you all had already scored good marks then congratulations, you might score well in the finals. But if you didn't score quite well, then don't get upset. Focus on the mistakes and try harder. And also, Do not compare your marks with your friends" The teacher said and began to distribute the papers.

I wait till she keeps my sheet in front of me. I pick up the paper and stare at the marks.

What?

36 out of 50?

What???

I look up towards the teacher with a frown. She too is holding a questioning face. But then she walks behind to distribute rest of the papers.

I look back at the paper. How can I get so less? I have never gotten so less in any test. I recheck the answers correctly with the question sheet that's attached with it.

There's no error in checking.

I feel a pat on my shoulder. It's the teacher.

And she says "It's fine Mr. Tomlinson. Not all days are same. And that's not a bad marks" and she goes to the front.

I know it's not that a bad of a marks I got but how can I get so less when I clearly studied for the test?

How did I got distracted?

I close my eyes and try to calm myself. It's just a stupid physics test. And some stupid marks. It's not the end of the world.

I stuff the sheets in my bag and try to forget about them.

After the class ended, I head to the cafeteria with Ashlyn. She said she'd like to study for the finals with Stan and me because she hated physics. I nod because really, I don't like physics either. I only like my literature subjects and I'm gonna stick with that for the rest of my life. Period.

We take a table with our lunches and Stan joins us.

"Harry's coming" Ashlyn stated staring behind me. I turn and he grins at me. His dimples are caved in. Someone's in a good mood.

"Hi Lou" He says, standing beside my chair.

"Hi Harry" Ashlyn and Stan said loudly before I could respond to him. Harry looks at them awkwardly.

I sigh.

First of all, Stan told Ashlyn everything...in front of me because he didn't want to have any secrets from his girlfriend.

Secondly, I don't have any problem with that because Ash is very good with keeping secrets but boy she is a teasing machine. She has been smirking the whole day whenever I look at her. But my eyes hurt from all those rolling the entire day.

"Hi Harry" I say.

And Ashlyn coughs "Stan, we should change seats don't you think?"

Stan looks at me then to her.

"Ash...it's fine you know" I turn to Harry "you were saying something Harry?"

"Yeah... I was..." He pushes his hands inside his pockets "I am going to leave early today. So, would you like to have lunch together?"

"Harry I'm already having my lunch-"

"In the football field I meant. And I can" He takes my tray "help you carry that"

"Great Idea Harry! Louis would love to join you. Right Louis?" Ashlyn speaks.

I pass her a look and then glare at Stan with a control-your-girlfriend face. And then I get up.

"Sure"

"Bye Lou...see you at class" Ashlyn won't stop.

I passed her a dirty look and then go with Harry. He's holding my tray as we exit the cafeteria. The football ground is in the other side of the corridor we are walking down.

We sit on the raised stairs that surrounds the ground partially. He keeps the tray in the middle and takes a bite from the sandwich.

"Where were you the entire day?" I ask him.

"Lou I was in school" He says with mouthful of food. I take the sandwich from him and take a bite.

"You didn't do any classes Harry. What are you upto?"

"I was with the boys. They weren't interested to do any classes so I had to tag along" He says dropping his gaze from me.

I sigh.

"Liam was with you?"

He shook his head "his grandma is hospitalized. He had to go to the London last night"

"Harry...I know you like your friends a lot but please...you have a future to build and these days are some crucial days of our senior year. We are getting our test papers then we'll have final exams coming up. Don't miss the classes that way...please" I hold his left hand.

He looks at me "You got your test papers today?"

"Only physics. 'Oribble marks" I say and pick at the sandwich I'm holding. He takes the piece and puts it in his mouth.

"That's not possible Lou. You and bad marks..nah"

I keep the sandwich on the tray and rub my hands with a tissue paper. I unzip my bag and pull out the sheets from inside.

"See" I display it in front of his eyes. He frowns and takes it.

"That's not a bad marks." He says examining the whole sheet.

I take it from him and stuff it back inside my bag "it's bad for me. I never got so less in my tests. I might of got distracted-"

"Distracted by me" Harry mumbles.

I look at him "no..no Harry. You...can never distract me"

"I used to keep you up all night in my headless banters. I'm giving you insomnia and less time to study Lou. I'm sorry" Harry kept on mumbling.

I reach out and hold his hand and give a light squeeze "shut up. You are not giving me any insomnia. Neither you are wasting my time. I'm a nerd remember?" I smile "I just have ample amount of time to study so don't blame yourself for something so small and silly. Me getting less marks has nothing to do with you."

Harry doesn't smile back but he nods.

I push my hand up to his his upper arm "really Harry, believe me"

He nods again.

"Harreh..." I whine and he grins. His eyes are twinkling and his curls swept across his forehead just like the early days. I raise my hand further up till his hairs and puff them up a bit. I push my fingers inside his curls and smooth them up a bit, they are soft and bouncy. I look at Harry and...his eyes slowly going dark. His pupils dilating very slowly.

I pull my hand out and clear my throat "wh..where are you going by the way?"

He pushes a curl away from his eyelid and speaks "My mum's friend is getting married so I'm accompanying her to the ceremony. She didn't want to go there alone"

"Aww, that's lovely Harry. Are you gonna wear a suit?" He looks so good in suit I swear to god.

"Yeah...Mum got me one this morning. She was in a good mood. It's pink in color this time"

"Can I see it?"

"I'll send you a picture after I get dressed" He says and stares at his watch "shit! I'm late...I'm sorry Lou. I won't be able to walk you back to the class. Mum will go berserk if we reach late" He gets up and dusts his pants.

"Its alright Harry. No issues" I pick up the tray after throwing my bag on my right shoulder. He comes close and kisses me on my forehead "bye Lou...see you soon"

And then he's gone.

I blink. I'm just standing here in the football ground all alone. I can still feel his lips on my forehead, on my skin. It's burning the spot yet its soothing. How am I going to say him that I like him so much that it hurts now. Even if I pulled a brave face in front of Stan and told him my crush isn't gonna bother mine and Harry's friendship, I know I'm just lying to myself.

It's not too long we have been friends but its long enough for me to know that I'm head over heels for that curly headed lad who doesn't even know how I feel about him. Who's so oblivious of that part of me who is craving for his love. I don't know if I should take his kind gestures in a wrong way and ruin everything that we have built in such a short span of time.

Does friends give forehead kisses to each other?

Does friends cuddle whenever they are close?

Am I ever going to tell him how much I like him not as a friend?

I doubt...

***

Currently I'm sitting at my study desk doing the trigonometry homework which is doing nothing but pissing me off and I still have six full pages of sums to solve. The academic year is ending soon but still we are getting all these headaches called homeworks. I might be a nerd but some nerds sometimes hates to study too. We are not Hermione and we do exist!

Its 8:30 pm and Harry still haven't send me his picture. I have been waiting for that since afternoon. I could've ask it myself but I didn't want to bother him. It might've slip from his mind. He's with Anne after all and they are at a wedding and Harry was running late so it might've definitely slipped his mind.

I check my phone once again and there's nothing from him. Not a single text. He'd been doing it for some days now. He'd text less, not attend classes, won't step into the cafeteria during lunch and would always be found hanging around his pals. And then would appear from nowhere and then we'd hang out and then he'll repeat the cycle. I don't know what should I think about all of these but may be he's just thinking that he's bothering me and and my studies just like he thought my bad marks are caused because of him. He did the same when I was preparing for my science presentation and English summary narration for a test.

I don't know.

But I just want to apply for the same college as Harry and get over with school already so we could go to college together and I could start a college life with him. I have been looking up for colleges in UK but didn't really discussed that with anyone. I don't know if Harry still wanted to go to a music school or not. We haven't really discussed it yet and I am not going out to other countries for obvious reasons.

But I think Harry is still up for the music thing. He sends me voice notes of his covers. They are beautiful and I always listen to them before going to bed. I have made a playlist for all the recordings he sends me. One time he said he's trying his hands on writing songs. I haven't seen any but I know he writes them in his journal. I've seen him scribbling on that book. I won't ask him to show me the songs because I know he'll sing them to be when the correct time comes.

I flip the pages of the math book when my phone starts to ring. I pull it out from under the books and notebooks and stare at the name.

Its Hazza.

"Hello Harry"

"Louis...what are you doing?" He says with his deep, a bit slurry voice. Its quiet from his side.

"I'm just studying Harry. Where are you? How did the wedding go?"

"Will you be able to meet me now Louis?" He asks. "Please"

I close all the books and notebooks and get up "are you alright? Did you hurt yourself Hazz? Is Anne alright? Where are you Harry?"

"I'm fine Lou... I just want to meet you now"

"Okay...I'm on my way to your home. I'm coming Harry-"

"Not my home. Come to school" He says.

I stop "school? what are you doing in school now? Aren't the gates close at this time of the hours?"

"Lou I'm waiting. Call me when you reach" with that he hangs up.

I stare at the blank screen. Why'd he want to meet in school now of all the places?

I pull a jacket over my hoodie. Its January and its cold outside. I take the keys of my mum's car.

Yes I've been driving for a while and I got my license last week. Mum is generous enough to let me borrow her car until I leave for college. I really don't want to buy any car because I won't be here to drive it all the time and I don't want to take it to college because anyways I'll be living in the campus and I love travelling in public transport so why waste money on unnecessary stuffs.

I inform mum that I'm going to meet Harry and she approves with one swift nod. I don't have to convince her much when I say I'm going to Harry's house or whatever. She'd straight away nod and tell me come back soon or inform if I was having a sleepover so that she wouldn't have to stay awake for no one. She's pretty cool which is nice.

I get inside the car and put the heaters on. Its pitch black outside but the sky is starry. It's beautiful. I've been in for so long that I didn't even realize it's a clear sky with a full moon and beautiful stars.

I drive out of my house and head towards school. God knows what Harry's doing there, at school. I keep on driving without hovering over unnecessary thoughts.

Soon I reach school. The gates are open ajar so I drive towards the parking lot and stop. It's so silent here when I go out of the car and slowly close the door. I take out my phone and dial Harry's number. He picks up on the third ring.

"Hello. I'm here. Where are you?" I ask.

"Main building...on the terrace" He says.

"Okay...I'll be there" I say but he doesn't reply. He just hangs up.

I don't know why but I'm getting a feeling, good or bad I have yet to figure it out.

The walk down the path towards the entrance of our main building and step inside. The corridors are dimly lighted, giving me the creeps from a horror movie. I go to the end of the corridor and began climbing the stairs. There's no one here. Not even the workers. I wonder how Harry got the entry into the campus at this time.

I further walk till the end of the hallway where a small door comes into my sight. It's open. The hallway is bright due to the small bulb on the ceiling. It's not that brightest but bright enough to see the steps I'm taking. We are usually not allowed to go to the terrace and it's a punishable offense if someone steps into that part of the building.

I stop by the door. The whole terrace is dark. I look around and spot a dark figure standing by the edge of the terrace. His back is turned towards me.

"Harry?" I say softly. Or it's just my voice came out unexpectedly soft.

He turns and slowly grins. He stretches his right hand towards me.

"Come here Louis" He says with a slide nod.

I step into the terrace and a cold wind whoops by, touching my face and messing up my fringes. I go to him. His hand is still outstretched. I take his hand and he pulls me towards the edge.

I look down and my legs starts to trembling. We are at a certain height and I have fear of heights.

"Relax Lou. I'm holding you" He says and steps a bit closer to me. His grip tightens on me.

I look at him properly. He's wearing that pink suit. It's baby pink and silk. He has white crisp shirt and same pink tie under that suit. It's beautiful. He's looking beautiful. There's no light here but the moonlight is helping me see his face. It's glowing. His cheeks are flushed.

"Why are you here Harry?" I ask him.

"I just wanted to spend some time on this roof...with you"

I look at him but he's looking at the front.

"How did the wedding go?" I ask him. I hope he don't see my face because I can feel my cheeks getting hot.

"It was fine...good actually. The bride was happy so was the groom. They were having the moment of their life. The whole place was beaming with joy and the couple were walking under the confetti. Their smiles were the fullest and eyes teary. I am happy that they are going to start a new chapter of their life with someone they love" He rambles.

I giggle "I guess you enjoyed the ceremony a bit too much I think. You sound like a philosopher"

"May be because I had two glasses of champagne back to back. But I wished you were there to...accompanying me to the ceremony"

I smile and look away "you missed me?"

"Yeah...the entire time"

I can't stop my smile. He is silent now. Nobody is talking.

I think it's perfect. It's always perfect when I'm with Harry, no matter wherever we are.

The night is starry. The moon is bright.

I think it's perfect.

Just me, him and the moon.

I feel his hand leaving mine and then it's slowly sliding to my back.

But then,

"Let's take a picture, shall we?" He says and pulls out his IPhone from his pocket.

"We don't even have a proper light here Harry" I tell him.

"The moonlight will do" He holds the phone in front of us but I can't even see myself on the screen.

"Harry...take me in the frame"

"You are in the frame Lou"

No...he's towering me. I take the phone from his hand "let me click the selfie"

He goes behind me and wraps his arms around "go ahead"

Alright...I'm blushing.

I raise the phone and grin. His chin is resting on my shoulder and he's smiling too. At least our faces are visible in this little amount of light. I take the snap.

"Not bad" He stares down at the screen.

"Yeah...send me the picture okay?" I say.

He takes the phone back and nod. He puts his phone back into his pocket.

And we don't say anything for some time.

"Louis" He calls. His voice coming slow, deep and raspy.

He wraps his hand around my waist.

I can feel my breath getting shallow. He turns and makes me face him. I don't look up. I can feel a thump in my chest.

Once!

"Louis...look at me"

Twice!

I tug my hand to his suit, slowly tracing the buttons. It has small stones it in. They are shining.

"Lou" He pulls me close..so close that I can feel his heat radiating through me.

"Yes Harry?"

Thrice!

It's beating loud...very very loud. I know he can hear it too.

I feel the tip of his index finger under my chin. It's cold. He gives a light push and I look up.

His eyes are bright green. It's reflecting the moonlight. The curls are softly falling on his forehead from a side, casting a shadow over his long eyelashes. His lips are so full and red. He slides his hand under my jacket..then under my hoodie. I shudder when I feel his cold fingers touching my hot skin.

"You cold?" He says when I look down and close my eyes. His touch is sending sparks in my body. I know he's a bit drunk may be but not that drunk that he doesn't know what he's doing.

His nose tip grazing the top of my head. His long fingers tracing circles on my back. He holds my hip and gives a soft squeeze.

"Harry" I exhale and look up at his face.

"You are beautiful" He whispers in my ear. I get goosebumps all around. His cold lips touching my earlobe. I stifle a gasp. I feel warm all over my body.

"Harry...what are-"

"Can I kiss you?"

I widen my eyes. He what?

"Hazz...I-" I stop talking when he starts leaning in.

I quickly close my eyes shut.

Oh my god...

I feel his minty breath caressing my face. His lips softly grazing my right cheek. His lips are warm and moist on my skin. I feel my knees getting weak with each passing second. I hold the back of his neck just to keep my balance.

I know he is close...too close.

But I don't feel his lips on my lips.

I just feel a bright light flashing in front of my lidded eyes. It was piercingly bright.

And then I don't feel him anymore. I don't feel his arms around me. Or his heat or his soft touch...nothing. It's gone.

I slowly open my eyes and...

He's standing some feet away from me. His hands are in his pockets and his curls are pushed back. He's smirking...at me...

"Harry?" I say but then I notice something else.

Rather someone.

Kyle?

He's standing beside Harry with a phone...directed towards me.

And there's another flash. I blink my eyes to adjust with my vision in the dark.

"Surprise surprise" Kyle says popping his head sideways. He grins and I don't like it one bit. "Hello Louis"

"Harry... I thought...we were alone" I say to him. But he won't...he's still smirking.

"Oh..don't mind us here Tomlinson. We were just giving you both some privacy but Jesus... You are some tight arse lad aren't you?"

"Excuse me?"

"Don't mind him Tomlinson. He's just messing around" I hear someone speak from the dark corners.

It's Pete.

"Hey bro!" Kyle waves at him. "Are you recording everything?"

"Harry...what's going on? Why are your friends here?" I ask him.

He...he just shrugs and walks to stand beside Pete and Joshua? and Brian?

What???

Pete's camera is still directed towards me...recording me?

"Harry!" I exclaim. My voice comes out squeaky and loud. I just want him to talk to me... I just... What is happening?!! "Harry...talk to me"

"Oh he won't talk to you mate. His time is over" Joshua snorts. He puts an arm around Harry's shoulder. Harry won't look at me.

"You still didn't get the thing Louis? Come on... I didn't know you were that slow!" Kyle exclaims. He puts his phone back into his pocket and smirks "you have been pranked. The camera is here" He cheers loudly and points at the phone Pete is holding.

"What do you mean?" I feel my breath go heavy. I still don't understand.

"Harry...really man. More than two months you've been spending your hours with this dumb daft. How bro?" Brian says.

"What are you all talking about? Harry what is happening? Tell me, what they are saying.. Harry!!!" I almost shout. I can hear my heartbeat thumping in my ears.

"Okay...let me explain to you. See...Harry here have been playing a nice little show with you since what... November? You thought he's your friend and shit but actually, he was/is pranking you. So all those long hours in his home and those hanging out session after school and on holidays and weekends were nothing but a show. He wasn't actually hanging out with you. Harry...lad, would you like to say the rest?" Kyle turns at him.

"Kyle...let him enjoy the moment. He did the labour work anyway" Brian tells. And Harry chuckles.

I gulp. I can't... I'm not able to process anything.

"Yeah right" Kyle laughs and takes the phone from Pete and directs it on me. I take a step back "s..stop it... I don't understand... I don't understand anything. Harry...please...please tell them"

"Tell us what Louis...Lou" Kyle mocks and they laugh some more. I wrap my arms around myself and turn my face away from the camera.

No...this is not happening.

"Aww... Poor Lou Lou...you still don't get it. So so so fucking dumb. No wonder Harry has been fooling you for months." Joshua says it. "Harry seduced you and you thought he was falling for you. He has a girlfriend."

"I always thought he's gay ya know" Kyle laughs. "Louis Nerdlinson is gay and he likes it up his arse. What a news!"

"STOP! PLEASE STOP!" I scream. But they won't stop. They are laughing loudly. They are laughing at my misery. They are enjoying it. Harry is with them...laughing with them. He's laughing at me.

"All those flattering words...all those moments together were nothing but illusion... Harry? Were they all lies?" I try to speak..to him. My voice barely comes out. I can't even breathe properly. This don't feel real. He...he has a...a girlfriend?

"Stop being such a baby Tomlinson. It was just a prank. Man up and take it sportingly. But also, my favorite part of this whole thing is that bathroom part. Harry had to carry that dumb thingy all the way to his room. How cute ha ha" Brian barks a laughter.

I stumble back and look down with widen eyes. He has said them...all..everything. I told him...him about my insecurities and...he just...just...

I ball my fists on my sides "Harry... I'm talking to you... Look at me--".

"And breaking news...we have done one of the most successful pranks of all times. All thanks to Harry...our genius lad...and Louis Tomlinson who just got freshly pranked. Look at his face...priceless. And also he's gay...but shhh...no one should know that. Meet y'all in our next video..bye mofos" Kyle stops recording. "Really Harry...you are a great actor. For one time we actually thought that everything that you were doing was real" Kyle slaps his shoulder.

Then Kyle faces me "And yes.. Louis... You are gonna get famous because this video is dropping in our school GC now"

"NO!" I go to him and grab his arm "No please...please don't do that...please don't out me like that.. I beg you..please... Harry please tell him... HARRY...PLEASE.." Kyle pushes me away "Eww back off" and I stumble on my foot.

No no no no...

I try to go towards Harry but Pete holds my collar and pushes me back with such force that I lose my balance and fall down.

"Slow down Pete...you don't want him dead do you?" Harry says to him.

Tears streaming down my face "please don't...upload that video.... Kyle please-"

"Sorry mate. It's done" Kyle mocks and wave that phone in the air. Then he laughs like a maniac. His voice is echoing everywhere...scaring me. I whimper.

"Oh look...we are already getting likes" Brian speaks.

"Louis Nerdlinson is finally famous. You should thank us Lou Lou" Joshua mocks again.

I can't take this. I pull my knee up to my chest and wrap my arms. I want them to stop. I want everything to stop. I can't take this. I can't breathe. Their laughter is stabbing me, killing me. And I can't stop it.

"Come on lads. Our work is done. I'm starving anyway"

"Let's go to McDonald's... Harry's treat"

"Yeah.. I'm in"

"Let's go!!"

"What about that sobbing princess?"

"Let him be. Not our responsibility. Come on"

I bury my face in my knees. My head is throbbing with a searing pain. It'll split open. I can't stop my sobs. I feel so many pain in all the parts of my body. Everything is aching. So so painful. I can't breath. I want to go numb. I rock myself back and forth. It's getting unbearable. I can still hear their laughter, fading away behind the walls. I can hear them celebrating my misery...my pain.

I can hear his chuckles. He's happy. He's satisfied.

He's celebrating.

While I cry.

I shout but nothing is coming out of my mouth.

I want to die.


	18. Chapter 18

Past

-FLASHBACK-

Harry huffed and sat down on the chair rather grumpily. He pressed his index finger and thumb on his temples. And then pushed his hairs back with frustration.

And then "shut the fuck up all of you for fucks sakes"

All the other five lads stopped their banter and looked at him with furrowed brows. They were seated at the cafeteria of their school and it was quite a busy place as it was the lunch time.

"What's wrong with you?" Pete asked.

"Hangover from last night" Liam passed Harry the lime water. "I told him not to get too drunk as it was a school night but Mr. Styles was already too drunk to even give ears to my words"

Harry lifted the big glass and held the straw in between his fingers "It was a party Liam...I deserved to get drunk. It's been ages I went to a party"

"Then you deserve the hangover too. Enjoy" Liam took the glass away from him.

"Daddy is woken up again. Next are you gonna ground him for two weeks?" Kyle snickered and pulled out the glass from Liam's hand and passed it on to Harry.

"But he wasn't drunk for no reasons" Joshua said.

"Oh come on lads" Harry huffed and slurped the lime water.

"Courtney dumped him last night" Kyle snorted.

Harry took the empty Red Bull can from the table and tossed it towards Kyle who was laughing hysterically on his chair.

"What?!" Both Brian and Pete said in unison with open mouth and widen eyes.

"She was this close to shove her heels down his throat. Boy that hottie has some Juno's anger" Joshua said pinching the air.

"What did you even do to make her so angry?" Brian asked.

Harry was about to speak when Kyle interrupted him "flirting with some red head. She was hot too so can't blame our lad...did you see those curves"

"Shut up perv!" Harry snapped. "I was just talking to that girl and Courtney thought I was flirting. She gets so insecure over little things"

"Oh really? Who puts their hands on the girl's shoulders while 'just talking'?" Kyle raised a brow.

"Fuck off" Harry put the straw between his front teeth.

"What happened to 'nobody can dump me because I dump them before because I'm Harry Styles' thing?" Joshua sneakered.

"Guess someone's dream got squashed. You should've seen his face when Courtney was yelling at him. Worth a million dollars face" Kyle was laughing uncontrollably.

"Calm your balls down K. You might shit yourself any time now" Harry rolled his eyes.

"I told Harry that Courtney was serious about him but does he listens to anyone these days?" Liam commented.

"Come on Lee. She was so cheesy and clichéd. She'd always keep me awake late night in her banter. And then that 'you hang up, no you hang up first baby' shit. I was already tired" Harry made a gagging face.

"But she was hot dude" Joshua pouted like a baby...mocking Harry.

Harry rolled his eyes in response "go and give your shoulders to her so that she could cry on them"

"Give it a rest lads" Liam said.

"No really... Harry's charms did not keep back Courtney. Pity" Kyle stated. "Do you want a shoulder to cry hun?"

Harry raised his middle finger "my charms just works fine for me"

"Really?" Kyle sniffed.

Harry turned to him and pulled him by the front of his shirt.

"You really wanna see that Kyle? I don't think you are prepared to get seduced by me" Harry whispered to him looking straight in his eyes.

Everyone at the table gaped at them with open mouth.

Harry smirked.

Kyle pulled Harry's grip out of his t-shirt and said "you don't have to waste your charms on me H. I have got a perfect pawn for you". He held Harry's jaw and turned his face to the other direction.

Louis was walking by their table with his jam and peanut butter sandwiches and a milkshake. He passed them and went to the farthest corner in the room. There was an empty table, away from the crowd. Louis always preferred to sit there, all alone.

"What do you mean?" Harry frowned when he turned back to Kyle.

"Seduce that kid and prove your point. Prove it that your charms works on everyone...irrespective of their gender" Kyle smirked at him.

"What are you saying Kyle? Are you out of your mind?" Liam said loudly.

"Calm down Daddy. I'm just telling Harry to prove his point. Besides I don't see any harm in that. We are not hurting anybody, what say boys?" Kyle looked around the table.

Pete, Joshua and Brian were as confused as Harry. But they somehow murmured their 'yes'.

"Seriously? Kyle that kid?" Harry pointed towards Louis. "Look at him and look at me. Do you really think I'd survive a day with him?"

"That's the main challenge Harry. Look at him. He's just perfect for our next prank-"

"No!" Liam interrupted. "We would not bring real people in our pranks. That's the rule we follow and we'd not drag that kid Kyle and that's my decision"

"Come on Payno. I told you there's no harm. We are not using any equipment in here. It's simple. Harry would go...try to be his friend and then try to make him fall for him. That's simple. Crushes are normal aren't they? And people usually get over them in no time. And who knows if that lad would even fall for him or not. Or be his friend in the first place" Kyle explained.

Harry turned to look at Louis who was oblivious of the attention he was getting. Louis was nibbling on his sandwich and a thick novel was kept on the table, before him. His full concentration was on that.

"So what do you think?" Kyle asked.

"Don't listen to him Harry" Liam protested.

"Liam calm down mate" Pete kept a hand over his shoulder. "I think it's not that bad of an idea. We didn't do any big pranks lately. And I don't see any harm"

"Thanks Pete" Kyle grinned and hi-fived him. Then he turned to Harry who was still observing Louis. "Tell us H"

"I don't know Kyle. I'm not sure"

"Come on mate. Don't be a pussy" Kyle slapped his back.

"I'm not being a pussy. That kid looks too fragile to handle any prank. What if it goes wrong?" Harry said.

"Fragile?" Kyle snickered. "He's creepy not fragile. He doesn't even have any friends. That's your opportunity to grab and try to be his friend. And don't worry...we are not harming anyone here. You'll just make him have a crush on you...we'll get a picture or two and then it'll be over before you'll know".

"Harry don't go for it" Liam said again. He's face was showing all traces of concerns.

"It's fine Liam. No one will get hurt I promise" Harry assured him.

"So you in?" Kyle grinned.

"Yeah...but on one condition"

"What?"

"I'll take as much time I want" Harry said and looked at Louis who was slurping his milkshake and smiled a little because may be he'd read a beautiful line about love on that page of that book.

The curves of Harry's lips lifted up a little. He wasn't aware of that.

He was yet to know what he was getting himself into.

***

Present

Niall looked at Louis who was standing in front of him. Louis' hands were wrapped around himself as he was staring down. His eyes were fixed on the ground.

Niall was still frowning at him because he didn't know what was wrong with Louis.

"Why are you behaving like that Louis? Since the first day you've been treating Harry like a shit. That lad is being nothing but kind to you even after all that hurtful things you said and still saying to him" Niall crossed his arms over his chest. His eyebrows were pointed because he was mad. "He's an international celebrity Tommo. You cannot disrespect him that way. He's here for a purpose and you can't stand him? What did he do to get so much hate from you? You don't even know him Louis. Then why are you behaving a way as if you hold a grudge against him? Speak up Louis!"

Louis slowly walked towards the students' chairs and slumped down on one of them. He was breathing hard.

And then he started sobbing. Thick tears were streaming down his red cheeks. He was crying loudly.

Niall's eyes went wide. The sight was very new to him. Louis never cried or Niall never saw him crying so badly before.

Louis' shoulders shook violently as the back of his hands got wet while trying to rub away all those tears that were rolling down.

"Louis! Louis why are you crying?" Niall shrieked and went to him. He dropped on his knees in front of him and held his lower arms. He looked up to the broken boy. He was so vulnerable.

Louis won't meet his eyes. He closed his eyes as his sobs echoed across the empty room.

"Louis...please...tell me...stop..stop crying..what's wrong... I'm sorry that I scolded you... Louuu!" Niall gave a little shake to him by holding his shoulders.

"He hurt me Niall" Louis whimpered.

"Who Louis?"

"Hazza... He hurt me Niall. He hurt me so bad..."

***

Past

I don't hear anything.

I don't feel anything.

I'm numb. I turn and face the front. Even though my eyes are close, I can see the translucent lights sneaking through the curtains from the open window. I left the windows open last night after I came home. I wanted to feel the cold breeze that was blowing outside. They were my companion when my wobbly hands were holding the steering wheel of mum's car. I drove all the way. Even though I missed most of the journey from school to home last night because the lights were blurred. My eyes were teary.

The funny thing was that I was about to get into an accident. That'd have been fun. But the car that was coming from the other side turned their direction and went passed me, narrowly escaping from mum's car. Then they came out of their car and began shouting at me. I don't remember what they said. I wasn't listening. I just let them shout.

Then I drove back home with windows down. I began to enjoy the cold. And I'm enjoying it now. I open my eyes and stare at the white ceiling.

I'm on my bed.

I came home pretty late last night. Mum wasn't asleep and I forgot to take my keys anyway. So when I stepped into my house, I hugged mum. She was a bit surprised or may be I was looking like a shit.

But I need to talk to her too. The girls were asleep so I couldn't talk to them but I'll do that today after they come back from school.

But I talked to mum.

I came out to her last night.

As the whole school knew what I was. The whole school knows that I'm gay. So their parents would know too and they will tell my mum. And I didn't want her to know about me from someone else. So I made the decision to tell her. At least, there was something that was in my control.

So I told her. And waited for the blow but it never came. She was smiling. She hugged me and told me that she loves me and nothing will ever change that. She's so sweet. I am blessed to have her as my mum.

Then she went on telling me that I was so brave.

Funny right. Me being gay makes me brave even without doing any brave stuffs in particular.

Never mind.

So she was pretty much okay with me liking guys and I wish everyone was like her, so supporting and caring. But we don't always get what we want, do we?

I skipped dinner last night because I didn't have any appetite. I told my mum that I'll go bed early because I was sleepy but I was just lying. I just wanted to take a hot water bath because my clothes were dirty and my body needed that bath so badly.

It was calming even though I wasn't feeling anything.

After the bath I straight went to bed. I didn't touch my phone because I know it was going insane in the GC. I'll leave the group chat soon.

But sleep was a far cry for me.

I was just laying on my bed thinking everything and nothing at the same time. I was just killing the time. But then I hear commotion outside my room. I locked my door when I came in.

The walls were paper thin so I knew who was there outside my room...talking in whispered tone.

Stan and Mum.

Stan might've got to know everything. I knew he was going nuts outside. He called me too but I didn't receive the call because I didn't want to talk. He knew that I was sleeping because I heard mum saying I went to bed early. Mum was sounding tensed. I didn't tell her the full story because I didn't want her to involve in my mess. I don't want her to take tension over such...such small things.

It wasn't that big if I think it that way. I liked a guy but he didn't like me. Well, he wasn't even my friend. I was living in an illusion I wasn't even aware of. Then the bubble burst and I came back to the reality. Straight dropped on the ground on my knee. It hurt a bit but I'm stable now. I can still walk now.

So Stan went back home when he was convinced that I was sound asleep but I know he knew that I wasn't asleep. He knew I was still awake so he left a message before living my house.

It said "call me Louis if you don't feel good. Meet me tomorrow and sleep. You need that"

I didn't say anything so he leaves. I was wide awake but still I tried to sleep.

It wasn't sound sleep but at least I got a wink of it.

Now I'm awake and I have to go to school to collect my test papers. I don't want to get out of my bed but I have to because its 28th January and we are strictly told to collect all of the test papers. Besides we can't miss classes now as our finals are coming and our attendance are gonna get count. 

And I have to talk to mum about college. I'd do it after I come back from school.

***  
I did two classes back to back. They went well if I don't count the whispers and stares from the other students. I ignore them. I pretend I don't see them pointing fingers at me. They are everywhere, every corner and in every hallways. 

I got my Chemistry, Biology, Math and English test papers. I got good marks in them. The teacher was praising me. I'm happy too. I pretend to be happy and satisfied with my marks. 

I pull my hoodie on and ignore every other finger that was pointing at me. I walk down the hallways and go to my locker. Stan and Ash were messaging me constantly before school. I text them back that I was fine and needed some time alone. Stan understood and left me alone but I promised him that I'll meet him and we can have pizza later. I didn't have pizza for a long time.

I open my locker and drop my books into it. Then that box catches my eyes. I remember keeping it there some days back because my closet was messy and I didn't want to keep it in between the pile of the hoodies and jumpers. 

Well last night, while pulling out a fresh tee and pants, I took out his clothes and dropped it in a box and pushed it under my bed. I don't need them anymore. I have my own clothes to wear. I don't have to wear someone else's clothes.

I take the box and remove the lead. The bracelet is shining the same as I remembered the last time I saw it.

I take it out and stare at it. His name is on it, it looks good. Too good. But it's useless now. No one needs it now. I cannot use it either because I don't have my name on it. I push the bracelet into my pocket and toss the box deeper into the locker. 

I'm about to close the locker door when I hear someone talking just some feet away from me. They were girls.

"Did you see the video last night?"

"OMG! Yes...that was, I don't know, unexpected. Louis...right? His name is Louis. I can't say I don't believe he is gay. I mean...I don't even know him but how fool he made out of himself"

"Girl...that was embarrassing. Did he really thought Harry was gay?"

"But I saw them hanging out a lot lately. Just yesterday they left the cafeteria together. The whole school was shocked ya know when we first saw that creepy kid with Harry for the first time...I mean its Harry Styles who was hanging out with that lad"

"He thought he had a shot with Harry. Lmao"

"First of all, that Louis bloke is gay... which is eww...Totally eww. And second of all, Harry is straight. He only date girls and he had dated half of the girls in our grade. We are waiting in the list and that bloke, out of nowhere, tried to snatch him away from us?"

"But Harry just exposed him"

"That was so funny"

I close my eyes and bang the locker door shut. They stop giggling. I open my eyes and look at them. Both of their eyes goes wide. They didn't expect me to eavesdrop. I turn away from them and spot Ashlyn standing just opposite. She's glaring at me....wait....she's glaring behind me.

And then Ashlyn walks and went past me towards those gossip girls.

"I heard what you both were talking about. Do you think its funny?" Ash is fuming.

One of them pulls up a brave face and cross her arms "yeah...that's whole drama going on. Let us enjoy Ashlyn"

"Oh really" Ash said. "listen you little pieces of shits. Get your homophobic arse out of here or else I'll make you shove both of your nasty tongues up your arses. And do take me seriously loves because I act what I say. And you.. Kate. Stop gossiping or else I'll tell everyone how your mother walked in on you and your boyfriend having sex while you were in your mother's discarded lingerie"

They look at her with wide eyes. Ashlyn glares at them and they slowly walk away.

"Ashe" I call her. She turns her head towards me and then turns back and begun walking ahead. I follow her. She's taking long steps, almost furiously walking ahead.

"Ashlyn..stop" I call after her. Where is she going? I call her again but she won't stop.

We walk down the hallway full of students. I push through them. I don't care what they are talking because I hear my name in their mouths. I don't care. 

"Ashlyn!" I called her again.

But I stop. 

She is still walking ahead. I see it...him. I see him standing there. At the far end of the hallway. He's standing against the locker with...with a girl. They are snogging. His hands are on each side of that girl. His...his face is hidden behind her long blonde hairs. His hands rests on her waist...He is...holding her..close...so close...

Ashlyn grabs the back of his shirt's collar and pulls him out. He leaves the girl and stumbles on his feet. Ashlyn turns him and punches him straight on his nose. He loses his balance and bangs against the lockers. That blonde girl screams and moves away from him.

"WHAT THE FUCK!" He screams.

Ashlyn's fists are still clenched tightly. He touches his nose. It's bleeding.

"You deserved it arsehole. You deserve the worst after what you did last night" Ashlyn said calmly.

"How dare you fucking punch me?" He shouts as he balance himself on his feet. His nose is bleeding.

"How fucking dare you do that to Louis? You thought you can hurt him just like that? You thought he doesn't got friends. You thought you can use him and throw him like a tissue paper?" 

"Oh so you are here to avenge him?" He averts his eyes and they catches my gaze. I wrap my hands around myself. His eyes were piercing through me. I don't want to look at him. I don't want him to look at me. 

"Louis Tomlinson...I didn't know you are such a baby. You send your friend to defend yourself? Don't you have any balls to take your own stand?" He says. 

"Shut the fuck up you motherfucker" Ash steps in and blocks his view on me. My hands are trembling but I have to call Stan before anything bad happens. I pull out my phone with trembling fingers and dial Stan's number.

"Don't you see? It was a prank. Can't you bunch of nerds take it just like that?" Harry retorts.

"You call it a prank? You are vile. You lead him on for months and then you pop up and say 'oh sorry...I was just fooling around. Not my fault if you are devastated'. How dare you Styles?"

I want it to stop. I want it so badly. Everyone is watching us.

"Stan..please come to the hall. Last row of lockers. Please come quickly" I whisper to him once he picks up. He said he is coming. I trust him.

"I didn't lead him on. I didn't do anything to lead him on. It's his fault that he thought I was hinting him" He said.

I close my eyes shut. I feel the headache coming back. 

"Don't talk about him. Shut your mouth or I'll break it Styles I swear to god"

"Huh" he snorts. "You really thought I'm falling for Tomlinson. He took my kind gestures into something else. Not my fault. He expected too much out of our interaction-"

"YOU FUCKING OUTED HIM TO THE WHOLE SCHOOL YOU MORON. DO YOU EVEN REALISE HOW FUCKED UP THAT IS? CAN'T YOU SEE HOW MUCH YOU HURT HIM. YOUR FUCKING PALS DESERVE NOTHING BUT HELL AND YOU TOO DOUCHEBAG. YOU TOO!" 

"Ashlyn...stop!" I request her. I can't take the chaos anymore.

"SO WHAT? YOU THOUGHT I LIKE YOUR LITTLE FRIEND THERE? YOU THOUGHT I AM A FAG LIKE HIM?"

I whimper.

I..have been dreading this. I have been dreading for that word to come out from his mouth. But it eventually did. I could do nothing to stop it.

Harry's eyes goes widen.

"HOW FUCKING DARE YOU!" Ashlyn lunges on to him but Stan comes in time and holds her back. She's kicking her legs and arms to get off his grip but Stan pulls her far, towards the exit gate.

"Louis, my car. RIGHT NOW!" Stan says while exiting but I only hear muffled voice. It's last night again. And I tried so much to push everything behind my mind...I tried to avoid it. I tried to pretend that nothing happened. I tried so hard but I failed. I finally feel the pain. I finally feel what I lost. I lost him. I lost him forever yet he was never mine. 

I press my lips to stifle the cries that are threatening to escape. I don't want him to see me cry. I don't want him to see my tears anymore. He'd already seen enough. He'd made fun of that. 

I feel a burn in my pockets. I have to get rid of that. I have to throw it away.

He is looking at me. He's standing by the locker with wounded nose.

I walk towards the bin. I pull out the green thing from my pocket. I don't need it anymore. It's just a junk right now. Just a sea green piece of junk. I look up towards him. He is frowning. He is looking at it. It's good he's looking at it. He should see how I tear it apart.

I take each ends of the bracelet and give a pull. It snaps from the side. The pearl beads rolls and scatters all around. He's name is still intact on it...shining with ease. I crumple the whole thing into a ball in my hand and look back at him. His face is so confused right now. He's looking at the destroyed bracelet on my palm. I tilt it and the ball of junk rolls and falls into the bin. His eyes follows it till it can follow no more.

He looks back at me. His face full of confusion and remorse and anger. He is still angry at me. 

I turn away with a promise that I won't ever look back at him. I won't care about him...not anymore. I'm done. I'm done with everything.

And I realise I'm angry too. I finally feel it inside me. I can feel the hate surging inside me for him. 

I hate Harry and I'll hate him always.

***

Present

Niall looked at Louis because he couldn't believe what he was hearing.

Louis told him everything. Every bits of his past that involved Harry. 

Niall felt a full force from somewhere and he stumbled on his knees and sat down on the floor. But Louis was engulfed into a hug. 

"Louis!" Zayn tighten his embrace around the short guy. "oh my god...Louis are you alright? Louis I'm sorry for everything that happened"

"Zayn? you were listening?" Louis sniffed.

Zayn broke the hug but held him close. He rubbed his hazel eyes with his sleeves "I was going towards the studios. But saw Niall dragging you into this classroom. I know something was wrong. So I followed. I hope you don't mind me eavesdropping. I didn't mean too. I'm sorry Lou..but I couldn't stop listening"

"It's... it's fine Zayn. You both deserved to know the truth anyway" Louis said with a small weak smile.

Niall scooted close to them and wrapped his arms around "We are here with you Louis. We'll always be here. We won't let him do anything anymore...not anymore"

"Thank you lads. But I'm okay now" Louis detach himself from them.

"Never thought Harry would be like that. So fucked up. He's fooling everyone" Zayn said with a raging face.

"That bloke is really vile. Who in their right mind does that? Cunt" Niall balled his fists.

"Calm down lads. It's an old thing that happened years ago. Don't ruin what's going on. And I'm fine. I know how to handle him. He can't do shit now" Louis told them.

Zayn and Niall exchanged glances.

"You call us if he bothers you Louis..okay?" Niall held his hand.

Louis nodded with a smile.

"And give him what he deserves" Zayn said.

Louis sighed "I just want to live in peace Z. I don't seek vengeance. I just want a peaceful life"

"You'll get it Louis. You deserve it. And we will make sure he is five feet away from you." Zayn hugged him again. Niall nodded and hugged them both

Louis was feeling light headed after a long time. He knew he'd to let everything out to both of them and it was about time.

He was sure he have their backs.

But he wasn't sure about himself. He wasn't sure if he'll get peace any time soon. He wasn't sure about Harry.

Because Louis knew he still had a part hidden in him which craves for Harry.

And Louis absolutely hated that part in him.

He fucking hate himself for keeping that part alive in him. Letting it feed on him like a parasite.

But he can't kill it.

He can never be able to kill it.


	19. Chapter 19

Louis was pulling out dishes from the shelves when he heard a knock on his door.

He hopped down the kitchen island and pulled the hem of his sweater down. Someone knocked again. Louis walked out of the kitchen, strolling past the living room and stopped in front of the door.

He looked through the magic eye. And then he rolled his own eyes.

He twisted the knob and opened the door.

"What do you want?" Louis said with an expressionless face.

"You told Niall everything didn't you?" Harry asked with a quiet voice. His hairs were messily hid behind a grey beanie. He had a large sweater on which wasn't there before...almost...almost looking like the high school Harry Louis knew.

"Yeah I did, so?" Louis said.

"He wasn't talking to me the whole day. He didn't come back...for an hour or so after...you both...went out of the studio" Harry mumbles in a dejected tone.

"We went to the Starbucks after the little chat we had about you" Louis said with a smirk. "Zayn was with us too. And he knows too by the way"

Harry looked at him under the his lashes. His eyebrows sank low.

"So they hate me now?"

"Yeah!" Louis nodded with sincerity. "I mean they cannot hate you like me but they sure have developed an amount of dislike towards you which will really be a big trouble if you are genuinely working with them"

Harry nodded. He was looking down "it'd be awkward to work with them now that they know what a big blunder I did in the past. How was I a dick and a moron to ruin everything that I had with you"

"If you hadn't pressed me so much since you stepped in the campus, I'd have stayed mum. But you brought every ounce of nightmare back that you cause me all those years ago. So I spilled the tea. I did the 'big revelation' of our story where you are the antagonist and I was your victim " Louis crossed his arms against his chest.

Harry faced him "will my apology make any difference?"

"How dumb can you get if you think that your mere 'sorry' will actually reverse everything that you did?"

Harry didn't say anything.

So Louis just "and do you see how ironic it is?". He grinned "last time your friends were surrounding me. They were making fun of me and I was just that defenseless, poor lad with no power. Now...well now, you are alone. It's my friends that are surrounding you. You are defenseless here. Just how fast the night changes Harry. It's funny innit?".

Harry nodded and walked away to the opposite flat.

Louis called after him "Also... I want you to get out of this university Harry just as fast as you can. I already turned my friends against you. That's the plan I was been brewing since the day 1. So, begin packing bags in that dark flat if you have any"

Harry turned "I have many works to do Lou. I'll meet you soon. Good night". With that he closed the door silently behind him.

Louis' grin lessened and lessened until it got completely vanished from his face. He stepped back and closed the door. He took long breathes. His palms pressed against the wood. There wasn't any noise coming from outside as if there was no one across the hall. As if Louis was all alone. As if he couldn't hear the long breathing and the shuffling of steps or pulling of glass bottle with a liquid (may be) in it and dragging it against the marble kitchen slab. He couldn't hear anything. He didn't hear shit. He just pretended he didn't hear shit.

***

Louis was walking out of the classroom. The days were getting busier as they were nearing the examinations dates. It was still fine, walking down the paths with heavy books clad arms and long jumpers. The university was bustling with students and professors hurriedly going about their days while passing slight acknowledging nods to each other. Louis would stop to have some chats with his colleagues and the students who were willing to talk about their doubts in the middle of the corridor. So Louis politely dismissed them and told them to find him on their break time.

He crossed the fountain, going to the building at the corner when he spotted a mob of students surrounding Harry. He was sitting in the flower garden and a semi circle of students sat in front of him. Cameras were turned to him while he pulled the guitar string with a melody that was coming out of his beautiful mouth. He had a turquoise vintage baker boy hat on. He was singing and chatting with everyone and occasionally sparing lazy glances at the cameras.

Louis walked by him and Harry's eyes caught him immediately. A smile shaped his face as his eyes twinkled with familiarity. He stopped for a split second as his eyes were firmly connected with the short lad who was standing far away from the crowd. Harry resumed singing and Louis thought his voice was increase an octave high just so Harry wanted Louis to hear what he was singing. The rest of the crowd were watching him with awe and admiration while Louis was throwing him suspicious stares. Harry looked down at his guitar, breaking their little eye contact for the first time and then turned to the cameras. His cheeks were glowing in a companion with his crinkled eyes. He looked ecstatic.

Louis thought why wasn't his bitterness affecting Harry? He was constantly hurling abuse at him whenever Harry was crossing his paths. Whenever Harry was trying to build a conversation. It wasn't affecting him in any form or shape. Every night when Louis would sass him...scold him...provoke him...push him but Harry would come around with a smile intact on his face, as if nothing happened between them a day or night before. Louis knew Harry was stubborn, utterly painstakingly stubborn. But he wasn't angry even after Louis tried to make him a ragging ball so many times.

But Harry would never budge.

And hell with those big smiles and bright green eyes that were going brightest each time they locked with Louis' blue ones.

And he felt an ache each time that happened. Louis felt confusion running through his body whenever Harry was attempting a conversation between them. Louis denied him any access but Louis wasn't sure.

He could've heard what he's got to say long ago and then tell him to fuck off but he couldn't.

Because he wasn't sure what'd come out of Harry's mouth.

He wasn't sure about anything that was coiling up in his life.

Louis shrugged all the thoughts away and began walking towards his next class. He was late...thanks to his over thinking and that singing man in the garden getting all the attention.

Even though Harry was getting all the attention, he was only looking at Louis.

"Fuck!" Louis scoffed on himself and rubbed his face with his small palm as he made his way inside the class.

"Good afternoon" He kept all his books that his brilliant brain suggest him to borrow from the library because it might slipped from his mind later so now he was taking them everywhere he was headed until he was actually home.

The students were whispering among themselves with grins and smiles and with a dash of over enthusiasm because they were in awe that Harry Styles was singing just two corridors away so they'd better join him and get captured in those camera shots along side him instead of attending Louis' boring lecture about the Victorian period.

Louis crossed his arms "alright... I know my classes are boring and his gigs are more fun but if you wanna get marks, get involved"

It surely caught their attention but they weren't intimidated by his sass. May be it's the first time or may be Louis was jealous because somebody was stealing his spot light. Somebody with curly hairs and a guitar was stealing Louis' popularity.

So Louis passed a look to them and lifted a thick book from the table. He was about to turn the page he dog-eared last time when someone among the students spoke "Mr. Tomlinson, aren't you excited about everything that's happening in the campus? Like...there's a celebrity among us. And we saw Mr. Styles hanging out with your friends. Isn't it insane!"

Okay, his students might sometimes gossip with him about "stuffs". And that's on Louis because he encouraged them to do so.

"I can't comment about that love. Everyone has their own way to perceive things...situation mostly." Louis said politely.

"He studied in the same school as you. We didn't really know that Mr. Tomlinson" A girl said with wide mischievous eyes.

That made Louis' eyes go wide. How did they even know about that?

Everyone went silent and gave Louis all the attention they could.

"You guys are not less than the FBI" Louis gave a nervous laugh. He looked down and scratched his forehead with his thumb.

"You...you know him sir?" They asked.

Louis was uncomfortable. He didn't want them to know that. How did they even connected the dots?

Louis clutched the book with his left hand tightly. Harry was really taking over everything and Louis could do nothing to stop it.

"I..uh-" Louis was interrupted.

"'Ello love!" Mr. Styles walked into the class with open arms and a big smile. He was now dressed in black shirt and formal black trousers with a big checkered blue Robe. His hairs were combed neatly. When did he even changed?

Also, a guy with big camera on his shoulder was following him.

The students in the class got up with surprised red cheeks. They were astonished.

"What are you doing here?" Louis said loudly.

Harry turned to him. His hands were still outstretched. "Thought to have an interactive sessions with your students Mr. Tomlinson. I hope you don't mind if I borrow a bit of your time with your students". Then he passed a cheeky smile to the kids. All the female in the class were almost jumping in joy.

"I wasn't informed beforehand that there'll be an intervention. We were about to have some important discussion for the examinations" Louis said keeping a straight face.

"Mr. Tomlinson" someone from the back called. "We can ditch one class. It's not always we get Harry Styles to come to our class"

Harry grinned and then looked at Louis with the same expectant eyes "please Mr. Tomlinson"

The rest of the class chorused the "please"

"Alright...alright traitors" Louis rolled his eyes. "Not me wasting a day here so don't blame me later"

They giggled.

Louis collected his books and began to walk away when Harry caught his arm and pulled him back.

"Not in front of my students" Louis whispered. His frown was coated with mild anger.

"Please stay" Harry said quietly. He left his arm slowly after his fingers lingered there for split seconds.

"There's no work for me here as you've taken over everyone. So... I'd like to pass because I have other works to do Mr. Styles" Louis smiled at his students who had no clue what was actually happening between the two. But they can sense the tension emitting from them both.

"We are recording it. I...I want you in it. Please... Louis...stay" Harry said with hollowed voice.

"No!" Louis turned to his students that were proper confused now. "Enjoy the little show Mr. Styles is gonna put. We'll meet in our next class". Louis walked, bumping his little shoulder with Harry's wide ones and stepped out of his class. He was staring straight. Nope, he didn't see Harry's discouraged form.

Louis walked down the corridor with stomping feet. No one was there except him because everyone was still doing the class.

But soon he bumped into a mob of blonde hairs with a combination of black rimmed glasses at the end of the corridor.

"Niall?"

"Where's he?" Niall asked with a grumpy face. He was the most serious Louis had ever seen him.

"My class. Having some interaction"

"Fucking hell! I told him not to go and do that. I fucking told him Louis but he just went and disturbed you. I fucking hate his stubbornness. I'm sorry Louis on behalf of him. I won't let him do that next time. I promise" Niall clenched his fist.

"Calm down Nialler" Louis kept his free hand on his shoulder. "Don't get so worked up over small things"

"But Louis...he's fucking behaving like a cunt when both Zayn and I told him to stay away from you-"

"Wait...you told him what?" Louis frowned.

"He was acting funny in the studios. Telling us to convince you to talk to him. So we told him to stay in his limits and not bother you anymore" Niall told.

"Zayn and you? You both threatened him? To stay away from me? Niall what?" Louis was baffled.

"I told you earlier we won't give him any chances to mess with you this time"

Louis pressed his temples and pushed the fringes away from his eyes. "Niall... I appreciate everything you are doing. I really do"

Niall nodded. Louis went on "but...you are working with Harry. And I think you shouldn't be harsh on him. Don't jeopardize your future for me."

"But Louis...after everything I heard about that bloke, it's hard for me to see him differently. I used to idolize him Louis. I used to like him and not in my dreams had I imagine Harry being so mean to someone...someone so good like you" Niall looked down and gulped with morose.

"Aww" Louis hugged him. "It's fine Niall. It was a long time ago. You don't... I mean, you are seeing him everyday...and I don't want him to call you rude Niall because you are not. He did dirty to me and I'm enough to hate on him. I have the right and power. But Niall...think about yourself will ya? I appreciate your concern. I really do but he's a powerful man now. And you are going to be a part of the industry soon. You'll be colleagues. You cannot hate him your whole life for something you were not a part of. Everything is on me Niall and I don't want my friends to get involved in this mess. Treat him like the guest till the time he's here. And he won't be able to do shit because I know how to defend myself Niall. Trust me Niall, I do"

Niall broke the hug "don't be the wise one here Louis. He deserves what he's getting now."

"Niall...promise me you would listen to me. And you'll talk to Zayn too. He has made a good friendship with Liam and I don't want y'all to have beef against each other just because of me." Louis said.

"We wanna protect you"

"I know Niall...I know that but don't ruin everything in the process. Be a little bit selfish and think about yourself will ya?" Louis cupped Niall's pink cheeks. "And I'm gonna have a little chat with Liam soon"

"What for?"

"That... I have to figure out too..but soon" Louis looked away. "I'll tell you lads afterwards...but Niall, I hope you'll do what I said you to do"

Niall nodded begrudgingly.

But then he just "Louis...can I say you something?"

He nodded.

Niall took two steps back for the safety measures and then cleared his throat before talking "I thought you fancied Zayn"

"WHAT?!"

Louis' eyes went full on wide and Niall took another step back.

"I even had your ship name ready. Umm...'Zouis'...but then 'Ziam' came by and...it became more popular" Niall sniffed.

"Oh dear lord" Louis slapped his forehead. "You thought I had a crush on Zayn? Niall...he's like a brother to me. And...he is dating Gigi...omg Niall. 'Zouis'? Where do you find all those names Jesus!" Louis was very close to giggle but before that he thought to tease Niall a bit more because why not?

"Stop embarrassing me Tommo. You look cute with Zayn then what did you expect me to do?"

Louis chuckled "Zayn is good looking that's the reason he looks cute with anyone and everyone. And that's on Period."

"So you are actually not crushing on him?"

"NO Niall. I'm not!"

"So whom should I ship you with?" Niall asked before sticking out his lower lip like a baby.

"I don't know...stop shipping real life people. It's disrespectful" Louis scoffed playfully.

"I'll ship you with a girl then. How about Eleanor? Wait...Louinor or Elounor?" Niall went on.

Louis rolled his eyes "thank you Niall but no thanks"

Meanwhile they were going out of the corridor, towards the common room.

"No really... I think people used to call you both when you were at college. You guys were like this power couple noh?" Niall said. "The sassy master from Doncaster with the Gucci hottie"

Louis stopped "Eleanor never used to wear Gucci in those times"

"Oh! my bad...but she's a hottie still"

"It didn't work out Niall. We were not this power couple. It didn't even last a month"

"Then why did you even started dating her?"

"Because" Louis hugged the books to his chest. "I was just figuring something out"

"What?"

"Nothing...'s stupid anyway" Louis shrugged.

Niall didn't insist him further to speak about that. And Louis didn't bother to speak about it either.

"But Colombia University didn't give you anything other than a degree" Niall commented.

Louis stopped again and faced him "it gave me many things Niall. It's uncountable. Eleanor is as good friend. It gave me her. It gave me confidence that my high school failed to give me. It made me a person that I'm now. Sure, I made many mistakes when I first started my college and I tried to be harsh on meself. Worst phase of my life. But that taught me so many things about life. It changed me as a person. And I have become a better version of me. I still don't regret the decision I made to go to the States for college. I can never regret that Niall"

And Louis was being completely honest.


	20. Chapter 20

It was the Valentine's day.

The whole university corridors were adorned with red and white ribbons and balloons. Roses were passed between everyone and shy smiles coated with honey and sugar were exchanged with a tinge of blush between the young lovers in the campus. It was candy floss and cherry pop state of vibe evaporating from each corner of the campus. Some couples were snogging openly showing all the PDA they could and half of them were just asking their crushes out.

Louis had a smile on seeing all the love in the air. The atmosphere was pretty warm and the day was rosy.

He was headed to his first class. When he entered, the first thing he saw, his students collected in groups or pairs. There were smiles and shy glances everywhere. Some of them were just busy in their phones with small smile pasted on their lips.

"Good morning students" Louis greeted them.

They noticed him and then everyone went to take their respective seats.

Louis began his class with some warm and easy topics for discussion. They were really very attentive throughout. Louis was happy too because he had an wonderful morning and also not to forget he consumed the perfect Yorkshire tea made by himself.

Anyway, the class went on smoothly till it was only ten minutes left for the bell to ring when two girls in cheerleaders red short skirt and a white tee with suspenders walked inside the class with a basket full of roses.

"Sir...it's time for the secret blooms" One of them said with chirpy voice and wide smile.

"Go ahead" Louis said.

Both the girls walked around the room, distributing the large roses with a stick note on them. Every student was waiting for their own secret bloom. Some of them got four to five, some only two while others none. Louis felt bad for them. He knew that feeling when the person next to you gets all the blooms when you are deprived from one.

The girls came back to him.

"We have one from you too" One of them said picking up one from the baskets.

"Really? I thought it's only for the students" Louis said accepting the rose but there wasn't any note stick to it.

"I have three more with me which have your name on it" The other girl picked three roses and gave them to him. They have notes on them.

Louis frowned with a small smile "um thanks"

They smile back and went out of the class.

The students were whispering among themselves. Meanwhile Louis was sparing glances to the notes. He knew they were from his students. So he collected all the roses and books and dismissed the class.

He went to his next class and came out with another set of roses in his hands. And that went on for the next class too. By the end of the day, he took back those flowers worth a bouquet to the common room.

But then he was welcomed by more flowers, love letters and chocolates on his desk, taking all the spaces. Louis tried not to smile looking all the beautiful and heartwarming stuffs in front of him. That happened every year.

Louis spotted a bunch of roses... Blue roses among the things. He went and pulled them out. They were beautiful and Louis never saw them before. He counted them and they were total ten.   
"Somebody is getting all the sweets and fragrances"

Louis turned and found Conan walking towards him. His eyes firmly set on his overloaded desk.

"Do you need some help carry them to your flat?" Conan asked.

"I'd like some help" Louis giggled shyly.

Conan gave a small smile to him "it's increasing year after year. You should write back to the people sending those, Louis"

"It's loads of them Conan" Louis looked down at the blue roses in his hands. They were looking really very pretty in his small hands.

"I like what you are holding there. I've never seen Blue roses before. We don't even get those here" Conan said standing in front of Louis and looking down at the beautiful blooms.

"I wonder who sent them. There's no note" Louis caressed the tip of the soft petals.

"Whoever they are from, they've got some tastes. The color matches your eyes" Conan faced Louis and gave him a soft smile.

"So you are saying my eyes are beautiful?" Louis asked. His tone came out a little higher than a mere whisper.

Conan said "Yes...Louis. Your eyes are beautiful just like the pacific ocean. It's endless and infinitely blue with a tinge of green in them. They are perfect even if they change color with the clothes you wear and the way you feel. You know they reflect your feelings. Now they are shining brightly. Do you know that?"

Louis looked at him. He didn't know how to respond to that. He got a sudden Deja vu which was blocking him from concentrating on the situation he was in.

"Louis I asked you something?" Conan asked.

"I..uh.." Louis looked away.

"Louis?" A voice called from Conan's back.

Louis tilted his head to his left and spotted Harry there. Conan stepped back from him and turned to look at him "Hi Harry!"

Harry was looking at them with mild frown. His eyes scanned Louis' desk and then travelled from Conan to Louis, then at the roses Louis was holding and finally stopping on his face.

"That's a lot" Harry commented. His voice not at all cheerful neither his face glowing. He looked exhausted.

"It's not a new thing Harry. Louis gets them every year. Quite popular among students" Conan said.

"I can see that" Harry nodded.

"Conan you were saying something?" Louis went to his desk and kept the roses over a large chocolate box. He took his books and went to the lockers without meeting eyes with Harry who was watching him. His eyebrows were pointed and Louis might know what was the reason behind that.

"Yeah" Conan pocketed his hands. "Would you like to grab a bite after the day ends?"

"Yeah sure. Why not?" Louis locked the door of his locker and grinned.

"Mind if I join?" Harry said.

Conan opened his mouth to reply when Louis interrupted him "aren't you too busy to join us?"

"Louis!" Conan passed him a look then turned to Harry "yeah sure Harry. I'll leave you a text when we head for the Samuel's"

"I think I won't be able to make it. I have works" Louis pulled out some files from his drawers.

"You have some time for having dinner. C'mon Louis" Conan gave him a look of distaste and then turned to Harry "don't mind him. Sometimes he gets this man period."

"Shut up Con" Louis held Conan's hand "I remember I was suppose to see Zayn. He wanted to tell me something. So will you take me to him? That drama queen isn't picking up my calls"

"Louis...I wanted to talk to you too" Harry said taking a step ahead. His eyes were fixed on Louis' hand that was holding Conan's.

"Weren't you about to work on those files you just pulled out?" Conan asked at the same time looking at him with a questioning face.

"Yeah but Zayn is more important. Come on" Louis pulled him away from Harry, totally ignoring what Harry said a minute ago.

Conan turned to Harry shrugged with a laugh "I told you, man period"

"Shut up!" Louis playfully scoffed and began walking out of the entrance. Harry was still rooted to his spot, watching him go away with someone else.

Conan chuckled beside Louis.

But Louis wasn't smiling anymore once he stepped out of the room. Harry was sad. And he wasn't feeling very good after neglecting the curly headed one who watched him going out of the room with another lad. He knew Harry must've taken it in a wrong way.

After all it was the Valentine's day.

***

Louis was working for hours in his MacBook (instead of carrying those files home) since he came back home after meeting Zayn at building number four. When they were half way through, they were stopped by another drama teacher and asked Conan to help them with something so he directed Louis where he could find Zayn and then promised him to meet for the planned dinner. Louis wanted to ask Zayn to accompany him to the Samuel's but then Zayn was really very busy with his works so Louis didn't bother him. Niall was a total no no because he wasn't in the campus to begin with. Rumours had it, he was having a meeting with Liam which have something to with the fest and Harry wasn't with them because he was spending time with his band and Niall's students orchestra at the studios.

And Harry.

It had been fucking fifteen days Harry was in the campus. Fifteen days since Harry returned to his life. Fifteen days of insomnia. Fifteen days of foul mood and endless arguments he had with him. Louis was having chaotic days because each and every one was bringing back each and every memory he has created with Harry. Those long days in his home and bright evening spent wrapped in a same blanket and sharing coffee and home baked cookies. And sometimes stealing scoops of cookie dough under Harry's sharp nose even after Harry told him not to do so. Those large Starbucks mochas and frozen yogurts and ice cream pops that Harry shared with him (Louis' pops were smaller than his because Harry thought that was cute but that absolutely annoyed Louis). To convince him, Harry used to make tacos for them for dinner (which were absolutely mouth-watering). Louis had the best days with Harry and Louis couldn't deny that even if Harry ruined everything. Even if Louis hated him. 

Even if Louis fucking hated him.

Or so he thought.

Louis huffed and rubbed his forehead under his fringes. Taking trip down memory lane wasn't helping him at all. He shut the MacBook and hid his face with his palms. It was already dark and Louis was starving. He removed his hands from his face and picked his Iphone from the coffee table he was working on. There wasn't any texts from Conan.

He wondered if the plan was still on and Louis wished it wasn't because Harry was accompanying them and Stan was fucking right because it was getting highly impossible with each passing day to ignore Harry. He wasn't able to do it like he used to do back in high school when only two months were left for the session to end. Louis completely ignored Harry for the rest of his high school as if Harry wasn't there. As if Harry Styles wasn't even a person that existed for Louis. Even if they crossed paths, Louis used to look ahead and walked straight past him. Harry became invisible...completely 'air' for him. Even if they were standing on the ground in their graduation day and Louis was standing with his family, waiting for his name to be called, Louis didn't react when Harry's name was called and his little twin sisters wanted to meet him because it was long time Harry came home (or Louis brought Harry home) to meet them. Lottie and Fizzy (like the supportive sisters they were) knew what was up and told Phoebe and Daisy to stop taking Harry's name because Harry wasn't a friend anymore because Louis stopped being his friend because people change because Louis didn't want them to know the actual reason. So the twins went silent and Louis went to stand beside Ashlyn and Stan whose each arms were wrapped around his each shoulder because Louis needed that support and also it was the last time they were going to stand together in an institution. So, when Louis' name was finally called, he hugged his mum and his sisters were cheering his name. His friends were cheering his name as he climbed the four stairs to the stage to receive his degree from the principal. He was happy then. He was smiling because he was finally leaving that place which didn't give him anything best other than the degree (which he had worked so hard for) he was holding. He didn't do any speech. He just smiled to the people who did bad to him. But he didn't catch Harry's attention for a second. Harry was, of course, watching him. But Louis just lived that moment and said goodbye to the school for good...

Or bad.

But Louis considered that good because he didn't had to see Harry everyday and pretend he didn't see him. Louis was finally free from that burden but his troubles didn't end there. He moved out from his home, from his small village and moved to a whole new country. It wasn't his plan but then he wanted to go out from that place and build his career somewhere that was far. Far enough to keep his mind off of Harry and finally he'd be forgotten and left behind.

But that didn't happen because Harry suddenly became famous world wide. And Louis got his haunting days back. Results, Louis turned into a reckless boy who lost his manners and decency after going to the university. Each day was making Louis someone he wasn't. Each time he heard Harry's name that pushed him to gulp down vodka shots. He used to get high and drunk every night but the bad thing was Louis started enjoying that. He started enjoying all the bad habits he was picking up. He got into a bad company and his language was turning foul with each sentences that came out from his mouth. It was bad. So bad that one time Louis didn't realize when he lost his virginity to someone he only talked for mere ten minutes.

Still that didn't stop him.

What stop him was the bad marks after bad marks he was securing in each tests and after blanking out thrice in a row on the viva tests. Also he puked in a middle of a corridor because of a bad hangover which was splitting his head into two halves while he was going into his generic class but we don't talk about that.

Louis realized he was losing himself and he was there to build a career and he was just ruining himself and his future.

So he locked himself three days in a row in his room and cut himself off from the outer world. He pushed his new addiction to the bin and got a shave and a haircut and began drinking milkshakes and tea more often. He used to devour his time into thick books and wrote massive notes for each class. His 'friends' were soon out of his life and he was coming back to the tracks. He was improving as a student and as a human being. He sure had developed a sass which was never present before (that was the only good thing that happened to him) and reduced cussing every time he spoke. After the sobriety period, he 'dated' Eleanor but yep...that went down hill and both just decided to stay friends and Louis was okay with it. 

A rollercoaster it was but Louis knew where he was headed and he was fine.

But now, it was seemingly difficult for him to stop ignoring Harry. The pain he gave him wasn't raw enough for him to keep a straight face every time they were facing each other. It was tainted with rust and new found pangs he felt every time Harry was sad because of his rejection. Going about his days in normal days knowing Harry was there was slowly (not really...it was travelling in jet speed) getting difficult.

After all, Louis wasn't a bad person. He was still that same Louis from high school. And every time he tried to fake his persona in front of Harry, he got the feeling that Harry knows Louis was faking it.

Or else why would Harry keep coming back to him?

Harry always came back to him like the lost puppy that he never was.

Louis sighed and got up from his chair and went to his closet. Before pulling the door he looked himself in the mirror. His face was flushed without any reason. He wasn't smiling and it felt like ages. He wanted to smile but it felt like years he actually felt happy.

He slowly pulled out a jacket and wore it over his shirt. He went back and checked his phone.

Still not a single text from Conan.

Louis took the keys and his wallet and went out of his flat. He looked at the opposite flat. It was locked.

He turned to his and then locked the door securely before going downstairs. His phone was in his hands. The campus was unsurprisingly less crowdy compared to the other days. Louis thought to call Conan when he was walking towards the exit. He dialed his number.

But he stopped when he saw two familiar looking people walking inside the campus.

Harry and Conan.

And Conan was laughing to something Harry told him. And Harry had a smile on too.

Louis clutched his phone tightly in his hand. He didn't know upon whom he was more mad. They were walking inside the campus. May be they already went to the diner without him because he's an annoying little shit and they were better off without him.

So basically they ditched Louis.

Louis turned on his heels and walked opposite. Taking large steps at a time, he was headed to the football ground that was at the back of the university. He flared his nostrils with big heavy breaths he was taking and exhaling. He was angry...completely a raging ball ready to explode.

Louis removed his jacket and tied it around his waist. He wasn't bothered with the cold. He was only in his tee and grey faded jeans but comfortable enough to get a run. He needed that.

So he began running. Very, very fast. He needed to take his anger out on something rather than on someone. His left hand still had the band aid on. He'd be removing it soon.

He kept on running and running and running until he could run no more. He was huffing. He rested his hands on his knee as he bend over. Traces of sweat beads could be seen forming on his forehead hidden under his fringes.   
Louis stood correctly and dropped his hands on his hips. He could hear grass shuffling behind him. Someone was coming.

Louis didn't turn to look who it was. He didn't have to because he could smell the familiar cologne which was strong enough to travel miles.

"Lou" Harry said. His voice soft like feathers when it touched Louis' ears. Louis closed his eyes. He just...he just wanted someone to hold him at that time because it was difficult for him to stand on his feet any longer. He was drained.

Harry stepped towards him and stood behind him. Louis was breathing heavily still. The fringes were stuck to his forehead.

"Hold me" Louis whispered.

"Come again" Harry's voice was filled with confusion. Louis wasn't facing him. His back was turned to Harry but he knew Harry was there...too close to him.

"Hold me" Louis repeated.

He felt Harry's arms slowly wrapping around his stomach. Harry pulled him close slowly and he bumped into him. Harry was warm and Louis was sweaty. Cold wind was blowing touching their skins.

Louis lifted his hands and rested them over Harry's arms on his stomach.

"Loui-"

"Shh" Louis closed his eyes and rested his head on Harry's shoulder. His breath was slowing down to normal. Harry smelled like vanilla and champagne. Too familiar. Nobody spoke for minutes. Louis was feeling better...less angry...less cold.

"I'm sorry" Harry whispered in Louis' ear. "I'm sorry for everything I did. I was an arsehole and I regret every bit of it. That...that night I was drunk and I just... I wasn't thinking right. Sorry Lou. I know it won't reverse anything. But I want you to know that the amount of time we spent together all those years ago was the best time of my life. I couldn't ask for more. You made me feel like home when I was alone in that big house. Nobody made me feel the way you used to do. I swear Louis. I swear to god I would do anything to make you believe in me. I.. I want you back. I want us back Louis. I have realized my mistakes. Please give me another chance Lou. Just a second chance"

Louis slowly opened his eyes and turned. He faced Harry. Harry wasn't smiling, neither was Louis. But Harry's hands were securely locked around Louis' waist. The short lad was looking up at him. He slowly kept his hands on his broad shoulders, his fingertips slightly grazing the sides of Harry's neck over the turtle neck he was wearing.

Harry touched his forehead with Louis' "say something Lou"

Harry's hand cupped Louis left cheek. Louis looked him in the eyes. Their nose tips almost touching. Harry untied the sleeves of the jacket on Louis' waist. He put it on Louis, securely tucking it on him like a shawl "you'll get cold"

And then Harry leaned. His warm lips were grazing Louis' right cheek. Louis exhaled softly that touched his soft curls over his ear.

"Where are the cameras Harry?" Louis whispered in Harry's ear. He felt Harry going rigid against him almost immediately.

Louis took a step back, detaching himself from the curly lad. He pushed his hands in the jacket arms and then crossed his arms while looking around with a frown "where are they? Come on, bring them on. I'm waiting"

"Louis I-"

"Harry...why's no one beside you? Where are they? Why no ones telling me 'surprise surprise. You've been pranked'? As far as I remember, that exactly what happened last time" Louis said in a mocking tone.

"Stop...stop it Louis. Th-there's no on-one...we are alone..here" Harry stuttered with widen eyes. He took a step ahead "believe me Louis. There's no one"

"I have trust issues Mr. Styles. I'm not convinced. Someone might pop out from the dark corner who knows. Someone...like" Louis looked at him with a raised brow "like Kyle..who knows"

"Stop!" Harry raised his hand "no one is there Louis. There's no one in the dark. No Kyle...no one...please...please Louis"

Louis took some steps towards him and held his hands "it's hard to believe the same person who broke your trust Harry. I'm just avoiding another calamity. But anyways...no hard feelings bud" He left him and pocketed his hands "and you know, all the time we spent together, now that I think of them, I realized it was nothing but a waste of time. I can't say I had the best time because it was not that fun". He gave out a dry chuckle " You don't have to say you had a great time when we were together because we both know you are just flattering me which you usually do which you should stop because really...I see nothing productive coming out from that quality of yours. But yeah.. I appreciate your apology but I won't accept it"

Harry's eyes were glistening by the time Louis finished talking.

"I thought you knew how I was feeling. Why are you doing this to me...to us Louis? You are just hurting yourself" Harry barely whispered.

Louis turned to leave but then he stopped and said "I'm hurting no one. I'm not doing anything Harry. But I'm just protecting myself."

"Protecting from what?"

"Your little white lies"


	21. Chapter 21

The pillow was tear stained.

And the room was dark.

Louis was miserable. He couldn't control his tears when he entered his home and after striping his jacket and tee and the jeans on the living room couch and after dropping himself on the bed only in his boxers. He was cold..too cold and his eyes were betraying him as tears started pouring down his flushed cheeks uncontrollably. His shoulder shook violently as he was struggling to catch his breath. He clutched the white sheets tightly with one hand and punch the bed once, twice, three times with the other as the blows made loud noises and his knuckles started to sting.

What the fuck Harry was even thinking while saying all those things? One time he said he didn't lead Louis on and in the next minute (well ten years later) he comes back and says he liked all those days he spent with him. Why was Harry always there to ruin Louis' mental stability? At first when Louis had this immense crush on him and almost thought nothing would come out from that, Harry stepped into his doorstep with a smile and an offer to be his friend. And Louis accepted him and then he thought to stay in his limit because he thought he was making Harry uncomfortable and also giving himself false hope, Harry made the moves and confused him further and then shattered him. And years later, when Louis finally thought to start afresh, Harry broke into his little life and began fucking up everything. Every.Damn.Thing.

Louis grabbed his pillow and screamed into it. His hoarse voice echoed throughout the dark corners of his house. He screamed again and again and again until his throat hurt and his voice barely came out. He was panting. He was exhausted.

He closed his eyes and let his body go limp. He was almost numb again. He didn't feel the hot fresh tears running down face. But he could still feel Harry's arms around him.

He wished he didn't.

And his body was shouting for that touch. It was craving and it was screaming. It was making Louis' body restless, adding to his whimpering state. He knew it was a bad idea when he let Harry hold him. Louis thought may be if he didn't see Harry's face while letting Harry embrace him, he could pretend it wasn't Harry. He thought he would borrow some time from himself and let Harry hold him because Louis thought his legs would give up and his lungs won't accept any oxygen if he didn't let that slip happen at that moment.

But it was, of course, a bad idea.

His body wasn't working after he left Harry and said all those things. Louis wasn't even thinking right. He didn't want to believe Harry but he didn't...couldn't....couldn't not believe Harry.

But how could he believe Harry?

That one guy he loved so dearly not so long ago. The one guy who fucked him up. The one guy who was gone for years and then came back and told him he wanted him back. Harry wanted Louis back. Harry fucking wanted Louis back and that didn't sound platonic at all.

Louis lifted his head and stared at the clock that was hanged on the wall.

"4:00 AM"

Louis got up from his bed and went to his bathroom. His legs were completely jelly. He turned the tap on and hot water poured into the bathtub. He stared at the running water that was filling up the tub. He wasn't screaming anymore. It was a total silence.

He stopped the tap and dropped his legs into the tub. Then he laid down, completely submerging himself into the water. He laid his head back and went deeper...deeper...deeper until he was completely underwater. He was staring up at the little light on the ceiling that was blurred. It was shining in that small bathroom. Bubbles were purring out of his mouth and settling up. He closed his eyes and stopped breathing.

Tick Tick Tick

Then he gasped and got up from the sleeping position, putting his head out of the water. His whole body was shaking as he tried to take long breaths. He was panting again but that time, it was less painful. His nostril filled with water. He rubbed his face.

And then he laid down again. But this time he rested his head on the edge of the tub. He closed his eyes and stabled his breath.

Slowly he fall back into a deep slumber. It was all black finally.

***

Louis sneezed thrice in a row while walking down the corridor. He woke up completely drenched just half an hour later he fell into the deep slumber. The hot water was already cold by then and Louis was shivering when his sleep broke. He dried himself, wore some clothes and then went back to bed, finally getting under some proper thick sheets.

He slept....over slept and woke up with a sore throat and sneezes. Then he made himself a nice cup of tea and took the medicines and the cough drop (also those medicines he was prescribed earlier). He regretted nothing.

Half of the time he didn't even know what he was doing.

Sometimes drowning helped. Be it in love or water, both are the same thing. You can't live without either of them.

But Louis wasn't thinking about that. He had a job to do and he can't just ponder on same stuffs day in and day out. He couldn't think about Harry and what he did and go to bed only to be greeted by insomnia and a type of pain which was unnamed, undesirable and unavoidable. Louis didn't know where it'd lead him.

He knew the ending will be a whirl and somebody will end up hurt...badly hurt.

He was aware of so many things that was bound to go wrong.

And there's this one thing, he knew would definitely happen.

Him developing a space in his heart for Harry again and that day the real tragedy would occur.

So Louis' fate was evolving but backwards.

Louis walked inside the class and everybody greeted him. He nodded and began the class. But this time, he gave them tasks to do because he didn't want to talk and assault his already hurt throat.

The class went by fine and Louis was inspecting the class while walking down the aisle and occasionally clearing their doubts with slow whispered speech. He walked back to the front of the class.

Well, he had that jacket on from last night because his clothes were piling up and in desperate need of laundry so he thought to put on the discarded jacket on the couch and go about the day. Who'd know?

But it was a bad decision because when he pushed his left band aid hand inside the left pocket of that jacket, he felt something.

He pulled it out. It was a postcard.

He pushed it back inside his pocket when he caught the familiar looking handwriting. How can he forget that curvy, neat font on that postcard?

He gulped and looked at his students.

When the bell finally rang, he went out of the class with his books and headed straight to the common room.

Harry wrote a postcard to him.

Louis was keeping his face straight. At least he was trying to keep his face straight. The postcard was still in his pocket and he didn't touch it for the rest of the day. He just made himself so busy that he didn't bother pull that thing out but he was aware of that one thing the whole day, the entire time he was taking classes.

The postcard firmly rested in his pocket rent free.

He skipped lunch and thought to have some caffeine instead. So he walked down the cobbled road towards the exit of the University. He thought not to get anyone involved with him that day because he wasn't feeling like having a company and he avoided sending text to Niall or Zayn or whatever.

He was alone the whole day anyway.

And he didn't see Harry in the campus.

But he saw Liam and he caught his polite smile directed towards him. But he could see the pity in them. May be Liam knows what was up. He didn't have any proper conversation with him since they stepped into the campus. Louis really thought he would make good friends with Liam back then because he liked him but he didn't get chance to actually know Liam.

Not his fault.

So he slowly crossed the road (those black suited guys were still alive and active by the gates). It felt like they haven't move from their spots in ages. Louis felt like ages when it was only a little more than fifteen days.

He didn't want to go to the Starbucks because he had to walk all the way alone and cross two blocks. So he thought to go to another small café by the corner of the street. He walked down the foot road and began walking towards the café. The streets weren't that busy at that time of the day.

Louis kept his hand over the handle of the glass door to push when someone else's hand went to the same direction. Their hand was above his. He turned his head to look.

"Oh I'm sor-" but they didn't complete the sentence when Louis looked at them.

"Ray?" Louis retreated his hand.

"Hi Louis" Ray smiled brightly. "We bump again. How are you?"

Louis wasn't expecting that small get together. Heck he completely forgot about him in these chaotic days. He wasn't returning his smile.

But then "I'm fine Ray. How are you?". He gave him a small smile.

"Umm excuse me" A girl and a guy told them. Ray left the door knob and went to stand by Louis' side.

"Can we talk somewhere else?" Ray shrugged casually when the girl and the guy went inside the café.

"We can go inside. I was anyway headed to that direction" Louis said glancing towards the large glass door.

"Yeah, we can" Ray said. "But... My mates are there. Actually, I got a job in a hospital just three blocks away from here. And those are my work friends. And trust me, you won't love their company. They are always talking about those nerdy stuffs" He chuckled and continued "I would really love to have a private chat with you, without anyone interrupting us"

"Oh" Louis mildly nodded. "I don't mind nerdy stuffs-"

"Would you like to go to the Starbucks?" Ray asked, interrupting him.

"Um" Louis looked at the him with an unsure face. He wanted to deny him but he couldn't be rude. But also he didn't want to have a conversation with him. It was a bad day and he knew Ray would bring up about the new years and Louis wanted to avoid that. He didn't want to be reminded about that day...night.

"Louis" Ray kept a hand on his upper arm. "Shall we?"

Louis nodded.

They began walking towards the block. Louis was awkwardly taking steps beside him. He didn't know how to form a conversation with Ray. It was so simple back then when he was drunk and brave.

"So what's happening Louis? Days going fine?" Ray asked.

Fucking small talks.

"Yeah...yeah it's fine. I'm fine" Louis said. "You got new job here you said?"

"Yes. It's been a week. I like this new place. I was actually planning to meet you but my schedules are going so hectic. But I'm glad we bumped again like the last time" Ray's voice was cheery. His shoulder occasionally brushing against Louis' shoulder.

"That...was kinda unexpected" Louis was totally awkward.

"That day... I thought I'll see you when I woke up but you were not there. You didn't leave any notes or messages"

Oh dear god!

"Um..yeah... I had to go somewhere. It was important. I'm sorry to left you that way...but...um it was...important" Louis very slowly said.

"Oh...and I thought...you didn't want to face me...you know... I thought we'd be spending the day together"

Louis didn't say anything. He just kept on walking. He was utterly uncomfortable and he was just making some plans to slowly slip away from him and spare himself from the conversation.

But Ray stopped and held Louis back with his forearm.

"Ray?" Louis said. His voice finally getting into its normal vocal range.

"Do you regret that night Louis?" Ray's green eyes were boring deep into his blue ones. He could feel a sense of dominance coming from him.

"I... I don't know what you are talking about" Louis looked everywhere but him.

"Louis. You very well know what I'm talking about" Ray pulled him a step closer.

Louis looked around. They were standing behind a building on a block. Starbucks was just three shops away but not many people were around them. He wanted to run away.

"Ray... I don't want to be rude but why are you bringing that up now? We were both drunk" Louis said trying to push himself away from him.

"You were not that drunk to not know what we did. Louis... I like you. I like you a lot. I wanted to tell you but you didn't even let me" Ray was still talking. He wasn't leaving his arm rather keeping him extremely close.

"It was just one time. Come on lad. Don't you do one night stands?" Louis snapped. He wasn't patient enough to continue the conversation. "I'd have called you before but I didn't so you should've taken the hint. How can you like someone when you don't even know about them much?"

"So, you are saying you didn't like me. But who was moaning my name the entire time?" Ray scoffed and tighten his grip on him. "Who was begging me the entire time? You wouldn't have let me in your flat if you didn't want to have something more from me Louis. You are a terrible liar do you know that?"

Louis' cheeks turned crimson when those words left Ray's mouth. He started to feel dizzy and irritated.

"Answer me Louis!" Ray pulled him extremely, dangerously close.

"Leave me" Louis growled. "Leave me right now Ray-"

"What if I don't?"

Louis resisted his pull when out of nowhere Ray was pushed back. He stumbled on his feet and Louis was free from his grip.

He looked up and tried to register what just happened.

"What the fuck!" Ray yelled.

Harry was standing in front of Louis, shielding him.

Where did he even came from?

"Back off" Harry said. Louis tilted his head and looked at Ray from behind Harry's back. His eyes were wide too.

Ray took a second to recognize Harry. But when he did, his eyes widen with pure shock. Harry looked back at Louis and then towards Ray.

"Harry Styles?" Ray was still shocked.

"Hello there. Now will you tell me what the fuck you were thinking when you were forcing Louis before I pushed you?" Harry crossed his arms against his chest. His voice totally authoritative.

Louis walked out from his behind slowly and halted beside him. His face was filled with panic and horror as he looked between the two.

"It's private between me and Louis. Why do you even want to hear?" Ray gave him an incredulous look. "Besides, what...what are you doing here? How do you know him?" Ray glanced towards Louis and stared back to Harry.

"That's none of your business to know how I know him. The fact is you were forcing him. How dare you force him?!"

Louis saw Harry's face which was flushed and his ears were going red. He was angry. Extremely angry which was kind of scary if Louis was being honest with himself.

"Harry...it's...fine. We were just...talking" Louis told him.

"No Lou. He was forcing you. I've seen it. He was gripping you tight." Harry glared at Ray.

"Excuse me. Who are you to say that? Fucking step away from Louis. We're having a very important conversation that you thought to interrupt very rudely" Ray glared him back. "Come on Louis. Come with me" Ray forwarded his hand towards the short guy.

Harry put a hand in front of Louis, shielding him again "he won't go anywhere with you. Fucking back off-"

"Harry" Louis called. "Calm down. I got this".

He slowly walked towards Ray and stood between them. Louis realized how similar they looked. How similar Harry and Ray looked yet so different they were. Louis didn't know that earlier but that was frowned upon.

"Ray, see I know you wanted more out of this but we can't. I don't want anything more from you. You...you are a great guy but I'd like to end it here. It's better if you go" Louis said politely. Harry was just standing behind him. He could feel his burning gaze.

Ray looked at Harry then looked down at him "you are seeing him aren't you? You are seeing a celebrity"

"So what?" Harry marched forward. His hands clenched into a tight fist. Louis could see his knuckles going white. "You fucking have no rights to ask that to him. He said you to fuck off so just fuck off-"

"HARRY!" Louis kept a hand on his chest and gave him a light push. "Control yourself and let me talk"

Ray held his forearm again and turned him "tell him to stop or I'll do something that he'll regret. Why the fuck he is even here in the first place?"

"Get your fucking hands off him" Harry slapped Ray's hand away from Louis' arm. "Talk without touching!"

"Okay...do you really want a punch huh? I fucking don't care if you are a celebrity. Don't want to get your pretty face to get bruised do you?" Ray spat.

"RAY FUCKING STOP!" Louis snapped. His voice going an octave higher.

Harry held a fistful of Ray's shirt and snapped in his face "get out of here or else I'll give you a blue eye. And don't even think to touch my Lou. DON'T!"

"Oh really? Where's your TPWK gone? Aren't you always telling those four letters to your fans?" Ray tried to get out of his strong hold but was failing miserably.

"So you do know me. Well, some people don't deserve TPWK. And you are one of them" Harry gritted his teeth.

Louis went between them and pushed them apart.

"Fucking stop. You lads are just creating a drama." He turned to Ray "Just fucking walk away already".

And then Louis held Harry's arm "and you... You don't wanna make any headlines tomorrow do you? So shut up and walk with me". And then he pulled him away from that spot.

Louis didn't turn to look at Ray. Because he knew he just tried to replace him with Harry.

But in reality, Ray was just a lookalike of Harry.

***

They were seated at the Starbucks. Their drinks were kept in front of them, untouched. Both of them were at the far end of the café, away from the crowds, away from his fans that were clicking pictures of them together. Some were frowning at Louis and some were smiling at Harry. The Starbucks went crazy when Harry entered into it. Louis left his hand immediately but he knew Harry's fans had already captured that into their Iphones. It was going to be a whole new drama when the pictures were going to circulate. He wasn't very active in social medias but he sure knew how fandoms worked. God knows what theories were gonna form when these picture circulates all around. So Louis thought to sit as far as he could from Harry and avoid the curious stares and glances they were receiving. He could see each and every cameras that were facing them.

"Can't you tell them to stop?" Louis whispered with a sulky face. "Its fucking high school all over again"

Harry looked behind and received fluttered smiles from the people but he frowned at them. Then he turned to Louis "sorry about that. It's quite normal in the type of life I'm living. Don't look at them Louis".

Louis sighed and swirled the spoon in his coffee mug.

"Who was he Louis?" Harry asked. His tone was very soft and he sounded not at all mad.

"We met at Niall's New Years party" Louis began with a quiet voice. "I swear Harry, he isn't...wasn't like that when we met. I wouldn't even talk to him in the first place if he was an arsehole."

"So" Harry cleared his throat. "were you two, you know, dating or something?"

Louis shook his head. Well, he could still hear my Lou echoing in his head. He was still in a wave of not believing the words that left Harry's mouth in haste. He couldn't believe Harry said that.

"Louis" Harry called and smiled. "You zoned out again"

Louis stared at him and then look down and blushed. Then looked back up with a straight face "no...no weren't dating. It..was...nothing nothing" Louis shook his head.

"You spent the night together"

"You don't have to know that"

"Louis"

"Harry"

"Tell me"

"We have had sex. Are you happy now?" Louis heaved a heavy sigh.

Silence.

Louis finally took a sip from his mug and rested it firmly on the table.

"So when I was trying to call you at New Years night, you were...you were with him. You were spend...spending the time with him" Harry gulped a thick lump in his throat.

"In my bed" Louis nodded. "curled up in my sheets". Even the words burned in his tongue. He wasn't supposed to say that but he wanted to let it out. He wanted Harry to know that. He even caught Harry's grip tighten around his to-go cup. But Harry's gaze was downcast.

"You liked him there?" Harry asked quietly.

"Do you even know how toxic this conversation is getting Harry? Why does it even matter if I'm sleeping with someone else or not. It's my personal choice. And don't pretend you are...not sleeping with anyone. I have heard noises"

Harry looked at him with a frown "You heard what?"

"Highly sexual noises from your flat" Louis stated. His face was challenging.

"When?" Harry was still frowning. Well, the frown got deeper.

Louis' face turned a shade darker "that day...we were in the pond side...actually that..that night. From your room. I heard a..a girl"

That was the biggest frown Louis has ever seen on Harry's face. He was looking at Louis as if he was figuring something out. But then his face cleared up like a bright sunny day "I was not it that flat that night. After I came back from the woods, I straight went to my London house and was there for the entire day and night. I went to the campus next day"

Now it was Louis' time to frown "but I heard you...in there. That night. I heard you Harry"

"Liam was staying in that flat that night. He was working late and thought to spend the night there. Usually he stays with me at my house. He says he doesn't like that flat because it looks too dark and sad. But it's fine for me. But that wasn't me that I can assure you" Harry explained him calmly.

Louis was dumbfounded. Very slowly his face turned red. He was blushing deeply.

"Hold up. Liam was having sex on my bed. That payno!" Harry gave a disgusted face. "I will make him wash my bed sheet."

"Um..It was coming from um your living room..the noises" Louis said. He was embarrassed. "I wasn't eavesdropping but um...nevermind"

"You don't have to be embarrassed. Thank you for telling me. I'll have a chat with him" Harry narrowed his eyes.

"So...Liam is seeing someone" Louis said after coughing a bit and taking a sip from his coffee.

"Yeah...he's seeing Maya...there" Harry pointed at a girl working at the counters. She was passing the drinks and sweet smiles to the customers.

Louis raised his head and looked passed him towards her. She was pretty and very polite. She was a new worker there.

"I have seen her in the campus. She is a student. Science student if I am not very wrong" Louis said.

"Yeah... Liam met her in the campus. Then bump into her again at the Starbucks. Well it's his and her story to tell. Approach Liam if you wanna know more" Harry gave a small smile to him and drank his coffee.

Louis was very close to smile back at him but he stopped himself. He remembered he was still mad at him. And he realized he was actually having a decent conversation with him. How?

"Louis can I ask you something?" Harry's voice was unusually quiet. He was serious again.

Louis nodded cautiously.

"Were you...were you thinking to get into a relationship with that guy if, you know, I wasn't in the picture?"

The question was simple. But Louis went all stiff upon hearing that. He wasn't expecting the blow. He wasn't expecting Harry would ask that. He had no idea Harry would catch him so easily.

Louis gulped and nodded slowly "I was thinking to get into a proper relationship. I was thinking to finally commit...to someone"

He slowly looked up at Harry and continued "but it has nothing to do with you and your presence in my life again. I would have anyway gone with it if I wanted"

"But you didn't. Why you didn't?"

Louis had no answers for that. But may be he knew exactly why he didn't. May be he didn't want himself to know the exact answer because he wasn't still convinced. He didn't wanted to tell himself that he can't be committed to anyone because he was incapable of loving anyone else.

"Louis...tell me" Harry said again.

"Tell you what Harry? I don't have nothing to tell you regarding my love life. I liked him and I might've gone into a relation with him. And I told you it has nothing to do with you. I didn't even know you were going to come here. I wasn't waiting for you. I wasn't even thinking about you. I was pretty well in my love life and really you have nothing to know about my life. There's nothing much to know." Louis stated.

"But he was forcing you Louis. How can you let him be in your life when he won't respect your opinion. He was controlling you. He tried to control you" Harry voice came out in whispers.

Louis bit his lower lip and looked away "sometimes you should let people control your choices when you think you are not capable enough to do the decisions for yourself because once you did and regretted so you are afraid to make the choices. When someone else makes decisions for you and something goes wrong, at least you won't be blaming yourself for something you didn't do. And you can move on without any blame. It's easier this way". Louis said the last bit looking at Harry.

"But that doesn't mean you'll let anyone take control over you. It's your life Louis. Leaving control won't stop your problems or solve them. You'll still feel the regret even if it wasn't your decision. It stings the same. We cannot escape the regret for the shit we've created even if the decision to create that shit wasn't ours. It's still the same Louis. You just have to know what you are doing with all our senses. It won't go wrong then. I can assure you, it won't go wrong" Harry said.

Both were looking at each other for some minutes without speaking.

But Louis broke the silence with the most bitter questions he never thought he'd ever ask Harry "whose decision was that to hurt me Harry? Did you make it by yourself or someone else made it for you?"

Harry looked down "its..it was...Louis...I-"

"Stop stuttering now Harry. I need the exact answer" Louis sneered.

Harry got up from the chair "I'll see you at the campus Lou." He pulled out his wallet.

"Sit down Harry. We are not over yet" Louis commanded.

"I...I have works to do" He unfolded the wallet and pulled out two bills.

But before he close shut the wallet, Louis caught something familiar in the front pocket. There was that transparent cover at the front of the pocket. He thought he saw something blue or green, he didn't know, in that. It was highly...greatly familiar as if Louis almost forgot what it looked like over so many years. As if Louis almost forget how he tore it apart with his own hands.

Harry kept back his wallet even before Louis can tell him to show that thing. Harry placed the two bills on the table "I'll see you Lou". With that he took off from the cafe.

Before Louis could even stop him. People were still looking at him curiously. Some of them followed Harry out. But Louis was still seated there. Still playing the conversation again and again in his mind.

This time Harry walked away.

But Louis didn't get his answers...


	22. Chapter 22

It was dark.

Louis went back to work after he came out from the Starbucks. People were staring at him all the time like the creep they were. He had his head down as he enter into the campus. He was thinking about the whole conversation he had with him. Harry didn't answer what Louis was longing to know for so many years. And then Harry wanted his forgiveness.

How could he even think about that?

How Harry can ask him to give forgiveness for all his mistakes? Those were not even mistakes because Harry knew what he was doing the entire time. Harry knew he was pretending the entire time he was with Louis. Harry knew what was the end of the 'little relationship' they had managed to have with each other.

Oh how fool Louis had made of himself when he thought those bright eyes and dimpled smiles were because of him when Harry was just amused because Louis was delusional hopeless dumb boy to believe in him and his trickery.

Louis fell for his fool's gold once.

But is he done yet?

Will he regret if he fell once more?

The questions running in his mind were hard to answer because Louis wasn't sure. He wasn't sure what he's going to do if the slip continues. He held Harry's hand in front of the whole world. How naturally it came to him to hold his hand. He didn't hesitate. He didn't tell Harry to go away while he sort his issues with Ray, instead he told Ray to fuck off and took Harry's side. Louis just wanted to unhear 'my Lou' continuously running in his head since those two words came out from Harry's pretty mouth but he couldn't. He was thinking about it. He was playing it in his head in a loop like a song. As if those two words were his favorite song sang by his favorite singer which he couldn't get enough no matter how many times he listens to it in his mind. He wasn't tired.

But also he was tired. He was tired of pretending that he wasn't affected by Harry's presence in his life again. He was tired of pretending Harry's sad face, his lifeless dull green eyes, his sad perfect red lips and his gloomy face didn't affect him whenever they crossed paths. He was tired of pretending Harry's constant apologies weren't affecting his heart, his soul, every damn cell in his body. Once there was a time when Louis took an oath of not hurting Harry or let any tear slip from his eyes and now, here he was, making Harry sad purposefully even if Harry was the one to stab his heart. Harry was the one to twist the knife further until no emotion was left in Louis. Until Louis felt nothing but rage in him for Harry. Until both Louis and Harry became nothing but a ghostly figure with and without emotions for each other that it hurts.

It hurts so much Louis can't even describe.

So he just thought to lie to himself because he didn't know what else he should do other than that.

Louis went back to his flat with a thought that how can he stop overthinking.

He picked up his dirty pile of clothes and dumped them into the basket. It was overloaded so his rainbow coloured socks rolled and dropped on the floor. He sighed and bend to pick them up. And in the process, another pair of socks with avocado prints on them rolled and fell on Louis' head.

"Oh fuck off!" Louis shook his head and let it fall on the ground. He anyway hated that pair of socks even though it was a gift from his mum still he hated it but as he didn't have too many pairs, he'd to use them.

He was frustrated. He was procastinating.

Louis walked away from the bathroom and took off his sweater and trousers to put on fresh clothes (which was reducing in number day by day because he was being too lazy to wash his own clothes). Louis pushed his hairs back with his long pale fingers but then he dropped his head, gave a light shake and combed the fringes across his forehead. He pushed an extra fringe away from his eye, his gaze fell upon his tattooed finger. There was a twenty-eight inked on his left middle and ring finger. He got it in his last days of high school. It was a memory he wanted himself to store somewhere in deep corners of his mind. It was of course a date and Louis wanted that to remember for his lifetime. He scratched softly the '8' on his ring finger with his right index finger and thumb.

He sighed again and went to make a dinner for himself. What his life has become? He'll be in different moods all day and return home with exhaustion and so many stuffs to dwell upon and eat god knows what and go to bed only to have insomnia as a companion. It was never like that before and seriously he needed a break from himself. He genuinely needed a break because honestly it was too much and too repetitive and it was getting boring, the days. Once or twice he even made up his mind to go visit his mother. But he can't just leave everything and go for a vacation because he had duties and the fest was round the corner.

But obviously he was stressing himself out over stuffs which was out of his control.

He should just accept that.

But he wouldn't because he was as stubborn as Harry.

And Harry...

Louis heard keys jingling from outside. He checked the time and it was late. Very late actually. Louis, with his tippy toes, went towards the door. He stood on his toes and peeped outside through the magic eye. He could see a tall figure standing by the opposite door. Sound of Jingling keys was very prominent from outside.

Louis tried to slowly opened his door but that damn old wood had to make a creaking noise.

It startled Harry as he dropped his keys "oops!"

He slowly turned to Louis and grinned "Hi"

Louis looked at him. Harry's clothes wasn't looking fresh as it was before in the afternoon. It had dirty stains over them as if he spilled liquid on them. His hairs were unruly and ruffled all over his head. He looked tired with dilated pupils and dried red lips.

Harry was drunk.

He bend down to grab the keys but he stumbled on his feet and almost hit his head with the door frame had Louis not caught him and made him sit on the ground.

"You are totally wasted do you know that? How much did you drink Harry?" Louis scoffed brushing away his curls from his eyes.

"I lost count. It was a sick night" Harry's speech slurred. Louis pressed his lips into a thin line. Here he was being utterly hopelessly harsh on himself when shit went real and there Harry was partying.

Of course...he can never change.

"But Lou, I missed you there. I wished you were there with me. I was really missing you the entire time" Harry smiled with his dimples out.

Louis felt a pang in his left chest. That little shit (his heart) was playing tricks again.

"But you had a sick night. How can you miss me if you were enjoying the whole time?" Louis asked.

Harry shook his head "it was a sick night but I wasn't enjoying it. I went to this club for a couple of drinks because you see, I have upset you again today. So I-" He hiccuped "-I just thought to get some alcohol in my stomach to go through the night Louis. Trust me I-..I" Another hiccup "I'll get a good night sleep tonight because of those drinks I...gulped down" He ended his little speech with another hiccup and passed a sly smile to the short lad who was listening to him with knitted eyebrows and a huge frown.

"So you drink to ease the pain?" Louis asked slowly.

"Correct" Harry nodded sincerely. "Liam says I've a drinking problem but Louis trust me, I had it all under control I promise" Harry put his hand behind Louis neck. "Liam doesn't believe me but I know you'll believe me"

Louis took a time to register everything Harry said.

Harry went on "but I'm now drinking less since I stepped into the campus. I have counted days since I drank last. I told you I'm under control Louis" He giggled "I'd just steal one glance from you and that'd be it. I won't drink that night."

Louis looked at him with wide shocked eyes "wait what-"

"I wasn't suppose to share that. My bad" Harry giggled again "that...was..suppose to be my secret"

Louis' mind was swirling as if he was sharing some of Harry's drunkenness without actually having a drop of alcohol for so long. Harry's hand dropped from Louis' neck towards his back then to his favourite spot, his hips.

"Then why did you drink tonight Harry?"

Louis looked back at him but Harry didn't answer him. His eyes were firmly set on Louis' face but then Harry's face twisted with a frown.

Harry hastily left him and got up. He fidgeted with his keys to open the door of his flat.

Louis got up too with a confused face "what's wrong?"

Harry didn't look at him. The moment the door opened, he sprinted off like the Flash.

"Harry?" Louis called after him.

The flat was dark..pitch black when Louis stepped into it. It was almost empty and so, so cold that Louis shivered while he crossed the familiar looking living room. Just a couch, a small coffee table and a some other cheap looking furnitures decorated the room. There was no vases or photo frames or life in that room. Louis walked ahead towards that one room he thought would have a better condition.

Harry's bedroom wasn't that well decorated but it was neat and tidy. The bed was made with freshly laundered sheets and soft pillows. The nightstand had a jar filled with water and glass on it. It had a pretty lamp too. Louis wanted to know if the color was yellow or white when it was turned on. The windows in the room had long curtains in golden and white that complimented the white walls of the flat. One thing that Louis found in that flat was fresh air that wasn't present in his.

But Louis could hear gag noises coming from the bathroom. He turned and headed towards the direction.

The door was opened ajar and it was dark when Louis stepped into the small bathroom.

"Harry?" Louis called out. He was trying to adjust with the darkness. When he did, he saw a shadowed figure sitting near the toilet with his head leaned over the opening.

"Don't come near me Louis" Harry's hoarse voice said amidst the darkness and his gags.

Louis' heart sank at instance. He tried to locate the switch on the adjacent wall.

"Why?" Louis said softly and found the small switch and flicked it on. The bathroom lited up brightly with a large LED bulb.

"Because I don't want you to see me like this!" Harry exclaimed hiding his face behind his arm. "Switch off the lights please"

"Why don't you want me to see you like this?" Louis took a step closer to the man almost curled up in a ball and sat besides him.

"No...no- Lou..please...Go to-to your flat please-" Harry couldn't complete his sentence as he threw up some more into the toilet. It was followed by violent coughs that made his face teary and sweaty.

Louis scooted closer to him and rubbed his back with one hand. He pushed back his front hairs and Harry groaned over the toilet, emptying everything from his stomach.

"I hope now you know that you shouldn't drink out of your limit" Louis said in a matter-of-fact voice.

"But how will I sleep if I don't drink?" Harry whispered as he took long breaths. The puking session was over.

Harry was insomniac too?

Louis got up and took the towels from the rack and passed one of them to Harry who was still seated on the floor. Harry accepted it gladly and rubbed his mouth with it.

Louis rinsed the other towel in his hand with water and went back to sit beside him.

"Face me" Louis said. "Come on"

Harry turned to look at him. His head was bowed down. Louis dropped the wet towel on his lap and held Harry's hunched down shoulders. Then slowly he turned his whole body towards him. Harry's face was still looking down. Louis held his jaw with his left hand and slowly lifted it up. Harry's face was the palest Louis had ever seen. His face was glistening with sweat and dried up tear stains. But his eyes were closed.

Louis picked up the wet towel and slowly began dabbing it around Harry's face, rubbing away the dirt, tears and sweat.

Louis almost forgot how beautiful Harry was. How perfect Harry was. He couldn't be real. But he was.

Louis placed the towel on the floor and rubbed away the extra water from his forehead with his hand. His skin was hot whereas Harry's was cold.

"Harry open your eyes" Louis' voice came out soft and caring. That wasn't intentional. That was natural.

Harry slowly parted his eyelids. His eyes shone under the bright light. His green irises were beautifully light as his pupils were in their normal healthy shape.

"Better" Louis whispered. "Now let's get you to the kitchen because you need some lemon drops in your tummy".

Harry didn't say anything. Louis got up and helped him to stand on his feet. He took him out of the bathroom.

"Plan changed. You sit exactly right here" Louis let him sit on his bed. "Till I bring you a glass of lemonade"

Harry held his wrist before he could go any further "you don't have to"

"You don't want a nasty hangover tomorrow do you?" Louis asked and pushed Harry's feather like grip from his wrist.

And went to the kitchen. He switched on the lights and looked around. Well, the kitchen was nicely equipped or may be it was the only place nicely loaded with essentials compared to the otherwise almost empty flat.

Louis pulled out some lemons from the refrigerator. He made the lemonade with the hot water and he was lucky to find hot water in a flask because Harry was gone for hours. But also, he has his own men to keep the flat clean and have all the importance stuffs ready for him.

Louis switched off the lights and went back to Harry's room. Harry was still seated in the same position Louis left him. He didn't move an inch. He was just staring into the space.

"Here" Louis forwarded the glass towards him. Harry slowly lifted up his gaze. Some soft curly strands were falling on his forehead from a side.

"Take it" Louis said forwarding the glass a little more towards him. But Harry wasn't lifting his hand to hold it. Instead, he leaned and touched his lips with the rim of the glass.

Louis tilted the glass, making it a bit more comfortable for him to drink the liquid. Harry took slow gulps from the glass. He looked up at Louis from under his lashes. Louis removed his gaze and let him finish the drink. Harry pulled away and the last bit of the lemonade falls on his jacket, soaking it up there.

"Tsk tsk...you are such a baby Harry" Louis stated placing the cup on a small coffee table near the bed.

"I'm sorry" Harry dropped his gaze and rubbed his lips with his already stained-with-various-drinks jacket.

Louis walked around the room and went to the closet. He got a familiar picture when he opened it.

All blacks occupied one side of the closet and a colorfuls on the other. Louis snorted softly and took out a pajama set. Both top and bottom were striped in white and blue. He closed the closet door and walked to him.

"Get a change and go to bed" Louis said.

"I'll sleep naked" Harry said.

Louis rolled his eyes. Of course. How could he forgot that habit of his. Harry and his sheer obsession with nakedness.

"It's cold in here. And I don't see any heater. So wear 'em" Louis dropped the clothes on his lap.

Harry wiggled and let the clothes fall on the ground and pushed himself back, towards the middle of the bed "I don't want to wear those"

Louis gave another eye roll "stop being stubborn at this hour of night. You are behaving like a baby"

"Because I'm drunk" Harry said crossing his arms and dropping his body side ways on the bed, curling up in a fetus position.

"No!" Louis got into the bed. "Get up. Don't sleep in those dirty clothes. You are ruining the sheets". Louis grabbed his arms and pulled him up, making him sit on the bed.

Louis held the zipper of his jacket and slided it down "stay still". Harry sat crossed-legged in front of him. Louis was standing on his knees, poking the soft mattress of the bed with his weight. He pushed the jacket back and off of Harry. He had a tee on so Louis tugged his fingers on the hem.

"Raise your hands please" Louis said. His fingers were shivering when he pulled the t-shirt up. He tried not to see Harry's exposed skin. He firmly pulled the tee off his head and dropped both the clothes on the ground.

But his eyes somehow caught the sight that was in front of him. Harry was fully inked and muscled. He was looking like a painting with all those tattoos on his porcelain skin. Louis' eyes wandered from the swallows on his chest to the beautiful butterfly on his torso. Harry's rising and falling chest giving the butterfly an illusion as if it was about to fly. His skin was rightly tanned and tonned. His arm had so many tattoos that Louis took some time to look at them individually. He liked the rose and the ship the most.

Louis moved his gaze up and caught Harry's eyes on him. A small, very tiny smile (or smirk who knows) was stuck on his moist red lips. Louis dropped his gaze. Temperature raised around his cheeks. He turned and leaned backwards to grab the fresh clothes from the ground. He felt cold air touching his skin around his lower abdomen. He grabbed the clothes but shuddered immediately when cold fingers touched his exposed skin. He turned his head to look at Harry, who was holding his waist.

Harry moved forward and picked Louis up from his partial laid down position and placed him in front of him. Louis was holding the clothes tightly. Harry's hand was still on his waist...on his skin. Touching his skin.

Louis unfolded the pajama shirt and unbuttoned it. He, very slowly, brushed away Harry's hand from him and made him wear the shirt, leaving two buttons undone. He was careful to not let his fingers linger on his skin or tattoos for too long.

"Take the pants and change it yourself" Louis looked everywhere but him.

"I don't want to" Harry shook his head.

"Sleep in those then. Not my fault if they itch in the middle of the night" Louis shrugged pointing at Harry's trousers.

Harry pushed the shirt up and began unbuckling the belt and unbuttoning the trousers.

"Hold up tiger! Stop undressing yourself when someone else is present in your room" Louis said facing away.

Harry continued "I don't mind if you are watching"

Louis' breath hitched. He turned to look at him but he kept his gaze on his face. Harry got up on his knees and pulls them down. "Don't worry. I'm still in my boxers Lou"

Louis looked at him like The Office "oh wow! How considerate of you"

Harry chuckled softly and put the pajama pants on after discarding the trouser on the ground "I'll pick them up tomorrow".

Louis looked at scattered used clothes on the ground. He might've influenced Harry to create the mess. Nice influencer!

"Go to sleep now" Louis said.

Harry stretched his body and went near the pillows. Louis pushed his leg behind to get down from the bed when Harry's large hand thought to grip his hand, his large fingers curling around Louis' thin wrist.

He pulled him.

Louis gasped and landed on Harry, bumping into him with all the body weight he had. But Harry wasn't affected by that. Harry put his one hand around Louis' waist and picked him up. Then slowly rested him on his lap.

"Harry!" Louis squeaked. His voice muffled into Harry's shirt.

"Hmm" Harry's chest vibrated. His hands firmly wrapped around Louis.

Louis didn't say anything. Harry didn't either. Louis' hands were tugging the front of Harry's shirt where the two buttons were undone. The light was off so it was complete darkness so Louis granted himself a break.

He raised his right index finger slowly from the middle of his chest, trailing his moderately hot skin, to his collar bone. He let his fingers rest there. He felt Harry's cheek brushing against his. Harry's arms pulled him close, hugging him close. Louis was warm. He was so warm that he forgot how cold felt like. And he was afraid he'd not be able to remember the feeling.

Harry's fingers slided inside Louis' sweater then under his t-shirt, on his skin. It travelling behind, just on his lower spine. Then his large hands travelled slowly up, along with his spine. Louis shuddered again when the cold air touched his skin once again.

"You cold?" Harry whispered.

Louis left a shuddery breath. Harry's fingers were drawing slow circles on his back. Louis nuzzled his nose in the crook of Harry's neck, breathing in his fragrance. The familiar smell which haven't change even after all those years.

Louis stifled a gasp when he felt Harry brushing his moist lips against his earlobe. He bit his lower lip when Harry touched his right ear properly, moving slowly towards his right cheek. He had freshly shaved that morning so his skin was extra smooth and super sensitive at that moment. Louis lifted his head as Harry trailed soft kisses on his cheek. Louis closed his eyes. His arms locking around Harry. He slowly pushed Harry backwards and rested his head on the pillows.

His break was over.

Louis firmly detached his cheek away from Harry. He reached his hand and pulled Harry's hand away from his back. He rested it on Harry's chest.

"Good night Hazz" Louis whispered in his ear.

"Stay" Harry voice was soft.

"I can't" Louis gulped. "Sleep"

Louis could see Harry's gaze on him. He was still sitting on him. Both of his legs wrapped around him.

Louis leaned but hovered on his forehead. His lips were an inch away from Harry's forehead. Harry's breath was caressing his adam's apple. Louis sighed and leaned back, getting off of Harry.

Louis got down from the bed, picked up the clothes and dumped them at a corner. Without saying anything further, he went out of the flat and went straight inside his.

He closed the door behind him and took long breaths.

1

2

3

He was still breathing hard.

4

5

6

He closed his eyes. "No" He whispered. "No no no... ".

7

8

He controlled himself from the upcoming hyperventilation. He prevented that successfully. He was successful to control that.

Louis opened his eyes and straight went to his room. He could spot it, resting under a paperweight.

He picked up the postcard and flipped it around. Harry's name was written on it with a small sunflower besides the name. The sunflower was smiling.

Louis smiled into his bed and wrapped a blanket around himself before he opened the postcard.

.・✫・゜・。.

_Hi Lou, ___

___Happy Valentine's day. I hope you liked the Blue Roses. I thought I'd keep this with those roses but then, I wanted to give this to you with my own hands. I'll figure something out :)_ __

____

___When I saw those flowers in that shop, I immediately thought about your eyes. Your eyes are as beautiful as these roses if not more. They'll dry up but your eyes will never stop sparkling till the end of the time. I really wanted to say all of these to you by keeping you in front of me but I hope you'll give me a chance. Did you count the roses? I'm sure you did :)_ __

______ _ _

___So I wanna ask you something which I didn't get an occasion to ask you before but now I want to._ __

________ _ _ _ _

___Will you be my Valentine?_ __

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

___Love,_ __

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___-H_ __

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__.・✫・゜・。._ _

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__Louis read it so many times. He was smiling. He was smiling after so many years that it was surreal. That little curly bitch sleeping in that opposite flat was so sappy Louis didn't even realize that._ _

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__Louis turned and saw the Blue Roses that was in a vase kept at the far end of the room. They were still fresh and Louis can only imagine Harry going to a flower shop and buying them for him. All ten Roses for him._ _

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__Louis got down from the bed and went to the vase. He slowly caressed the tip of the petals. They were soft._ _

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__Louis felt something inside him that he thought he'd never feel again. It was warm and welcoming. It wasn't unknown but yet so new._ _

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__He heard a pop in his Iphone._ _

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__He went and took the phone from his night stand._ _

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__"What the fuck are you doing with that fucker Louis? Have you lost your mind?"_ _

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__Louis looked at the name. It was Ashlyn._ _

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__And she was angry._ _

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__Louis rubbed his face in distressed._ _

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__"Boy you are in for a drama" Louis said to himself._ _

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	23. Chapter 23

Ashlyn called him.

Just as Louis was about to reply to her, she called him. It's not that Louis wasn't aware of her anger and how aggressive she could go to protect the stuffs she was very possessive about, but he wasn't in a mood to have an argument when he was, for the first time after a very long time, feeling light headed and calm.

But he anyway picked up the call because it was our beloved Ashe, we were talking about. And we don't want her in the campus to rip Louis off into shreds, do we?

"Hello" Louis said calmly.

"I want answers Louis. What the hell are you doing with him? Your pictures are all over the internet. You went to the Starbucks with that arsehole? Do you even know what you are doing? I know you had a chat with Stan and I know he fed you nothing but bullshits but you are going to listen to me and stay away from him. STAY AWAY FROM HARRY STYLES. Do you get that? Jesus... You don't even know what is happening in the world. Louis are you listening to me? Louis?" Ashlyn went on.

"Yeah...yeah I heard you" Louis said. His calm still intact contradicting to Ashlyn's Juno mode.

Ashlyn took two three deep breathes and continued "I'm not scolding you Louis. I just... You know how he was last time. I don't trust him. I don't trust him with a penny. Lou...I don't want you to get hurt once again-"

Louis said "I know Ashe. I know you care for me. I know it very well but...trust me, I know what I'm doing"

Lies.

Utter lies.

"You know what's going around in the internet?" Ashlyn asked painfully calmly.

"Spare me the details. I don't care what people are talking about. I don't fucking care about the internet. They can say whatever the fuck they wanna say. I'm not gonna be the part of that shit show"

After a quick silence Ashlyn spoke "is he treating you well? I'm keeping my punch ready if he's being a cunt I swear to God Louis... I swear to god"

"Calm down Ashe. I'm fine" Louis glanced at the Blue Roses and then looked down at the postcard in his hand.

"That wasn't the perfect answer to my question. Did you...are you talking to him?"

"Yes"

"Did you ask him what he was doing there? After 10 years? And don't tell me about his workshop bullshit blah blah blah because I'm quite active on social medias so I know. And I know you know why he is there. 'Workshop and writing third album among the students' are just excuses. So tell me Louis, did you ask him what he was doing all these TEN YEARS?"

Louis sat down on his bed and kept the postcard beside him "Ashe...am I doing a mistake again?"

Ashlyn sighed and her voice went to became the most caring Louis was very familiar with and was spoiled with "Lou...love, don't doubt yourself. But don't expect me to say 'go follow your heart'. Heart can mislead us. I can't say that when it's about Harry. I might say it for someone else but not Harry. We both know what he did. But we don't know if he is a change person or not. I mean, he is unpredictable and we both know that"

"I know where you are coming from Ashe. I know your paranoia is valid. But...but what if I... I actually take out some time to listen to what he's saying. He might have a good explanation for everything he did."

"And what if he just feeds you with newly formed pretense and load of crap. And are you really gonna believe him? Louis, even if he's a celebrity now, he's got his fan base that worships him like a god, he's earning millions and millions and winning awards named after his excellency in his career or what not...only you know what he actually is from inside. He was popular too back in high school and he knew how to put on a show. He did that years ago with those nasty pals he called 'friends'. Who knows what he had in mind this time. After all, all the controversy he'd pu-"

"Ashe...Can we like..not have this conversation right now. I appreciate your concern. I really do. But like, at these moment....it's not the correct moment to have this conversation about me and Harry. I still have lot to figure out about him. I don't.. I don't trust him, not yet. But I won't pass a judgement as of now. He's here for another 20 days or so and he'll be gone. Nothing will happen. I can assure you that. Nothing... I won't let anything happen. But I need my answers and I know I'd get them from him and put a full stop in this story for good. Just some answers to some simple questions and then we'll be... I'll be done for good." Louis stated without letting out any shuddery breath. He was just staring into a spot.

"Just be careful Louis. I know it's hard for you to ignore that one and only person you've ever loved for so long. But we don't get fairytale endings always in real life. It's harsh but it's for your own good to know the bitter truth. Life is harsh. You have to just go on. But know that, if shit gets really hard, you know I always have your room warm and ready for you to just hop in. Just come over without thinking twice alright?"

Louis smiled "yeah...yeah I know that Ashlyn. But I'm being careful now...this time. I won't fall. Not any more"

"Louis?"

"Hmm"

"Don't hurt yourself in the process, yeah? Think about us okay?"

Louis gulped "I won't"

"And don't let him mislead this time. You are a strong man with a genius brain. You should know that"

Louis chuckled "I hope so"

"Go to sleep then. And just ring whenever you feel like. "

"Yeah Ashlyn. I will"

The call disconnected. Louis stared at his blank screen for good ten minutes. The postcard was still rested beside him. He looked at it. Ashlyn was right and she wasn't bitching about Harry or anything. She was just waving the reality check card in front of Louis. It was real life and Louis cannot just trust everyone in his life. Especially the ones who he shared a bad history with.

How can he just accept the card and the roses and not think about Harry's habit of flattering people? Louis was a victim of that after all.

But Harry said he developed a drinking problem and he isn't drinking much since he stepped into the campus..since he was seeing you almost every day. His subconscious stated.

And drunk words are sober thoughts.

Louis dropped his body back on the bed. His feet dangling by the edge. He stared up to the ceiling. His thoughts were conflicting. One way he was feeling soft and so full of warm things. On the other, it was just confusion and denial.

Was he melting towards Harry?

But he couldn't throw away what Ashlyn said to him.

Also Louis knew nothing about that Harry. He didn't know about his life. That page was completely blank for him.

And he wanted to know but he was afraid what he'll find out. Everything was already too much for him and he didn't want to add more things to it.

And he's giving a chance to Harry to come up and say everything. Because once Louis knew everything about Harry's life but now, Harry was a stranger. A known stranger.

What if he actually gave chance to Harry?

Either it'll better things or it'll ruin Louis for life.

Louis lifted his body and pushed up to rest his head on the pillows. He was sleepy.

He drifted off with the postcard in one hand and Harry's warm touch on his skin.


	24. Chapter 24

Louis was headed out of the auditorium with Zayn.

He spent most of his time with the raven haired lad after completing his classes for the day. As it was a bit boring when you are done with the job for the day but also you don't wanna do the extra job in your desk so what do you do?

You approach your friend (who's busy with his own job) and try to disturb him with your own banter because you are bored but also you love to annoy your work friend.

Louis was doing exactly that.

"Louis...you really could've get to the stage and delve yourself in that monologue. Are you trying to take away my job?" Zayn rolled his eyes.

Louis chuckled and then went serious "you didn't like my acting? Zayn? Are you telling I'm a bad actor?"

"When did I ever said you are a bad actor? But you were giving insecurities and instructions to my students. I was almost about to tell you to join my group..." Zayn said with a grin "but as my student." He continued before Louis could interrupt him.

Louis gave him a long stare "I'll be a pain in arse if I join your drama group"

"Payne in arse do you mean?" Zayn smiled cheekily.

Louis rolled his eyes "your obsession with Liam is getting out of hand Zayn"

"I don't mind"

"But I do"

Louis turned to him "are you going to tell me what's up with you and Liam before I tell you both are dating someone else?"

Zayn stopped on his tracks "if I tell you I would have thought about 'something' if we had meet earlier then will you understand me Louis?"

"Z? Tell me" Louis said softly before holding his shoulders.

"I mean, I don't know. I'm with Gigi since forever and I've never been in a relationship with anyone else other than her. But when I met Liam... Its like... I might... I might see something happening between us. I don't know if it's real or not. But I just... I'm not sure" Zayn rubbed his face.

"Are you happy with Gigi?" Louis asked.

"Yes Louis. I'm happy with her. She is a lovely girl... But... It was never like that before. And I don't want to ruin my relationship with my stupidity or a small crush I have on Liam" Zayn widen his eyes in disbelief "Shit! Shit! Fuck! I wasn't suppose to say that fuck-"

Louis patted his back "Calm down lad. It's fine. Don't press yourself so much. Crushes happens. It's alright"

Zayn huffed and went inside an empty classroom and sat on one of the chairs.

"I don't know Louis. I'm not some teen having crush on their classmates. It's really funny for a grown arse man like me to have a crush on someone... That too when I was suppose to be straight" Zayn lamented.

Louis chuckled and sat on his knees in front of the upset lad "sexuality is a fluid Zayn. It's fine to have infatuation and crushes for the same gender when you've known yourself to have a specific preference your whole life. It's coming from a gay man" Louis pointed his fingers at himself "but it is what it is"

Zayn nodded "so what do you think I should do now?"

"I'm not very good at giving advices Z. But I'd ask you to take some time off and think. Ask yourself what do you want. It's not too late nor you should rush your time and decide something which might turn out unexpected in the future."

"How was Liam in school?"

"Erm" Louis got up and sat on the opposite chair. "Among Harry's friends, Liam was the only one I liked. He was this caring friend who'd always have your back. He used to take care of Harry like a big brother" Louis smiled remembering the old days. Zayn imitated his smile.

"Harry used to rely on him so much for everything. I never took too much tension for Harry when I wasn't around him because I knew Liam will be there for him" Louis continued with an expression that turned gloomy within seconds. "Liam is caring Zayn. Very caring. Even if I didn't get much time with him but still, I know he'd have saved me too."

Because that night Liam wasn't there and Louis knew Liam wouldn't have allowed Harry to do what he did that night. Atleast that much he knew about Liam.

But also he can only assume.

Zayn kept a hand on Louis' shoulder and gave a light pat. There was a nod of agreement between them.

"So he was very good back then" Zayn said, his heart eyes making a appearance.

"Yeah..he still is but I don't know"

"He still is" Zayn nodded. A ghost of smile playing on his lips as he stared into the space. May be remembering a certain moment he created with Liam. And Louis thought may be it was more serious than he thought.

"But I don't think he'd like me not in a platonic way. He's straight Louis" Zayn looked down. His shoulders hunched down in defeat.

"You cannot just label someone Zayn. He might or might not be straight but that doesn't mean he can't like you back. I told you to take some time and when you think you have had enough of thinking then talk to Liam. Sort it out. Sometimes suppressing your feelings can hurt multiple people including yourself. And I know you don't want that and Liam wouldn't want that either and trust me Zayn...he'd understand"

"But he has a girlfriend now. And it's a new relationship. I don't wanna ruin that for him. He deserves all the happiness"

Louis smiled "you are whipped"

"Like a cream I know. What about Gigi? I love her too. Jesus this is frustrating" Zayn hid his eyes behind his palms and heaved an exasperated sigh.

"Come on lad. Stop stressing yourself out." Louis rubbed his arm soothingly. Zayn wasn't taking it properly.

"I'm just pissing you off. I wished I found out myself sooner. I don't wanna hurt Gigi. She doesn't deserve to be in this mess and neither Liam."

"You are not pissing me off and this is not a mess. It's natural. And I'd like to congratulate you for finding yourself now when half of us just continue to struggle half our lives. Trust me Zayn, you are brave"

"I'd talk to Liam. I'll at least try." Zayn said. "But what if he stops talking to me after that? What if he hates me? I don't want to ruin our friendship"

Louis stared at him. He could see his eighteen year old self sitting in front of him with the exact doubts he had. He waited, he paid the price. He wished he'd talked to Harry when he got the chances but he didn't and then Harry just-

Damn I need answers from Harry

Louis shook his head off the thoughts and concentrated upon Zayn who was too lost in his own thoughts.

"Zayn... I know I'm saying to take your own time but don't be too late to regret later. Talk, okay? Just have a conversation. Sometimes talking can make you realize what you actually want out of everything. We are all adults now. And talking is a very important thing in an adult life. Half of our problems gets solved by that" Louis said with an assuring smile.

Zayn looked at him and next second, Louis was straddled in a bone crushing hug. He took a second or two to actually breathe.

"Thank you Lou. Thank you so much. I don't know what I'd do if you were not here. I love you so much" Zayn said.

Louis giggled "Don't say that in front of Liam or Gigi. I don't wanna get an immature death before getting married"

Zayn pulled out and rubbed a single tear drop away from his eye.

"Aww my drama queen" Louis chuckled and gave him a forehead kiss.

Zayn giggled too. He got up from the sit and pulled the hem of his shirt down.

"Shall we go to Samuel's? I'm hungry. We'll pick Niall up too on the way" He asked.

Louis nodded and both headed out of the classroom.

"So..like can I ship Ziam, now that I almost got the confirmation that it's somewhat going real" Louis said cheekily.

"Yeah you can...I don't mind that and neither Liam" Zayn smiled.

They climbed down the stairs with a comfortable silence between them.

But Louis wanted to tell Zayn that he had seen Liam fonding over him. It was the same look that Zayn always had whenever he was around him. But he didn't want to give Zayn any hopes without being confirmed himself because he didn't trust what he see, not anymore. So he just left that bit to Zayn to find out on his own.

So he just let him be.

But he was happy for him and sad for Gigi. Somebody is bound to get a broken heart. And that's life for you. It sucks honestly.

"So..what's going on between you and Harry?" Zayn asked suddenly while they were on the floor where the studio lies.

Louis looked at him with a frown and a bit of wide eyes.

"What? I meant what's the situation between you and him? Also... That Starbucks pictures are circulating like a wildfire" Zayn said with a straight voice.

"Oh" Louis sighed. God knows what he thought for a split second (and let's ignore the faint blush coating his cheeks which Zayn didn't notice). "We are not at each other throats...not anymore-"

"You are not at his throat more like. He looks like a lost puppy when you snap at him. But, I think he earned it so no one is blaming you for that"

Louis sighed "I don't... I don't like to snap at him Z. But I can't help it. I'm still not over about everything he did. I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive him wholly even if I tried. My situation has no solution. It's gonna stay like that forever"

"Couldn't you give him another chance?" Zayn asked looking at him.

But Louis didn't meet his eyes "after everything he did, I can't"

"But Louis-" Zayn got interrupted when Louis opened the studio door and immediately got welcomed by a yelling Niall. And Harry was getting yelled at.

"Fucking stop giving me advices Harry. They don't work and I'd like to call them lame" Niall was fuming.

Louis went inside with a frown followed by Zayn who had the same expression.

"But Niall...listen to me at least. I sometimes make sense" Harry said calmly. He was standing some feet away from him and it looked like he'd dissolve into thin air any time now.

"No...you used to make sense to me before I got to know what you are. And I still don't know why I'm still fucking working with you. So please, just do me a favor and listen to me. We don't wanna ruin the fest with your childish behavior" He scoffed.

"But Niall... I didn't... I wasn't trying to ruin anything. I don't mind what decisions you take. I've already told you I'll support what you choose. But...this...this isn't work related and I want you to listen to me once..please..." He trailed off when he noticed Louis standing there with a questioning look. Harry's eyes widen and immediately dropped to the ground.

Niall looked back at them.

"What's going on Nialler?" Zayn asked breaking the silence.

"Just handling his bullshits. Nothing fun" Niall shrugged towards Harry.

"Niall!" Louis whispered. His eyes fixed on the curly lad who looked extremely ashamed. Louis wasn't comfortable either. He wanted to do something.

"I'm literally done you guys. He's practically pissing the fuck outta me and nothing else" Niall went on.

"I'll go then" Harry didn't meet Louis' eyes and walked past him...them and out of the studio. He was so fast with his long legs that Louis didn't even get time to stop him, hold his arm and pull him back. His hand started itching and he felt something...something that can be termed as rage.

"What the fuck happened Niall?" Louis said when Harry was gone and silence fell between them.

"I can't work with him. Not anymore" Niall shook his head and sat on the piano bench with a thud.

"I told you to not talk like that with him. Why don't you understand?" Louis was angry too.

Zayn was silently watching him. Not at all butting into their now heated argument.

Niall looked at Louis with a frown "why the fuck are you defending him all of a sudden Tommo? I know and remember what you told me but it's hard to follow those if you hate that person's guts with all your might"

Niall was a type of person who doesn't get angry easily. He's someone who'd cool you down when you are fuming like a bull but when he gets angry, it escalates quickly and he'd turn into a raging ball in no second. Louis has seen him getting really angry earlier but it was a long time back. It was very rare of him to be this angry and it seemed like something really happened between him and Harry.

"What did Harry do this time?" Louis asked calmly. Somebody had to stay in control.

"We were trying to get this one piece together in this act we were planning for the fest. One thing lead to the other and we were talking about the Starbucks pictures and I told him to stop all the people circulating those pictures. I can't believe what theories those people are making out of them pictures and Harry's team did absolutely nothing to stop that. They had the power to stop them. It's making me mad..so mad Tommo. I might talk to Liam directly"

"He won't be able to do anything either. Come on lad, think about this. They might take one or two accounts down but there are millions of active fanpages. They can't tell each and every one of them to delete the pictures from their phones. It's impossible" Zayn explained.

"I don't care but I just want the theories to end about Louis. I don't want them people to mention Louis' name while talking about Harry. And Louis, what the fuck were you doing with him mate...holding his hand and everything?" Niall turned to Louis while saying the last bit.

"He saved me" Is just what Louis said before sitting beside Niall on the bench.

"What do you mean?" Niall asked. Confusion crossed his face.

"Zayn, do you remember Ray from Niall's party?" Louis turned to the raven haired boy who was now sat on a chairs at a distance.

Zayn nodded.

Niall was blank.

So Louis told them everything. And by everything...the author meant every.damn.thing.

"Why the fuck don't I remember this bloke?!" Niall pumped his fist with rage. His whole face went red.

"He said he wasn't your friend Niall and it doesn't matter now anyway does it?" Louis looked down.

"So Harry was very close to rip his head off from his body if you weren't there to stop him? He acted the hero" Zayn said.

"I mean...Harry did that?" Niall asked again to confirm.

Louis nodded.

"I don't believe this. He's confusing. So should I hate him or love him after all?" Niall got up and huffed.

"I told you not to mess with him. You have a future Niall" Louis stated in a tired tone.

"I heard you the first time. And also" Niall turned to him "stop choosing problematic people. You deserve better. And who the fuck is Ray for fucks sake?"

"I didn't date him-" Louis was interrupted.

"You would have if Harry wasn't in front of you. Admit it Louis, you still have feelings for him" Zayn said in a matter of factly manner.

"Shut up Zayn. I don't have feelings for him" Louis got up from the bench. His face twisted into stubbornness and denial.

"I second Zayn. Louis, do you know how much you've changed since Harry stepped into the campus? Even if you are pushing him away or quarreling with him...you have a glow in your cheeks which we've never seen before. And tell us something, when did you last had a proper relationship?" Niall said.

"Stop speaking rubbish. Me not having a proper relationship has nothing to do with Harry" Louis said pointedly. "And the glow in my skin is just me being healthy which also has nothing to do with Harry. Stop getting ideas lads"

"Sure" Niall shrugged and passed a look towards Zayn.

"Yeah stop that alright. Stop assuming things. Harry will be gone soon and I will be here and life will go back to normal. Then we'll see who'll be passing those looks" Louis said with a challenging face.

"We'll see" Zayn said and got up. "Let's go to Samuel's"

Niall followed Zayn outside the studios while Louis took a minute or so to follow them. He just wanted to talk to Harry because of course, Niall was being harsh with him but also, he didn't want to give 'ideas' to his friends so he silently followed them.

Also, he was sure he didn't have any feelings for Harry.

Niall was so wrong, Louis thought.

Or at least, Louis tried to convince himself that Niall was wrong.

***

Louis did some household chores when he went back home from work. It was a lazy evening but Louis wasn't being lazy at all. Niall and Zayn kept bantering about Harry and him and everything the entire time they were at the Samuel's. Louis just stayed silent most of the time. He was listening and not commenting. But also, he wanted to know 'everything' that was going on in the internet about him and Harry.

Well, how did internet even know his name? He wasn't a celebrity or a popular personality. There was no way them people to know his name or who he was. He might be that 'mysterious lad' spotted with Harry Styles at the Starbucks near St. Joseph. They also had a little conversation before Harry got up and left him among the people. That would have been interesting to read if Louis was honest but he already went through such type of speculations and rumors and theories in his high school days. So he didn't want to go into that rabbit hole again. Better stay away from such things.

Also it's been like so many days since Louis checked his Instagram and Twitter. He was lazy.

Louis got a call from an unknown number when he was folding his freshly laundered clothes (finally!) and putting them neatly inside his closet. It was a private number. He picked up and was informed that his online package had arrived and asked to pick it up as soon as possible. He gave a massive eye roll because those "MIB" blokes were not even allowing the delivery guys to step into the campus.

So Louis took his phone and keys and went out of his flat. He reached the gates and went out of the campus. The delivery guy was standing a bit far from the gates. Louis took his package and thanked him. He thought it'll be okay to not take his wallet with him when he stepped out of his flat because he already paid online for the books he ordered.

Big mistake! Because when he was about to go inside the campus, he was stopped by one of those men and he realized he didn't have his id-card with him. He usually keeps it in his wallet.

"Come on man. I just went out a few seconds ago. You've seen me" Louis said...almost whining.

"I'm sorry sir but we'd like to see your id" One of them spoke in a calm, professional tone.

"You lot have been standing here since the day one. Haven't you seen me going in and out thousands of times a day? Still you wanna see my id. Can't you remember faces?"

"We have strict orders sir. We are bound to follow them"

"Fucking let me in. I don't care about your orders. I have had enough of your tantrums" Louis scoffed and stepped ahead. A tall man came and stood in front of him, blocking his path.

"We don't want to use the harsh tone but you cannot go in sir"

Louis stepped back "so are you suggesting me to stay out and freeze. Are you bloody serious?"

"Step aside sir" The man directed his hand towards a corner.

Louis narrowed his eyes "call your boss"

"Sorry?"

"Fucking ring Harry. I've had enough of your shits. Call him" Louis ordered.

"Mr. Styles is busy now. We cannot take random requests. Please step aside sir"

"Call him or I swear to god...you won't be standing here to see the sunrise" Louis basically threatened him with an intimidating looks.

The man looked at him up to down with a frown. He pulled out his phone from his pant pocket and dialed Harry's number.

Louis was still shooting daggers with his narrowed eyes.

"Hello... Mr. Styles. I'm sorry to disturb you but here's a man-" Louis snatched the phone from that tall man's hand.

"Harry" He said.

"Louis? Louis is that you?" Harry's voice sound concerned the moment he spoke.

"They won't let me through the gates. I forgot to carry my id once this time and they are telling me to sleep on the streets for the entire night. I work here and they won't even listen to me." Louis said it almost dramatically. The man standing in front of him was watching him as if he couldn't believe what he was saying.

"Don't blame me if I start a blood bath here" Louis finished.

He could almost feel Harry's smile from the other side when he said "give that phone back Lou"

Louis passed the phone to the tall man. He took it with an unsure expression and pressed it against his ear.

Louis smirked.

The man just hummed once or twice then hang up the phone.

"So?" Louis asked in a sassy tone.

"He is coming here" The man said. His professional tone not wavering. "Sir, can you please wait beside the gates?"

Louis frowned but nodded.

After some minutes he saw Harry coming towards him. His phone was firmly clutched in his hand. He was dressed in a oversized jumper and blue faded jeans. His hairs were hid behind a grey beanie. His face was a bit red but overall he looked fresh.

"Hey" He said to Louis. But before Louis could reply to him, Harry went to the men and began instructing them with a very serious expression and large hand gestures.

He slowly stepped beside him and tried to catch up.

"Did you get what I said?" Harry asked.

"But Mr. Payne told us to not allow anyone without checking their ids"

"Listen Hugh...do as I say. I'll talk to Liam if it's required. I already gave you the names. Check their details if you need but don't restrict their entry to the campus. I don't want them to endure any inconvenience from your end? I hope I made myself clear" Harry said in an authoritative tone.

"Whose name? What?" Louis asked.

Harry turned to him "I gave some names to them and asked them to not ask any id proof from them"

"And that include?"

"You, Niall, Zayn and Conan...if you want to add some then you can tell me Lou" Harry said.

A small smile creeping into Louis' lips but he shrugged it off "I'll if I remember"

"Good" Harry turned to the men again and nodded "that'd be it for now"

"Shall we?" Harry asked to Louis gesturing towards the entrance. Louis nodded but before he took any steps, he stopped near the taller man and spoke "by 'you won't be standing here to see the sunrise', I didn't mean any violence just so you know. Good night". And then he winked at him.

"What was that?" Harry asked as they walked inside the campus.

"Nothing. I just used some hard words towards your security" Louis shrugged.

Harry looked at him with amusement "you threatened them? Did that left any effect?"

"Very" Louis nodded. "He was shivering..head to toe"

Harry chuckled "I bet"

"Oi!" Louis swat his hand playfully across Harry's arm. "I can intimidate people too you know"

"Yep.. I trust you Louis" Harry glanced at him with a fond smile. He pushed his hands inside his pockets as both walked down the path, towards their building. "And what's that in your hands?"

"Books..they have been in my wish list for a long time" Louis said looking down at the brown package in his hands.

"Will you show them to me?" Harry asked.

Louis looked up at him. He couldn't help but smile "sure"

Harry nodded softly and a comfortable silence fell between them as they crossed the fountain.

"Harry...why is there so many securities around you? I mean I know celebrities as big as you requires tight security all the time but it's like, you can't even go to a grocery shop without taking them with you" Louis said.

"I'm in a bit uncomfortable situation here Louis. Getting mobbed has become a normal routine. I was in Italy some days ago for a discussion about one of my new music videos. I have a house there. So some of my 'fans' thought it'd be funny to break into my house and give me a surprise. I got mad. May be shouted at them too which I'm not very proud of. Then Liam got so paranoid that he increased my security around me as well as my house. He told all of my body guards not to listen to me and never leave my way. So now wherever I go, the people around me had to tolerate my body guards and Liam's stupid rules which I know aren't stupid really" Harry explained.

Louis listened to him careful all the while.

"Being a celebrity isn't always fun after all" He said.

Harry snorted "tell me more about it"

"It's not that I don't like getting this fame and attention but I don't always want people to come and invade my privacy. I know I am a celebrity and I have signed this for the rest of my life but people should know I'm a human being too. I have got problems too even though it's not exactly same as theirs. Liam is also sharing some of these things and I couldn't be more thankful for that. He's literally taking up my shit without asking anything back."

"You love Liam don't you? We both know Liam has your back no matter what" Louis smiled.

"That's true" Harry nodded. "After all he is the only one still stuck with me even after all these years. Sometimes I wonder why isn't he complaining because I'm annoying and give him hard times every other day"

They climbed the stairs. The stairs are dimly lighted.

"He hadn't changed much then" Louis said. But he was curious. Liam was the only one to still remain Harry's friend? Where are the others? They should be still his friends keeping mind how famous Harry was.

He wanted to ask him about that but they reached their floor before Louis could even frame a sentence in his head.

"We reached" Harry said, shrugging his shoulders ever so lightly towards their flats.

"Yeah" Louis said. He slowly walked towards the closed door. But before taking out his keys, he turned to Harry and spoke "about this afternoon. Don't take Niall's words seriously. Sometimes he gets this bad temper but he won't remember any of it by tomorrow"

"I didn't mind him anyway. People get angry all the time. It's fine." Harry said with a cool expression.

"Don't hold grudges against him Harry"

"I know Lou. I won't"

"Okay..nice" Louis turned and pulled out the keys from his pockets. Harry was still standing behind him with no intentions of turning towards his own flat.

Louis glanced at him "do you need something?"

Harry shook his head and Louis immediately felt awkward for no particular reasons. So he completely turned towards his door and pushed the key inside the keyhole.

The moment the door clicked and he was about to twist the knob, two hands circled around his stomach from behind.

Louis squeaked "Harry!" and almost dropped the box in his hand. "You scared the shit outta me"

"I just wanted to hug you before you went inside" Harry whispered in his ear earning a shiver from the short lad.

"But that doesn't mean you'll attack me out of no where"

Harry pulled him close. His large arms securely wrapped around him from behind as Louis held the brown package in his hand as he was looking down at it.

Louis rested his head back on his shoulder and turned to look at him. His lips were just an inch away from Harry's sharp jawline. He was resisting the temptation of trailing kisses there.

And then he mentally said "fuck it" and touched his jaw line with his lips. He sensed Harry tensing against him due his unexpected action. Louis lifted his right hand and rested on the other side of Harry's face. He gave a light push and slowly caressed his jaw bone with soft dry kisses.

An inaudible moan escaped Harry's lips and he turned Louis to face him.

Louis looked up at him as Harry tighten his grip around his waist, pulling him as close as he could.

"Harry-" Louis' voice came out feathery soft but Harry covered his mouth with his large hand.

"Shh...can we just be like this?" He whispered. His deep voice going deeper.

Louis held his hand and removed it from his mouth only to rest it on his chest "but I want to speak"

"Please no..." Harry leaned and kissed him on his neck. Louis was melting in his arms.

Harry pulled back and looked at his shining blue eyes "good night Lou". Then he left him.

Louis frowned as he saw the tall lad walking back towards his flat.

"Harry" He called after him. Harry didn't respond instead went inside and closed the door behind.

Louis stood there, all alone. He was confused. Harry left him just like that?

He felt the same way as he used to feel back then when Harry would stop their "moment" just like that. And every time he did that, Louis used to feel rejected.

And he was feeling exactly that. Rejected.

Louis pursed his lips and went to his flat with a scowl.

He was angry yet again.


	25. Chapter 25

The classes were on full swing.

Two days went by but there wasn't any improvement in Louis' mood. He was rather getting grumpier and grumpier with each passing day.

First, the Junior year students did a small blunder which didn't turned out quite "small" in the 2nd magazine. Louis was so mad when he got to know that and the whole two days he was with the students, fixing the problem (occasionally giving a piece of mind to them too along the lines). His students realized how distracted they were to take their extra time for granted and also earned too many frowns from their professor who was losing his shit over little things. So Louis just figured out the solution and got into work with them, staying late nights in the classroom with the same group of students and gulping down cups of tea in rows. It went on for two days and nights straight until everything was under control and smooth and as planned.

But Louis' mood didn't improve because of lack of sleep plus Harry.

And his rejection that night.

Louis was both mentally and physically frustrated.

Harry was frustrating him just like he used to do back then. Louis let Harry touch him, kiss him on his cheeks, caress his skin with his long fingers but in return if Louis tried to touch him, Harry would resist. Harry would walk away as if Louis wasn't allowed to trail his finger tips along Harry's skin. Louis wasn't allowed to show any affection physically to him because Harry stopped him every damn time. He used to do that in the past...he was still doing that now.

And Louis felt humiliated every time Harry did that.

He was done. He was done with Harry's little tactics that were messing up his mind. Louis wanted to kiss him that night. And he thought he'd kiss him but Harry had to ruin that. Harry damn had to ruin their "moment".

But Louis had promise himself that he would never let Harry near him. Not anymore after so many rejections and humiliation. He was done for good. He'd just maintain distance now...from Harry.

So it was the third day of exhaustion and back to back classes kept Louis busy the entire day. He didn't bump into any of the boys, not even Liam and rumors had it Zayn spent some time with him (well Zayn texted Louis about that but he told him not to tell anyone...oops!). So Louis was alone and overworked.

And mad of course.

He climbed the stairs with lazy steps. His eyes glued to his phone screen. He was scrolling through Amazon, checking what he could get for himself next when Mr. Atkinson called him. Louis realized he reached the second floor.

When he thought to raise his head and give a greeting to the elderly man, he saw Harry was sitting with him in a small balcony at the side of Mr. Atkinson's flat. They each had the steaming cup of tea in their hands.

"Come, join us in our leisurely banters. I'll set you a cup" Mr. Atkinson offered, getting up from his chair.

"No..it's fine Sir. I was just headed home" Louis said without glancing at Harry as if he wasn't sitting there with expectant eyes and a wide grin.

"Oh come on. Stop working your arse off me boy. Join us and share what you got. Also, we didn't get too much time to catch up lately, eh? Harry here is telling me about his stories. You'll like them too"

"Thank you Sir but I would really love to go home now. I'll stop by some other day" Louis said politely, pocketing his phone.

"Louis...please come here. You'll like the conversation I promise" Harry said cheerily.

"I said I'll pass" Louis said sternly and looked at Mr. Atkinson with a polite smile "good night"

The old man frowned a bit because it was highly unusual of Louis to decline his offer for a cup of tea and some nice chat after a long day. But he just nodded and said "good night" as Louis climbed the remaining stairs that lead to his floor.

Louis had a serious face on when he walked to his flat (grumpily).

"Lou?"

Louis rolled his eyes.

"What?" He snapped. He practically snapped with the most salty voice he could conjure.

"Are you alright?" Harry asked with a concerned face.

Louis turned his full body towards him and crossed his arms across his chest. With a very bitchy face he replied "No. I'm not"

Harry took a step forward "What is it Lou? Are you hurt?". He looked Louis up to down with a frown to check any apparent 'wound' in his body. Louis gulped and squirmed under his vision.

"Stop that" He snapped again. "My sole problem is you"

Harry looked at him.

"You have been just messing up my brain the second you stepped into this campus so stop pretending you care which you don't"

"Lou what did I d-"

"Oh for fucks sake! Stop playing oblivious with me. You know what you are doing so stop. Just stop pretending you are the innocent one here. You are not!" Louis' face twisted with irritation so he just turned to his flat and fished out his keys.

"What did I do this time?" Harry's voice was an octave lower than usual.

"Think..figure it out yourself" Louis said and twisted the knob when Harry held his arm and turned him.

"Tell me Lou" He plead

"Leave me" Louis said, looking at his hand on his arm.

"Tell me" Harry repeated.

"LEAVE ME!" Louis screamed that caused Harry to let his arm go as he stepped back with widen eyes. It was so sudden that Harry's heart started hammering in his chest.

Meanwhile Louis might've gave out a squeaky cough or two before pushing the door and stomping off inside his flat.

But before he closed the door, he made sure to give his last message to the shocked lad standing outside "Don't touch me next time"

Then he was gone.

But no guilt involved though.

***

Another set of days passed by. Louis felt a bit better. He thought he really gave Harry what he deserved. Every time their paths crossed, Louis would make sure to give him such a look that Harry would glance away and act he didn't see him shooting daggers. Louis was smirking. At least he was affecting Harry in some way.

Well one thing happened, good or bad, Louis still had to figure that out. Niall started acting calmly around Harry. He saw him walking down the corridors, deeply immersed in a conversation with him. He wasn't red faced or scolding him anymore and they looked like a team. Louis would sigh deeply thinking at least Niall was in a correct track.

Louis was happy for that.

But his problem remained the same.

Harry.

He knew there wasn't any solution other than Harry going out of St. Joseph and never showing his face again. Louis would live with it but he was done with Harry's presence. He was done.

But his students were still enjoying. After all Mr. Styles was a popstar and he claimed their hearts.

Louis wasn't jealous. Nope sir.

Even if he was, he didn't know what exactly was the reason.

Was he jealous because Harry was more popular than him in the campus?

Was he jealous because the students admire him the most?

Was he jealous because his students could openly admire him and say him that they loved him?

Was he jealous because he couldn't see Harry from a different point of view?

Was he jealous because he couldn't change Harry's 'negative' image from his mind.

Or because he could never be able to say he loved him?

Even if Harry hurt him...he still had that feeling alive in him?

Or was he jealous of the part in himself which was so okay to hate Harry earlier but now it was almost so difficult to hate him even if he was trying to stay mad at him?

He didn't know.

He was screwed.

***

Louis dragged himself out of the common room with his MacBook clutched in his hands securely. His back was stiff from working whole day in a same position. He only had two classes and he was entering internal assessment marks. It was finally done. The exams were just a week away and the magazines were finally done. The covers were being painted and it'll be ready to get publish for the "Students Magazines" section.

One big tension was lifted from his head.

Louis walked out of the building and walked down the pathways. February was ending and so was the academic session. The graduation day would be held in the last day of the fest and all the celebration would be done before the short vacation. Louis was planning to go home after the fest. He'd really clear his head, sort himself out and then come back with a brand new attitude.

He climbed the stairs and walked towards his own flat. He unlocked the door but before he took a step inside, he turned and looked at the opposite door which was locked from inside. There wasn't any noise coming from there. Silence...an uncomfortable silence loomed.

But Louis shrugged the thought away because he was just over thinking which was very common for him.

He stepped in and closed the door behind. Next, Louis placed the the MacBook on the coffee table and took off his jacket. But he stood in the middle of his room, he had nothing to do as he stared into the space. He rested his hands on his hips and sighed.

Where's the peace?

"Fucking avocados!" Louis turned and walked through the living room towards the door. He took his keys, twisted the knob and went out of his flat...towards the opposite door.

He stood in front of the oak door. He wasn't sure what he was actually doing but he knew he wasn't getting any peace if he didn't check what that curly head was upto.

He raised his fist to knock when a violent sound echoed from inside. Something shattered...may be a glass.

Louis' heart started beating fast. Although no one screamed or whimpered, he wasn't getting a good feeling about the sound. He knocked but nobody answered.

"Open the door!" Louis exclaimed with a panicked voice. "Harry?!"

Still no response.

Louis grabbed the knob and twisted it.

Surprisingly, the door clicked then made an old creaking noise before parting smoothly from the door frame.

Louis was again welcomed by the familiar dark. He wondered the room even had lights to begin with. He walked around cautiously as his eyes were taking forever to adjust with the darkness. It was cold too. Very cold. Louis wasn't familiar with it. It was almost unbearable when it touched Louis' skin, making him shiver head to toe.

He slowly walked towards the bedroom which was a bit bright.

"Harry?" He whispered again.

The first thing he noticed was the pieces of glass, shattered on the ground. He looked towards the wall which had a tiny stain on the white paint. He turned his head and spotted a dark figure seated on the ground, against the foot of the giant unmade bed. The bedside lamp was illuminating the spot in the room which wasn't reaching Harry's face.

Harry's eyes were dark and hollow. His knees were raised till his chest. His hairs completely disheveled and covering his forehead, shadowing his hooded eyes.

But the worst thing was, he looked lost and emotionless and lifeless.

Louis was staring at him with unbelievable eyes.

"Harry" He called again. Harry wasn't reacting as if he didn't hear Louis.

Louis walked and dropped on his knees in front of him. He cupped his face which burned his palms.

Harry was burning. His skin was hot.

"Hazza...look at me...please" Louis whispered. His voice cracked.

Harry's irises moved and slowly focused on Louis' face. Slowly a small smile turned Harry's lips up "Hi Lou"

"You have fever. There's a broken glass on the floor. What is happening?" Louis' voice was high pitched as he spoke.

"That" Harry glanced at the pieces. "I broke it. I wanted a drink but Liam threw all the bottles away. I was frustrated so I slammed the glass against the wall. I always break glasses when I'm upset. It's makes me feel powerful. I'll clear that up tomorrow"

"Why are you upset?" Louis asked, already dreading the answer.

"Because I upset you" Harry said. His hands were shivering when he held Louis' hands that were cupping his face.

"Aw" Louis sighed miserably. His eyes glazed with new tears collected in his eyes. Louis gulped a thick lump in his throat. "You need to sleep Hazz. You are burning"

"It's nothing Lou. I'm okay" Harry said when Louis wrapped his hands around his underarms and pulled him up.

"Shh" Louis placed him on the bed and took off his jacket and sneakers.

"Lou...can you pass me my medicines?" Harry asked. His voice going rough.

Louis looked at him.

"It's in that drawer" Harry pointed towards a small cupboard in the corner. Louis nodded and got down from the bed to go towards that cupboard. He pulled the first drawer and sets of unorganized medicines and pills came into his sight. He picked up the bottles. They were sleeping pills of different powers. He picked up the other medicines too. Maximum were serotonin and other antidepressants with painkillers and vitamin sachets. Louis looked back at Harry who was laid back on the bed.

The medicines looked heavy and too much dangerous because Louis couldn't believe Harry was consuming antidepressants and sleeping pills.

"Boo?" Harry's soft voice called.

Louis took the medicines and walked back to his bed, sitting beside him.

"Which one?" Louis asked laying down the medicines on the bed.

Harry turned his head and looked through the packets and bottles. He picked two packets and one colored pills.

"Are these doctor prescribed?" Louis asked.

"Some are" Harry said. He was about to tear out a pill when Louis stopped him "don't take them Harry"

"I tried Louis. They give me anxiety in return but I can't stop taking them. I won't work if I don't take the pills." Harry said in a defeated voice.

"Harry..." Louis grabbed the back of his neck. He touched his forehead with Harry's forehead. "Are you okay?"

Harry was silent.

Louis sighed and pull back. He picked up rest of the medicines "did you eat anything?"

Harry shook he head.

Louis took the pills from his hand and pushed them inside his pockets. "You'll eat something first before taking them". Then he laid Harry back on the pillows and pulled the comforter over him.

"I'll make something for you" Louis said and kissed his forehead. His skin was still so hot but Louis wasn't bothered by that.

"You don't have to" Harry said. His voice was weak.

"I want to" Louis said. Before he went to the kitchen, he took out a blue scarf from Harry's closet. He rinsed it with cold water and went back to the bed.

Louis pushed back Harry's hairs from his forehead lightly, grazing his fingertips across his forehead and skull. Harry was looking at him with glazy eyes. Half of his face was illuminated from the light coming from the bedside lamp. Louis folded the scarf neatly before placing it over Harry's forehead. Harry closed his eyes when the coldness seeped through his hot skin.

Louis got down and went to the kitchen. He thought to make chicken soup because hot soup always helped when the fever was high.

He took out the veggies and some frozen chicken pieces from the freezer. Harry's kitchen was always so clean and fully stocked. When Louis was in university, he'd always make that soup for himself when his fever went worse. It really helped him get better in those days. And also according to him the soup tasted decent so why not?

Louis poured the soup into a soup bowl and took a glass of warm water and set them up in a tray. He went back to the bedroom.

"Harry" Louis called him softly.

Harry's eyes were closed so Louis kept the tray on the bedside coffee table and got up on the bed. He removed the scarf from his forehead and placed it on the night stand. Harry was asleep.

So Louis just softly tapped his warm cheek "Hazz...wake up. I made soup for you"

Harry gave out a soft moan in his sleep.

"Harry...come on" Louis said softly with a tiny smile. Harry looked so calm and baby-ish.

Harry whined again throwing a fit scooting closer to Louis and hugging his waist. Louis touched his hairs slowly, threading his fingers with the tangled curls.

"It'll go cold Hazz. Get up...come on. You can sleep after you finish the soup I promise" Louis said and slowly wrapped his hands around Harry's chest.

"Lou.." Harry sniffed and got up slowly nevertheless. Louis set a pillow against the headrest and Harry sat up properly leaning against the pillow.

"You made soup?" Harry asked.

"Mmhm" Louis placed the tray in front of him and picked up the bowl. Then he directed the first spoon towards him.

Harry gladly accepted it.

After the first gulp, Harry stared at contents in the bowl with a frown. And Louis looked at him with an agitated face.

Then slowly Harry's face broke into a huge smile making Louis sigh in relief.

"You like it?" Louis asked.

"Love it" Harry replied with dimpled cheeks and bright shiny eyes.

Louis blew the next spoons of soup and feed him. Harry hummed while savoring the soup.

"You cook now?"

"Yeah" Louis snorted softly. "Adult life taught me how to cook and how to live"

"We'll cook together then" Harry said with a grin.

Louis' smile dropped a bit but didn't falter completely. He kept the empty bowl on the tray and passed the glass of water to Harry with the medicines.

Harry swallowed all the pills with a distasteful expression and Louis thought not to comment about it. Louis took the tray and the blue scarf and went back to the kitchen. He placed the tray into the sink and wet the scarf.

He went back to the bedroom and got into the bed.

"Now sleep" He laid the scarf on Harry's forehead. He tucked the comforter securely over him and kissed his cheek.

Louis turned to leave when Harry held his hand "please stay"

Louis bit his lower lip. He didn't know if he should stay or not. Wouldn't it be awkward to wake up beside Harry? And wasn't Louis suppose to stay mad at him?

Well...

"Please Lou...just for tonight" Harry said miserably.

Louis said nothing instead got inside the comforter and laid back on the pillows. He was turned towards Harry so Harry faced him. Louis adjusted the scarf over his forehead and rested his hand on his cheek, giving a light caress with his thumb. Harry closed his eyes and relaxed with a smile.

Louis scooted closer to Harry and tucked him close. Soon Harry's breathing went up and down rhythmically. He was in deep slumber. Louis reached and switched off the lamp and laid back.

Louis was wide awake even if it was too late and he was besides Harry, holding him close. Louis slowly pushed him, laying him on his back. Then covered him with the comforter, making sure he was warm under the sheets. He laid his palm over Harry's chest and looked at his perfect sleeping face.

Harry was beautiful.

And perfect.

He couldn't be real but somehow he was.

And Louis was still in awe that how perfect Harry was even after all these years. His beauty had increased with time.

Louis snuggled his nose deep in Harry's neck and closed his eyes, hoping to fall asleep keeping mind Harry's temperature was still high.

***

Louis drifted on and off sleep the entire night. Once he got up and changed the scarf. It was still dark then. He tried to go back to sleep and it was not until dawn he went to sleep when Harry's fever broke finally. Louis was spooning him by that time.

Hours later Louis woke up when the bright sunlight disrupted his sleep but when he slowly opened his eyes, Harry's bright green eyes came into his sight.

"Good morning" Harry said. He looked completely healed and healthy. He had a small smile on his face.

Louis noticed he was cuddling him.

Harry hovered over Louis as he rested himself over an arm and the other arm over Louis' head, combing his soft fringes.

Louis' eyes were still heavy with sleep when he smiled and said "mornin' " with a raspy voice.

"Sleep some more" Harry said. His morning voice was making Louis feel some type of way in his stomach even though he wasn't fully awake.

"What time is it?" Louis asked.

"It's not that late" Harry leaned and nuzzled his nose into Louis' neck earning a small breathy moan from the short lad. That was a sensitive spot and Harry may be didn't know that.

"Harry..." Louis closed his eyes. It was too long since Louis actually had any intimate moments with someone, let alone anyone touching his super sensitive spots. Harry trailed his hand down from his neck, over his torso and stopping at the hem of his t-shirt.

He tugged at that.

He touched his lips on Louis' neck and kissed him there earning another moan. Louis felt him smiling against his skin. Louis felt hot spreading within his body as Harry began sucking at his collar bone.

Then he bit it, leaving a love bite.

Louis winced. Harry pushed his hand inside his tee and moved up and stopped over his left chest. He plucked his left nipple between his fingers. Louis gasped at his action. Harry moved his head up, trailing wet kisses on the middle of his neck, moving more up to his Adam's apple. His lips lazily kissing the spot, making Louis' pale skin red and sensitive.

Louis held the back of Harry's neck with shivering fingers. He pushed his hands down over Harry's upper back, travelling his fingertips along his spine.

Harry hovered over him properly and dropped his head on Louis' chest. Harry slowly pulled the tee up by the hem and stopped over his collar bone. He kissed his left chest, slowly trailing his tongue and stopped near his left nipple. He plucked it again with his lips this time.

Louis moaned loudly, arching his back. His head sinking back into the soft pillows. His chest vibrated vigorously. He clutched Harry's hair in his long fingers.

Harry looked up at him from under his lashes.

Louis stared back at the green-eyed lad with parted lips. His breathing was heavy. He could see something in Harry's eyes which he has never seen before....lust.

And something else too.

But Louis wasn't quite sure what he should name it.

May be lov-

Harry leaned forward and Louis' breath hitched.

"Lou" Harry whispered. His pupils were dilated fully, eliminating the green in them. Louis brought his hands up and rested them on Harry's chest.

Louis hummed even though he was in pure bliss.

Harry leaned and kissed his jaw. His lips were about to touch Louis' lower lip when the door bell thought to interrupt them.

Harry looked up at Louis with a frown. Louis just stared back. They stayed like that for a second or two when the door bell rang again once, twice and three times in a row making Harry jump out of the bed like a frog that he was (lmao, ignore that last bit).

Louis got up too and adjusted his clothes. Harry already strolled out of the bedroom towards the living room with his large steps.

Louis heard similar voices when the main door was opened. He slowly walked towards the bedroom door when the voices increased an octave higher.

"Why didn't you texted me back? I was trying to call you the entire time. What is this behavior Harry?" Liam complained walking frantically around the living room, checking about if there was anything sinister going around...then he stopped near the kitchen.

"Calm down early in the morning will ya? You are walking around like a headless chicken" Harry said in a bored tone.

"Yeah because you chopped my head with your annoying habits. Harry you worry the fuck outta me do you know that and?" Liam looked at the sink. "You don't even do the dishes anymore. Do you want me to wash them for you?"

"I'll do the needful. Jesus, stop panicking Liam" Harry scrunched his nose to which Liam rolled his eyes but then while doing that, his eyes landed on Louis who was standing by the door frame....watching them silently.

"Oh Hi Louis. Didn't see you there" Liam said with a mild frown. It looked like he wasn't surprised at all.

"Hi Liam" Louis said awkwardly.

Liam actually looked at him properly from his disheveled hairs, the creased t-shirt then looked back to Harry.

"You guys look sinful" Liam commented sparing a glance straight towards Louis' visible hickey on his collar bone.

Louis frowned and looked back. There was a long mirror in the bedroom. He spotted the red "bruise" almost immediately. There weren't one but three red marks on his neck and collar bone.

Screwed.

"Shut up Liam!" Harry snapped.

Louis walked out of the room towards the entrance door. His cheeks were red due to embarrassment.

"Louis, where are you going?" Harry called after him.

"My flat" Louis squeaked a reply. He didn't want to show he was blushing.

"Liam, you made him uncomfortable. Sometimes somethings should be left unsaid you idiot" Harry scolded the innocent oblivious lad standing in the middle.

"It's..it's fine" Louis said and went out of the room.

"What did I do?" Liam's innocent voice was heard before Louis closed the door behind.

"Jesus!" Louis exclaimed when he went inside his flat and stood in front of his mirror.

He pulled the tee off his head and stared in the mirror.

Harry imprinted him.


	26. Chapter 26

Louis had to wear a high neck white Adidas hoodie before going out of his flat.

He didn't realize what actually happened until he was bathing and everything from the morning came rushing back in front of his eyes.

And every time he thought about that...about Harry's electrifying eyes and his perfect red lips on his skin, he'd blush. As if he was possessed by that...his green-eyed curly headed lad. He might've left Harry's flat hastily but he couldn't deny his morning started with a good note.

So should he say 'Thank You' to Harry for that?

But how could he face him with a straight face?

After all, his skin still burned where Harry touched. And that was the most intimate they've got for the first time.

Louis couldn't believe he was roaming around the university with a hickey given by Harry Styles....but shh nobody has to know that.

So he carefully adjusted his highneck, pushing it higher, then walked down the corridor towards the building. He had to collect his books for the class that was going to start in fifteen minutes.

Louis entered the common room. He thought it was a bit too much crowded as some of his fellow humanities professors were taken up their spaces and having a conversation. They didn't notice Louis walking by their table so Louis didn't pass any acknowledging smiles to them.

But he caught the subject of the discussion they were having.

Harry Styles

Yeah, that's it. That's the discussion.

Amber Lee, the sociology professor, was the same age as Louis and he could say that she was the most flirtatious woman Louis has ever come across. Well, she was pretty and had the most posh accent and a personality and she knew the tricks to get into anyone's pants. One time, she tried very hard to get him under her spell but failed sorrowfully. Not because Louis knew it wasn't going to affect him because he wasn't attracted to women, but because she was getting constant sass from him which kind of broke her flow at flirting with him.

So she gave up and went away with a defeated face.

And now she was talking about Harry with another of her friend and Louis wasn't liking that so much.

"We talked for a long time. He was so sweet you know. We might be going on a date soon" She kept on going.

"He asked you out?" The other one asked.

"Not yet...but he will. I have slipped my phone number into his pockets and he noticed that right away. And guess what?" Amber smirked. "He smirked"

Louis snorted softly that caught the two gossiping ladies' attention.

Also, Louis and Amber were very salty towards each other after her failed attempt of seducing him.

"Tomlinson!" Amber exclaimed with a mock, extra sweet voice like the Umbridge that she was. "Is something funny you spotted?"

Louis smiled "some sort of honey coated lies early in the morning...oh but you carry on"

Amber crossed her arms "really huh? Who is lying anyway?"

"Those who are talking" Louis restrained himself from snorting again because Amber's face turned red as if she was caught while shoplifting.

"Are you trying to say-"

"Give it a rest love" Louis smirked, speaking enough with his eyes because Amber was a smart woman and she'd know what Louis was indicating.

But Amber was a bitch too. She turned to the other one "I'll be throwing a party tonight. Do come please. And Louis, you are invited too hun" She smiled at him which was coated with a challenge "I'm gonna invite Harry, I know he loves partying and he won't say no to me"

Louis wasn't distressed after hearing that. Instead he just "we'll see"

Amber rolled her eyes.

And Louis just flipped her off without the other teacher noticing him. That made Amber's eyes go wide but Louis didn't even gave a damn about that.

He took his books and went out of the room. He won't be going to her party and he was sure Harry wouldn't either.

He did the class with a nice mood and it was the last class of the senior year before they go for the examinations next week. He told them not to take too much stress upon the examinations and said them "all the best" with an encouraging smile.

He got out of the class and bump into Zayn who was headed to the auditorium with a large coffee.

"What's wrong with you?" Zayn frowned at Louis.

"What?"

"You look...different"

Louis tensed up and pulled the highneck further up even though it wasn't stretching up any more. He was sure it was covered but Zayn was suspiciously looking at him.

"What do you mean?" Louis tried to sound as casual as he could.

"You are glowing unnecessarily and there's a constant smile I see in your face. What happened?" Zayn asked.

"Nothing" Louis was subtle. "May be it's the white hoodie, who knows?"

Zayn's hazel eyes were still watching Louis suspiciously as if he wasn't convinced "I don't trust you Lou. Something is up besides I miss grumpy Louis"

"You don't like my smile Z? Are you tell me you don't like my beautiful face smiling? You want me sad? Zayn tell me, you want me to cry? Huh?" Louis said in a dramatic way.

"Take my degree Tommo. You are becoming hell lot of dramatic without any serious explanations" Zayn stated.

"So should I explain myself?" Louis asked slowly, pocketing his hands and looking down.

"If you want, you can" Zayn shrugged.

"Umm" Louis pushed away a fringe from his eyes. "Harry and I had a moment"

He looked up at Zayn when he didn't hear any reaction.

Zayn was deeply frowning at him "you had what with Harry?"

"Moments" Louis said with a straight sassy face as if he was proving Zayn wrong.

"And what exactly happened?"

"Can't tell ya"

"Louis!"

"Nothing what you are thinking" Louis assured him.

"You both kissed?" Zayn said a bit louder with shocked face.

"Shh" Louis waved his hands frantically. "No..we didn't"

"Then what- oh" Zayn looked at him then dropped his gaze on Louis' front.

"Shut up...no" Louis quickly squeaked. 

"Then what? You guys cuddled" Zayn huffed.

"A...more than just cuddled" Louis slowly said.

Zayn had confusion on his face until his eyes looked at the high neck and the fog cleared rapidly.

"Oh" Zayn made a noise. "I got the reason behind that huge arse hoodie you are roaming around the campus in"

"Yeah now" Louis raised his index finger in a warning "you dare spill my secrets Zaynie...or I swear to god-"

"Does Niall count here?"

Louis looked at him "No... I mean...yeah...um... I'll tell him too"

"It's fine if you don't want to share with him. Don't pressure yourself. We are not kids anymore and Niall would understand"

"I know but I don't mind sharing. Niall can keep secrets I know" Louis nodded.

"Yeah....okay.... But what made you have that moment with Harry? Weren't you suppose to stay away from him?" Zayn asked.

"It...it just happened. I don't know why I didn't stop him. I mean...I could've stop him but I didn't and I wasn't sure about if I should've stop him or not but that doesn't mean-"

"Calm down Louis. You don't have to explain yourself. Take it easy, yeah?" Zayn smiled a very known smile.

"Yeah..um" Louis nodded again. "Yeah I'm... I know"

"See, if you think what you are doing is making you happy as well as not harming anyone or yourself in the process then don't question yourself. Just go with the flow, I'd say" Zayn patted his back. "Now, I'll go to the auditorium. I'll see you around then"

Louis smiled "yeah...bye then"

They parted their ways and Louis headed to the studios because he was anyway wanted to go to the studios before he bump into Zayn.

So he climbed the stairs and walked down the hallway. It was pretty much empty. Louis pushed the door of the studio.

And a guy (his back was facing) came into his view.

Louis frowned and went ahead, closing the door behind him slowly.

The lad heard the door clicking and turned.

Louis stopped and his eyes went wide with shock, literal shock "Niall??"

"Hi Tommo" Niall smiled.

"No no no no" Louis stomped forward, almost running. His reached Niall and grabbed his hairs "what did you do? Where are the blondes? Where are they?"

"Got rid of 'em"

"Nooo" Louis shrieked and stepped back. He kept both of his hand over his mouth "How can you get rid of your blondes? You are a blondie not a brunette. Why? Just why? Now how am I suppose to recognize you among the crowd?"

Niall resisted (for the first time) to let out a massive giggle "I don't wanna damage my hairs anymore so thought to go brown instead of blonde. Got to meet my natural hair after a very long time"

Louis made a crying face "you didn't even let me give a proper farewell to those pretty hairs. Who even are you without your blonde hairs? Who are you Niall?"

"Brunette Niall I guess" Niall said.

"Blasphemy!" Louis threw his hands on air in a dejected attitude and slumped down on the chair dramatically. "I'm so upset right now. Thank you Niall for ruining my mood"

Niall at last giggled "you are welcome Tommo"

"No seriously" Louis sat straight and came out of his dramatic phase into a normal, regular Tommo boy that he sometimes was and said "why did you thought to change your hair all of a sudden?"

Niall looked at him and shook his head because Louis did the transitions better than most of the tiktokers out there.

"I'm starting my solo career soon so thought why not stop damaging my hair when I have the chance" Niall explained.

"You won't be going bald any time soon Niall, don't worry" Louis said.

"You never know" Niall pushed his hairs back.

"You don't look that bad anyway. But your brunettes are giving me some Ron Weasley vibes even if he's a ginger" Louis commented.

Niall rolled his eyes "stop that. Ron Weasley and I are a complete different person"

"It is what it is mate" Louis pressed his lips in a thin line as if making a point.

The studio doors opened once again and Conan stepped inside with a file full of papers in his hands.

"Hi" Louis said.

Conan looked up and smiled "Hello Mr. Tomlinson and brunette Niall..nice to meet ya"

"Ya don't have to tell that ya know? Treat people with equalness"

Louis looked at Niall and raised his brows "that sounds familiar and equalness is not a real word Niall"

"You know what I'm talking about" Niall said in an obvious tone and a cheeky smile.

Louis half nodded with a 'fine' face and looked at Conan "where have you been all these days? Literally haven't seen you since the Valentine's"

"Been busy with some important thing" Conan said and passed the file to Niall.

Niall got up "I'll see you lads later"

"Where are you headed?" Louis asked.

"To meet Liam. Have some stuffs to discuss. See ya" He waved and went out of the studios, leaving Conan and Louis alone.

Conan went and sat down where Niall was previously sat. Louis faced him.

"And what are those important things if you don't mind me asking?"

"I'd sign a contract with Harry's label" Conan said simply.

Louis paused and stared at him.

"What?"

"Yeah"

Louis threw his arms around Conan and pulled him in a tight hug "Oh my god! That's amazing lad. Why haven't you told me that before? It's a great news"

"I had to take a leave to sort everything out. It wasn't planned. I had a chat with Harry and he helped me a lot through the whole process about contracts and whatever. Liam too but mostly it was Harry. He talked with this label and everything. Helped me with the contracts and now I'm preparing to release my debut album soon"

Louis pulled out "he did?" Louis' eyes twinkled. "Harry helped you?"

Conan nodded with a smile "since the beginning."

"I'm so happy for you Conan" Louis grinned "now, don't be shy. Throw a party. We gotta celebrate your big news...also you owe me a dinner, remember?"

"Absolutely...we'll celebrate after the fest ends because then, we all will finally be free" Conan said.

"Yeah yeah" Louis nodded.

After a couple of seconds later Conan said "about that night"

Louis looked at him.

"I'm sorry Louis. We planned to have a dinner together but we never really did. I was talking to Harry and it got late and then-"

"It's fine Conan. I don't even remember that" Louis interrupted him. He was also highly uncomfortable keeping mind how upset he was that night after that.

"No... I mean. I ditched you. Harry and I were really going to call you but we got so submerged into our conversation that-"

"I slipped from your mind" Louis completed the sentence for him.

Conan looked away.

Louis was getting a bad feeling about that. Conan, kind of looked off even when he was saying his big news to Louis, he didn't look quite happy. He didn't look like the happy Conan Louis had come to know for so many years.

"Conan what's bothering you?" Louis finally asked when he was silent for too long.

Conan turned to him "did you ever had a crush on someone for so long with a thought that you'd actually get nothing out of it?"

Louis was taken aback. He wasn't expecting that at all.

"Why do you ask that?"

"Umm...just say yes or no" Conan said.

Louis looked at him and gave a dry, humorless chuckle "don't get me started on that Conan. It's boring"

"But I want to hear"

Louis' heart sank a bit because he wasn't sure how that conversation would end "Yeah, yeah I went through that phase but it was a long time back"

"And?"

"And nothing. I just passed high school"

"That's it?" Conan asked.

Louis didn't know if he should share "stuffs" with him or not. Conan really looked kind of sad and he thought it might concern Harry and Louis would actually break Conan's heart if he speaks further.

"Louis"

"What?"

"I have seen...that night. Umm, that night you called me to pick you up from the hospital..." Conan begin.

Louis looked at him like the deer caught in the headlights. Conan saw what?

He continued even though Louis' eyes were wide with shock "He was waiting in the parking lot. The moment I stepped into the lot with my car, he pulled back and drove away"

"So" Louis gulped "he was waiting there till you reach the hospital?"

Conan nodded "all the while. I think he didn't want to leave you alone there. Also, may be I wasn't suppose to know that either"

Louis averted his eyes from him as a smile tried to threaten his lips. He smoothen the creases on his jeans as he tried to remember everything that happened that night.

"And" Conan said again interrupting Louis' thoughts "I have seen you two in the soccer ground that night"

Louis' eyes went wide again and this time his mouth hung open too.

"Don't worry...I wasn't stalking you Louis but I think I kinda always found myself in a wrong place at a wrong time. Um..sorry about that" Conan scratched his chin and looked awkwardly at the short lad.

"I can't believe this. I'm really not a kind of person to show PDA all around but like...you have seen a lot"

"Are you mad at me?" Conan asked. "Actually, he suddenly ran into the field and told me to wait outside. He took too long to return so I messaged you. You were offline and he wasn't coming back so I went to check. And saw what I wasn't suppose to see. Sorry"

"Its...its alright. I'm not mad" Louis got up.

"But I feel like I invaded your privacy" Now Conan looked sad, proper sad.

"No..not at all Conan. Somewhere I'm at fault too. I should've been more careful too" Louis' cheek turned a shade darker.

"Now I'm making you uncomfortable. Great. I don't understand why are we even having this conversation in the first place?!" Conan huffed and leaned forward to hide his face behind his palms.

Louis went and stood in front of him "what's bothering you Conan? You can just ask the background story about why Harry and I are suddenly spotted together keeping mind he is a celeb and I'm no one"

Conan removed his hands from his face and looked up "I don't want to know that"

"Then why did you ask me about the crush thing? Do you have a crush on Harry?" Louis asked. It just slipped from his mouth before he could stop it.

Conan was silent for some seconds and Louis' face was turning serious with every passing second. He might already know the answer of that. And Louis wasn't sure how he'd react.

Conan got up and towered him. Louis looked up, with a challenging face.

"You"

Louis stared.

"I have a crush on you. Have always liked you a bit more than just having a crush" Conan stepped back and turned. "There, I said it. Hate me now"

Louis was standing on the spot with frozen feet. Well, he was expecting a different answer and Conan? He had a crush on him? How?

"Since when?" Louis asked. It barely came out in a whisper.

"Since I was studying here. Everyone started talking about you in the campus since you were the youngest professor here. I somehow became the part of the crowd but I tried to keep it within myself for a long time"

Louis walked and stood in front of him, facing him "why didn't you tell me earlier?"

Conan snorted softly "you don't date students. And I was just any other student so thought not to bother you. You already had enough in your plate. And" Conan looked him in the eye "You were too broken to be bothered with unnecessary burden"

Louis frowned "what do you mean?"

"It takes one broken heart to recognize another" Is all Conan said.

Louis raised his hand and rubbed his face "okay...wow...was I so obvious all these while?"

"You were not obvious. I was and still am a bit observant regarding stuffs"

"But you are my colleague and friend now. Why didn't you tell me anything?" Louis asked. His mind slowly jumbling up with too many thoughts.

"I already told you Louis. I knew you are already taken by some one who broke your heart. You might've tried too much to be subtle but I still kind of knew how you were doing. So just kept it to myself" Conan said in an explanatory tone.

"So what do we do now?"

"Nothing. Louis I'm not miserable. I might like you but I'm not waiting for you to like me back. I have loved you enough to let you go because I know you belong with someone else. And trust me I'm okay with it. I'm not hopeless. I don't want you to think that you are hurting me or something. I thought I will do injustice to both of us if I kept it anymore longer. You deserved to know and now you know so I can sleep peacefully" Conan gave a small smile to him.

Louis opened his mouth to speak but closed it. What would he even say to that?

"It's alright Louis. Don't stress out" Conan patted on his arm and turned to leave.

"No wait" Louis turned and held him back. "Hear me out because I don't know if I'd get any chance later. You too deserve to listen to my point of view"

Conan nodded.

"Are you hurt?"

"Not by you"

Louis sighed "I know Conan, how it feels to let go the person you like or love. I've been there before and it hurts like hell. But love, please don't let it break your heart. I didn't know if I'd known this before under any other circumstances then what'd have been my reaction. But now if I tell you we should just remain friends, it doesn't mean I'm rejecting you or anything but now I'm in such a situation, which is kind of messy...super messy. Even I don't know what I'm doing or what's happening. You are a lovely boy Conan. And I respect what you have for me, even if I don't deserve any of it, with my whole heart. And I'm flattered Conan. But the problem here is me. I-I can't just..." Louis trailed off.

Conan cupped his face with one hand "It's alright. I know. Speak no further. I told you, you don't have anything to explain to me or anyone else. And you deserve the world."

Louis held his hand "But I really want to say I'm sorry..."

"Shh" Conan touched his forehead with Louis' "you don't have too. But can you promise me something?"

Louis nodded and closed his eyes.

"Please talk to him. Solve what you have. He's broken too Louis and he is waiting for you. Just talk" Conan whispered.

"I will" Louis sniffed. "I promise you that"

Conan smiled again. Louis returned his smile.

Conan leaned and kissed his cheek. Then left him, stepping back.

"So are we good?" Conan asked. His cheery self coming back slowly.

"Only if you invite me in your album's listening party" Louis spoke.

"You have to bring Harry along"

"Deal"

"Deal"

Louis grinned "then we are alright. Or more than alright I guess"

Conan smiled.

***

Louis went back to do the rest of the classes for the day. He was happy. And so he was glad he didn't ruin his and Conan's friendship. Things get weird when feelings get involve and Conan was very mature to have a decent conversation with Louis and also being completely honest with his feelings.

Conan was strong to let go.

But Louis wasn't strong enough to let go Harry from his life.

So he's gonna talk. He had finally decided to sort themselves out and move ahead. May be start from the beginning.

And if Harry just says what he'd got to say and bid tata-tata bye-bye to him and move on (which he was sure he wasn't going to do) then may be, Louis would be okay with him.

Just kidding, he wouldn't be.

But Louis had to figure that out and for that he had to talk.

So Louis walked down the corridor, on his way to the common room and then he'll call Harry to meet him in his flat because he didn't want to attract anymore attention by going to any public places.

Also, he was planning for a nice dinner he's gonna cook for them and have the 'conversation'.

He thought his evening was sorted.

So he walked towards the common room but before he stepped into the room, he caught a very unfavorable sight.

Harry was standing at a corner with Amber.

They were talking and looked too much friendly towards each other. Harry's dimples were caved in. Amber looked too ecstatic as she put her hand on Harry's arm.

The common room was empty too.

Louis' face squinted with anger. He balled his fist. Harry was doing nothing to jerked away Amber's hand from him. Instead he was just smiling. And they were in a corner at an empty room. Anyone would think they were doing something obscene keeping mind the proximity between them.

Louis' breath shallowed as his nostrils flared. He felt like he'd combust into thin air with all the anger that was surging inside him.

Amber leaned and whispered something in Harry's ear. Then she caught Louis' sight suddenly, who was glued to the spot just outside the door.

If looks could kill someone, Amber would've been dead by now.

But she was just enjoying because she smirked a victory smirk.

Louis lost it.

He turned on his heels and walked away from the room, out of the corridor. He was mad...so mad that Louis thought he'd just explode and destroy everything near him.

He needed a drink.


	27. Chapter 27

Louis was at a bar.

A gay bar and he was alone.

It was already dark when he stepped into the club all alone with a hot head. Every time he thought he'd sort everything out, something would come to his way and ruin his plans. And he was extremely angry and defeated so he thought why not drink away his problems and call it a night.

So he ordered his drink and looked into the space without really talking to someone even if he got curious glances from some people in the bar. He wasn't interested or rather he wasn't drunk enough to make himself interested in anyone.

The club was bustling with people mostly in pairs enjoying their time. Louis looked around then looked back at his half filled beer mug. He was thinking about the events that happened since the morning. Oh how happy he was! He thought the day was going to be nice but now the time wasn't even passing. It was just Harry and Harry and Harry and Harry in his mind and the anger that he was feeling still inside him. He wished he could wipe that smirk off Amber's face but he really never believed in violence.

And he didn't really wanted himself to get into a fist fight with that silly lady for something irrelevant. Harry was smiling back at her after all so why would Louis fight for him? Makes no sense!

He closed his eyes and took long breaths. His fingers tightly wrapped around the chilled mug.

"You alright there?"

Louis opened his eyes and turned his head to look at the owner of the voice.   
It was a girl. A mob of curly hairs was on her head as she tried to tuck the stubborn strands behind her ear. She hopped on the stool beside him. She was dressed in an oversized black hoodie and big baggy blue jeans and Louis thought that she was looking completely out of place in that club where people were adorned in expensive tops and glittery make ups.

"You look stressed" She said again.

"I'm fine" Louis looked away and concentrated on the contents in the mug.

"Sure jan" She looked at the front and asked a bartender to serve a diet coke.

Louis frowned at her but said nothing.

"You look like someone really pissed the shit outta you" She commented.

Louis rolled his eyes "mind your own business. I'm not in a mood for a chat"

The girl widen her eyes "Jeez! Calm down dad. I didn't mean to offend you. I was just trying to make small talk here just so you don't feel awkward or vice versa"

Louis stared at her "that's very generous of you but no thanks"

"Rude!" She pouted and sipped her coke. "But you can still tell me you know. See, I'm a stranger to you and I think it's more comfortable to talk to strangers about the stuffs that's bothering you that you really can't share with anyone else. And I'm harmless I promise. And also I can keep secrets"

"Why do you think I'll trust you with my secrets?"

"My friends says I can keep secrets. I think that's my most important personality trait. I'm not even lying" She said with a smile.

"How old are you again? You don't even look a day older than fifteen years"

"Hey!" She knitted her eyebrows with offence "I'm old enough to go to a bar besides I carry my Id-card all the time unlike some people having irrelevant inconvenience to carry 'em" She eyed him.

Louis frowned again with a bit of wide eyes. She hid her smirk behind the coke can.

"So?" She said again.

"So?" Louis imitated her with narrowed suspicious eyes.

"Stop looking at me like that. I'm not gonna bite you. I'm harmless" She scoffed.

"I can see that" he shook his head and took a gulp from his beer mug.

"Are you gonna talk or not?" She pressed.

"I'd say no" he teased her and liked how she was actually losing her charms and getting all annoyed.

"Fine then. I tried to give you a shoulder to cry and ears to listen to your story but you declined my offer. Suit yourself. Such a waste of a hottie like you who's not giving anyone any chances to communicate. Pity" she blabbered.

Louis gave her an amused look "so are you hitting on me now? Do you realise you are a girl and you are in a proper gay bar?"

She snorted "thanks for pointing that out dad"

Louis rolled his eyes "how did they even allowed you to enter the bar in the first place?"

"I showed them by rainbow tattoo" She pulled one of the sleeves and multiple tats came into Louis' vision. Some of them he could recognise easily. They were all multiple fandom related.

"You have got a lot there" Louis commented.

"Each time I enter a fandom, I get one" She smiled slyly and pulled down the sleeve. "but hey, I'm visiting a gay bar for the first time that too all alone. It's fun here"

Louis smiled slowly "you have a boyfriend, dont you?"

"No...not yet" she looked away "but trying to make one. Haven't talk to him yet". She picked up her can and took a long sip.

"How old are you again?" Louis asked again.

"I'm still studying" she said.

"You are a baby" he teased her.

She stared at him like The Office "no I'm not"

"But you are"

"Fine but at least you are smiling now" She fluttered her eyelashes dramatically.

"Oh so do you want chocolate now for that" Louis said.

"Shut up!" She smacked his arms playfully. "So tell me, what's bothering you?"

He looked away and rested his arms on the table and leaned forward. She stared at him with expectant eyes.

" 'S nothing. Just adult life problems"

"Who messed with you? How dare he" She scoffed.

Louis chuckled "Don't get worked up love. It's not a big of a deal"

"You are sitting here drinking all alone and look extremely miserable until I poked you and you say it's not a big deal. Sir don't lie" she said it in one breath.

"What do I do then? I just came here to get an escape. I can deal with my problems tomorrow. Besides they are not going away anytime soon" Louis shrugged.

"Problems are a common thing. But we cant just avoid them even if you try to ignore them"

"Do you think I don't know that? I try to solve them but in the process it gets more complicated and I end up messing up my head, increasing me problems further more"

She nodded her head "I know you know better than me but I'd say, don't drink away your problems. You have a chance now to solve them. Who knows you might never get 'this' time back in the future. So don't waste the chance in keeping grudges. You get the opportunity, you solve 'em regardless the consequences but at least you can say that you gave your efforts to try and sort 'em out. Are you getting what I'm trying to say?

Louis nodded "I know where you are coming from"

"So did it help?"

"It did"

She smiled "so now I'm sitting in a club with a guy who just took an advice from me. Another 'stuff' added to my story drafts"

Louis frowned "you talk mysterious sometimes"

"I know" She said before her phone began to ring. She pulled it out from her pockets.

"Yeah? Okay but don't screw it up this time. I'll be there in some minutes. Fuck off" She laughed but continued talking "I've a decent company.."

Louis looked at her and she grinned but kept on talking "I know right. You won't believe but anyway finish it up soon. Yeah bye"

"Who was that?" Louis asked.

"My best friend...and now I need to pick her up from a tat parlor. She is there with her boyfriend and I don't want to listen to her and his cringy couply talks which are not at all couply, poor lad but anyway, so I left 'em there. Last week I got this rainbow tattoo and she gave me hell because she wanted to get one too and now she is getting one" She pushed her phone into her pocket and looked at him with a grim face "are you still gonna stay here and drink all alone?"

"Do I have any choice?" Louis asked.

She got down from the stood and stood correctly, facing him "I think you should go home"

"Why? I deserve some more drinks. My night just started" Louis shrugged "also, now I'm not drinking because I'm sad or shit but I just want to have some fun may be...thanks to you"

She turned serious completely "you are just making things hard for yourself Louis. Go home please" She scratched her neck and mumbled very slowly "I don't want to do this"

"Wait" Louis frowned "how do you know my name? I don't remember telling you my name"

She took some steps back "I have to go pick up my friend. Um...bye Louis...please go home"

"Fucking stop!" He exclaimed and got down from the stool "Tell me how you know my name?"

She turned "go home Lou". With that she swiftly walked away and disappeared between the crowd.

Louis was looking at the spot with confused eyes. He didn't know what just happened and how she knew his name and why she told him to go home. He sat back on the stool and frowned at the coke can she was previously sipping. And she looked kind of guilty when she walked away. Why?

"You alright there?" Another voice spoke from his behind. He thought she came back but the voice was highly masculine to belong to a girl.

He turned.

It was of course a guy. He was smiling at him and was too tall in stature and too masculine in black t-shirt and denim trousers. He had spiky hazelnut colored hairs which looked soft and his eyes were bright silvery and almost grey in that little club light.

"Why a pretty boy like you sitting here all distressed?" He asked with a smirk.

Louis couldn't deny how impressed he was because that lad was really very handsome but he wasn't quite feeling right to flirt back.

"Enjoying my own company" Louis said and looked around to spot that girl who was actually a decent company for him before she mysteriously disappeared all of a sudden.

"Would you like to join me to the dance floor?" The lad asked.

"I'm not sure. I don't have the mood" Louis said.

"Oh come on. We will do something about your mood" He held Louis' arm.   
"No... I don't want to" Louis pulled his arm away from that tall lad's grasp.

"How about I buy you a drink?" He said and before Louis could protest, the bartender was serving him Tequila.

"Thanks but it wasn't necessary" Louis pushed the glass away.

"Don't be shy...drink it" The man raised a glass and clinked it with Louis' glass and threw back the contents.

Louis finally gave up because he didn't want to be rude and gulped down the first glass earning a cheer from the other lad. And then the second then third and fourth.

By the time Louis realised, he was drunk and on the dance floor with the lad. The club was reverberating with loud music and equally loud people swaying their hips with the beats. Louis was dancing too. He felt tight grips around his waist but he was still dancing, moving his hips side by side. His vision slowly going blur. He felt a hand over his bum and then a squeeze.

He tried to focus his vision on the person in front of him. The guy was smirking and he was pulled into a rough kiss. Louis pulled away but still he didn't push that guy from him.

"Do you want to go in a corner?" He heard a whisper but he wasn't allowed to answer because he was pulled away from the dance floor towards a dimly lited corner.

"Why aren't you enjoying pretty boy?" The guy said while pushing him against the wall.

"I... I'm..enjoying" Louis' voice slured.

"No you are not. Did you just broke up with your boyfriend?"

Louis snorted. His pupils were dilated as he tried to focus on the guy's face whose hands were over his body. He wasn't liking it much but he was too drunk to tell him to stop.

"Do you want me to get rid of your sadness?" The guy asked, smirk still intact on his face.

"Will you talk to him on behalf of me?" Louis asked slowly.

"I'd love to"

Louis nodded and pulled out his phone from his pocket. He pushed the call button and kept the phone on speakers.

"Harry" The lad read from the screen as the phone rang.

The call was finally picked.

"Hello? Louis?" Harry said from the other side. He sounded a bit worried. Even though Louis was stark drunk, he could still hear the worry in his voice.

"Hi Harry...what are you doing?" Louis asked.

"Louis...Louis where are you? I hear music from the background. Where have you been the entire evening-"

"He's enjoying bud" That guy interrupted him. "He's having the time of his life whereas you...you are just missing out the best"

"Who are you? Louis? Are you alright? Who just spoke?" Harry was almost freaking out.

"Yeah he is fine" The man spoke again when Louis opened his mouth to speak. "He is with me... So he is fine. Aren't you fine babe? Tell him"

Louis blinked. He thought he'd pass out and he was slowly feeling uncomfortable. "I'm fine Harry. I'm just having a drink or two. You go enjoy Amber's party"

"Louis you wait right there. I'm coming to pick you up" Harry said in a panicked tone. He could also hear shuffling noises from the background.   
"Stay where you are because your Louis is with me. And he doesn't want to see your ugly face bud. So don't bother coming" The guy spoke.

"Stay away from him" Harry's voice growled from the other side and Louis was just listening to him without actually reacting. He didn't know what he should do. His limbs felt too quick to react.

"You wish" The guy laughed and disconnected the call and looked at Louis "your ex sound pretty mad. But screw him"

Louis stared at the blank screen of his phone. But it was soon removed from his hand and shoved into his pocket rather hastily. Then he was pushed further more against the wall and two hands grabbed his face and he felt rough stubble rubbed against his cheek. His bum was squeezed again.

"I don't think-" Louis grabbed the guy's hand from his behind and removed it but his grip was stronger.

"Are you not liking it love?" He said and pulled Louis to kiss him.

Louis resisted and kept a hand on his chest to give a light push "I'm afraid no"

"Oh come on" He tugged at the waistband of Louis' jeans "you'll like it soon"

"I won't" Louis tried to detach himself from the guy but that lad won't budge as he began humping him. Louis was feeling completely powerless as he wasn't able to force him away with his little energy. The alcohol in his stomach snatched his power away completely. He was feeling weak and exhausted so he stopped protesting. The guy's grip on his body was slowly giving him pain and he could do nothing to stop that.

But soon he felt free. Free from his grip. Free from his fingertips that were scratching his skin. The guy was pulled back.

"Who the fuck-" He shrieked.

"I told you to step away from him over phone. Why the fuck didn't you listened?" Louis heard Harry's voice between all the loud music that was numbing his senses. He tried to raise his head and look at him. Everything was still blurry.

"But he doesn't want you. He willingly gave himself to me"

"Fuck off!" Harry yelled and pulled Louis out of the corner. Then he was picked up from the ground. He turned his head to look at the green irises which were already looking at him.

"Harry" He called

But Harry didn't respond. He just looked away and Louis felt cold wind whipping against his face and the loud music suddenly turned muffled. They were on the streets. Louis wrapped his arms around Harry as the whole world swirled in front of his eyes.

"Where are we going?"

"Home"

***

Louis stumbled on his feet when he stepped out of Harry's car.

"Harry why aren't you talking to me?" He asked with a pout. The whole ride he was staring at Harry who was driving silently. They didn't have any conversation on the road and Louis observed Harry didn't spare a glance towards him.

"Let's say... I don't want to talk to you" Harry said and held him securely in his arms.

"But why?"

"Figure it out yourself" He said and took him towards the stairs and picked him up again. Louis wrapped his legs around Harry's waist and rested his head on his shoulder.

"But I'm not able to think right. You tell me" Louis said slowly.

"I won't"

Harry climbed the stairs slowly and Louis raised his head to look at him. Harry still won't look back.

"Harreh"

Nope, no response.

"Hazza"

Nah huh.

"Hazz" Louis held his face making Harry stop on his tracks. "Don't avoid me"

Harry swiftly removed Louis' hands from his face and hugged him close before resuming climbing the stairs.

"If you don't speak to me, I'll start crying. Do you want me to cry?" Louis voice muffled in Harry's shoulder.

"Cry then"

Louis sighed in a defeated manner. He just kept quiet and let Harry carry him to his apartment in silence.

After a while, they were standing in front of Louis' flat.

"Where's the key?" Harry asked.

Louis looked at him and grinned "you spoke"

"Where are the keys?" Harry repeated.

Louis grunted "alright grumpy pants. It's in my back pocket"

"Give it then"

"Take it yourself"

Harry sighed and pushed his hand into Louis' back pocket on his jeans. Harry pulled out the keys and Louis didn't feel Harry's touch there. He was disappointed.

Harry made him stand on the ground (after several protest) and pushed the key into the keyhole. The door opened and Louis was pulled inside.

Harry took him to his bedroom and Louis realised it was the first time Harry was in his flat. Harry didn't made any comment on how messy the flat was.

"First of all, get changed and go to bed" Harry said making him sit on the bed.

"Second of all?" Louis asked.

"Go to sleep"

"Third of all?"

"Stop asking questions"

"Fourth?"

"Never ask too many questions when someone says stop asking questions"

Louis opened his mouth to speak again when Harry put his index fingers over his lips "sush"

Harry took out fresh clothes from the closet and went back to the short lad who was watching him silently.

"Here"

"Are you mad at me?" Louis asked. Looking utterly innocently towards Harry who didn't even smile since they were together.

"We can talk about that later. Now get change"

"I want to talk about that now" Louis got up.

Harry kept the clothes on the bed and made Louis sit down again "now is not the right time to talk. Now is the time to sleep"

Louis huffed "Harreh"

"Come on" Harry unfolded the t-shirt and handed it to Louis.

"Change me" Louis raised his arms "return my favor"

Harry stared at him but didn't question further. He sat on the bed beside him and held the hem of the hoodie. Harry looked at Louis and then slowly pulled the cloth up and off him. Louis wrapped his arms around him immediately when the cold wind in the room touched his warm skin.

Harry took the t-shirt and pushed his head through the neck hole. He made him wore the tee but before he pushed down the hem, Harry leaned and kissed his tummy.

Louis giggled "it tickles"

Louis could see Harry's smile before he went serious again. Louis got down from the bed and stood in front of him. His back slowly arched as he raised the tee "remove my pant. Don't expect me to do that for you"

Harry looked up, in his eyes. He slowly raised his hand and laced his long finger and thumb around the button on Louis' pant. Harry wasn't breaking the eye contact. Neither Louis removed his gaze from him. Harry slowly unzipped the pants and tugged at the waistband.

"Don't worry Harold. I'm still wearing my boxers" Louis said. Sass coated his words.

"I know" Harry was unfazed. He neither smiled nor was intimidated by that.

Harry pulled his pants down. Louis stepped out of the pants and stood beside. Harry tossed the cloth away.

"But I'm sleeping in my boxers" Louis announced and got on the bed on his bare knees.

Harry turned and looked at him "you'll catch cold"

He shook his head "I won't". He sat crossed leg and caught Harry's eyes on his legs.

"Liking what you see?" Louis smirked.

Harry looked up at his face, then he reached and slowly made him sleep on the bed.

"Answer me" Louis said. He was irritated finally due to Harry's constant silence and short replies.

"Sleep" Harry said and pulled the duvet on him. Louis stopped him quickly and held his hand which was holding the sheets.

Louis got up slowly. Harry looked at him. Louis kept his hands over his shoulders and sat on his lap.

"I'm horny" Louis whispered, grazing his fingertips over Harry's smooth face. Harry looked up and Louis saw his Adam's apple bobbed up and down. He traced his fingers down on his lower neck and then his leaned and kissed him on his collar bone. Harry took a quick breath. Louis sucked the spot and then bit it slowly. Harry held his hips and squeezed them letting out a soft moan.

Louis pulled back and smirked "do you want more?" He gazed at the red mark he left on his collarbone. He brought his hand back on his face and rubbed his lips slowly with his thumb.

Harry stopped him "no... I don't want more"

"Why?" Louis frowned "I thought you liked it"

Harry left his hips and Louis looked down with his frown deepening. Then he looked up "I'm horny. Don't you see that Harold? I need you now". He held one of Harry's large hands and began directing it to his front.

Harry pulled his hand away from his grip immediately. Louis shot up " What's up with you? Why are you behaving like that? We both know you want this"

Harry was silent.

"Harry" Louis' voice went soft again. He wrapped his arms around Harry's neck once again "please... It's just one night" He began rolling his hips "no one has to know this. Loosen up will ya? It's just one night I promise". Then he moaned, throwing his head back when accidentally he rubbed the correct way.

He looked down at Harry who had that same expression. He wasn't making any move or encouraging Louis to move.

"What's wrong?" Louis was still rolling his hips until Harry gripped his waist and pushed him back, away from his lap and made him sit on the bed.

Louis stared at him.

"Enough!" Harry said calmly.

"I was not done" Louis whined and went to sit on him again when Harry restricted his movement with his strong grip.

"Louis...we can't..we can't do anything tonight. We can't let loose"

"But why? Nobody will know. Nobody will mind I promise"

Harry looked him in the eye "Your sober self will know and I bet he won't like it. And if we let loose tonight, I'll lose you forever which I can't afford"

Louis stopped.

Harry slowly laid him on the pillows and tugged the sheets over him. Harry kissed his forehead "good night Boo Bear"

Louis was smiling when Harry leaned back and looked at him. Now he was finally smiling too.

"But Harry... I got a problem there" Louis pulled one hand out and rested it over his front, slowly rubbing himself.

Harry held his hand to stop him "let me get out of the room love. You deserve the privacy". He kissed his forehead again and then got up from the bed, standing on his feet.

"Good night" Harry smiled and then went out of the room, closing the door behind him.

Louis was smiling. He was happy.

But little did he know that Harry saw him with Conan even before Louis saw him with Amber.

Misunderstanding took birth again but Harry thought to wait for him to talk and Louis, without any thinking, thought to act.

The rose and the dagger started showing their true nature and it was only the beginning.


	28. Chapter 28

Next morning.

Louis woke up with a headache and delicious smell of pancakes. He parted his eyelids and looked around. The blinds were still drawn in his room making everything gloomy. He could hear cutlery clinking from his kitchen.

He slowly got up and sat on the bed. The headache was mildly throbbing in his temples. The room looked quite clean but he don't remember cleaning it the previous day. Dishes were still clinking in the kitchen. Louis slowly got down from bed and looked down at his bare legs.

He frowned. He turned and found a pajama pants on the bed, neatly folded. He picked it up and wore it. Snippets from last night's whereabouts were slowly coming back to him but he wasn't concentrating on his thoughts. He just needed water and coffee before getting his thoughts together to focus.

He walked towards his bedroom door and slowly peeked at the kitchen.

Harry was cooking. The stove was on. A pan was upon it and he got the strongest smell of pancakes. He also heard a rumble in his stomach. Harry was mindfully pouring the pancake mixture into the pan, his large Bose headphones were on so Louis knew he wasn't aware of his presence in the room.

Louis slowly walked out of his bedroom slowly and saw the kitchen counter was occupied with dishes and spoons and forks for two and a large jar of orange juice and a kettle of coffee.

Harry was busy still sorting out the pancakes on the pan. Then he picked it up and kept on the plate. Finally the tall lad noticed the short confused one and he pulled down his headphones. Louis could hear faint music from it.

"Good morning sunshine" Harry chirped and fully pulled out the headphones and placed it on the kitchen counter. "Did you sleep well?"

"Yeah" Louis said and sat on the kitchen counter. His legs dangling loosely, barely touching the ground.

"Here" Harry forwarded a glass of water towards him. Louis accepted it.

"Thanks" He gulped down the warm water slowly. Harry got busy tossing the sides of the pancake in the pan.

"It smells good" Louis commented. He thought his voice came out unexpectedly raspy.

"I hope they taste good too" Harry smiled and served two of them on a plate and poured honey on top. Louis observed Harry's neck that was exposed even though he had a baggy grandma sweater on. There was that love bite Louis gave him last night.

Louis just stared at him and everything...every damn thing came back to him like a giant truck. He knew he messed up and did the most embarrassing shit he couldn't even think he'd do. Louis felt heat travelling up to his cheeks as he looked away from Harry.

"Here" Harry passed him the plate.

Louis took the plate but didn't proceed to grab the spoon.

"What's wrong?" Harry asked.

"I'm sorry about last night. I..um I didn't mean to trouble you last night. I..just... I don't know.. I think I got too much drunk that was actually very irresponsible of me...um..and I..uh- that call...it was-"

"Shh" Harry interrupted him and cupped his face making Louis face him "it's too early in the morning to talk about that"

"But we need to talk about that Harry. What I...what happened last night was messed up. Totally fucked up. I had a drunk call with you with some random arse guy I meet at a club and you had to go all the way to take me out of that club. I bothered you. I was totally being silly after that. I'm sorry I tried to force myself on...on you"

"It's alright Lou. You were drunk. People do drunk shit all the time. I'm not mad at you for that" Harry said with an assuring nod.

"But that doesn't change the fact that I tried to take advantage of you" Louis sighed and closed his eyes. "I bit you"

Harry took the plate away from his hands and set it beside him on the counter then cupped his face again "you know? I'd flaunt the bite mark to the world"

Louis opened his eyes and looked at him "you'd do what?"

"I won't hesitate to show it to the world" Harry pointed at the hickey on his collarbone. "I'd be lying if I say I didn't like it" Louis blushed but pressed his lips to stop them from smiling. Harry went on "but yes, I would have liked it more if you were sobber enough to know what you were doing"

Louis looked at him with a guilty look and then dropped his gaze to the mark. He did a pretty good job even if he was drunk.

"I won't mind if you give me one now" Harry whispered in his ear. Louis looked up at him. Harry was serious.

"I'm not horny anymore" Louis went along even though he was a blushing mess.

"Oh I can make you horny. That's one of my talents other than singing and talking slow" Harry smirked.

Louis licked his lower lip to stop from smiling but the smile just crept anyway on his beautiful face.

"But first, eat" Harry handed him the plate again. "You didn't even have dinner last night"

Louis looked down on the plate and mumbled "okay, Mr. Cristian Grey"

Harry looked at him and gave him an amused look "Eat, Anna"

Louis snorted and picked the spoon to cut the cakes from the side. He stuffed a spoonful into his mouth.

He closed his eyes and gave a slow moan "oh god"

"So?"

Louis opened his eyes. Harry was smirking. He awkwardly pushed his fringes away from his eyes and looked down at the plate, still chewing slowly.

"You like it?" Harry asked again.

Louis nodded sincerely and swallowed "it's good. Delicious I mean. Um..thank you...uh thanks for cooking.." He just pushed another spoon into his mouth to stop himself from blabbering awkwardly.

Harry kissed his hair "you're welcome". And then went back to do the dishes in the sink.

Louis watched him silently. He had only imagine that moment in his dreams that would never come true but somehow it was. Harry looked peaceful while doing the household chores. Louis thought there wasn't a day when they were apart because it felt almost like they have been together for a decade and not just some odd twenty days or so.

And Louis knew, in that moment, he wanted that. He wanted to spend his days with Harry. He wanted him. He wanted him for the rest of his life.

"You're done?" Harry said and took the empty plate from him, interrupting his thoughts. Harry went back to the sink.

Louis gulped because that was something he'd never thought before. But how was he suppose to say that to him?

He still didn't know if Harry wanted the same thing or not.

He was his 18 years old self again who was again dwelling in the thoughts about how Harry actually felt about him. And damn he was always so incapable and not so brave to ask him directly about forever.

"Louis?" Harry called.

Louis looked at him.

"What are you thinking?"

Louis didn't answer. He wished Harry could read his mind because he wasn't able to tell him about his thoughts. Why was he so shy to tell Harry about how he felt about him?

"Lou" Louis felt Harry's hands on his face, cupping it. Worry lines stretched on Harry's forehead "something is troubling you. What is it?"

Say it...Say it...Say it.

Chanted Louis' heart but his mind was rebelling. It wasn't letting his mouth to speak. He wasn't able to form any decent words.

"Now you are really worrying me" Harry shook him to bring him back to the world. "Tell me Louis. What's troubling you?"

Louis looked at his worried eyes and then slowly wrapped his arms around his shoulders and pulled him into a hug. A very tight one.

"Lou-"

"Shush...let me be like this for some time please"

Harry hugged him back.

How familiar warmth Louis felt coming from him each time he was holding him close. Time didn't change that for him.

"Will you touch me?" Louis asked after moments of silence.

"I'm touching you" Harry said, tightening the hug.

"No...like..touch touch me. Not..not just hugging" Louis hid his face deeper in Harry's shoulders because he felt his face getting hot.

"Louis...we shouldn't-"

"Why?" Louis broke the hug instantly and faced him, putting on a brave face.

"Because..we are in this situation where we still don't know what we are"

"What are we Harry?"

Harry looked down. Louis' feet slowly grazing his leg. Louis was watching him, not curiously though. It was not new for him. Harry's silence wasn't new for him.

"You still need time to think where we stand" Louis sighed and got down from the kitchen counter. Harry looked at him as he stood in front, eyes up, watching Harry. "But call me immature, desperate or toxic or some random arse horny teenager... I don't care. The only thing I care is you...and your touch on my skin"

"What-"

Louis interrupted him by holding his left hand and placing it on his bum "I'm utterfuckingly sexually frustrated which is actually making me so dumb physically that I'm throwing myself on wrong people that half of the time I don't even know what they are doing to me. But I can assure you Harry, I might be just thinking about you the entire time"

Harry was staring at him with wide eyes.

Louis went on "I have been really trying to remain the mature man making all the wise decisions my whole life but at the end of the day, a little immaturity won't harm anyone"

"You are taking a stupid decision now. What if it goes wrong?" Harry finally spoke. His voice came out unexpectedly hoarse.

"Then I promise you I won't blame it on anyone. I promise you that" Louis said with a nod.

"It can ruin everything we have build so far" Harry removed his hand from his behind and walked out of the kitchen, to the living room.

Louis strolled behind him "or it might strengthen it further. You can't assume"

"Not you making false predictions here"

"Not you denying me again. Not you always pushing me away. Not you trying to be the wise one here"

Harry turned "I'm just being careful"

"And in the process making me feel small. Just say it. Say it you don't want me, I will shut up"

"If something does go wrong, you'll be the first one yelling"

"And if I tell you that I won't be dragging this in our issues, can't you just believe me? Or may be you can just say it directly that you don't like my body. You hate it. You hate it with your guts-"

Harry went ahead and covered his mouth with his hand "shut up! Just keep quiet. You said enough. Stop making irrelevant statements and putting wrong stuffs in your head. Your overthinking will take you no where. Who said I dispise your body? Who said I don't like it? Who said I hate you and your little things? You don't know how much you affect me. You know nothing about that. Sometimes try and look through my eyes then you'll know how beautiful you are. Stop being fucking insecure. I can never reject you. I can't even think about that"

Louis' face didn't change. He was stubborn of course. He pulled down his hand from over his mouth "then why are you resisting now?"

"Because I care for you"

Louis took his hand and pulled it down, resting it on his front "you can show your care this way too, you know? I'd like it better". His face was sassy and challenging and seductive.

Harry's eyes hooded at once. Louis could see his pupil dilation instantly.

Well, that was fast!

"I'm not drunk Harry. I'm in my full senses so I know what I'm doing. Don't worry about me not liking it. I won't blame you. I won't blame myself either" Louis said and slowly removed his grip over Harry's hand. "Touch me"

"It's wrong"

"It's not"

"It is"

"Harry!"

"Louis!"

"Fucking wank me off you fool" Louis almost yell and pressed Harry's hand further against his visible bulge.   
Harry looked down at their hands and then looked up at him. "Please..." Louis whispered.

Harry pushed him slowly towards his couch and made him sit.

"Are you sure?" He asked once again.

"Positive" Louis nodded and spread his legs apart. He looked like the most innocent devil in teddy-printed pajamas. Harry could see his smirk.

"We are going to hell" Harry mumbled.

"I don't mind" Louis shrugged and shivered when Harry kissed his neck. His hand cupping Louis over the cloth. He turned his face to his side to give him more access to his already bruised neck. Louis gave out a breathy moan when his hand went inside his pants, rubbing him slowly over the thin material of his boxers. Louis moved his body back and leaned diagonally between the armrest and the headrest of the couch. He rested his head back as Harry settled between his legs, hovering over him. His face buried deep into the crook of Louis' neck.

Harry tugged at the waistband of his boxers then looked at him with hooded eyes.

Louis nodded. He pushed his hand inside Harry's sweater, feeling his hot skin under his fingertips.

Harry swiftly slided his hand in, holding him.

"Fuck!" Both of them groaned at the same time. Harry pulled his boxers down inside his pants. Then his fingers wrapped around him properly. Louis moaned loudly as he pushed his head back in pleasure. His fingers grazing Harry's love handles.

Harry pushed up and down his length "when did you become so hard? You were just eating pancakes a minute ago"

"I'm asking myself the same question" Louis said breathily. His hands going behind Harry, resting on his bum.

Harry pumped him continuously earning moans and grunts from him and profanities in between. Louis pulled his head towards Harry's neck and bit it once again leaving his full teeth marks as his legs were wrapped around Harry's waist because he wasn't able to take all the pleasure that was been spreading in his body.

"Okay vampire...slow down" Harry commented, rubbing his thumb in circles over his slit.

"I'll bite you more if you..." He moaned again arching his back "...if you don't move fast"

"Blackmailing now, are we?" He slowed down his pumps. Louis squirmed under him. He tried to thrust his hips up. His toes curling with delight.

"Herreh" He whined.

"What Lou?" Harry smirked and lifted his tee up. Louis' skin was already flushed with all the adrenaline pumping in him. Harry leaned and licked his torso making him squeak.

Louis pushed forward, desperate to get any friction but Harry wasn't moving. He whined again.

"So desperate" Harry kissed his cheek.

"Stop teasing me..oh-" Louis tried, he literally tried to scold him but he thrusted him so hard that Louis had to pause for a second or two to catch his breath.

"You were saying something?" Harry asked, his lips lifted with a smirk.

Louis shook his head and closed his eyes slowly as he felt a knot building in his lower abdomen. Harry leaned and trailed his lips on his high cheekbones. Harry was going fast and Louis pushed his hips along the thrusts. He opened his eyes slowly, cries coming out from his mouth and occasionally Harry's name slipping out in seductive moans. His eyes were glazed with panted breaths.

Louis hissed when he felt Harry's teeth on his chest, marking him again.   
But then Harry's phone started ringing.

Harry looked up at Louis as he gave hard pumps. His green eyes were fully black as if he was high on cocaine. Louis stared directly in his eyes, his lips parted. His moans echoing around the flat.

"Fuck you look divine!" Harry squeezed him and Louis cussed out his name.

He released in his hand.

Harry stopped and slumped down on him. Louis was panting hard.

Meanwhile, the phone stopped ringing.

Louis closed his eyes and breathe in the sweet smell in Harry's hair. It's strawberry scented.

But soon he felt a vibration on his upper thigh. Harry's phone was ringing again. Louis reached and took it out from his pocket.

"Simon" Louis read.

Harry turned his head behind and stared at the screen. Then he made a grunting noise and laid his head down on Louis' chest.

"Who's he?" Louis asked.

"Not so important person"

"Then why is he calling?"

"To annoy me. It's too early in the morning to pick his call" Harry huffed and cuddled him.

"Should I say him to fuck off?" Louis asked.

"Nah...it's fine" Harry sighed and sat up. "I have to pick his call anyway. Might as well pick it up now. And he is the owner of our management as well as the label. So I'd be really pissing him off if I don't pick it up now"

"Is...is this by any chance Simon Cowell?" Louis asked with a curious frown.

Harry nodded and got up from the couch. The phone stopped then started ringing again. Harry took it.

"Oh" Louis said and dragged himself up on the couch on his elbow in a sitting position. "I really forgot you are famous and is signed to a big label"

"I'm glad that slipped your mind" Harry leaned and kissed his forehead. "I'll take the call and will be back soon"

Louis nodded and watched Harry walking out of the flat.

He got up from the couch and went to his room to clean himself and get a change of clothes.

After a while, Louis stood in front of his bathroom mirror after he took a quick shower. Of course he was glowing, head to toe. Even if there were finger prints and bite marks all over his neck and torso, he had a thought that it was his first orgasm given by Harry.

Louis cleared his throat and tried to pretend he was not combusting from inside.

He came out of his room fully dressed with partially wet hairs. But Harry wasn't in the living room. May be it was a long call.

Louis went back to his room and sat on the bed. He thought to wait for Harry and say everything that was in his mind. He did let him touch but he still needed to had that talk and resolve everything between them.

And this time, Louis was going to say how he felt because may be Stan was right all those years ago. May be Harry was waiting for Louis to make the first move and the day was proving him right.

If Louis could ask Harry to touch him then he was brave enough to say tell him how much he loved him. And have always loved him.

But before that, Louis took his phone from the night stand and saw it was low on battery. So he plugged in the charging cord in the bedside electric socket and put the phone on charging mode.

He checked his phone. There were several messages from the lads, Niall to be specific. He couldn't do gigs for a long time due to all hectic schedule. So he did one the previous night and sent all the snaps and videos to Louis. He smiled.

Next, he hovered his thumb over the Instagram app. He didn't even remember when was the last time he logged into his account. So he finally thought to check his social handles (or may be stalk Harry's account to actually know what he was for the world).

He straight went to his profile and there were ample number of notifications popping in account. As his account was private, there were literally hundreds and hundreds of follow requests.

He frowned.

Why do people want to follow him?

He ignored the notifications for time being and went to his block list. Yeah, he blocked Harry ten years ago so in order to check his account he had to unblock him.

Louis stared at his screen when Harry's name along with a blue tick showed up on the list. It was so much different from the last time, the time when Louis visited Harry's insta account for the last time before blocking him. He had a normal profile picture then where he was holding a camera and looking through it in the picture. He might've had only 5k or 6k followers then.

But now it was 32M+ followers and Louis thought it's actually Harry, the Harry from his school. The Harry he had grown up with. Louis scrolled through his profile. First, The Vogue cover picture then a picture in certain blue blazer then some tour dates posts then the picture of him in pink shirt and white bell bottoms with suspenders.

Louis was in awe. He realized how much he had missed. Harry was completely a different person. That boy in tight skinny jeans and long black worn out band tees and large boots were gone. He was now a man of multicolored clothes and painted nails and into 80s fashion. Harry has literally changed a lot over the years.

And Louis felt proud. So proud that he was feeling some kind of joy in seeing Harry getting so much love and appreciation from the outside world. Sure Louis once dreamed of Harry getting this big and successful when he first told Harry to become a singer. That was a day and now was the day.

Louis was smiling.

He hit the follow button on his profile and went to check his notifications. He was mentioned in so many posts and so many people sent him their follow requests. He carefully scrolled through the names.

Fanpages. So many fanpages of Harry's wanted to follow him.

Just a minute of scrolling through the people, he got more notifications. He clicked one of them as he was mentioned on the post.

There were three pictures on the post. One, the Starbucks picture where Louis was holding Harry's hand. Both of them weren't looking at the camera which took the snap. The picture was so clear that him holding Harry's hand was distinctive. Louis slowly took the screenshot. Second picture was of Harry and it was an old picture from high school. Funny thing was that, Louis remembered where and who took that picture. Of course it was him. They went to see a football match at a stadium and Harry was in a football jersey. Louis made him pose for many snaps because Louis thought Harry was looking stunning in that football jersey (that Louis bought him a day ago). And that picture was so old but he had no idea how that fanpage got access to it. He swiped and found his picture (in a same football jersey in different color, clicked by Harry on that very day). Louis wondered when and how the fuck that picture was circulating in the internet. He might have posted that picture in his account but all of his social handles were private and in no way accessible to an outsider. He swiped again and saw the screen shot in 4th slide and it said "Louis Tomlinson" under "Harry Styles" followers list.

_What the fuck! ___

__He quickly scrolled down to read the caption._ _

__Hazzasguccisleeve: Those pictures in 3rd and 4th slides were clicked on the same day. When I tell you they were friends since their school days. One of my friends' cousin studies in St. Joseph and she confirmed that Louis works there as a professor and Harry had been hanging out a lot with his group of friends. Now Louis follows him._ _

__P.s- Don't litter my comment section with your unnecessary ignorant banters. They are friends so stop making speculations about Harry being rude to his old friends._ _

__P.s.s- Both Harry and Louis went to school together. TPWK_ _

__xo._ _

__Louis read the caption again just to understand what was happening. He had no idea about why him and Harry being schoolmates causing a full chaos in his fandom._ _

__He scrolled again and saw another page tagged him in their post. This time it was his picture with Zayn (he remembered that picture was posted by Zayn on his account and they got it easily because Zayn had a public account). He swiped and saw Harry's pictures at a club with Liam and then Louis' picture again in the next slide. Then another old picture from their school days._ _

__The caption said._ _

__Stylescurvedvodka: Louis Tomlinson just followed Harry a minute ago. Bitches would come and say they are not friends and I'd say them to shut up. So all those bullshit of Harry 'being rude' to his old mates are just fault allegations and don't drag Melissa in the comments. We all know it was staged._ _

__Louis frowned. Melissa who? And why people are talking about Harry being rude?_ _

__He saw the post had almost 100 comments and it was posted just two minutes ago. Hundred comments in two minutes. Louis didn't see something so fast. He clicked on the comments section and thread of comments displayed on the screen._ _

__HSHQ94: We been knew. Those toxic stans are trying to frame this dark image of him. Even Liam was his schoolmate and he is still with him. Literally, stop making him the bad guy here smh._ _

__Luna.Lovewood: Why are these people freaking out so much as if they don't know how music industry works. Some of this comments are so childish lmao._ _

__Hazzasguccisleeve: Yo girl! Tell em. Melissa is not even active anymore on Instagram. Why are these toxic stans dragging Louis' name and Melissa's name together? That Tommo guy is a new name in the fandom and people are really pulling and shredding theories about him and Harry. Let's just wait for Harry to confirm anything on Twitter and interviews. As for Louis, we don't even know that guy yet. Stop dragging him._ _

__Louis was staring at the comments with wide eyes. Even if everything was going above his head, his name been continuously used in the comments without him actually knowing the background stories._ _

__He scrolled further and one comment caught his eyes._ _

__SheenaStyles: People really shipping Harry and Louis together is just so funny. One picture of them holding hands and people out there losing their shits. Calm down Karens. Melissa broke the engagement and you people are still debating about Harry being fRiEnDs with his mates. Nobody gives a fuck. And stop saying he cheated on Mel for that Louis lad. Who's he again? Also, not everything happening in Harry's life is a lie or staged drama. That engagement wasn't staged. If it was then he would've been said it. Mel would've said it but we didn't even get any breakup articles yet. Harry is still hurt and may be he's trying to patch things up with her._ _

__The replies under the comment-_ _

__AmritaS: @SheenaStyles I agree!_ _

__Haroldhun: @SheenaStyles Let me clear this for you. We don't think Harry cheated on Melissa. Louis' wasn't even in the picture before but we are shipping them because Harry Freaking Styles is also holding his hand in that picture and that wasn't platonic at all. Don't drag him into your Malirry bullshit. Harry's so called 'old friends' were bullies and we literally have proofs for that. Stop mixing stuffs up. Harry's engagement with Mel then him hanging out with a guy (holding his hands) and him not having good relationship with his "old pals" are different topics. Don't call yourself a fan if you don't believe in your idol._ _

__Stella.M: @Haroldhun Hey, I'm a new fan. Can you please explain to me what's going on with Harry and Melissa Garcia? And who's this Louis Tomlinson?_ _

__Haroldhun: @Stella.M Harry and Melissa were engaged January last year and everyone were saying it was another PR stunt. They were first spotted together June 2018 when Harry was coming out of the Ellen show. Rumors started that they were very good friends because Melissa was part of his management team. Then dating rumours kept flying here and there. Pap pics were circulated and last January, we got the engagement articles. Long story short, last December a video leaked of them in a pre Christmas party, Melissa broke the engagement and gave the ring back to Harry. But we still haven't heard his team talking about that. Mel isn't working with the team anymore. There's no breakup articles and Harry's team pretending such thing never happened. They are trying to set up the narrative that Harry and Melissa are still a couple. And Louis is the guy in that Starbucks picture. He is said to be Harry's school friend and people out there telling they are more than friends._ _

__Stella.M: @Haroldhun Oh thanks. That helped a lot. But can I say that Louis and Harry look cute together. No offence to Malirry fans._ _

__Sunflowervol.high: @Stella.M Harry is straight, girl. Stop shipping him with a guy that too with someone who wasn't even there before. He's literally engaged to a girl._ _

__Haroldhun: @Sunflowervol.high Haven't you seen the video of Melissa breaking the engagement with him? And what if we ship him with a guy? If you have any problem then love, your homophobia and heteronormativity is showing._ _

__Samriti_Kashyap: @Haroldhun Where can I find the video?_ _

__Haroldhun: @Samriti_Kashyap all the channel that uploaded that video has been taken down by Harry's shitty management. But you can find it on Twitter easily. They really tried to remove the video from the internet but they couldn't take down all the accounts so they gave up. Stylesdailydose is the account where you can find the video._ _

__Samriti_Kashyap: @Haroldhun oh okay, Thanks love :)_ _

__Louis wasn't moving when he read everything. His eyes were glued to the screen._ _

__Harry was engaged. Harry was or is engaged to someone. And Louis had no clue about that._ _

__Louis opened his Twitter account with shivering fingers. He had to check if everything was legit or not. He couldn't stay under the rock no more. He had to know what Harry was in front of the world and how it differ from what he actually was in front of him._ _

__He got the video._ _

__He played it._ _

__A girl among the crowd standing in front of him. Her face completely serious as she was talking with Harry. It was indeed a party. Louis could see Christmas tree and fairy lights in the background. And then the girl slides a ring off her left ring finger and slams it on Harry's palm. It looked like she was yelling. She turns and storms off. The camera follows her till she was out of the room and then it focused on Harry who looked devastated, staring down at the ring on his hand. He was sad. He was broken and he looked at the direction the girl went._ _

__Then the camera was hastily or rather forcefully turned out._ _

__Louis was still looking at the screen even though the 50 seconds video ended. 50 seconds it took for Louis' heart to break again. He was, once again so wrong about Harry. He thought Harry was too waiting for him just like Louis had a hope that one day Harry would come back to him (yes, he accepted that he really was waiting for the opportunity to come face to face with Harry) but he was so wrong._ _

__Louis was always so wrong._ _

__And he heard footsteps from behind._ _

__"Whacha doin'?" Harry's chirped from his back._ _

__Louis got up limply and turned to face him._ _

__Harry's smile dropped a bit when he saw Louis' facial expression. He was serious. Dangerfuckingously serious._ _

__"What's wrong?"_ _

__"Who's Melissa Garcia?" Louis said and saw the smile completely wiped from his face._ _


	29. Chapter 29

Louis was looking at him, waiting for him to talk.

"Tell me Harry. Who's she?" Louis asked, very calmly. The phone was clutched in his hand. His knuckle turning white.

"F-friend" Harry mumbled slowly. His voice suddenly so low that it didn't even bounced on the floor and reach Louis' ears.

"Friend?" Louis frowned casually. He dropped the phone on the night stand (rather rudely) and walked around the bed and stood in front of the tall lad, some feet away. "Just friend?"

Harry's shoulder hunched down. His facial expressions turning completely guilt ridden but still he wasn't speaking.

"Harry, I asked you something" Louis said sternly, still maintaining his composer even if he was losing his shit.

"She...she's a-a f-friend o-..of mine" Harry stuttered.

Louis took a long breath, rubbing his forehead under the messy fringes. He could feel the headache coming back because he was minutes away from exploding. And the clock was ticking.

"Why are you stuttering if she's just a 'friend' Harry?" Louis sneered. His voice getting high pitched with each passing second.

Harry was quiet. He might've already gave up on the argument which hadn't even begin yet.

"Or might I say, she's your girlfriend" Louis' voice was venomous "or may be, your Fianceé"

Harry wrapped his arms around himself. His eyes staring at the ground.

"Speak up Harry. Weren't you engaged to her? Weren't you engaged to Melissa? Come on, tell me" Louis took some steps towards him.

Harry looked at him hesitantly.

"Are you gonna talk or not?!" Louis asked with an exasperated tone.

"Yes" Harry nodded slowly, eyes downcast. "I was...I was engaged to her"

"And was it a PR stunt?" Louis leaned his head down a bit to meet his eyes which were still looking down.

Harry went to the silent mode again. Louis wanted him to say yes but somewhere he was dreading his answer because may be he already got to know it wasn't a publicity stunt.

"Say it!" Louis whispered-shouted.

Harry shook his head.

Louis gulped and took a shuddered breath. Still he tried to keep his face calm "Are you still engaged to her?"

"I broke the engagement" Harry said quietly. Regret settled on his face.

"Bullshit!" Louis screeched. "I saw the video. I saw her pulling off the ring and slamming it on your palm. She broke off the engagement. Harry for god sake speak the truth for once. Just stop fucking lying every damn time"

Harry looked at him "I'm telling the truth. I broke the engagement. I told her I couldn't continue anymore. It was me"

"Of course it is always you messing up with people. It had always been you. Always you" Louis rubbed his face with his palm. "Why? Why did you break the engagement?"

"I..didn't mean to...to hurt her. I just-"

"Seriously? You get engaged and then you break it and expect that that person won't even express their sadness. You hurt them and then you say you didn't mean to hurt them? Harry are you high on something?" Louis made an unbelievable face. He turned and walked out of the room.

"Louis...listen to me" Harry followed him to the living room "I know.. I know what I did was wrong but at least I didn't lead her on. I broke it before it went serious-"

Louis turned fiercely "serious? Harry you fucking wore her a ring with your fucking name on it and promised her a 'forever'. It's not serious enough for you? It's not fucking serious enough for you? Why did you fucking got engaged in the first place?"

Harry stopped "I thought I could see a future with her"

Louis' heart sank.

"I thought may be that was it. I wanted to be happy Lou. She made me happy but then I realized that wasn't something I was looking for. I realized it was not what I wanted. I liked her, sure I did but I wasn't happy. I couldn't sleep at night thinking she was sleeping beside me with no knowledge of my actual state. She thought I was just stressed and assured me everything would be alright but in reality, I was just depressed"

"Did you love her?" Louis' voice almost broke.

Harry nodded.

"And you planned to tie knots with her?"

He nodded again.

Louis could hear his heart break for the thousandth time.

"Then why? Why didn't you talk out your issues with her if you...you lo..loved her?" He asked. "You didn't know you were depressed when you proposed her?"

"She wasn't the issue. I thought-"

"For fucks sake!" Louis made an accusing face. "Why do you even think so much? You were sad and you went to find refuge in her and then lead her on to nothing. You literally broke her heart just because you were fucking sad? Can't you see? You used her. You used her till you can and then you pushed her away. When will you understand Harry that your actions have consequences?"

"You are taking it in a wrong way Louis. I tried to explain her about my situation" Harry spoke.

"And you expect her to listen to you? What was your situation? That you loved her once and suddenly you unloved her? Why were you even so depressed to break the engagement and not depressed enough to not get engage in the first place?"

"I wasn't thinking right. I rushed"

"Of course" Louis huffed. "Of course Harry. You are always rushing things. Messing up people's head and then you go like 'oops..sorry I wasn't thinking rationally. My bad if you are sad for my wrong doings'. They are real life people. They have feelings too Harry. They have their own expectations and when will you get that fact inside your brain?!" He said it in a salty tone.

"I know I know I messed up" Harry said desperately.

"You have been messing up since the beginning. Ask me if you wanna know more" Louis said sarcastically.

Harry came and held his arms "I'm really very sorry about what I did back then Louis. I.." He cupped his face "I didn't know the gravity of that prank we did. I was fucked up. Utterly fucked up and I was too young to know what I'm getting myself into. I fucked up when we had a chance and am still suffering till this day. Please Louis...please understand me"

Louis pulled his hands away but didn't leave them "I was just a little boy too Harry. Same as your age. You made me trust you and then you dodged that out of the window. You didn't even think about the long term consequences of your prank. You literally left me traumatized for life. I developed trust issues for that. I was afraid to like someone or tell them my secrets. Everyone around me frightened me. Their simple 'Hi' used to make me jump on my feet. Do you know how much time it took me to get myself back? And I thought, I thought you have changed. I thought you knew better now. But boy, I was so wrong. You messed up again. You used someone again for your own fun. Try to put yourself into her shoes who suffered because of you. I see you look fine, thriving but what about Melissa? Do you even care about her whereabouts after you broke up? Do you care about her tears?". He left his hands and stepped back.

"I talked to her that night. I told her how sorry I was. She used to understand me. And I thought she'd get what I tried to tell her. I was being honest to her Louis. I told her that she was very important to me and I thought she knew that already. I didn't try to deny my mistake Louis trust me. I would've done more bad had I not broken up with her. I already knew it was bad and I had to end it-"

"Why are you here Harry?" Louis interrupted him. "Why are here with me immediately after you broke up with her? Why did you came back after so many years?"

Harry dropped his gaze but then looked up "Because I wanted to come back home. You are my home"

"Lies" Louis scoffed. "Stop with your manipulation Harry. It's getting fucking out of hand. Ten fucking years you were gone then you return with a sorry and a broken engagement ring. I am literally tired. So tired of your bullshits-"

"But I left everything behind to be here with you. Trust me Louis... I want to be with you"

"Did you feel pity when Kyle outed me to the school? Did you feel any pang in your heart seeing my crying face begging you to save me that night?" Louis asked calmly. His eyes firmly set on Harry's face.

"Louis I-"

"Did you sleep well that night thinking I might be crying myself to sleep?"

"Please Lou-"

"Did your tongue burn when you called me a faggot in front of the whole school?"

Harry stopped and looked at him with wide glistening eyes.

Louis stared at him.

And the silence fell in the flat.

"That was a mistake Louis-"

"I loved you Harry. I loved you so much before you pushed me, broke me and fucked me without thinking what it would do to me. I loved you" Louis' voice cracked as tears welled up.

"Louis..." Harry walked towards him but Louis stepped back, raising his hands.

"Stop!" Louis commanded. "But now I don't. Not anymore"

"Louis...no...please"

"Get out Harry. Go out of my flat. We are done. I'm putting an end to this now" Louis looked away.

"No!" Harry still went ahead and held his hand.

"Go out Harry. Get out now!" Louis took some steps back. He was standing at the threshold of his bedroom.

"I won't. I won't leave you now" Harry followed him.

"But I'm leaving you now. I'm dropping you because I'm done. I'm sick and tired of your wicked games. You dumped her just because you thought you are done with her. And you already pushed me away earlier once. I won't be able to take it for the second time. I won't!" Louis shook his head and stepped into his room and held the door.

"No Louis...please... I would... I would never leave you. Not this time. Trust me. Please...please trust me." Harry cried miserably.

"No...step away-"

"But Louis I love-"

Louis slammed the door in his face.

It was silence again.

Louis turned and slumped down on the floor. He heard a door slam from his living room. Harry was gone.

He was gone.

Louis pulled his knees till his chest and sobbed. It was done.

It was over.


	30. Chapter 30

It was the last day of the examinations.

One week went by in a blink. February was just a day away to end. Teachers were running around with stack of papers and students had a serious face on the entire time. The final years were the busiest in the whole campus.

The other hand, Liam was strolling around the campus with men with big cameras. Harry was with him too. The shooting was almost done before the fest. The workshops were carried on and Niall got busy practicing with his students orchestra. Zayn wasn't showing his face the entire days and the auditorium was packed with his and Niall's students. Conan went MIA again but this time he told he started working on his album and would return on the first day of fest.

Everyone was busy with their things.

Louis was busy too while being the invigilator the entire time.

He became a robot for that week. He'd get up early in the morning with a blank mind, do the household chores, get ready, go to work, not talk much with anyone, smile like a fucking porcelain doll, come back home and go back to sleep. Between the routine which he'd made his normal lifestyle, he'd stopped dwelling on his thoughts. He stopped overthinking. He had completely shut his mind, heart and general consciousness from the external world. Nothing was going inside. No thoughts were coming out from his mouth.

He kind of became numb.

He had stuffed all his thoughts inside a glass closet. He could see them piling up through the transparency of that furniture but he was just stuffing them infinitely. He knew if he let go of the locked door, every damn thing in that glass closet would come showering on him. But till then, he was just storing them there in order to behave like walking corpse.

He was, of course, miserable. But sure he was puting on a show for the world.

And for himself.

He knew he could go on like this till the end of the fest because he had to. He had to stay that way till that certain curly head goes out the campus and his life for good...for forever.

But till then, let's pretend he was normal and completely sane.

***

The first day of fest.

The university was scrubbed and polished clean and the auditorium was decorated with fresh chairs and red curtains on stage. The mahogany platform was polished spotless. The workers were quite busy throughout the cleaning process.

On the other hand, the students were squealing with joy as the exams were finally over and they could enjoy the events light headed.

Louis stood in front the mirror, fixing the cuff of the white checkered shirt he wore. The first day event was going to start in thirty minutes.

It was the grand opening of the one week cultural fest and also the magazines that the literature department had prepared was going for the inauguration ceremony and as Louis was the sole in charge of the whole project, his presence in the event was required.

But other than that, Louis had no intentions to step into the auditorium. Not that evening. Not the entire week.

But he had no choice but to go and pretend he was excited for the fest with blank eyes and plastic smile that he mustered just fine.

He wore the checkered sapphire brown blazer which went with the brown formal pant with ease. He brushed his hairs to a side fringe and sprayed a cologne.

He was ready to face the world.

While walking down the concrete path, he saw the students were dressed casually for the event. They were loud and smiles and chatter which could be heard all the way towards the auditorium. The sun was setting with orange and purple splattered across the sky, giving the clouds a shimmery pinkish glow. The atmosphere in the campus was festive.

Upon entering the auditorium, Louis spotted Zayn and Conan seated at the first row, far corner. Zayn was fully black-clothed with grey tie peeking out from the center. His hairs were styled gorgeously in an elegant quiff. A strand was threatening to fall over his smooth rightly brown skin. Next, Conan had a casual bottle green shirt on who's sleeves were folded up on his silky pale arms with black skinnies for his pants. His long hairs, which were caressing his shoulders, were neatly brushed from the side in soft locks.

Louis walked to them and saw his name on one of the chair besides Zayn's.

"Looking good lads" He said taking up the seat.

"You too" Zayn grinned. Conan nodded and smiled.

Louis snorted lightly and mumbled a "thanks".

He unbuttoned one of the buttons on the blazer and sat properly, making himself comfortable on the chair.

"What's up with you?" Zayn asked.

"Where's Niall?" Louis dodged his question subtly.

"In the studios. Last minute rehearsals. The opening act will be his" Conan replied.

Louis nodded and looked at the stage where workers were adjusting the mic stands and the speakers for the last minute check.

People started filling in the auditorium and soon the air turned stuffy with giggles and chatters. Some of the fellow teachers arrived and shook hands with them and took their seats. Louis thought why nobody was occupying the seat beside his. Was he looking that unsociable that nobody is preferring the seat. The chair had no name too. Niall's chair was on the other side of that unoccupied chair with his name on it. He shrugged his thoughts and listened to what Zayn and Conan were talking about.

Very soon the auditorium was full and occupied. The spot light was focused on the center of the stage and slowly the students in Niall's orchestra started filling in the stage one by one. The girls were dressed in white t-shirt and denim short skirts and the boys were in same white t-shirt with denim pants and suspenders. Their preference in that type of clothing looked highly familiar for some reasons.

Niall walked to the stage with a guitar and earpiece. The students stood by their order and Niall began giving instructions to them which was inaudible and the musicians took their positions behind them, setting up their guitars and drums.

Louis spotted cameras at the side of the stages, at the dark corners. Then Liam walked to the stage with a similar earpiece and a clipboard in his hand. He went and whispered in Niall's ears very seriously. Niall said something to him with nodes and Liam went away to the back stage urgently.

Suddenly everyone went silent instantly. Louis looked around and saw the main door of the auditorium stood ajar.

Slowly, the Chancellor and very important officials of St. Joseph stepped inside. Beside them was Harry.

He was adorned in light peach colored suit with black silk shirt underneath. His hairs were short (may be he got a haircut) and combed in a quiff, sparing the chocolate brown curls at the front some freedom to create a artistic mess if he let them. His face was a bit pale and traces of dimples appeared on his cheeks as a small smile played on his plum rosy lips (no hint of mustache on his upper lip) as he walked down the aisle. His hands behind him, interlinked. His fingers were full with rings and pink painted nails.

Everyone was watching them as they took their seats at the far end of the first row. They were sat on an expensive velvet couch set there.

Louis turned and sat straight, staring at the stage stairs. Nope, he had no thoughts in his mind. It was blank like slate.

Everyone settled on their seats.

The lights dimmed and the spot light illuminated the stage. Niall pulled the first string of his guitar and turned his head towards his students. They started singing. The first row of the girls sang the first verse as some the boys lead the chorus.

The view was ecstatic as they created a musical ear-appealing environment. Everyone started enjoying. Niall sang with them, leading the chorus as well. The melody filled the warm air. Drums echoed across the giant room. Louis found himself tapping his foot on the ground with the beats. He was genuinely enjoying besides Niall was smiling his astonishingly contagious smile the entire time. So he was happy for his friend.

After two songs, the spotlight focused only on Niall. He adjusted the mic and closed his eyes. His brunette hair shinning under the white light as his face glowed.

He began singing "I just called to say that I miss you babe"

His melodious voice echoed in a raspy tone.

"Wondering what you're doing now, at your favorite place"

Louis closed his eyes. It was soothing, as if silencing the storm that was evolving around in tide waves inside him that he wasn't acknowledging for a very long time.

"You go and list the names. Is there one you're leaving out?"

He opened his eyes.

"I'm not saying that you're lying  
But you're leaving out the truth"

Louis turned his head and the blue oceanic orbs met the emerald green pair from across the rows.

"And I'm not saying that your guilty  
'Cause I don't have any proof"

There gazes steadied.

"Feeling like I'm going crazy  
And I don't know what to do"

Louis pushed down the painful lump forming in his throat.

" 'Cause on paper, you don't break them"

Harry's face soften. His eyes full of warmth that Louis could feel radiating through him.

"But it hurts so bad the way you bend the rules"

Louis looked away, averting his eyes. He looked down at his hands as his vision blurred unintentionally.

He felt a hand grabbing him. He looked up and saw Zayn looking sadly at him. Louis sighed and blinked away the moisture in his eyes. Niall was still peacefully singing on the stage, mesmerizing everyone that were listening.

"Are you alright?" Zayn asked.

Louis nodded slowly.

The song ended soon and another one began which was started by Niall and his students harmonized later.

The whole auditorium echoed with claps, whistles and cheers once the lights glowed back to the auditorium and both Niall and his students bowed down to the appreciation they were receiving.

Louis smiled brightly at the Irish lad who spared a glance at their direction before leaving the stage.

Next, a guy in suit and a girl in dress stepped into the stage with their mics.

"Thank you so much Mr. Horan and the students for the amazing opening performance. Hello, St. Joseph. Another year and another fest for which we wait so eagerly every year" The girl said, smiling brightly with pearly white teeth.

"And we had a great start already. It's a special year because, as we all know, we have a special guest among us who has become a family to us. Give it up for Mr. Harry Styles everyone" The guy said and everyone began clapping their hands.

Harry looked around with smile. His hands waving at them.

"We'd like to request to our Chancellor to say two words to begin the evening" The boy said.

The kind man stood up from the velvet couch. Harry got up to like the gentleman he was. He walked him towards the stairs and helped him to climb them. Then he came back to his seat.

Everyone applauded when Mr. Bronson, the Chancellor, stood by the mic stand and gave out a kind smile to the audience.

He began his speech "Hello everyone. I'm glad that all of you lovely people are present here to be the part of the yearly fest that takes place with such enthusiasm and glory. The academic year is almost over..."

"No hard feelings for Mr. Bronson" Zayn whispered to Louis, catching him off guard all of a sudden "but I still hate it when the highest authorities make that boring oldie speech. Always hated it since my school days. Am I still sane?"

"You are as sane as I am" Louis nodded sincerely. "Never liked 'em meself either"

Zayn grinned and concentrated to what the Chancellor was speaking.

"...I'd also like to thank Mr. Harry Styles for choosing our university and being almost like the part of our small family. He brought smile to many of our students' face keeping mind how well admired he is by all" He gestured towards him. People clapped again.

Harry smiled at him politely.

"Thank you sir" The guy named Samar (the male host) said when Mr. Bronson ended his speech before the auditorium broke into thunderous applause.

"Now, it's the time to inaugurate the magazines curated by the literature department. We'd like them to bring them up on stage" Alaya (the female host) said.

Louis recognized two of his students from the senior year walking into the stage with the two magazines wrapped in a red ribbon. They were shining and Louis kind of felt proud and nervous which wasn't unusual for him. They stood at the center.

"We'd like to call Mr. Styles to inaugurate the magazines and Mr. Tomlinson under whose guidance, the making of student magazines were possible"

Zayn patted Louis" right thigh with encouragement. Louis got up and swiftly buttoned his blazer. He saw Harry getting up as well. He was watching him with a welcoming smile as both headed towards the three stairs. Louis wasn't nervous, if more he was a bit too confident because Harry wasn't affecting him anymore anyway.

He displayed his fully perfect artificial smile to the people on the stage as well as the one that were sitting on the chairs.

Harry gestured him to climb to the stairs.

Louis accepted his offer without throwing any glances or drama towards him.

If Harry could play the gentleman then Louis could too. He just wanted to get it over soon.

Louis walked to the center of the stage and shook hands with the Chancellor and passed encouraging and stay-still-you-are-doing-great smile to his students who looked extremely nervous being the center of attraction.

"Mr. Tomlinson, we'd like you to hand the magazines to Mr. Styles" Alaya said politely gesturing towards the magazines his students were holding.

"Sure" Louis mumbled and took the first magazine. He walked towards the tall lad who haven't dropped his eyes from him for a second since they climbed the stage together.

The worst thing was Louis knew he was watching him like the Hawkeye.

He stood in front of him. Eyes up, meeting the green orbs.

"Here Mr. Styles" that was the most professional Louis could sound even to his own ears.

Harry took the thing. His long ring clad fingers lingered around his bony pale one. On the other hand, he felt his fingertips grazing the '2' of his '28' tattoo. Louis pulled his hands immediately out of the magazine. Harry grasped it subtly, not letting it drop on the ground and create a seen.

Louis took a step back, composing his face in front of everyone. He totally ignored the sly smile creeping on Harry's smooth face.

"Open it" Louis said.

Alaya walked and stood between him and Harry and he mentally thanked her.

Harry tugged at the ribbon and with a swift pull, the ribbon was untied.

Alaya passed him a mic and he read the name "Serendipity". Displaying the thick book to the audience. Everybody applauded. Then he turned and gave Louis a proud smile.

"Please say something about the magazine Mr. Tomlinson" Samar asked.

Louis took the mic "Erm... That's the magazine number one and my senior year students had put lots of efforts behind it. It contains about the literatures across the world and some important people that helped frame the British literature"

"Interesting" Harry commented. Louis was slowly getting irritated due to his present beside him. 

"My students have asked me to ask you to sign the magazines as a token of appreciation" Louis said to the mic with a honey coated false smile that didn't crinkle the corner of his eyes.

"I'd love to" Harry said his voice doing an obvious squeal.

And Louis didn't know why Harry was behaving like as if he was teasing him and till the night end they'd cuddle and sleep because no...the truth is far from it.

Louis shrugged his thoughts after he realize he was unlocking that glass closet which was actually very dangerous for him. He was pulling himself together and opening that glass closet of thoughts would only result in disaster.

Louis took the 2nd magazine and a marker and passed them to Harry without letting him create any physical contact this time.

Harry held the ribbon after unwrapping it. This time it said "Anecdote" on the front page.

"Both of them look lovely" Harry commented.

Some students among the audience smiled fully because they were behind all the works.

Harry held them and signed both the books.

"If anyone wants to get the copy of the magazines then you can contact the students' literary work department tomorrow" Samar informed. "We'd like to thank Mr. Styles, Mr. Bronson, Mr. Tomlinson, Nick and Sarah for joining us upon the stage for the inauguration of the lovely magazines" 

Applause echoed across the hall. Generous smiles were passed before the people stepped down the stairs. This time Harry was in front of him, getting down. Harry was about to go the wrong direction (where Louis was sat) so Louis put a hand behind him, giving a little push to his right. Harry walked ahead and Louis left him. He went and sat beside Zayn.

"What's all that tension between you two?" Zayn couldn't help but ask once Louis was settled beside him.

Alaya was announcing something on the stage. But Louis turned to Zayn to reply him.

" 'S nothing"

"Don't lie Tomlinson. I could see that. And it was actually sexual tension. What is going up between you two?"

"Shut up Zayn. It's nothing" Louis said sternly and looked at the front.

"Alright...don't get so offended-"

"And for your kind information Zayn 'cause I want to make it clear once and for all" Louis fully faced him. "There's nothing going on between me and that...our guest. Even if there was, it's over now. Ended. So just keep your second thoughts in your mind" He whispered.

"I'm sorry to hear that Lou" Zayn looked genuinely pitiful and concerned. "I thought you guys were working out your issues. You were so happy the other day"

"Pity, it didn't turn out as planned but no regrets. We are far apart than I actually thought we would be. At least it's over before I expected too much Z. I'm glad it's over. I don't wanna be stuck to the past anymore" Louis said.

Niall came out from nowhere and sat beside Louis before Zayn could continue the conversation.

"Hi Tommo!"

"That's not your chair Niall" Louis said.

"It's Liam's I know but he is busy right now" Niall said.

"But he's name is not written there"

"Because he didn't want to reserve a front row seat for himself because he knows he's gonna be busy the entire evening but if anyone wants to take the seat, they can" Zayn explained.

"That's..." Louis made an impressed face. "Quite thoughtful of him"

Zayn grinned.

"Did you like the songs?" Niall asked.

"Loved it" Both Zayn and Louis smiled in unison.

Meanwhile, one of Niall's students came to the stage. She started singing with a calm voice.

"Harry's gonna perform tonight?" Zayn asked to Niall while Louis sat stiff between them.

"Nah...he's performance is saved for the last day" Niall said.

"Your browns are piercing my eyes. I miss those blondes" Louis commented.

"I second Louis" Zayn agreed.

"I third Zayn" Conan said from behind Zayn. He missed the magazine part because he was backstage to check on the drama students who were going to perform solo that evening.

Zayn turned to him and asked him about his students in whispered tones. They had a quick conversation and then both turned to Louis and Niall.

"Then I miss your green hairs too Z" Niall said.

"Gonna dye them red soon" Zayn winked.

"Did Liam approved that?" Louis asked.

Zayn blushed "that's not necessary. It's just a hair color"

"Aww...you look cute when you blush" Niall said with a grin and turned to Louis "why aren't you blushing after all that sexual tension going around between you and Harry"

Zayn mentally slapped his forehead and every color in Louis' face drained out.

"Was that that obvious?" Louis asked frightened.

"No it wasn't" Zayn assured him and glared at Niall who had no idea about anything (not his fault though).

"But-" Niall began.

"Shush Niall" Zayn warned him as Louis got lost in his thoughts. His eyes caught Conan's gaze who was seriously watching him.

But then Conan smiled brightly at him and Louis looked at him deliriously. But still he managed to compose himself and smile.

"I think I'd like a wee" Louis declared.

"You alright?" Niall asked, now really very serious.

"Yeah...yeah I'm...just... I'll be back" Louis got up and walked to his right when Conan held his right hand.

"What's wrong?" He asked. His voice feather soft.

"I just need some fresh air" He said.

"Don't smoke"

"I won't"

"Louis I don't trust you with the cigarettes" He stated.

"Fine!" Louis pulled out his half finished Marlboro packet and handed it to Conan. Zayn and Niall were sparing them curious glances.

"Good boy" Conan left him and Louis made a grunting voice, walking out of the auditorium from the side exit.

Conan was aware how much Louis was smoking from some days. He caught him twice in the smoking zone that day and Louis had no option other than getting rid of the packet he managed to finish half.

But that wasn't the problem.

The main problem was that if Niall could observe the tension (well sexual tension) between him and Harry then there's a high possibility of all the audience observing the same. It was bad. So bad. The entire month he managed to not direct the suspicious eyes of the people inside the campus towards him and Harry after the Starbucks incident. He had heard stories of them both circulating around the uni walls but this...this was going to cause chaos if everyone was really very focus on them which was highly likely.

The door of the glass closet was unlocking itself.

And Louis badly needed a smoke at that time. His palms were itching with trepidation. He walked down the corridor, passed another hallway and entered into the gents restroom.

The room was empty.

He went and stood by the sink. He ran the water and washed his face. Cold water made his skin numb. He looked up in the mirror. His face was flushed from all the overthinking that been travelling through his head.

He splashed more water and twisted the water tap close.

He looked up again and nearly jumped when his eyes landed on Harry's reflection.

"You scared me" Louis sniffed.

"Here" Harry walked ahead and forwarded his handkerchief to him.

"No thanks" Louis declined and pulled his own tissue out from his pocket. He rubbed his face and tossed it into the nearby bin.

"Why did you left the show in the middle?" Harry asked.

"Why are you here following me yet again and asking ridiculous questions for the umpteenth time?" He said in a salty tone.

Harry sighed "can we just talk without snapping for once?"

"Can we just not talk in the first place?" Louis snapped. "Besides, why are you even bothered to talk to me? Haven't I made it clear that we are over and I don't want to associate with you ever again?"

"For you may be but not for me" Harry took a step again and held Louis left hand. His thumb grazing the tattoo.

"I don't... I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to repeat this boring vicious cycle once again. We've been through" Louis pulled his hand out and began walking ahead when Harry pulled him again with his forearm and wrapped his one hand around his waist, hand sliding under his blazer.

"How do you expect me to let go after what you said that day?" Harry said. Louis looked up at him. "You love me"

"Loved" Louis corrected him. "Loved you. I don't anymore"

"You can't unlove someone"

"You can when the hatred towards them is bigger than the love you have for them"

"You cannot hate me"

"Then you don't know me yet"

"If you did you would've resisted my touch. But you didn't" Harry smirked.

"Because I gave up on your stubbornness. I gave up on arguing with you. I gave up Harry. I know you'll force me so I just let it be. Hold me, fine. I won't tell you to leave me but don't expect me to react because I don't approve this" Louis pointed his fingers between them. "You can manhandle me right here and I won't make a noise because you love to see the pain in my eyes. So I just stopped expecting too much from you if not expecting anything at all. Do whatever you like that satisfies your needs and just go"

Harry looked at him with shocked eyes.

But Louis was just normal. No loud expressions on his face.

"Louis.. I.." Harry left him immediately. "...I can't... I won't harm you...physically. I can't even think about that"

"Okay" Louis stepped back, pulling down the hem of his coat. "But I don't believe that. You can think of harming me physically keeping mind you have already screwed me mentally"

"No!" Harry looked down as his arms that wrapped around himself "I-I can't- can't think of hurting...hurting anyone sexually..or physically... I cannot...I won't..."

"Alright" Louis shook his head as he walked past him "good then"

"Louis...please believe me.. I can never..never hurt you in a way that'd leave a scar in your body" Harry turned and looked at him helplessly with vulnerable eyes.

"Cool" Louis shrugged with indifference.

"No! Stop!" Harry walked and blocked his path. "You still don't believe me"

Louis stared at him with an expressionless face.

"Please believe me. Please! I can't hurt you... Please" Tears filled his gorgeous eyes.

"I don't" He shook his head.

"What can I do for you to believe in me?" Harry was devastated which wasn't affecting Louis in anyway.

"I don't know. That's your call" Louis pushed pass him out of the restroom.

Harry looked broken, utterly devastated to the extent but Louis didn't care.


	31. Chapter 31

The fest was going just fine.

The next two days, Louis visited the auditorium but preferred to sit alone at the back. The lads were anyway busy with their students, constantly making sure if they were prepared enough or not and lastly paranoid Zayn is really very tough to handle. He'd literally stand by the backstage door whenever his students were performing a drama and even mouth them lines if required. Sure he believes in perfection but that lad had some ultra level of tensions bursting like the firecrackers around him. Conan would be going around with him frantically calming him down the entire time. Niall's had some group and solo performances of his students but somewhat he was relaxed compared to Zayn.

Louis wished he was as busy as them, contributing in the cultural event but alas! He had nothing to do so he just sat back and observed. There were times when he actually thought to start singing because people said he had a good voice. But he never gave it too much thoughts because there was actually no one who held his hand and told him to sing for them by looking in the eyes. And he wished someone was there. He just wished.

The dramas were carried out pretty good. The plays he had read and taught his whole life were very brilliantly carried out by the students. He liked it and enjoyed it.

Since two days Louis have been entertaining himself by waking up late in the morning and spending one or two hours in the auditorium and then he'd go back home. That was it.

It was the third evening and he thought to stay home instead and may be sleep or read a book or two or cook a wholesome meal. The sky was turning gloomy outside his window. The air was chilly so Louis closed the windows shut and turned on the heaters in the room. He made his bed and cleaned the kitchen counters. Earpods were stuffed in his ears as a slow song from some unknown artist was playing from the Spotify playlist he thought to listen for a change. He washed the dishes from afternoon and stacked them neatly on the counter to dry them up. Sometimes household chores could keep you really busy and sometimes staying busy was good.

He washed his hands and rubbed them with a rug and then went to retrieve his phone from the counter. He picked up the device and that's when it started ringing.

"Harry" Louis read with a sigh.

Shouldn't he be attending the event going around in the campus?

Louis looked out of the window that was in his kitchen wall. The sky was already dark as the evening swept by into a night.

The call straight went to the voicemail and it was disconnected.

Louis kept it back on the cold counter.

After a second it started ringing again displaying Harry's name.

Louis wasn't picking up the call. He just keep staring at the screen with the blank expression till the screen went blank again.

He stepped back and poured warm water into a glass. He took slow sips from it. The phone started ringing again and Louis thought the ringtone sound oddly high compared to the last ring. 

He turned his head and looked out of the window without any intentions to actually pick up his call.

It went to voicemail again.

But this time, a broken, very fragile and highly devastatingly vulnerable voice spoke from the other side "Louis please pick up the call" his voice cracked "please". And the line goes dead.

Silence

Louis wasn't aware he was clutching the glass tightly in his hands which would only result in breaking it again with his bare hand. He didn't want that keeping mind he only got off the bandaid from his left hand that morning. There was a fading scar on his palm.

Well, Harry sound so wrong in that voicemail. As if he was crying till his voice went hoarse and clogged up. But that shouldn't affect him, right?

But it somehow did affect him. He knew very well it was one of his tactics to gain Louis' attention again. He would just use this emotional blackmail which Louis was so sick and tired of. It was nothing new.

He rested the glass on the counter when his phone went off again which was beginning to irritate him from his core. He turned and went to pick it up to get over with it already.

Because ignoring your problems won't solve them anyway.

He tapped the receive button and kept it on the speaker mode.

He didn't speak.

But someone talked from the other side "Louis..."

He just stared into the screen without talking.

"It's bad Lou...it's so bad...I didn't mean to do it. I didn't intend to get dr-drunk. It-it j-just...happened" Harry's speech both stuttered and slurred heavily that Louis had to make out what he was actually saying.

"What did you do this time?" Louis asked calmly.

" 'S r-red all o-over. I didn't wa-want to b-break the...the glasses but they...they a-are now..now shattered a-all around...I'm-I'm not able to s-stand without scratc...scratching m-myself" Harry's voice barely came out in whispers.

"What's red? What happened?" Louis asked. This time he was a bit tensed. He knew Harry was reckless and he could really see another of a messed up incident caused by him coming up.

"My thigh" He shuddered. "I didn't mean too but...its...the glass is still there. I can't..I'm not able to pull it out. Its stinging. Blood is-"

"JESUS HARRY!" Louis interrupted him with a high pitch voice. "How did you even fucking cut yourself?! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU EVEN DOING? WHERE ARE YOU?"

"My place..."

Louis rushed to his living room and pulled a coat from a hook and hastily wore it. He knew Harry was staying in his London house since some days and it was thirty minutes away in bus and fifteen minutes in metro and a good eleven minutes it takes to get to the metro so Louis have to practically run like the flash to reach the station and by the look of it, Harry didn't sound so good from the other side.

"I'm coming over Harry. Stay put" Louis declared to particularly no one because he didn't even know if Harry was even listening to him. His highly unstable heavy breathing was making the matters worse for him.

"It's still not stopping Lou. What do I do?"

"Fucking hell!" Louis let out in an exasperated tone. He locked his door and ran down the stairs, narrowly escaping a fall. "Stay with me okay. Talk to me Harry" he said because he didn't know if the bleeding was too much. He couldn't let Harry faint at any cost.

"Please come quickly Lou...please" Harry's voice started to turn hazzy all of a sudden that was scaring the shit out of Louis as he walked fast towards the exit.

"I'm coming baby. I'm on my way. Please stay put for me okay?" Louis panted as he rushed out of the gates.

"Okay"

But he stopped and turned, walking towards one of Harry's suited men.

"Please drive me to Harry's house" He said to the familiar man he got into a banter the other night.

The tall man who goes by the name 'Hugh' stared back at him with confused eyes and an equally confused frown "I'm sorry sir?"

"I need to go to Harry's place now and it's urgent. We can't be late" Louis said. The phone still pressed against his ear.

"I'm afraid we are extremely incapable to do that sir. We didn't get any instructions from any of our heads-"

"One of your heads is in a verge to get unconscious with excess blood loss and I'm fucking trying to keep him alive here. And you don't have to think what your heads are going to say if you take me to Harry's house. He is fucking dying!" Louis spoke fiercely, glaring mirthlessly at the tall suited guy.

"But-"

"You guys are fucking unbelievable" Louis shook his head with disgust. He turned and began walk away, planning to catch a taxi when a hand caught his shoulder to stop him.

He turned.

"I'm sorry sir. Please follow me" Hugh said and nodded towards the parking lot of the university where a black BMW was waiting which Louis knew belonged to Harry. Louis, without wasting any time, rushed towards the parking lot and stood by the back door. Hugh walked and unlocked the car, gesturing the short tensed lad to get inside. Louis climbed into the back seat immediately. Hugh got into the driver's seat and ignited the engine.

Meanwhile, Louis looked at his phone's screen and noticed Harry's call was already disconnected.

"Damnit!" Louis cursed and dialed his number. It was ringing but nobody picked. "No no no no". He exhaled with wide tensed eyes and kept calling his number even if it was going straight to the voicemail. Fear was escalating through his body like a tsunami. Bad thoughts were also invading his mind.

The car was running down London's roads in a moderate speed. Louis wanted it to go faster but if they get pulled over at the time of crisis then Louis would lose his patience, decency and sanity. So he sat at the edge of the seat anxiously while continuously calling his number.

"Where's Liam?" Louis suddenly asked.

"He must be with Mr. Styles" Hugh replied, catching his stressed state in the rearview mirror. "Is he alright sir?" now he looked tensed too.

"I hope he is Hugh" Louis gulped and stared at the screen as if his life depends on it. He thought to call Liam because if Liam was actually with him then Harry wouldn't even have wounded himself in the first place.

But his phone was telling busy.

"What the fuck is wrong with everyone?!" Louis was frustrated. The car sped off because even Hugh seemed very tensed looking at Louis' frantic state.

It took a lot of traffic and keeping speed limit check to finally reach their destination. Louis' condition worsen by the time he stepped out of the car because of all the bad scenarios he had been brewing in his mind the entire journey. Harry wasn't picking up his calls and neither Liam.

Louis practically ran towards the entrance door of the giant mansion that was Harry's home. He didn't care to check the details of the beauty that stood in front of him. He just wanted to reach him, to see him as soon as possible. His legs were shaking while he walked into the house, his blue eyes scanning the whole place just to spot him.

Hugh followed him behind.

"This way sir" He said, pointed towards the stairs sensing Louis' confused eyes.

Louis nodded and followed him. They climbed the stairs quickly then kept walking down a hallway that was connected with another corridor. It was like a puzzle because it was taking forever for the road to end. Louis looked everywhere with squinted eyes. The hallways were too peaceful as the boot of their shoes invaded the silence.

And finally, after a painful amount of walking, they reached the door which Louis actually thought they'd never get to see even after walking so much.

Louis didn't waste anytime and burst into the room, the door wasn't locked from inside thankfully.

"Harry!" Louis shrieked when he saw a curled up figure on the floor in a corner of the partially dark room. Louis ran and stood some inches away from him when he noticed broken pieces of glasses around him, on the floor. There were red stains smeared in hand prints around the white tiled floor. He carefully stepped ahead and held Harry's limp form in his arms.

Harry's eyes were still opened but unsettling. He wasn't unconscious but he looked like he'd at any second. His face was drained of all the healthy colors. His hairs completely disheveled and greasy. Small scratches of wound on his arms and a large ugly cut was visible on his left thigh. It was still fresh.

"I'll call the paramedics" Hugh said and went out of the room urgently.

"You came" Harry focused on him finally. His eyes glossy with unshed tears.

"What did you do Harry? Why did you hurt yourself?" Louis said holding his head in his arms securely. He caressed the side of his face. "Always so reckless. You scared me so much do you know that?"

"But I pulled it out" Harry raised his wobbly hand which held a glass piece which was covered in red from a corner. Louis took the piece out of his palm and placed it at the corner "why were you clutching it?"

"To show you" Harry mumbled.

"Oh Harry" Louis' voice broke. He wrapped his hands around him and pulled him up, in a hug. "Why are you like this?". A sob escaped his lips as he held the lad close to him.

"It's stinging less now Lou. You shouldn't worry" Harry's voice muffled into his chest.

"Why did you hurt yourself?"

"It wasn't intentional"

"Hazza don't lie" Louis sighed and rested his head against his shoulder.

"Because I hurt you again so I wanted to punish myself. You..you said you feared me. So made myself fear the bad. I..I thought I'd..I'd just see how it burns my...skin if..if I break a glass and let it...cut myself"

"NO!..." Louis whimpered. "Why did you self harm Harry? You shouldn't have done that... I hate that so much"

"I wasn't harming myself Louis but it just cut accidentally and I didn't stop it because I thought maybe I deserved it" Harry said.

Louis pulled his head away from his chest to meet his glossy eyes with his own moist one "promise me you won't hurt yourself like this ever again"

"I promise" Harry grinned like a toddler. Another sob left Louis chapped lips seeing him in that state.

"Don't cry" Harry said and touched the back of his fingers with Louis' tear stained cheek. Louis lifted his hand and held his hand, over his cheek.

Slowly Harry's smile faded as he was slipping into an unconscious state. His hand going limp under his grip.

"No...stay awake Hazz" Louis tapped his cheek with his fingertips.

Harry didn't react as he closed his eyes with exhaustion. His face going unnaturally calm.

"Harry! No. Open your eyes please" Louis shook him but he wasn't reacting.

"HUGH" Louis screamed looking towards the open door of the room.

Almost immediately footsteps could be heard coming towards the room. Bunch of people stepped inside and suddenly the whole room lighted up with bright lights and unfamiliar faces.

The whole room was turned into a hospital cabin within seconds and Louis was detached from the beautiful wounded boy on his lap with much struggle because he wasn't allowing anyone to come near him nor was he letting him go from his lap. He was scared because he thought he'd lose him if he let him go off his lap.

But eventually he had to when the male nurses picked Harry up and placed him on the giant bed. Louis was escorted outside by Hugh who assured him that Harry was in safe hands. He was provided with a glass of water and a chair to sit in another room, close enough to Harry, because Louis looked too tensed and devastated at that time.

After an hour or so when Harry was cleaned and medicated enough to go into a deep slumber, Louis was allowed into the room. Till then he was calm and silent mostly. He re-analyzed the whole situation within himself.

He went and sat beside the sleeping beauty on the giant king sized bed. His scratches and wounds were hid behind the multiple bandaids. His face was still pale but he looked so peaceful while sleeping. Louis leaned and kissed his forehead with affection.

"Jesus!" Liam exclaimed when he finally stepped into that room turned hospital cabin for the first time that evening after everything settled down.

Louis looked up towards the door where the frightened lad stood with wide eyes as he observed the curly one on the bed.

"Welcome Liam" Louis said rather in a mocking tone. His face not at all welcoming.

"Just one time I leave him on his own and see what he does" Liam stated walking ahead. His jet black eyes not leaving Harry which looked too accusatory.

"Where were you?" Louis asked getting up from the bed and facing him. "You didn't even pick up my calls"

"I was in a meeting with the management. I told him to sleep 'till I return but he damn well went and disobeyed me like he always does. I have hide all his wine bottles and glasses but he still went for the treasure hunt and wounded himself. Some kind of weird liking he has in breaking the glasses and injuring himself with them" Liam said with a sigh.

"Was he having any type of episode?" Louis asked him cautiously.

Liam look at him and guilt settled on his facial expression "yes"

"And you left him when he was in that state"

"I didn't mean to but I didn't have any choice Louis. I had to go"

Louis made an unbelievable face "what the fuck is wrong with you guys? Do you know he could've literally died Liam?"

"But he was alright since the morning. Yes he had an episode but it was two days ago and since then he had been sleeping away his days and today he told me he was feeling fine so I believed him and left him just for some odd three hours" Liam tried to explain him.

Louis exhaled and rubbed his face feeling all the exhaustion in the world.

"I think it's finally the time I should say 'I'm out' " Louis began walking ahead towards the door.

"Wait! You can't leave him alone" Liam said blocking his path.

"He have you now. He doesn't need me anymore" Louis shrugged.

"Oh trust me he needs you" Liam said with an incredulous look.

"No Liam he doesn't" Louis said. "The longer I stay here, the more I'm beginning to believe that everything that happened today is because of me. I'm the reason behind this...everything. Since the day one. He tried to harm himself today just because of me. Every damn stuffs happening in our lives is so fucking messed up and twisted. I'm the reason behind it. And when he wakes up, he'd think I pushed him to do what he did in his drunken state. And I just....I can't anymore" Louis pressed his lips in a thin line as he begrudgingly walked out of the room with defeated shoulders like a lost warrior returning from a war. His eyes were burning with new tears that were threatening to roll down his eyes.

"Louis wait" Liam's voice echoed from his behind.

Louis shook his head as he continued his steps down the long corridor.

But he was soon pulled back by his shoulder.

"Wait for a second will ya?" Liam huffed, catching his breath.

"Why?" Louis managed to ask.

"Can we talk?" Liam asked standing straight.

"I'm not in a mood for a chat"

"I think you should hear me out tonight for your own benefit" Liam said and walked ahead. "I'm insisting"

"What do you even want to talk about in this situation?" Louis asked as he walked behind him.

"Not here" Liam climbed down the stairs.

Soon they were out of the mansion, on the busy streets of London. It was completely dark and chilly when they were walking down the foot road after crossing the streets.

"Liam"

"Patience Louis. We are almost there" Liam said.

They entered into a pub which wasn't crowded at that time of the evening. It was occupied by the locals who were having a drink over some general conversation. There wasn't any loud music or fancy looking teenagers swaying their hips with the beats. It was pretty normal place to hangout and have a moderately peaceful drink and some me time.

"Coming here wasn't necessary" Louis said. "I'm not in a mood for a drink"

"We couldn't talk in that house and this place is perfect to have a decent conversation" Liam took the first seat.

"Liam if you brought me here to just defend Harry's mistakes and make me forgive him then don't. Sure I became paranoid for him tonight but that is short lived and temporary. Don't expect too much from my side tomorrow when Harry is okay and healed" Louis said.

"Sit down first" Liam gestured at the stool in front of him.

Louis sighed and took the sit.

"And I won't defend Harry for what he did in the past. And I won't tell you to forgive him. That's your decision after all to make but I think you deserve to know things" Liam said.

"I might already know thanks to Harry's fans" Louis said sarcastically.

Liam snorted softly and called the bartender to order some beers. Then he turned to the short lad "trust me Louis, you don't even know half of the story"

Louis frowned at his statement "what are you talking about?"

"Many things happened Louis after you stepped out of Harry's life all those years ago. Well yeah, you were bound to go away from his life after what he did to you but after that, Harry wasn't the same person anymore" Liam looked at Louis who's face was twisted with deep confusion.   
"Let me tell you from the beginning" Liam said and took a sip from his beer bottle then rested it on the counter before fully turning his attention to short lad who was waiting for him to speak further.

"So first let me make this clear that, its the truth that Harry started interacting with you because it was planned and I was fully aware of that"

Louis stared at him.

"Sure I tried to stop them from conducting that dumb 'prank' they were brewing. But I just...gave up on stopping them. Outing you wasn't in the plan. Not even Harry was aware about that. I know I could've easily called off the plan but I didn't so I'm at fault too" Liam looked down with a frown.

Louis wasn't speaking at all.

So Liam continued "but both Harry and I talked over phone when I was in London for my grandma and I actually convinced him to tell you everything and start a fresh because you see Louis, Harry wasn't continuing as planned. He gave up on that days ago because he was genuinely enjoying your company. He actually wanted to spend days with you. The other lads thought the plan was long forgotten as Harry would willingly spend time with you. Um..but Kyle was adamant. He'd always nag Harry about your whereabouts and when he was dumping you etcetera"

Louis looked away and took a swig of his beer.

"I know you hate Kyle a lot and Louis, the stuffs I'm going to say to you won't be too appealing to your ears. It might sting but you should know everything. I know Harry didn't tell you and I know he might've pushed everything behind his mind. He might've his own reasons but you decide after listening the things" Liam said and waited for him to respond.

Louis gulped "why am I listening to you when Harry should be the one telling me everything?"

"I cannot be so sure but I don't think so he was planning to tell you anything any time soon" Liam sighed.

"He doesn't trust me I get it" Louis said staring away.

"Or may be you are the only one he trust more than himself and he didn't want you to get involved in his mess because he'd already done too much damage to you"

Louis looked at him "but don't you think I deserve to know everything? And from him and not you?"

"Yes Louis that's correct but he won't say anything as of right now for some reasons unknown to me. He would've already told you anything on the first day"

"He..did try to talk to me though but I.. I was too angry and self-involved to actually hear him out" Louis said in a defeated tone.

"No your fault" Liam kept a hand over his arm. "If I was in your place, I would've reacted the same way. It's normal"

Nobody spoke for some minutes. Only chatters from the other tables could be heard.

"Why did he broke my heart Liam when he wanted to be with me?" Louis asked slowly after a while, staring at the contents in his beer bottle.

Liam began "That day...he was sure he wouldn't go for the plan as he told me over phone the other night. He wanted to come clean to you the next day but then he had to attend some wedding so he decided he'd tell you after he came from the wedding"

Louis nodded him to continue.

"Whole afternoon he was busy and when he came out from the venue, trust me Louis, he went straight to his home with Anne. It was already too late to bother you so he just thought to skip it for the next day"

"But-"

Liam interrupted him "Kyle got him out of the house and got him drunk"

Louis' hands clutched the beer bottle but didn't say anything.

"He manipulated him and told him to go for the prank as planned and end it that night."

"And Harry just accepted that. He just did what that bastard told him to do" Louis scoffed.

"You don't know Kyle, Louis. He had this power to manipulate people. You won't even know when and how he'd get inside your head and corrupt it. And that night, it was an open opportunity for him to brainwash Harry. He told him such things and hyped him to call you and tell you to go to school that night. Harry had, absolutely had no idea that Kyle was going to out you and drop that nasty video-"

"But Harry didn't stop him..he fucking never stopped Kyle when he was...was"

"He was manipulated Louis. He was taught to see you in pain. Kyle told him that it'd make him happy once he executes the plan" Liam said softly.

Yet it broke Louis' heart again "He derived pleasure from my pain"

"But he tasted his own bitter medicine after that" Liam said.

"He changed completely after that. He'd not at all hang out with us. Won't pick up our phones or reply to our texts. Harry was completely made himself distant from us. Kyle was pushed away too as well as me"

Louis looked at him again.

"I was no exception. He'd completely ignore me too. After that night we had a big fight when I returned. I told him that was vile what he did but he said he was proud of that. Of course he was lying because he was still in denial about everything he did. He was still among the thick fog. So I stopped talking to him. He didn't mind. Sometimes he'd be seen hanging out with Kyle, of course but that didn't last too long until he pushed everyone away. It went on even after we graduated and you went away without leaving any trace behind. I actually thought to come and talk to you but we didn't know where you were. We couldn't ask your sisters as well because they knew what was up so we didn't dare. Fortunately Harry and I got admission in the same university. It was a bit of a shock when I got to know he was opting for music as his career. I went to talk to him leaving behind the grudges I had because somewhere I knew he wasn't quite doing well even if he pretended he was buzzing" Liam paused and drank two large gulps of beer. 

Louis wasn't interrupting him instead gave all of his undivided attention.

Liam continued "we had a long talk where he wasn't being too honest the entire time. Still, we kind of made up. The other boys went to different colleges in different countries and we lost touch with them even if we had them in our contact list. Harry went from this popular kid in school to this introvert who was too shy for anyone when we stepped inside the university "

"Wait wait" Louis frowned. "What?"

"That was a transition even I didn't expect in him. He used to stay reserved all the time in college. He wasn't part of any popular groups or he wasn't some popular name in the campus until he actually became popular" Liam stated.

"But...but he was always so famous at school. How did he change so drastically?"

"Guilt may be. The fog was finally clearing around him and he realized what he did. He became really very shy and calm. There wasn't any late night parties or swearing or fooling around in the campus. He didn't even had that many friends. I tried to give him company as much as I could but my schedules weren't same as his. I was in the business and management department and he was in music department. It was becoming really very tough for me to accompany him to every lunch or dinner. But somehow we managed to keep our friendship throughout." Liam looked up at him "but he never used to talk about you. I don't want to keep you in the dark Louis but he kind of made himself completely oblivious of everything related to you"

Louis pushed a lump down in his throat. He didn't meet Liam's sorry eyes.

"He was still in denial. He was so affected that he thought if he just never thought about you and the blunder he did months ago, he'd move on. But I guess that never happened" Liam said and emptied his bottle.

"Anyway. Do you know about the X-factor audition he gave? Did you see it?" Liam asked.

Louis nodded and mumbled "but I stopped watching that show from that season"

"Understandable" Liam said "but after that popular Harry was back again. He didn't really wanted that but it happened"

"He became so popular suddenly" Louis talked in a mumbled tone, fiddling with his fingers on his lap.

"That wasn't what we were expecting. He didn't win the show but Simon signed him and rest is...you already know-"

"No Liam" Louis faced him. "I don't. I never followed him. Everyone around used to talk about him. But I used to pretend I didn't know him. I had no choice other than that. The pain he gave me was still so fresh. I couldn't bare his name ringing around all the time". He said the last bit in a whisper, rubbing away a single tear with the back of his hand.

Liam patted him in his shoulder and gave him some time to compose.

"Tell me more" Louis said.

"We can talk later if it's too much for you" Liam suggested.

" 'S fine. Go on"

"Alright" Liam nodded "so he got signed with this big label but still he thought to complete his education side by side with all the works that was piling up on his shoulder. In our second year of college, Anne got separated from Des"

"She left him?" Louis was surprised.

"They couldn't continue with all the fights they used to have all the time. Harry was very sensitive towards that topic. Anne moved out of that house. Gemma started working so she started living in LA with her then boyfriend now fiancé. Harry used to visit his mum during vacations as the divorce proceedings began. He was upset because he loved both of his parents but over time his relationship with Des started fading. Anne still worked hard just as much and Harry started doing a part time job in a bakery as a cashier to earn his own money-"

"Harry started working in a bakery?" Louis cut him instantly. He couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"This all started before he went to the X-factor. He didn't ask money from his mum. Instead started earning his own. He was still rich and Des used to give his college fees but he never demanded extra money from any of his parents"

"That is..."

"Drastic change I know" Liam nodded and continued "So like we finished our college and he was growing as an artist. I got a job in his management team and started managing him after a year or so. He was doing fine with his job but he was slowly slipping into depression due to all the stress and anxiety that came with his job. His image was whitewashed in front of the media. The management started taking over everything about him. They created this false persona where he was called as" Liam paused and raised his hands to do the air quotation mark "womanizer"

Louis passed him a look "excuse me, what?"

"He was given this fake media appealing image to sell his works to the audience. It was too much for him already for all the overwork he used to do"

"This is wrong" Louis said desperately.

"It's fucked up but that's how this music industry works. But then he started getting all the audiences and became popular world wide in no time. So he went along. Pretending he was happy and enjoying what he did. He wrote his first album in Jamaica. Interviews, management pressure and all those unnecessary burden pushed him deep into the depression that I finally stepped in and sent him to a therapist. He developed a drinking problem too in between. Everyone knew what he was upto and people would invade his privacy. Media would pair him with anyone and everyone he was seen with. He was hurting from inside Louis and it used to pain me that I wasn't able to do anything for him as a friend. The management I work for is too fucked up. Hence my hands were tied too with contracts like him. Musically he was reaching the highs but as a human being, he was losing himself completely. Even if he wasn't mentioning it but he was missing you all the time. He cried at night when we used to live in hotels. It was getting out of his hands"

Louis said nothing.

"I asked him all the time if he was okay or needed a break from everything but he said he was okay. I even proposed him to find you and talk your issues out. But he said he had no intentions on getting in touch with you"

Louis rubbed his face "and?"

"Anne got married again and Harry thought finally his mother was going to be happy after a long time. That didn't last long for too long. Robin was a good dad to Harry whenever he used to visit him but then he was diagnosed with cancer"

Louis' eyes went wide again.

"He couldn't survive and Harry lost another father figure from his life. He was devastated. Both Anne and Gemma tried to console him. It helped very little. But he kept on working hard, taking up all the shit Simon and management was putting him through. The stunts and rumors increased on his plate. And he obeyed them without any protest. Meanwhile, he started his world tour. Interviews after interviews and promotion of his first album used to keep him busy. His mental health deteriorated with time. He went completely private for the outer world."

"And then he got engaged" Louis let those words out after hearing everything patiently.

"That" Liam shook his hand. "Melissa was the only person in the management team other than me who actually cared about Harry. She used to negotiate with Simon with some stunts and-"

Louis interrupted him "oh give it a rest Liam. I'm not in to hear how Harry developed a sudden liking for her and then he proposed her because she was the one"

"Dating rumors sure started to fly but the management thought to put those two together and Harry obliged. I won't blame him for getting engaged because Melissa was really very caring towards him. Not that creepy type of caring which every woman show him just to get inside his pants (Louis flinched) but a genuine type of caring. They sure started dating at the end of 2018 but Harry was just trying to find something from himself that would make him less confused about himself. One day I really asked him if he actually loved Melissa or she was just filling up your spot in his life. That was a blow because someone was bound to give him a reality check after all. He was just running away from the truth his whole life"

"You said him what?" Louis asked with an unbelievable expression. "He was in a relationship with someone and you just thought to confuse him taking my name. Liam what the fuck-"

"Because he was still in the fucking denial that he loved you since the day you stepped out of his life. He wasn't accepting within himself that he was fucking missing you the entire fucking time. He was struggling with his own sexuality which was making him miserable bit by bit. He was slipping into chronic depression which even antidepressants couldn't heal. He was getting stubborn and reckless that management had to literally warn him to stay in the line. Controversies after controversies and he wasn't even listening to me either"

"Why didn't you stop him from getting engaged in the first place if you knew him so well?"

"That is a good question but I literally had no idea why I didn't stop him. When he showed me the ring I couldn't say to him to not go for it. He was genuinely looking so happy. I trusted him that time. I know I shouldn't have but somehow I did and let him go for it even if he was taking a wrong direction. It somehow slipped from my side too" Liam said. Regret was showing on his face.

"What's all that 'Harry's not a good friend' things going around among his fans?" Louis asked. He was starting to get nauseous with all the information that he was soaking in. After all it was ten years long information.

"That was one of Harry going wild in a drunken state at a club when he bumped into Pete and Brian some time back"

"When?"

"Back in September last year. He got mad at them when they unintentionally bumped into him at a club. That was a rough day for Harry and then those two idiots thought to make it worse. He gave a piece of mind to them in the middle of the club. It went viral next day. Harry let out his years old frustration on them. But I don't blame him for that. I didn't even mind him getting on an argument with them. So after that his fans got the thought that Harry might be rude to his old friends. They did a little research and found out Pete and Brian were bullies. So that's that"

"Hmm" Louis said nothing and drank the second bottle of beer that night.

"Too much information I guess" Liam gave a small warm smile to him.

"No.. I'm..it's too much to take in but it's fine" Louis shrugged. "He have been through a...lot"

"He's still going through a lot" Liam said and stared at the front.

"I think...um... I should head home now I guess" Louis slide down the stool to get into his feet when Liam held his arm to stop him.

"I'm still not over yet Louis" He said.

"There's still more to listen? You said me about Harry's sad life and then his broken engagement and whatever. And I truly feel sorry for that. Okay I accept that Harry was manipulated into doing what he did that day. I will talk to him about that and sort it out because really I'm done clinging to the past and I'll really be happy to let it go finally. Or may be we could become friends again, you know...like beer buddies. Or best friends may be. Other than that, I don't think so I'd be anything more with him. I might be there for him but that would be all"

"But he loves you Louis" Liam said helplessly. "He wants your love. He's still hurting. He's been hurting himself since ten years"

"I'd believe when I hear the same thing from him" Louis declared.

"That'd be a bit hard to get him to say that keeping mind he is emotionally bruised" Liam said going fully serious.

Louis stopped and looked at him "What do you mean?"

"Sit down" Liam helped him settled on the bar stool.

"We are still not over about Kyle" Liam said quietly. His face suddenly turning into new found rage.

"Liam now you are scaring me" Louis said scooting closer to him.

"We were in our second year and both Harry and I returned from college for a short vacation. The X-factor audition was a week away but Harry had no plans to go give the audition."

Liam stopped just to compose himself.

"Continue Liam" Louis said desperately fearing the worst.

"I was telling him to go for it but he was being this self deprecating lad who was so adamant to tell himself that he wasn't good enough for the auditions. So we had this small fight and he told me to go away and I went away like always, leaving him in his miseries" Liam was talking but it didn't look like he was telling this to Louis. As if he was saying that to himself.

"And then Kyle got to him when he was out for a walk. Harry was alone and Kyle was behaving like this old school buddy. One thing about Kyle was that he used to never leave Harry alone when I wasn't around him. That's the most Kyle used to take advantage of. He offered him to take him to a club that night. Harry declined him politely because he didn't have that ability in him to ignore Kyle's manipulation. Sure he said they won't be going to a club if Harry wasn't in a mood so they went to Kyle's home"

Louis was intently hearing him. His heart began to thump in his chest.

"Harry thought to have a company and Kyle was being polite to him the entire time so he just went along." Liam closed his eyes then opened them to look at Louis "He got him drunk again without his consent until Harry was totally out of his senses, at least Kyle thought he was out of senses, and he...he"

"He what?" Louis grabbed his hand.

"He tried to force Harry. He tried to manhandle him" Liam's voice was bitter.

Louis' eyes went wide. He could hear pulse in his eardrums.

"Kyle tried to touch him inappropriately. He was almost successful until Harry felt the discomfort and pushed him away. He ran out of the house. Kyle, the arsehole he was, pulled him back. Harry managed to get out of his grip and ran towards his home. I got to know that when Anne called me and told me he was locked in his room for three days straight. He wouldn't talk to anyone or eat anything. I went to check on him and the state he was in was...was unimaginable" Liam's voice broke.

Louis was gaping at him. He was numb.

"But then Harry said he wanted to go for the audition that was in two days. He was scared Louis. He thought I didn't know that but he was literally jumpy if someone went too near to him. I went to Kyle's house some days later to literally teach him a lesson but he was gone. Where, nobody knew"

"But.. Kyle? He...how can..he isn't.." Louis was fumbling for words that wasn't forming any decent sentence.

"Kyle was gay. Have always been. He belonged to an Orthodox Christian family. His parents loved him a lot before one time, accidentally he came out to his mum at eight grade. Shit happened. He was taken to church to 'cure him'...making him the most nasty homophobe in the town. But that didn't stop him from crushing over Harry. Of course nobody knew about Kyle. He successfully managed to keep his secret. But he'd always made sure he was the straightest lad in school. He even made sure Harry was always seeing girls. He used to introduce different girls to him whenever Harry had a breakup. Kyle didn't even let Harry to be too friendly with any other guy in our school who didn't belong to our group. He was just too close to Harry...corrupting his mind. He had his motive behind his doings"

A tear stroll down Louis' eyes "and he tried to hurt him.."

"Harry is not that bad Louis. He had never been bad. The situation and sometimes his lack of judgement and too much manipulation made him do what he did all those years ago" Liam's eyes were moist too.

"And I have been thinking I went through worse when Harry's situation was the worst of all" He sobbed and Liam pulled him in a hug.


	32. Chapter 32

Next day Louis packed his bag and went to his hometown.

The previous night, Liam dropped him back to the university because he knew Louis needed some alone time and space to cope up with all the extra information he got from him. Louis sobbed a good ten minutes or so in his arms in a cheap pub drinking cheap beer in the middle of strangers. Liam was very supportive and held him in his arms till the time he was calm.

Harry's truth was a big blow for Louis. He had been blaming Harry his entire life until he realised he had suffered enough and was still suffering. Louis, never in a million years, thought something so cruel and vile could happen to him. Harry was assaulted and Louis could do nothing to protect him. He wished he was still there for him even if Harry ruined what they had but turned out even Harry wasn't completely at fault. Somewhere Louis was relieved to hear that because even if how much he tells himself that he was done with Harry or he didn't want him, he could never be done with him.

And he could never not want him

Because he genuinely loved him.

And this time he was being completely honest.

But to go and tell him the same was postponed because Louis needed to clear his head. He needed a well deserved escape from St. Joseph for some time. He needed to go away from Harry to sort himself out so that when he returns, he'd have a fresh mind and a different point of view to actually approach that tall lad and say he was in fucking love with him.

So when Liam dropped Louis near the teacher's quarters, Louis straight went to his flat and dropped his clothes inside his bag and waited for the morning so that he could catch a train and go home, to his family because he needed them so much.

He was sat in a train and soon he'd reach his small town where he grew up and the place which gave him so much. He got out of the station holding his bag as he headed for a cab. Somewhere he was feeling warm with the familiar smell of the place. The roads, the houses, the shops, the playground, damn he missed his hometown.

As the cab rolled down the road and the sun was preparing to set, Louis was finally feeling peace. As if his head was already clearing even if he wasn't technically home yet.

Soon enough he was standing in front the door, one hand carrying the bag and the other preparing to press the doorbell. He didn't tell his mum that would be visiting.

He could hear the faint sound of the door bell echoing from inside.

Then the door swifty stood ajar with a confused then shocked Johanna.

"Hello mum" Louis grinned brightly.

"Oh my god" Johanna pulled him into her embrace making him drop the bag.

"How are ya?" His voice muffled as he wrapped his arms around his mother.

"Why didn't you tell us you were coming. Oh my god. Baby I missed you so much" Her voice broke as Louis tighten the hug.

"Wanted to surprise you"

Jay broke the hug and took him inside the house. Louis placed his bag on couch and followed her to the kitchen where Johanna placed a kettle on the stove.

"Did you have lunch?" She asked. Louis hopped and sat on the kitchen counter.

"I had two sandwiches" He said.

"Good because I'm gonna cook a big dish for dinner and you need to have some space in your tummy" She said.

"Oh I can't wait to have dinner mum. Been missing home cooked food"

Jay went and cupped his face "are you alright love?"

Louis smiled "yeah mum, I'm doing good"

"Holy Mother of god!"

Louis looked passed his mum while Jay turned to see.

Lottie stood by the kitchen door in pajamas as her blonde hairs tied in a messy bun over her head. Her IPhone was clutched in her hand displaying her insta page. Her face had that loud shocked expression.

"Louis!!!" She shrieked again and ran forward to engulf him in a bone crushing hug. Jay stepped back and giggled.

"Hi sis" Louis said.

"When did you come? Why didn't you tell me before that you are coming? I literally text you this morning but you didn't tell me there? Louis I missed you so much. Do you realise we are meeting after more than a year?" Lottie blabbered.

"Calm down mate!" Louis chuckled and broke the hug "I just thought to visit ya'll and see what my family was upto"

"Isn't fest is going on at your university? I thought you were going to come after that" Johanna said pouring the tea into the tea cups.

Lottie passed him a concerning look and Louis didn't meet her gaze. He haven't said Lottie or Fizzy or any of his sisters about everything that was going on with him. They were pretty much active on their social medias and knew what was happening at St. Joseph but they didn't ask him anything and Louis was glad because he didn't know what his sisters would think of him and his sudden interaction with Harry.

But it doesn't matter anyway.

He had made his mind even if he had a little doubt in him.

"Yeah but I thought to come early" Louis said scratching the back of his neck ignoring Lottie's steady gaze on him.

"You are not liking the fest" Johanna said and offered him a steaming cup.

"It's not like that" Louis mumbled and look down.

"Mum, you wanted some groceries right? Louis and I could go and bring them" Lottie stepped in sensing his discomfort.

"I was about to go but it would be a big help because I'm going to start preparing for the dinner" Jay said and smiled.

"Cool then. Louis do you mind?" Lottie looked at him with a say-no-look.

"I'd like to get a change of clothes before that" Louis nodded and hopped down the counter. Lottie turned and went out of the kitchen. Louis followed her silently after taking two quick sips of the tea and placing it on the dinning table.

"Your room is cleaned by the way" She said as they climbed the stairs.

"Where's Dad and the twins?" He asked.

Johanna got married when Louis was in his first year of college and Dan moved in with them. Louis was really happy to get a father figure back in his life after so many years. Dan was really very kind towards him and his sisters but the most important thing was, he's mum's happiness. Johanna wasn't alone anymore and Louis could trust Dan with her when he wasn't around which was always after he stepped out of that house all those years ago to build a career.

Anyway, Lottie got inside his room and dropped his bag on the familiar bed.

She began "now-"

"Before you start your interrogation, I'd really love to get changed and have a wee so excuse me please" He smiled sincerely (like in a mocking way) and began to go towards the attached bathroom but Lottie caught hold the back of his hoodie and stopped him.

"Louis don't avoid me mate. We have loads to catch on" She was serious.

Louis turned and face her "Not now sis. I'm here for sometime so may be later"

"I don't want any details or anything but why are you here Louis? There's not no reasons for your sudden visit. You'd not leave university in the middle of the fest to pay your generous visit to us. Are you alright? He's not been troubling you is he? I mean I'd be fine if you guys are friends again and those...Starbucks pictures (Louis rubbed his forward with a sigh)...It's fine if you don't want to share but I am concerned and I was anyway planning to meet you in some days but you came and now I can't stop thinking if everything is fucking going alright with you or not and I'm such a bad sister who didn't even care what was up with you these days " She sat on the bed with a huff.

Well that escalated quickly!

"Shut up and calm down" Louis sat on his knees in front of her, looking up. He held her hands "you are not a bad sister and don't even think about that ever again. Besides I'm buzzing"

"Don't lie" She looked at him with a pout.

"I really am Lott. Yeah I was upset before but now everything is getting better bit by bit. I'm done being upset anyway" He shrugged.

"Good for you then" She smiled. "Are you gonna tell mum? I saw her Spotify playlist some days ago. She have been listening to him"

An amused frown appear on his face "did she?"

"She have always been a bit too fond towards Harry since the very beginning"

"You all were a bit too fond towards him"

"We like him" She mumbled.

"Do you still?" He asked cautiously even though a smile was still pasted on his lips.

"If you then we do too" She grinned.

"I mean" He sighed and got up. "Just here to clean my head and think about it in a clear daylight"

"I hope you have ample number of reasons to make a positive decision for yourself"

"I hope I do" He nodded. "Okay but what's up with you anyway. You were roaming around the country some days back"

"Swift subject change. Not bad" She mocked and received an eye roll from her brother. "I was going about doing all the glam workshop with my girls, selling my products and now I'm all set to launch a new lipstick shade and a nail polish. In fact, you are gonna get to try the nailpaint just because you are my lovely big bro and I want that shade on your beautiful nails" She held his right index finger.

"Actually you can give me a bottle. It'll make a nice gift" Louis stated very seriously.

Lottie smirked at him "sure, why not?"

"And where are the other three munchkins and my big man?" He asked.

"The twins are just catching up with their school friends, enjoying their vacation before they head back to their university. Fizzy is in Menchester, it wasn't planned and she literally didn't even tell me or mum or dad...it was urgent. And dad's at work" She explained.

"Oh okay" He nodded.

"So are we off to grocery shop now before mum calls us and tells us we have to eat soup and scramble eggs for dinner"

"Let me change first" He informed and unzipped his bag.

"Alright. I'll be waiting by the door for ya" Lottie said and walked out of the room but she stopped and looked back at him.

"Louis"

"Yes?" He looked up at her.

"I love you" She smiled.

He grinned "love you too sis"

And then she went off, closing the door behind.

Louis looked around. The room didn't changed quite a lot all those years, if not, it just got cleaner which Louis knew was short lived. He quickly unpacked his stuffs and went inside the bathroom.

***

Next few hours were fine or good actually. Louis went to the market with Lottie, talking about anything and everything that has been going about in their lives. They laughed and joked all the way towards the stores. Lottie was the most chatter one and Louis thought he really missed his oldest sibling. Next when they returned home, the twins got to know about him and they had the same reaction as Lottie and his mum. He was engulfed into a massive hug again. After that he called Fizzy and asked her whereabouts. It was a bit upsetting because she was stuck with her work and could only meet him after some more days. But Louis promised her he'd drop by again after the fest.

So they had a great dinner. Dan was home too and Louis had some 'man' talk with him and he would lie if he said he didn't enjoyed having some conversation with his step dad.

After spending the entire evening with his family after a very long time, Louis retired to his room. His eyelids were heavy with sleep when he climbed onto his bed and slithered under the soft sheets. It was quiet all around. And slowly he fall back to his deep slumber.

Next morning, the house was chaotic...in a good way. Louis thought he got his school days back as everyone was rushing in every direction to get their morning duties done before they head back to work. Dan left first followed by the twins because they were doing some online influencer thing which involved branding and whole day photoshoot. Then Jay left for her work. Only Lottie and Louis were left in the house and they were in charge of the afternoon supper. Lottie was surely surprised by her brother's sudden interest in cooking and they made a wholesome dish. Then Lottie got busy with her work and Louis thought to answer all of his messages (which he successfully managed to avoid for a complete day) on his phone. It was mostly the boys asking where he was and what he was upto because of his sudden MIA from the university.

Evening swept by quickly and it was dark outside in no time. Louis thought to get a walk after a whole day of laying low on his bed. He wore a baggy brown jacket and covered his head with a black beanie, some extra fringes of his soft hairs peeking out from under the beanie. He took his phone and wallet and informed Lottie that he'd be home soon before dinner. The house was still empty and he knew everyone would come back before the meal hour. So he got plenty of time to stroll around and explore the familiar roads in his own company.

He pushed his hands deeper in his jacket pocket as cold wind whoosh by the atmosphere. The streets were quite empty. Some kids were playing football at a nearby park. Louis smiled watching them. He crossed the block and headed for the south. It was peaceful and he was enjoying the walk. He remembered his childhood that he spent in that small town and how he'd imagine making something big out of his life when he was just a kid and now that he'd actually made something out of him, it felt surreal. He could say he was finally...finally at peace or may be on the right track. The future was staring right in his face. He was just acknowledging it properly. Thinking what was right and what was wrong for him, he knew he'd got his answers.

Besides, he wanted to finally feel enamoured.

That's it.

He stopped on a foot road when he thought he'd walk a lot. It was dark yet nice all around. He pulled out his phone from his pocket and searched Harry's name in his contacts.

He didn't know if he should call him or not but also he wanted to know how he was doing. So he just pressed the call button and it started ringing. He could hear mild thumping of his heart in his eardrums and then he cut the call.

Some locals were entering into a pub nearby.

He sighed and pushed his phone inside his pocket. He wanted to talk to him but he didn't know how to start a conversation over phone. And what if someone else picked up his call?

Louis shook his head and walked away towards the pub.

It wasn't a crowded place but it was mostly occupied by the people that live in that town. They were there after a day long work to get some couple of drinks down their throats over some gossips about the UK politics which was deteriorating day by day. It was a pretty friendly conversation.

Louis found himself a seat by the counter. The bartender looked as bored as him while serving people their drinks. He caught some familiar faces among the crowds but thought not to acknowledge them because then he'd be invited for a heartfelt conversation and he wasn't interested in talking about politicians turned pedophiles making big headlines on the television.

Thank you very much.

Louis looked at the foamed layer on his beer glass and just kept quiet most of the evening. He sure wanted to call Harry again but he also wanted to talk to him face to face.

But may be some alcohol would help him to be brave enough to make a call again.

He gulped down the contents in that big mug.

"No, you won't be getting any drinks tonight. Pay the due first. I don't want to get fired 'cause of you mate" Louis heard a banter going on at the far corner of the counter. But he didn't lifted his head to see. It was none of his business anyway.

"Oh come on Shane. I'd give the money to you later I promise. I'm not going anywhere"

Louis could tell he had heard that voice somewhere but he still chose to avoid it.

"Not this time. I'm not serving you" The bartender denied.

"Fine"

And then Louis heard coins dropping on the counter with some bills along with them.

"Now would you give me my drink? I paid my dues"

"Alright Kyle...but 's the last time I'm sparing" The bartender came near Louis and turned to pull out a long bottle of alcohol.

But Louis' breath got already shallowed upon hearing that name. He quickly looked up and turned to his right where a man in ragged coat, an old cap and faded jeans stood. His face was not visible quite well in those shady lights near the counter.

"Here" Shane said and passed him a whisky glass half filled.

"Thanks man" Kyle said and took a seat beside Louis without even noticing him.

Louis turned his head and raised his beer mug, which was almost empty, to his lips (and mentally prayed Kyle won't notice him)

Um but,

"These bartenders have all the tantrum in the world. Now we really need to negotiate to get a drink. Like can't you just make alcohol free. We need more alcohol in our life. It's a necessity" Kyle complaint without actually looking at Louis.

So Louis just kept quiet.

It didn't really help for Kyle turned to look at him because he didn't get any answers and Louis practically hated his life at that very second.

"Louis Tomlinson? Is that you?" Kyle fully turned and face him.

"Yeah..it's me" Louis said dryly. He wasn't intimidated by that little reunion.

"After a long time mate. How are ya?" Kyle slapped his shoulder with a wide grin.

Louis gently pushed his stool backwards a bit, sitting away from that man. Now that he noticed Kyle properly, he got a drastic change. Earlier he was always in brands and now his clothes looked old. His face tired and dirty. He looked ten years older than his actual age and there was no charm left in his demeanor.

"Where do you stay anyway?" Kyle asked again.

"I don't think it's too important for you to know" Louis said smoothly.

"Ooo, being sassy now, are you?" Kyle punched his arm playfully (which gave Louis all the creeps). "Not bad not bad"

Louis quickly finished his drink and pulled out his wallet to pay.

"But you look good though. Doing fine in ya life, ey?"

Louis looked at him "its just going"

"Don't lie...anyway. Would love to catch up. How long are you here?"

"We are not old friends Kyle. Go hang out with your pals" Louis slided down from the stool and adjusted his beanie on his head.

"Oh come on. Let's chat. Come on. Sit back here. Have another drink" He said waving his hand towards the counter.

"No thanks" Louis turned to leave. He walked out of the pub. His heart literally beating loud. This reunion wasn't necessary.

But then he found a hand grabbing his arm and turning him.

"What the fuck Kyle? Leave me alone" Louis was startled when he stopped and stood properly.

"Yeah..alright alright" Kyle left him.

"What do you want?" Louis snapped.

"Nothing" He shrugged and pushed his hands inside his coat pockets. "How many years it had been. Don't you really want to have a conversation? Well you see I want to have one"

Louis didn't believe him or his intentions. He could also see a small smirk playing on his lips

This can't go good.

"Listen you douchebag" Louis gave a stern face to him "I don't want to talk to you...so just piss off"

"Oh...little Nerdlinson getting all defensive. Well, that's something new we are getting to see" Kyle grinned slyly.

"You are impossible" Louis shook his head and turned to leave.

"What? I thought we getting into a conversation" Kyle began following him.

Louis increased his pace "leave me fucking alone Kyle. You haven't even changed a bit"

"Oh really!" Kyle mocked. "What change do you want to see in me? Be more specific please"

Louis stopped and turned "are you fucking kidding me? Why can't you just leave me the fuck alone? It's been fucking ten years Kyle. Grow up and learn how to behave decently"

"Teach me how to behave decent, sir" He smirked.

Louis was proper annoyed at that point.

"Let's talk...um let's talk about Harry" Kyle said.

And Louis felt his blood boil within him.

"Do you remember Harry? I hope you do Louis" He went on.

Louis fisted his hand and everything that Liam said to him the other night came like a tsunami to him.

"Do you know how famous he has become? Who would've even thought-"

"SHUT UP!" Louis yelled. "Shut.your.fucking.mouth"

Kyle was pleased. He was pleased to get that reaction from him.

"Touched a wounded nerve, haven't I?" He raised a brow with an amused smile.

Louis turned on his heels and began walking away.

"Yeah..run away like a coward that you are Louis Tomlinson. Pretend you don't feel shit about losing the love of your life"

He heard him say from his behind and he stopped.

"Harry is far gone from you. He is fucking miles away. That's what you get when you try to take away someone else's stuffs. That's what you get. And you got exactly that. You fucking deserved that"

Louis turned and glared at him "what the fuck do you fucking mean?"

Kyle casually walked towards him with slow, dramatic steps as if he had got all the extra time in the world. Well, by looking at his appearance, he actually looked like he'd got all the extra time in the world.

"You exactly know what I mean" He said. "When I said let's have a chat, do you really thought I was going to apologize to you about what happened that night."

Louis was silent.

Kyle chuckled "always so dumb. I'm actually proud of what I did back then. You deserved to know your place. You deserved to know your worth. You fucking deserved to know where you belong. Those long fond glances towards Harry and those little cute blushes. Disgusting"

Louis gulped "how-"

"You thought nobody saw you. You thought you were just stealing glances from him. You fucking thought to lay your eyes on him. I used to know everything. I used to see everything that was going on in your mind. So it was about time I told you or rather showed you your fucking place"

Fear spread Louis' body. He didn't know why.

Kyle went on "I told Harry to do everything that he did. I planted.." He air quoted "the prank against you. You thought you'd have a chance with him with those large blue fluttering heart eyes"

"You knew everything then" Louis asked quietly. His gaze not wavering from Kyle's face.

"Of course I knew. You couldn't have been more obvious. It was so creepy and disgusting" He made a face of great distaste.

"But why me? Of all people. I know there were plenty of more guys who had a crush on him. Why'd you point only me? I never really bothered Harry before" Louis asked. His voice slow and cautious.

Kyle just looked at him without actually answering.

So Louis' face turned slowly, from grim to the confident one "because you knew Harry was reciprocating. He was returning my glances. He was aware of me watching him. You were threatened by the fact that I'd actually step into Harry's life and take him away from you. But honey, Harry was never yours. You never even accepted your true self. And you tried to use Harry for your own good-"

"STOP!" Kyle growled. First time ever Louis saw him angry and distressed. He was on the right path and he might've just got the core of him and the opening from where all of his manipulations actually operated.

"Oh I just started Kyle. Actually, let's have the chat" Louis said smoothly.

"Fucking stop I said" Kyle walked ahead with an angry face. "Harry was always mine. I had always kept him with me. I never allowed anyone...any other guy near him. And he never complaint because you see, he liked me and he liked my company. He liked to spent time with me-"

"Until he started spending time with me. Kyle love, Harry never used to willingly spent time with you. You'd always manipulate him and get him drunk. You were controlling him. And he might've liked you as a friend but then he was never happy with you. You don't even know how he was feeling at that time. And Harry was not a fucking property that you owned"

"And you knew better huh? You knew how he was feeling" Kyle challenged him.

"May be not completely. But some, yeah. And the fact is, he used to completely being honest with me. He didn't have to fake himself when we were together-"

"You guys were never together" Kyle's face was completely red.

"The thing we had was strong enough to not name it anything. But you won't understand anyway" Louis shrugged.

"But it doesn't matter does it?" Kyle stopped and smirked again which looked highly fake as if he was fighting his inner turmoil. "He's gone. He is in a certain stage where neither you nor me can reach. He is famous person now. He's earning loads. People know him. But you and me" He chuckled. "We are stuck in this crappy town drinking cheap alcohol in some cheap dirty pub"

Louis watched him as Kyle took some steps towards him.

"We are stuck. We won't be able to reach him. But Louis, mate...you lost the love of your life. It's gone and won't return to you" Kyle stood in front of him. Kyle was tall. He kept a hand on his shoulder. "So us talking about him is really a waste of time". He cupped his face with one hand " But you know what? There was a silent competition between us. And I won that"

Louis was still silent when Kyle's thumb traced his cheek bone "did you ever kissed him? Do you know how full his lips are? And how red they get after a good kiss? Did you touch his spotless face and his soft skin? Do you know how tender he feels against your finger tips?" Kyle's voice dropped an octave lower. "No you don't. But I do. I felt each one of that. I held him in my arms. My fingers grazed his perfect body. I kissed him. Alas! you never got to do that"

"But did he gave his consent to you to do that?" Louis asked.

Kyle didn't reply.

"Did he willingly kissed you back? Did he moan when you touched him? Did he tell you he was enjoying your touch? Did he tell you any of it?" Louis sneered and stepped back.

"Did he fucking had any of his senses when you tried to rape him?" Louis said it aggressively.

"I never tried to rape him. I tried to make him feel good" Kyle argued angrily.

"Bullshit. You say you love him then you try to harm him. Kyle you committed a crime. You manhandled him when he was fucking drunk. You got him drunk. Did you even know how scared Harry gets for small things? Did you know he wasn't very open with people touching him? I never fucking dared to lay a finger on him. And you FUCKING TRAUMATISED HIM. YOU MADE HIM SCARED OF PEOPLE. AND HE IS STILL SCARED TO THIS DAY. THANK YOU KYLE WILSON FOR RUINING PEOPLE'S LIFE FOR YOUR OWN FUN" Louis yelled and turned to leave. He was breathing hard.

But Kyle pulled him again "I never tried to do any of it. I loved him. I wanted to show him my love-"

"That's not love Kyle. That's lust. You never wanted his heart. You just wanted his body. You never loved him. You wanted to own him like a showpiece. You only cared for your own needs. First try to love yourself. Try to accept yourself. And for fucks sake, leave people alone" Louis pulled his arm away from his grip.

"You did. You tried to use the correct way but what did you get? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. We are on the same page Tomlinson. Accept that. You'd never get Harry back with your wisdom. You fucking note that" Kyle said. Venom pouring from his words.

"Why do you fucking care anyway?" Louis said. "You should be happy"

Kyle walked ahead and pulled the front of his shirt "why the fuck are you not offended by any of these? Don't you see you can't have him in your life...not ever? Don't you want to cry? Don't you feel like crying?"

"Because your manipulation don't affect me anymore" Louis said. "You are going nowhere in life with that attitude of yours"

"I'm happy where I'm right now" Kyle grunted.

"I hear a frustrated and a tired man regretting his life choices so far in that tone" Louis taunted. Kyle held the back of his neck and pulled him closer "And you are successful right? You have achieved loads?"

"At least I'm happy" Louis said and slowly pulled out his IPhone from his pocket.

"Oh really?" Kyle said. "I don't think so. Are you seeing someone because by the looks of you, you really look like nobody fucked you recently"

Louis slowly clicked the gallery app on his phone and he straight went to the screenshot file.

"Come on..answer me. Not getting the dicks are ya?"

"Don't even ask Kyle" Louis looked up. His eyes sassy.

"Why? Ashamed of saying that nobody is quite interested to suck you off? That little Nerdlinson is so bad in bed that guys are rejecting you when you want them to fuck you hard" Kyle smirked. An evil smirk playing on his lips.

Louis gave out a dry humorless chuckle "my sex life is going quite good Kyle. You don't have to worry about that. Or are you telling me your condition actually" Louis frowned and looked him up to down. "Keeping mind how old and dirty you look"

Kyle's smirk faltered for a second "nah...it's going alright. But I'd love to talk to the lads that banged you"

"Why? Do you want to know how great I'm in bed? Well Kyle, I think that's none of your fucking business I guess" Louis said.

"Are you scared what people would tell about you?" Kyle snorted and then looked at him from toe to head. "But you look fit though. At least you don't look fragile and creepy anymore. Those lady steps had gone too, not bad" He tilted head to his side.

Louis chuckled "are you still judging me Kyle...or let me rephrase that. Are you trying to get into my pants?"

"Do you think I'm interesting in your dick" He smirked.

"You know what?" Louis asked. "You are literally a true nutter. You are literally hitting on the kid whose life you practically tried to destroy"

"Well you are not a kid anymore are you?" Kyle said. "And don't give me your wisdom right now Mr. Goody shoes"

Louis detached himself and stood back "how fucked up can you get in your head"

"At least I'm not dumb like you to deny sex. You have always been the dumb one, no shocker" Kyle commented.

"You are pathetic" Louis shook his head. "Utterfuckingly pathetic"

"Works for me. Go away then. And let me tell you, that attitude of yours won't lead you anywhere. You fucking lost Harry with that attitude" Kyle spat.

Someone is feeling rejected it seems.

Well then let's drop the bomb.

Louis paused and gave a loud chuckle "I really thought not to upset you Kyle Wilson but I think you should see something"

Kyle frowned.

Louis clicked on a particular picture in that file and then directed the screen towards the other lad.

Kyle frowned "What-"...but then his eyes focused on the lit up screen in that dark street.

"What the fuck!" Kyle exclaimed. His mouth hanging low and his eyes going wide with shock.

That was the Starbucks picture who's screenshot Louis took that day from the fanpage.

"Like what you seeing?" Louis smirked. "I think that's my favorite picture from the day. Look at our hands" Louis zoomed the picture. "We are holding hands. Isn't that cute?"

Kyle looked at him. His shocked expression wasn't faltering.

"And in case you are confused, that's Harry. Remember Harry?" Louis said sarcastically.

Kyle walked forward and grabbed his collar "this can't be happening. That's not him. It's not true"

"Oh it's true Kyle..believe it or not" Louis casually said, not protesting to detach himself from him but he gave a bored look after that "see, the thing is, when you love someone truly, you'd let them go. You'd want them to be happy. If your love is true, they'd come back to you no matter what. And I think that's what happening with me err us... I mean me and Harry"

"No! That's not possible.." Kyle desperately said.

"Stay pressed Kyle. Nobody cares" Louis said with a smile. A mocking soul-piercing smirk.

Or may be he was smiling a victory smile too.

"You fucking can't have him when I'm alive" Kyle raised his fist to hit him. Louis raised his hands in defense and closed his eyes.

When, from nowhere, he was thrown back.

"WHAT THE FUCK!" Kyle shrieked.

Louis slowly opened his eyes and saw a tall figure standing in front of him.

Then he turned and Louis saw his face.

"Hugh?"

"Hello sir" Hugh nodded at him. Louis looked past him and saw Kyle getting up.

Hugh turned and two more black suited men came out from nowhere and tackled Kyle who began protesting against their grip.

"This way sir" Hugh turned again and gestured Louis to walk before him.

Louis had a frown on his face but he thought to get way from Kyle before he asked anything to the tall suited man.

"Make sure you don't hurt him" Louis said looking back at Kyle who was still hurling abuses to the other two men.

"We'll take care of him sir" Hugh said.

"But what are you all doing here?" Louis asked. Then he noticed a black Jaguar waiting by the end of the street.

"Mr. Payne sent us after you. He said you were coming to your hometown and told us to go behind you and keep your safety checked" Hugh explained. He pulled out a small remote from his pocket and unlocked the car.

"That's...very nice of him. But how he had the knowledge of me coming here? I never told him" Louis asked again.

"I'm afraid I don't know much about that Mr. Tomlinson" Hugh said and opened the door of the back seat.

"It's alright. I'll talk to him" Louis said thoughtfully and got into the back seat. Hugh closed the door and walked a step ahead to get into the driver's seat.

"But where are we going now?" Louis asked again.

"Your home sir" Hugh ignited the engine of the car. The car came to life and began running down the empty streets.

"Hugh?"

"Yes Sir?"

"Can you take to the campus first thing in the morning? Like before the graduation ceremony begins?" Louis asked.

"Sure sir. But we have to start the journey very early in the morning" He said.

"I'll be ready by 6. Can you pick me up?"

"I'll be waiting by your doorstep"

"Thanks" Louis smiled and looked out of the window.

It was finally time for him to return.


	33. Chapter 33

As planned, Louis got ready by 6:00 am next morning.

The previous night he was dropped by Hugh at his doorstep. He was very grateful to him and then when he stepped into his house, he had a nice dinner with his family. He could feel every bad memories were slowly fading away from the back of his head while he was with his family.

Later when he was drying the dishes, he poured his heart out to his mum. It was only them in the kitchen at that time. He told her everything. Johanna already had the knowledge about him and Harry and the events that took place between them but what happened some hours ago, he told her that too.

Johanna embraced him for the second time in one and a half days and Louis couldn't help but spill some tears. Johanna told him it was a good decision he was taking. Louis was happy. He used to share everything with her before and he was glad he shared his feelings and conflicts with her before he proceed for the journey to his university.

He had to accept all the tantrums that his sisters threw at him when they got to know he was going already. He promised them that he'd drop by again and that time it would be a long, proper vacation.

Or may be won't be visiting them alone next time...who knows?

Anyway.

When he stepped out of his house, he was immediately greeted by Hugh and that same Jaguar from the previous night. Hugh gave him a sincere smile and opened the car door for him.

Of course Johanna was surprised because her son didn't own a car or a black suited bodyguard as far as she was aware. But also Louis told her it was all Liam's doing (although the reason was still unknown to him) and Louis would definitely thank him for that.

With that he kissed his mum's cheek and said her goodbye before hopping inside the comfortable seats of the lavish car.

They started the journey.

Louis just had some short casual chat with Hugh about normal stuffs like how long he was been working with Harry and how Harry or Liam was towards him. Louis was glad to know Harry was the most humble guy Hugh could ever know and the same went for Liam too, although he was utterly professional with him.

Later on, Louis took a nap because the journey was too long and Louis was anxious the other night which was the cause for his lack of sleep.

When he woke up, he was offered coffee which he greatly accepted. The university was quite near by the time he finished his large coffee.

Finally he straighten his clothes and finger combed his hairs before stepping out of the car at the parking lot of St. Joseph. He was gone for only two days but somehow it felt as if he was returning after years. The whole university was bustling with people. The graduation ceremony was still an hour away which gave him some time to go to his flat and take another shower and get a decent change of clothes. He thanked Hugh and headed towards the direction of the teachers quarters.

Many students stopped him for a friendly conversation but somehow he managed to pulled himself out and reach his home because he had really very less time to look presentable for the ceremony.

When he stood in front of his door, he looked behind at the opposite door which was locked. That would only mean that Harry was still at his London house or may be he has already shifted back there.

But what if Harry would not attend the graduation ceremony and is already gone?

Louis shook his thoughts away and went inside his flat. He had to stop thinking negatively every damn time. Harry's performance was still left and he won't go until he's done. He won't go until he had a final conversation (if there's any) with Louis.

That Louis knew very well about Harry. Last time it was Louis who went away from his town without saying a proper goodbye to him. So he was sure Harry wasn't like him.

Keeping all the thoughts away, Louis took a quick shower which pushed away all of his tiredness from the journey. Then he got dressed into a big cream handknit sweater that he almost forgot he owned and blue washed jeans. He blow-dried his hairs and brushed them into a side fringe. He thought he looked too domestic for a graduation event but also it wasn't his graduation day so he didn't mind looking like a student...yet again.

So he quickly checked if everything was okay with his outfit for the day and went out of his flat after locking the door securely.

The campus was finally crowded by students and their parents and friends, all occupying the giant auditorium. A soft music was playing in the background. Everyone was talking among themselves. The students were dressed in their uniform robes which was traditional and mandatory. Louis soon found the lads at a corner. They were talking too. So he went and thought to join them.

"Look who's here" Zayn said with a serious face when Louis walked towards them.

Niall and Conan turned to look. Niall didn't meet his eyes and looked away while Conan gave a small smile to him.

"Wassup lads?" Louis said with a cheery tone.

"Are you talking to us?" Zayn asked.

Louis' smile vanished "yeah.. I think I'm"

"Got time to think of us before vanishing without telling us? We don't know you" Niall said straight forwardly, still not looking at him.

Louis sighed "I'm sorry guys. I just...it wasn't planned"

"Yeah of course" Niall scoffed looking at him. "You'd just go and not reply to our texts. We were worried sick here having no clue of your whereabouts. You were dead or alive, we don't even know and then you come and say it wasn't planned. Proper nice Tommo"

"We were worried Lou...we thought something bad happened when we couldn't communicate with you. The fest was still going on when you disappeared without informing any of us" Zayn said.

"I'm sorry okay. I'm really very sorry. I'll tell you guys everything later. Now am I being spared with all those grumpy moods?" Louis waved his hands frantically.

"Zayn Niall..he said he'll tell us everything" Conan said looking at the other two lads.

"Alright...come here cunt" Niall pulled him in a hug. "Don't do that again. Don't go missing without saying you are going to go missing"

"Yeah promise. I won't repeat that" Louis giggled.

"So...are you alright now?" Zayn asked when Niall broke the hug.

"Better actually" Louis grinned. His face glowed. Niall imitated him.

"Good then" Conan said and patted his back.

The crowd increased in the hall and it started getting louder and louder with each passing minutes. The lads stood by the corner the entire time when an announcer came to the stage.

Everyone went silent when the host announced the entry of the guest of honor. The hall got excited as usual. Even the parents were excited to see Harry face to face.

Louis felt excited too. First time after a very very long time he felt excited to see Harry. Last time, he was in school when he felt the same way. Harry was always popular and Louis used to wait for his arrival into the school. And that's the same thing he was feeling at that moment.

Some things never change it seems.

Louis waited for him but got disappointed immediately when some teachers walked into the auditorium shortly followed by the Chancellors and the officials but no Harry in sight. Murmurs started again and Louis heaved a sigh. Minutes passed by but no Harry was found. Louis was slowly getting anxious. Once or twice he thought to go and check if Harry had arrived at the campus or not but then he thought to compose himself and his thoughts because that would be a stretch and he didn't want to raise suspicious eyes towards him (also, he had been getting long stares from some people in the hall and Louis knew why they were curiously staring at him) so he thought to just relax and wait.

And he shouldn't be so desperate anyway. That's bad.

Almost after another fifteen painfully long minutes Louis caught sight of Liam (so disappointed again). He walked towards them with a smile but Louis was so sure it was directed towards Zayn and only Zayn who was standing between him and Niall.

"Hi Lads" Liam said.

"Hi Liam" Zayn pursed his lips to stop a smile that was threating to creep into his beautiful face.

Louis thought Zayn looked cute when he blushed. Something serious was going around between them for sure and Louis was feeling happy for him...them. He had never seen Zayn this flustered before and Liam was glowing too. He came and stood beside Louis and gave him a polite smile. Louis stepped forward then stood on the other side of Liam and pushed him towards Zayn. Liam blushed and stood as directed. Niall gave a cheeky smile to Tommo while Conan just stared ahead with a grin.

"Where's Harry?" Louis asked.

"Somebody is being very desperate there" Niall said loudly gaining everyone's attention.

Louis blushed "shut up Niall"

"He is coming" Liam assured him with a soft smile.

Louis nodded and looked down pushing his hands inside his pockets, not engaging himself much in the conversation the other lads were busy doing. He felt Harry was taking forever to step into the auditorium and he was visibly getting annoyed. He pulled out his phone to kill time when suddenly everyone went silent again for the second time.

He raised his head and saw the tall grey suited lad walking down the aisle, towards the front. He looked fresh and beautiful in that elegant suit. A mint green shirt was underneath and his hairs were gelled and combed into a stylist quiff. His face was pale in a healthy way as his familiar dimples pocking into his sweet cheeks.

Louis was smiling for sure.

Harry's hands were behind him, interlinked as he slowly walked ahead, sweeping everyone's mesmerized gaze alongside. Then he came and stood beside the Chancellor and the officials.

"I'd request the guest of honor, Mr. Harry Styles and our Chancellor, Mr. Bronson to come upon the stage" The host requested them followed by the applause that echoed around the room.

Harry and Mr. Bronson walked up the stairs and went to stand on the center of the stage.

"We'd like to request Mr. Bronson to speak a few lines on this auspicious occasion" The host said.

"Oh boy" Zayn whispered making Liam giggle beside Louis whose gaze was fixed upon Harry on the stage. But Harry didn't look at him. He didn't, for once, caught his gaze the entire time he stepped into the auditorium. Louis knew he wasn't standing too far for Harry to not spot him amid everyone. Louis wished he wore a bright color to just catch his attention.

Desperate much!

He completely avoided what the Chancellor said because nothing was going inside his head when his only focus was on that green eyed lad who was politely stood there, occasionally giving small smiles to the people in the audience.

Soon degrees were started to be distributed one by one to every senior year students from different courses. Harry gave them the degrees and shook each of their hands.

Louis thought something looked very familiar as if he had lived that particular moment before but may be he had a different point of view at the time. He was silently watching Harry while he was on the stage and wasn't looking at his direction as if Louis didn't exist in that corner.

Louis felt disappointed and discouraged again. His shoulder hunched down. He crossed his arms against his chest. The auditorium erupted with conversation, laughters and proud parents and guardians as their kids were getting their hard earned degree.

"Liam when is Harry's performance?" Louis asked.

"After lunch. It's gonna last till an hour or so. Then there's the after party at night" Liam explained.

"He's gonna stay in the campus the entire time right?"

"Yeah..but he's gonna be busy the entire time. The Chancellor invited him for another luncheon. The management team and his band and the officials are invited" Liam gave an apologetic face to him. "He will be free at the after party though"

"Oh..." Louis nodded feeling worse. "But..like after this...is he free for a minute or so?"

"I'm afraid no Louis. He's a bit occupied" Liam said. "Why don't you text him?"

"I don't want to text him" Louis mumbled looking at Harry. "I...I just... I want to talk to him"

"You might catch him if you are fast enough" Liam said and patted his back.

Louis turned and frowned at him. But he just nodded and stood silently.

The event was going long and Harry was handing degrees after degrees with same patience and warm smiles which he was maintaining the entire time and Louis was just staring at him hopelessly just to steal a glance.

But boy won't even look at him. Not mistakenly. Not for once.

Louis felt dejected.

Soon everyone was gulping free champagne and photographers started strolling around the auditorium and the campus to take snaps of everyone. Of course Harry was busy posing in front of the large cameras with students and the faculties who just wanted to get a picture with him. Liam was called too and Zayn tagged along behind him followed by Niall and lastly Conan.

Only Louis was standing alone with a champagne glass, filled halfway through. He didn't leave Harry's sight for once. But slowly he was getting tired and ignored.

Just once Harry was alone and Louis went to approach him. And finally Harry's gaze fall upon him for the first time that afternoon. Louis practically did an mental jump of joy because the man was looking at him.

Louis smiled at him widely while walking towards him. But when Harry went to respond, he was interrupted by some group of people who engaged him in their 'important talk' and a photographer blocked Louis' view and he stopped on his tracks immediately.

That wasn't fair!

Louis turned his back towards Harry's direction. He closed his eyes and took a long breath and then exhaled. He told himself to calm down and that Harry was just doing his job and Louis would get to talk to him when the correct time comes. He opened his eyes and emptied the contents in his glass. He went and took another one from a large round table.

Then he was too approached by his students and their parents and he got involved into the conversation that led to multiple selfie sessions with his dear students and eventually he felt a bit light headed.

But he realized Harry was gone till the time he was alone again in that place. Louis looked around but he wasn't there. Neither was Liam or the rest of the members from his management team.

"Damn it!" Louis cursed audibly and walked out of the crowd. He was losing his patience and he wasn't very proud of that. Harry was gone to have lunch with the important people and he won't be coming out any time soon. And when he does, he's gonna go to get ready for his performance so Louis had really lost his chance to talk to him before his show and the after party is hours away.

"Louis!" Conan called him from his back.

He stopped and turned "what?"

"We were planning to go to the Samuel's. Would you like to join us?"

"I uh...actually I was headed to me flat" Louis sighed. "Conan I need some time"

Conan looked at him and then nodded slowly "alright.. I'll tell the boys then"

"Thanks" Louis smiled a little. He then turned and left.

He walked down the concrete path, straight to his flat. The opposite door was still locked so he sighed heavily and stepped into his flat which was so empty and quiet contradicting then the otherwise crowded university campus.

First he made himself a meal because he had promise himself that he'd not skip any meal from now on for a healthy life. Even if he didn't feel like having any food but he'd still eat.

After that he thought to lay down a bit because he was tired of constantly standing the whole day and he needed another nap to function for the rest of the evening that was due in some hours.

***

Louis woke up with a start as soft orangish light poured through the curtains, burning the room with fire colors. The sun was setting outside. He had to take some minutes to realise where he was because he slept so peacefully the entire afternoon.

But his eyes widen when he saw the time.

He was late.

Extremely late for the show.

Shit!

Louis got down of the bed hastily and rushed to the bathroom to wash his face. He was mentally cursing himself for oversleeping. He'd surely miss Harry's show till the time he gets ready and fuck, he haven't even decide what he was supposed to wear for the show.

He walked back to his room and opened the closet.

He quickly pulled out a black silk button down shirt, a black suit and black tight formals.

He quickly striped his clothes and pulled on the black ones. The suit was skin fit hence showing of his curves gracefully. He wasn't even aware how gorgeous he was looking because he wanted to get ready as soon as he could. His hairs were throwing tantrums at him so he ran his fingers through the soft fringes and messed them up at the front intentional. He pushed the back hairs over his scalp up. And at last, he softly ran the brush on his forehead fringes, smoothing them up.

He was finally done.

Looking decent (hot) enough to step out of the flat and also run fast if he wanted to catch the last bit of the show.

He quickly grabbed his keys and phone and went out of the flat after locking it securely.

He walked down the path which was completely empty. That was expected as everyone was at Harry's show and it was Louis' first show and Louis was late. He was cursing himself completely throughout the time he was trying to reach the auditorium.

When he finally reached after a painfully long journey, the giant auditorium door was closed.

"Fuck!" He scoffed pushing away a fringe from his eyelid.

He went ahead and pushed the door ever so lightly, trying not to make any noise to attract attention. But as he did, the whole room was dark and silent. No camera flashes were on. The stage was dark too.

He frowned and took a step ahead, his eyes trying to adjust with the dark. But then his eyes caught a figure on stage as he was properly looking at it. His silhouette was properly visible.

And another thing which was visible was a shining thing (probably on his wrist). Louis couldn't tell if it was green or blue but it was shining in the dark.

Louis' heart started beating loud as slowly he was recognizing the 'thing'.

Suddenly the spotlight was flashed on the middle of the stage and Harry was visible holding the mic on the mic stand.

He was in those familiar looking pink shirt and white bellbottoms and suspenders. Louis knew it was one of his album's official look.

Then he realized the room was packed with people who were silent yet smiling. Harry brought his hands to his lips and kissed the bracelet on his wrist.

Then he held the mic again with his painted ring clad fingers, slowly bringing his mouth towards it.

"Sweet creature"

Louis looked at him, still standing by the entrance.

"Had another talk about where its going wrong"

Harry's eyes were closed. Louis felt the sweet melody touching his eardrums ever so softly that he felt like closing his eyes too but he couldn't...he won't be able to because Harry was looking beautiful, divine and vulnerable. So Louis could never take his eyes off of him.

"But we're still young"

The song was beautiful even if he had sung only three lines.

"We don't know where we're going but we know where we belong"

Louis was rooted to the spot upon hearing the line. His breath shallowed without his knowledge.

"And ohhh, we started two hearts in one home.  
It's hard when we argue.  
We both stubborn I know"

Louis was feeling thousands of feelings in that very moment. He forgot he was between so many people as Harry's voice was making him numb (in a good way this time) but his heart was beating loud in his chest.

"But oh"

Harry opened his eyes but his gaze was downcast. His eyes were sparkling green with moister.

"Sweet creature, sweet creature  
Wherever I go, you bring me home  
Sweet creature, sweet creature  
When I run out of road, you bring me home"

Harry finally looked up. His face was serious as if those dimples never existed. As if Harry never knew how to smile.

But he soon realized Louis' existence in the room. Louis finally caught hold of his gaze on him.

Although they were standing far away from each other, Louis felt they were close...too close that he could really feel Harry's warmth radiating in him.

The things turned out more well when Harry finally smiled. He smiled with his full white teeth and deep dimples.

But he didn't stop singing.

He didn't stop smiling too.

And he didn't break away his gaze from Louis' too.

They were in their little world until the song was over. Until the lights came back to the whole room. Until Harry had to unwillingly look away to address the crowd as they gave out a thunderous applause that practically shook the entire hall with the velocity of the noise they were making.

It was last performance but Louis didn't regret coming so late because he thought he went there just on time. At least he didn't fucked it up this time. At least Harry might've got the idea that Louis was there, for him. Harry looked happy.

He thanked the audience and walked away into the back stage. Everyone was into the aesthetic mood because they got to listen to Harry Styles for an hour or more.

Louis wanted to go to the back stage and jump into Harry's arms because he wanted to do that. He wanted Harry's touch at that time so much. He was getting impatient again and this time he won't give up on his desperateness. So he walked down the aisle, preparing to go straight through the nearest door that lead to the back stage.

But he was stopped instantly when he reached near the front rows.

He turned and spotted familiar faces, all of them looking at him curiously.

And most importantly Stan and Ashlyn was among them too.

"Where were you and where are you going?" Ashlyn asked.

Louis' face was coated with a deep frown when he approach them.

But all of the lads were looking at him with awe. Even Niall was staring at him with open mouth.

"When did you two come? I mean? How?" Louis asked standing in front of her.

"I'll tell you later after these lads stop ogling at you" Ashlyn said with a distasteful expression, glancing at the five pairs of eyes that were towards him.

Louis looked at them and gave a confused look "What?"

"You look hot" Niall said bluntly.

"Agreed" Stan nodded. "In fact I think I'm gonna question my sexuality after this night"

Ashlyn passed him a funny look.

"I mean.. I know as I'm still figuring it out but damn Lou...you look...gorgeous" Zayn said with big eyes.

"That's the reason you took so long to come to the show" Conan said with a sheepish grin.

Louis was in awe hearing all of them. He even blushed "Thank you lads"

"Damn! Harry is one lucky lad" At last Liam said. Zayn looked at him and squinted his hazel eyes. 

Liam grinned at him and turned to look back at Louis.

Louis blushed harder. He could feel his cheeks heating up " 'S nothing. I just... I had to get ready hastily. It was a last minute choice" Louis said looking down at his suit.

"If that's your last minute wardrobe choice then please always get dressed in the last minute Tommo...Oh no! I think I'm starting to fall in love with you" Niall said shamelessly with his fluttered blue eyes.

"Aww. Really Nialler?" Louis giggled.

"You don't wanna get squashed by Harry's Chelsea boots do you?" Stan remarked.

"Stop it Stan" Louis couldn't control his grin.

"Aww Louis is blushing you guys. Stop embarrassing him" Conan said and got up. He went to Louis and stood in front of him, looking down.

"You really look good" Conan said.

"Thank you Conan" Louis smiled.

"So would you like to go to the after party with me? I know it's no prom but at least I'd love to step into the venue with you" Conan said.

Louis' smile faltered "um.. Conan.. I just-"

"Don't worry. I'd take you to Harry myself this time. I know you still haven't talk to him yet. Let me be the bestman here...please?" Conan said sticking out his lower lip like a baby.

Louis felt warm within himself so he just nodded "okay" with a smile. His eyes crinkled at the corners.

Conan's face lit up with bright colors.

"Erm...so can we get your attention now?" Stan said to grab their attention.

Both look at him.

"Shh..let them talk" Ashlyn said.

"No it's fine. What?" Conan said.

"We should slowly head towards the Great Hall. The party is going to start in about thirty minutes" Liam said.

People were leaving the auditorium one by one because Harry's show was over and only Uni officials, staffs, the faculties and invited guests were allow in the after party which was going to take place in the big Hall in Building number 2.

"Harry's getting changed?" Louis asked. He no longer cared if people teased him or not because fuck it. He was anyway in love with him. And it's a known fact for his friends too.

"Yeah...he's gonna take some time in the green room. But he'd go there directly" Liam informed.

"He loves to dress up" Niall commented.

"Those curls needs time Niall" Louis merely rolled his eyes.

"Someone's being very defensive" Ashlyn commented. Louis still had to know why she and her husband was there but boy...was she teasing him again? What?

"Ashe...what's wrong with you love?" Louis asked and wondered why wasn't she into his throat or bombarding questions after questions towards him?

"I'm absolutely buzzin' Lou" She said with a smirk.

Oh no.

"Alright lads and lady...let's go" Zayn got up and looked at Liam.

"Okay...but Zayn. After you" Louis said because he wanted to ask something to him.

Zayn nodded and he walked ahead. Liam was beside him. Louis tagged along followed by Conan and the couple and Niall walked behind them.

"Where's Gigi?" Louis asked him cautiously yet seriously. But he didn't let Liam hear him.

"Broke up" Zayn whispered. Louis looked at him.

"Just two days ago. But we didn't end in a bad term. She is a mature open-minded woman. We are still friends. She was sad I know. Umm because I know her but still she was very understanding" Zayn explained.

"So you are kind of taking everything seriously?"

"Yeah because I want my peace and a good night sleep. I can't be dwelling over stuffs when the solution to it is staring right at me. I'm happy. I was happy before with Gigi but now I think I'm happier with him. So I have no regrets"

Louis gave a proud smile to him "I'm happy for you. But Liam had a girlfriend-"

"Broken up two weeks ago" Liam said from the other side.

Louis looked at him "alright...stop eavesdropping Lee. Bad manners"

"You both are loud" Liam stated.

"Zouis is always loud" Niall shouted from the back.

"Thank you Niall" Louis sighed and passed him a look.

"But Ziam is nice too" Conan said.

"I know right" Louis grinned.

Both Zayn and Liam blushed. Their arms brushing against each other occasionally. The group was out of the auditorium.

"How was your trip to your hometown?" Conan asked with a low tone.

Louis looked at him "it was good actually. Met my family after a very long time". Liam turned and looked at him with an expression only Louis could understand.

"Good then" Conan nodded.

They went into the building number 2 and stepped into the elevator.

"Liam what are your plans after this night?" Louis asked.

"Spend some time with mum and dad before flying back to LA at mid March"

"And Zayn?" Louis looked at him.

"I don't know" Zayn looked at Liam.

"Sure" Louis rolled his eyes. Conan chuckled.

"But what are your plans Tommo?" Niall asked.

"I'm planning to dye your hairs" Louis smirked.

"I'll join. I hate his browns" Stan said with a nod.

"But I think he looks great in his natural hairs. Support him" Ashlyn patted on Niall back with an encouraging grin.

"I officially only love Ashe here. She understands me" Niall sniffed.

"Oh come on" Everyone except Ashlyn and Niall said in a huff.

They got out of the elevator and headed to the direction of the great hall. Many other people from the university were also walking down the hallway.

Zayn and Liam were the first to enter into the room which was decorated beautifully for the night. Soft jazz was playing around the area. People were already filling in. A counter was set at a corner serving beverages and uniformed workers were serving delicacies in trays.

"No, you come with me" Ashlyn grabbed Louis' hand and took him somewhere far, away from the rest.

"Let get the drinks first" Louis said and picked two red wine glasses from a tray and gave one to her.

"So... Liam called Stan some days back...er three days back and told us you were visiting your mum" Ashlyn began.

"Okay.."

"And he also told us that Kyle was back in the town. Liam was keeping watch on his whereabouts and he didn't really wanted you to bump into him but also he made sure if you did, someone should be there by your side because Kyle had a tendency to go funny" Ashlyn said with a foul face.

Louis started "alright, I got his intentions but-"

She quickly interrupted him "And Harry came to our house even if he had no clue about you going to our hometown. He thought you were with us" She tucked a hair strand behind her ear and continued because Louis was waiting for her to speak further. "Stan let him in without my knowledge and I might have lost my shit once or twice" She mumbled.

"Continue Ashlyn" Louis ordered.

"And I might've told him 'stuffs' which I later apologized for. Then we talked...as in me and Harry talked. Stan was listening to us without actually giving his point of views. And I came to a conclusion that Harry is a changed person now and he only deserves happiness. You both deserve happiness"

"Does he know I went home?" Louis asked.

"No" She shook her head. "No, we didn't tell him. Neither did Liam. Harry thought you went away somewhere. I told him that it was not the case but.. Liam gave us strict instructions to not tell him anything because if we did, he'd leave everything and go behind you and Kyle was back and the confrontation wouldn't have gone great. Moreover you deserved to have that confrontation with Kyle because he did the dirty and you were bound to show him his place"

Louis kept on looking at her and then took a large gulp from his wine. He rubbed his mouth with a tissue "that's a whole lot of information"

"I know but hey...it's all fine now" Ashlyn tried to cheer him up.

"Harry thought I left him again and ran away" Louis said. "That's the reason he hasn't approach me the entire day. He thinks I'm irritated by him"

"No Louis. He's not thinking that" Ashlyn kept a hand over his shoulder. "He's just a bit occupied"

Louis snorted "well yeah...he tried to talk to me the entire month and I pushed him away. Now I'm trying to get hold of him but not even getting a chance. I think that's called Karma. I'm not liking it by the way. Not a bit"

"Then patience. You have waited since ten years. Fuck it, you have waited your whole life. Don't let that nasty karma take away anything from you tonight"

"I'm trying" Louis nodded and looked down at his drink.

Ashlyn lean and kissed his cheek "I know you are and you'll succeed"

Louis smiled at her pressing his lips together in a baby smile. Then his eyes moved and caught a figure entering the room.

Harry had a little smile on when he walked into the room in a black dress shirt, black formal paints and white blazer. His hairs were as usual brushed back. He looked fresh and simple in those clothes.

And Louis wasn't being able to take his eyes off him.

"Go and claim him" Ashlyn whispered making him jump on his feet.

Then she smiled and walked away from him to go to her husband.

Harry was immediately gathered around by people present in that room. Liam went to stand beside him. Harry politely smiled at everyone of them and began conversing.

Nope, he didn't see Louis yet.

What's the matter with him??!

"What you thinking?" It was Conan.

"To drown my self-"

"In a bottle of Harry's perfume?"

Louis looked at him, confused about what he just said.

"You still haven't heard his songs did you?"

Louis looked away "not yet...but I'll soon"

"What's taking you so long Louis. Go ahead" Conan said looking at Harry's direction.

"I'll Conan...let him...just talk to the people first" Louis said.

"Are you nervous?" He asked.

"Yeah" Louis was being completely honest because he was actually nervous.

"Don't be. You know that guy" Conan said.

"Yeah" Louis nodded and thought to just stop talking for some time.

"Come on lads. We are gonna click a picture" Stan called. Both of them joined the group.

Louis' eyes soon found the green ones that were set firmly on him. But Harry wasn't looking at his face with a happy look but his expression looked like he was stifling a gasp with difficulties. 

But he saw him before on stage???

Louis coughed lightly and stood beside Niall who ditched him and pushed him near Harry with a sly smirk that was only visible for him. Louis suddenly felt awkward standing beside the tall lad. He just kept his own hands intertwined at his front while a small tight-lipped smile took hostage on his beautiful face.

But he could smell Harry's heavy cologne that was messing up his senses and he wouldn't dare turn his head to look because Harry's gaze was already burning holes in the side of his neck.

Everyone stood properly with wide smile while a man with large camera stood in front of them. He directed it towards them. Louis felt Harry's hand on his upper back.

He was sensitive to his touch at that moment that caused him to smile bright.

The picture was clicked.

With that Harry's hand was gone too from his back. Louis turned and looked at him with a frown. First time that day, Louis was standing that much closer to him. And that was it. He needed him.

"Harry-"

"Mr. Styles, a local newspaper journalist here would like to talk to you if you'd like to spare some of your precious minutes tonight" An official said.

Louis frowned and looked at him with a desperate face.

"Sure" Harry nodded. Polite smile still intact on his face.

No Harry...

Louis raised his hand to grab his arm instinctively but he stopped midway. He couldn't do that. People would take it differently if he stopped Harry because almost everyone was watching him in the room.

Harry left with the man to go to the other side of the room where certain media journalists stood with hunter eyes fixed upon Harry. He didn't like the females among them watching him with those big fake lashes-ed prey eyes. Louis pressed his lips in a thin line attempting to not feel the pang that had been constantly occurring in his heart.

He was standing alone in that spot while the others were enjoying their time there laughing, giggling and joking around.

Louis wasn't liking anything a bit. The day was turning into a torture for him and he was afraid he'd end up sleeping alone in his cold bed that night. He walked to the counter with a grumpy face and got another drink. Sobriety wasn't an option that night so he was crossing that out from his list with a deep red marker.

He gulped down the drink and looked back at Harry who was still conversing with them people. He looked interested in that conversation.

Louis turned and rested his palms over the counter. He took a long breath with his mouth and exhaled from his nostrils. The day was literally testing his patience.

Minutes passed by. The party got louder. Louis still stood alone in that room. Nobody was leaving Harry so Louis finally said fuck it because he'd have enough. That was his last bit of patience that he washed down with the last amount of alcohol in his whisky glass.

He wasn't even drunk and that was actually a magic because he had three drinks in a row.

Louis placed the glass on the counter and got up. Nope, he didn't tremble on his feet. He pushed his hands inside his pockets and looked straight towards Harry.

And by the grace of Jesus, Harry looked back him. Neither smiled at each other.

So Louis just turned and headed towards the door. His eyes fixed on his face, gaze never wavering until he was out of the room. He walked straight to go away from the party hall as far as he could..away from the crowd...away from the silly jazz music...away from the chaos where he wasn't free.

Back to the party Hall, Harry watched him walk out. He didn't looked good because his beautiful thin lips weren't smiling. Harry wasn't even concentrating upon what the person in front of him was speaking. But he had to look ahead to not look rude.

Then his phone started to vibrate in his pocket. He pulled it out and saw Louis' name flashing on the screen. He excused himself and picked up the call.

"Hello Louis?"

"Harry...what are you doing?" Louis asked from the other side.

He frowned "I'm...I'm still at the party...talking. Why did you leave?"

"Will you be able to meet me now Harry?" Louis asked. "Please"

Harry pushed his hairs back and looked at the people he was talking to previously "I..uh... I can't leave now...they'd...uh question. But are you alright?"

"I'm fine Hazz...I just want to meet you now"

"Okay... I'm coming. I'll be at your doorstep in minutes-"

"Not my doorstep...come to room 558"

"What are you doing in a classroom now? And that too all alone?" Harry asked already initiating steps towards the exit door.

"I'll be waiting Harry. Come quick" With that Louis disconnected the call.

Harry frowned at the screen.

***

Louis sat on one of the benches in the dark classroom. It was a full moon night so bright moonlight was pouring into the room through the giant windows in the classroom. His hands were set on the desk. They were cold. He heard footsteps coming towards the classroom.

Harry stood by the door. Louis was looking down at his lap. He walked into the room and stood beside the desk behind which Louis was sat.

"Lou? Why did you left the party?" Harry asked.

Louis raised his head and looked him in his eyes.

Harry took the seat beside him "are you alright?". His deep voice echoing around the empty classroom. Silence surrounding them.

"I just wanted to spend time with you. We didn't really hung around for some days" Louis said. His voice came out shrill. He raised his hand and removed an extra fringe away with the back of his index finger.

Harry's face was serious "I'm sorry to avoid you the entire day. Wasn't my best intentions"

"Well that sucked but okay"

"Are you still mad at me" Harry asked.

Louis got up from the seat and stood beside him on that little space. Harry followed him with his gaze.

"Do you think I'm still mad at you?" Louis asked. He raised his one leg and crossed it over Harry's thighs. He kept his both hands on his shoulders and sat on his lap. Harry's hands held his hips and pushed him forward, setting him on a more comfortable position.

"I don't know. May be. We are still not in good terms. We have to clear stuffs up" Harry said. Louis' hands raised up and held both the sides of his neck.

"We will talk" Louis nodded. "But it's fine if you don't want to. We can take time"

"Do we have time?"

"Yeah...we have" Louis nodded. "And I'm tired of talking so we can postponed it for later"

"So if we don't talk then what should we do?" Harry smoothen his front fringe with his long pale fingers. He was looking up at his blue ocean eyes.

"I don't know. Have no clue" Louis kept his hands again on his broad shoulders and got up from his lap, standing on his own feet. Harry frowned and looked utterly disappointed.

Louis said nothing instead went ahead and closed the door slowly and then walked towards the large windows. He halted there.

Then he heard Harry getting up too from the bench.

Soon he felt him standing behind. His breathing got fast intentionally. Harry's arms slowly wrapped around his stomach and pulled him closed. His back colliding into his front.

"Lou" Harry whispered into his ear.

"Hazz" Louis rested his head back on his chest.

"Do you trust me?"

"I do"

Just when the words left his mouth, he was turned in a flick of seconds. His palms landing over Harry's chest. Harry's heart was beating loud against Louis palm..he could feel it.

Louis looked up.

Harry held Louis' face from a side and leaned. Louis slowed down his breathing.

And finally Harry's full plum lips touched Louis' chapped one.

A spark ran down Louis' spine as he gripped Harry's blazer and pulled him close. His lips kissing him slowly pouring down warmth all over his body. It was soft like cotton candy and honey and all the good things in the world. Louis felt complete. Harry's other hand gripped his waist, holding him securely. Louis moaned into the kiss when Harry tugged at his lower lip. No tongues involved. Louis was in pure bliss as if he was meditating or into a deep slumber because that didn't feel real. Nothing felt real. Harry deepen the kiss holding his face with his large hand. Louis sensed the wall pressed against his back. Harry's hand pulled his black silk shirt up from his lower back. Louis shivered when the cold concrete touched his skin. His warm hand rested on Louis' warm skin.

Harry broke the kiss "do you know how beautiful you look tonight"

"Yeah...I have been told" Louis panted.

"Good" Harry nodded and kissed him some more. Louis threw his head back as Harry's lips were overpowering yet they were soft. Harry's hands gripped his bare waist and pulled him close.

Louis pulled away to get some oxygen into his lungs. His whole body was flustered and hot. His senses no longer cooperating.

Harry leaned and pecked him once, twice and thrice until Louis giggled like a baby "stop"

"Now do you still think kisses are gross?" Harry asked and touched his forehead with Louis'.

"Errm" Louis frowned as if he was thinking. "I think they are fine now that I have tried them"

"So do you like them?"

"If only they are coming from you"

Harry smiled. His eyes were glazing as the moonlight illuminating his perfect face "I promise they'll come from me always"

Louis grinned and asked "so we fine?"

Harry wrapped his arms around him, resting his cheek over Louis' head "we are alright"


	34. Epilogue [Part 1]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Explicit content. Read at you own risk.  
> P.s- This chapter is in no way sexualizing the real life people(s) who inspired the characters in the book.

4 days later

It was a beautiful day. Sun was brightly and peacefully shining through the open curtains on the large windows. The whole room was fresh and warm with morning heat. It was the start of the second week of March and the atmosphere was already getting warm day by day.

As bright and happy the room looked, the person sleeping on the giant king sized bed in the middle of the room didn't comprehend the mood. He pulled the comforter over his head and buried down his face further into the soft pillows that still smelled of him even if his side of the bed was empty, holding a little bit of warmth into them even if he left the bed some time ago. He wanted to fall back to sleep but couldn't because somebody was singing way to loudly that very morning, making it difficult to fall asleep between the chaotic songs that were being sung.

"I'M GOING OH I'M GOING I'M GOING OH I'M GOING I'M GOING OH I'M GOING HOME"

He sighed heavily, finally giving up on the extra sleep.

"MAY BE WE CAN FIND A PLACE TO FEEL GOOD AND WE CAN TREAT PEOPLE WITH KINDNESS...FIND A PLACE TO FEEL GOOD"

"Lou..you are not treating people with kindness now, are you?" Harry said peeking out from the comforter.

Louis looked at him with an amused frown. A hairbrush in his hand which he was using it for a mic "what did I do babe? I'm just singing"

"And I just want to sleep. Come to bed" Harry said.

"I just had a shower and I'm in a mood to sing more songs...come on...get up and clap for me" Louis said dramatically as if he was in a middle of his concert, talking to his fan.

"I WAS AWAY AND I'M JUST AN ARROGANT SON OF A BITCH WHO CAN'T ADMIT WHEN HE'S SORRY!!!"

"Oh dear god!" Harry exclaimed and hid behind the sheets. 

"I'M FALLIN' AGAIN. I'M FALLIN' AGAIN. I'M FAAAALIN' "

Harry felt a heavy weight on his stomach all of a sudden, straddling him. He pushed the comforter off his head and looked ahead. Louis grinned at him with full teeth and crinkled eyes. He was actually sat on him, his legs on his either sides.

"Are you giving me a cute little tour of my own album?"

"No I'm just singing my cover of your songs. Gonna hit the studios soon" Louis leaned and kissed his lips.

"Would love to hear that" Harry grinned.

"But why aren't you liking it now?"

"I didn't say I'm not liking it but I want you here with me"

"I'm here"

"Inside the same sheets. Cuddling me"

"Nope" Louis shook his head and began to climb out of the bed when Harry held his wrists and pulled him, making him lay on himself...on his stomach. He then wrapped his arms around Louis' back.

"Why not?"

"I'm hungry Harry. I need food"

Harry made an offended face "am I not looking like a good enough food to you?"

"No you are looking like a sleep deprived grumpy looking sheep. You are in no way looking like a good enough food to me"

"Ouch!" Harry stick out his lower lip making a sad face. "I'm offended"

"I'll get offended if you don't wake up now. I want breakfast Herreh" Louis whined.

"No...I'm not waking up. Not happening" Harry shook his head, holding him strongly restricting Louis' movements.

"Harry! don't be stubborn. Leave me and get up like a good kid" Louis said seriously.

But Harry thought to choose violence that morning "If I don't then are you gonna punish me-"

"Harry don't-"

"...Daddy"

"For god's sake Harry!" Louis hissed clearly annoyed "I don't have a daddy kink like you Harry."

"That's not turning you on?" Harry's eyebrows raised into mock surprise. "Don't lie Boo"

"No...I'm not... like any other people who turns hard as rock upon hearing that word" Louis pouted.

"Sure daddy"

"Harry stop!"

"Yes daddy, I will" Harry teased him.

"Ughh...annoying large frog" Louis scoffed and began wiggling out of his grip. And surprisingly Harry let him get up. Louis got down from the bed and stood beside with a pointed look "Are you getting up or not lazy bum?"

"I have no plans regarding that" Harry yawned.

Louis caught the comforter and pulled it off him. Even if he was in his boxers and half naked, that didn't affect Louis in anyway. 

Then he held Harry's wrist and tried to pull him out of the bed "A frog! A bloody fog! A cowardly little queue jumping frog. Come on, up you go"

Harry's mouth hanged open "when did you even watched Dunkirk?"

"When you had that long meeting with your label. I was so bored so I watched it" Louis said. "It was good actually because 's Nolan's movie but I liked your little aggressive character. It was hot"

"Really?" Harry sat up on the bed. "I loved playing Alex"

"He was a selfish cunt but okay" Louis shrugged.

"Oi!" Harry pulled him by his waist. "He was just trying to return home"

"But I like Gibson. He misbehaved with him"

"Gibson stole that uniform. And he was not even a Gibson"

"He was trying to return home too. You can't argue about that"

Louis made him stand on his feet "Now I'll go aggressive if you don't take that pretty arse of yours into the bathroom"

"You haven't even seen my arse yet. How do you know?" Harry asked.

Louis blushed deeply "shut up Harold. Stop pissing me off now. Enough of your morning tantrums"

"But I don't want to take a shower all alone. Come with me" Harry requested, not leaving Louis' waist by any means.

"I already had one" Louis sighed. "Stop being stubborn babe". He held his hands and directed his way towards the bathroom.

"You can have another one...pwease" 

Louis opened the door and shoved him in, in a friendly manner "Now don't come out till you have had a good bathe. The water is still hot and the dry towels are in the rack. I'll be in the kitchen"

"You are ditching me" Harry sniffed with a most hurt face he could conjure.

"Yeah I know" Louis said and closed the door on his face.

"I'm still hurt and too horny" Harry's muffled voice came from inside.

Louis giggled "we'll see about that" 

Then he went to the closet and opened it. He chose a white t-shirt and black pants for Harry and kept them neatly on the unmade bed. Harry had only five workers in his London house. All appointed for different departments around the house. And all of them were very polite and sincere about their jobs. Louis just have to ask them and the work was done within seconds.

After the fest ended, Harry spent a night in Louis' flat. The university was getting empty as students were going home for the term-end break till the April. New admissions would start next month so until then everyone had quite a long break till the next session starts. So Louis thought to spend some time with Harry in his London house before them both visiting their hometown together because Louis had promised his sisters he'd visit and Harry wanted to go and meet Jay and Louis wanted to meet Anne. They were leaving at the end of the week before Harry flies back to LA for his Gucci shoot. 

Louis walked down the stairs and went straight to the kitchen. Mariah, the cook, was preparing waffles and scrambled eggs. Upon noticing Louis, she smiled at him. She was a kind lady in her late forties and was very soft spoken.

"Good Morning Mary" and Louis befriended her pretty well.

"Good morning sir, please have a seat" She said with a polite smile.

"Call me Louis please" 

"I can't" She said.

"Why not?" He frowned. "you call Harry by his name"

"Alright..." she nodded and went back to preparing breakfast.

Louis just sat quietly there waiting for the breakfast to be served. She set up two plates on the kitchen counter and further set them up on a tray.

"Okay now I'm hungry too. It smells delicious Mary" Harry said while entering into the room. He wore the clothes that Louis chose for him.

"Thank you Harry" She said and brought the tray on the dinner table.

"We'll take that to our room" Harry said to Louis.

"What's wrong with the dining table?" Louis asked.

Mariah slowly slipped out of the room after setting two coffee mugs and a kettle on the dining table. It was only them in the kitchen.

"I want to eat in my room" Harry picked up the tray. 

"I think Mary doesn't like me" Louis said and grabbed his coffee mug and poured coffee into it.

Harry frowned and asked "Why do you think that?"

"She doesn't calls me by my name whereas she calls you freely by your name" He complaint.

Harry chuckled. He went and pecked his lips "she is a bit that way with new people. Trust me Louis, she hasn't been around new people here. It's just me and Liam and she have been working here since I bought this house. Give her some time to open up. She'll come around"

Louis nodded "okay then"

"Off to our room then?" Harry asked picking up the tray again.

Louis felt butterflies erupting in his stomach hearing that 'our room'. He was still in daze that Harry was with him now. How did that happened again?

"Louis!"

"Yeah" 

"You zoned out" Harry gave a fond smile to him.

"Can't help it, can I?" He said walking beside him carrying the two filled coffee mugs.

"You can if you share with me about what you are thinking" Harry said.

" 's not that important" Louis said. "Silly thoughts"

"I bet they are the most fun thoughts" 

"Oh they are not" Louis shook his head.

They climbed the stairs. Louis carefully took his steps, trying not to spill anything. They walked up in a comfortable silence (and Louis thought it was too overrated). The entire house was too silent for his liking but Harry was beside him so it was alright and also he wasn't used to living in such a big space.

Harry went first into the room and set the tray on a small coffee table that was by the corners of the room near a plush grey velvet couch. Harry's room was really lavish when Louis noticed properly the second time he stepped into the room four days back. He had a huge TV stuck to the wall opposite of where the bed was set. He even had a book shelf at the far end of the room. The windows had black curtains contrasting the grey and cream colored walls. A small balcony with a glass sliding door was attached to the room and it had a large swimming pool view which was in the back of the mansion. 

The last four days were like a Disneyland vacation. It was fun. Louis was genuinely (no pun intended) so happy to get his old days with Harry back. They would spend lazy mornings in bed, cuddling. Afternoons were spent cooking and eating and dancing and laughing in Harry's silly infamous knock knock jokes. Louis wasn't surprised because he knew time was incapable to change that trait in Harry even after so many years. They would chat the entire evening, filling each other with all the things (good things mostly) they wanted them both to know about themselves, wrapped up in a same blanket. Louis sometimes even fell asleep on Harry's chest while Harry was reading him one of the books from the bookshelf and Louis could say those were the best sleep he could ever get. They would even harmonize together and Louis once trailed his fingers over one of Harry's guitars kept in his studio in that mansion. Harry caught him with a smile and Louis spent hours learning the instrument and fonding over Harry's serious face and deep beautiful voice the entire time. And Louis ended up singing one of Harry's songs from his first album while Harry played the guitar.

It was good. Louis started feeling comfortable again around Harry like he always used to. It was same for Harry too.

Louis kept the coffee mugs on the same coffee table and plopped down on the couch cross-legged. He took a toast from a plate and began nibbling it immediately. Harry went and sat beside him, picking up his coffee before taking a sip. Louis took Harry's coffee mug away from his hand and took a sip. 

"This one is more sweet. I'm keeping it" Louis said with mouthful of toast.

"Its black coffee Lou. It has no sugar in it" Harry said. His dimples caving in even if he wasn't exactly grinning.

"That's a brand new information" Louis faked a surprised face.

"Stop pulling a Phoebe now" 

"Whatever" He shrugged. 

Harry took the coffee mug and the half eaten toast away from his hands and kept it up on the food tray. Even before Louis could protest, Harry pulled him into a deep hungry kiss. Louis squeaked because of the sheer suddenness of the turning of events. Harry placed him on his lap, lips still connected with his while Louis tried to sit properly on him. His bunny socks clad feet resting on either side of Harry.

Louis broke away "I was trying to have my breakfast sir"

"And I'm trying to make out here" Harry said subtly as if he was stating a fact.

"But-...okay fine...come here" Louis held his head and kissed him harder that time (who have the power to deny Harry?). Their lips moving in sync. Both were trying to gain the dominance over each other. Louis got up on his knees and pushed Harry's head back, while hovering on him. Harry's hands found a way to his back. It slides down and rested upon Louis' bum. He gave a squeeze that caused Louis gasped against his mouth. Harry took the opportunity and deepen the kiss eliminating any chances for Louis to dominate the kiss.

"Oi! Stop playing foul here" Louis pulled away and gave a stern look to the curly lad.

"I didn't do anything" Harry feigned innocence.

"Then what are your hands doing on my butt?" 

"They are just chilling out there" 

Louis felt a vibration in his pocket. So before responding to him, he took out his Iphone and saw the name.

"Why's Liam calling me now?" Louis said with a confused face.

"pick it up" Harry nodded.

Louis received the call and put it on the speaker mode.

"Harry fucking unblock me right now or I swear to god" A very angry Liam spoke from the other side.

"You blocked Liam in your contacts Harry?" Louis asked him.

"He was being an annoying little shit so I blocked him. I do that sometimes" Harry nodded again.

"Louis tell him" Liam said...still fuming.

"We were kind of busy right now. Call never" Harry spoke and wanted to take the phone but Louis slapped his hand away "shut it. Stop being rude to Liam"

"I'm sorry Liam. Harry woke up in the wrong side of the bed today that's why he is being so rude"

"He is always rude to me, that bloke"

"Hey!" Harry interjected. "Stop bitching about me in front of me"

"And he's starving me you know Liam. I am so sad right now" Louis went on with a sly look towards Harry.

"Oh you poor thing. I feel so so bad for you precious that you are stuck with that idiot" Liam lamented from the other side. His voice didn't fail to sound amused.

"Alright you both. Shut up now" Harry snapped and turned off the speaker mode before pressing the phone against his right ear to talk business with Liam.

Louis grinned at him and peck his lips.

Harry began talking.

Louis sat on his lap patiently while listening to his deep steady voice. Harry looked away as he listened to what Liam was speaking from the other side. And Louis was deprived of his attention. He pouted.

"Liam I got what you are saying." Harry pushed the front strand of his curls back. "Alright...May would be fine. Mid May would do".

But then he frowned and turned to look at Louis who was getting up from his lap. He looked away again trying to catch what Liam said to him.

Then he gasped, turning his head in a lightning bolt speed towards Louis...who was smirking.

"Harry are you there?" Liam asked.

Harry looked down at Louis' hand which was palming him, at his front.

"Louis!" Harry widen his eyes.

"Harry? What's wrong?" Liam asked again sounding all worried.

Louis pushed his hand inside his boxers then thrusted him once. Harry couldn't help but bit away his loud gasped that was mixed with a moan. Louis got up from the couch (not leaving him) and sat on his knees between his legs.

"Louis! I'm talking" Harry hissed.

"And I'm trying to give you a blowjob" Louis said simply, began to pull the hem of his pants down.

"guYS WHAT THE FUCK!!!" Liam hanged up the call immediately. Louis chuckled because Liam screamed so loudly that he could hear him even if the speaker mode was off.

"That's cheating Lou" Harry tried to grab hold his pants on place.

Louis shushed him "stop distracting me.."

"You don't have to...." Harry gasped again, loudly this time when Louis held him and circled his mouth around his tip. Then he slowly went down and then pulled up.

Louis looked up at Harry with dilated pupils in his dark blue eyes. Harry lifted his hips up to let him pull down the black pants. Louis brought the clothes down till his knees in a swift motion.

Harry's cheeks turned crimson when he caught Louis' gaze on him. Louis went down and licked his base then moved up to his tip, sliding his tongue around and between his slit. Harry threw back his head against the headrest of the couch with a loud moan. Louis took him in properly in his mouth then went down again taking all of him at once.

"Louis..." Harry exhaled, struggling to keep his eyes open and breathing stable.

Louis hummed and thrusted him up and down with an even pace. His hand palming his balls. Harry's leg shook so he went down and then held both of his thighs and spreaded them apart. He tighten his lips and went up, sucking him all the way.

"Fuck!" Harry groaned and looked down. His right hand holding the back of Louis' neck.

Louis removed his mouth and took him in between his bony fingers. He looked up at Harry from under his lashes. His pink lips glistening with his own saliva. Harry gave out a breathy moan watching his state. Louis didn't break the eye contact when he took him again, this time taking all of him in his mouth at once. His tip hitting the back of Louis' throat.

Louis gagged instantly.

"No..wait!" Harry pulled out from his mouth. "Don't hurt yourself"

"I'm fine Harry" Louis gulped. His eyes watering. He carefully took him and bobbed his head up and down before hitting it again with the back of his throat. He went up again and pushed down, hitting straight with careful thrusts. Harry was fully hard by then. And he was a moaning mess too.

Louis sucked him hard before he began thrusting him with his mouth. Harry held his head with his large hands, moaning his name in his deep aroused voice.

Louis pulled out and held his pink tip then licked him all the way down till his balls then gave a massive suck on them, making Harry jump on his seat. He put him in and bobbed in hard thrust.

Small beads of sweat formed on Harry's forehead. His curls falling over face as he struggled to breathe between the raspy moans he was throwing.

Louis felt him throbbing against his tongue so he sucked his cheeks in like a vacuum while giving a long deep thrust from down to up.

"Lou... I..I'm gonna come..." Harry panted. Words barely coming out from his parted lips. Louis pulled out and started pumping him with his hand. He was hard and thick like a rock in his tiny hand.

"Harry..." Louis couldn't hold his own moan when Harry screamed his name before spurting out in his hand.

Louis got up and kissed his lips. Both of them panting hard. Their breaths laboured and mingling. He got on Harry's lap and rested his forehead on one of his shoulders. Louis felt him against his bum. Thin fabric separating them. He stifled a small moan from coming out.   
He needed to sort himself out too because he was very uncomfortable in those jeans he was in.

Harry looked at him and held his jaw. Then he leaned and kissed him again. His right hand finding its own way towards his visible bulge under the large sweatshirt he was wearing.

Louis got down from his lap even before Harry could touch him.

"Lou?" Harry called.

Louis didn't respond, instead walked to the bathroom to wash his hands. Harry pulled up his pants before following him.

"Louis?" He called again.

"What?" Louis responded but didn't look at him.

"Are you-"

"I'm alright Harry" He said drying his hands with a soft towel.

"Look at me then" Harry held his jaw and turned him.

Louis looked up.

"What's wrong?" Harry asked.

"I'm just shy can't you see?" Louis looked away. "I just...just never thought...I mean...you looked beautiful there. And I couldn't believe you'd be...like that because...because of me"

Louis swiftly removed Harry's grip from his face and walked out of the bathroom without meeting his emerald eyes.

"You are adorable do you know that" Harry followed him again. "You are shying away just because you gave me an incredible blowjob". He chuckled.

"Stop" Louis said pressing his lips together to control the smile that was threatening him to creep in his beautiful face. "Don't add to my embarrassment. It's a huge thing for me". He turned to look at the full sized mirror that stood in front of them. Louis noticed how flustered his cheeks were. How red his lips were and don't even start about his hairs. They were completely disheveled.

"Louis" Harry wrapped his arms around him from his behind, looking at their reflection in the mirror. "I loved what you did for me. There's no embarrassment"

"Never thought we'd be in this stage in our lives" Louis said keeping his hands over Harry's hands on his stomach.

"I have always dreamed about that but in a way...me neither" Harry said and Louis looked straight, facing him through the mirror.

He turned and wrapped his arms around Harry's neck. Then he began to push his curls back. Harry held his waist and lean down to kiss him. Louis tighten his grip around him and let him devour him. His hands going behind Louis, resting on his plum arse. Giving slow lazy squeezes. Louis hummed in approval in the kiss and closed his eyes. Harry broke away but trailed Louis' clean shaved cheeks with soft butterfly kisses. His hands tucking on the waistband of his jeans. He slowly slides one hand inside on his back. Louis gave out a euphoric sigh feeling Harry's large hands cupping his bum cheeks.

He kissed him again that turned into French kiss in no second. Louis had to hold his shoulders to stable his legs on the ground. He hummed again when Harry's fingers unbuttoned his pants at the front then went back to pull the hem down, exposing his skin. Louis breathed heavily while Harry nibbled on his earlobe. His hands going up and down lazily on his bum.

"Wait a minute...wot's that?" Harry said.

Louis frowned and looked behind in the mirror. He followed Harry's gaze that was fixed on his left cheek. He blushed deeply.

"Its a penguin with headphones" He said.

"When did you get that?" Harry gave an amused smile, touching the tattoo with his finger tips.

"Back in 2015. Just a day before my birthday. I wanted to gift myself something so thought why not get a tattoo"

"Why on your bum?"

"I was drunk" Louis admitted. "But I don't regret that"

"It's kinda cute though" Harry said looked back at him. Eyes going dark little by little. His hands gripping his bum cheeks before he leaned and kissed his neck. Louis' lips parted when he left wet kisses all over skin, coming down to his collarbone.

He hissed when Harry left a lovebite just where his previous mark was fading, giving a fresh mark over it. Harry looked at him under his lashes then slowly bend down to remove his blue jeans, keeping his boxers up. Louis stepped out of the pants. Harry stood correctly then picked him up with his strong arms.

Louis wrapped his legs around his waist and let him carry him towards the bed. It was made.

Harry gently laid him on his back and then climbed into it, hovering over him. Louis held the hem his T-shirt and pulled it up, revealing Harry's tanned inked torso. Harry discarded the tee on the floor and leaned down to kiss him. He went down, trailing soft kisses all over his neck and chest, leaving two new lovebites on the way.

"How am I suppose to go out with these marks?" Louis asked when Harry looked up at him.

"Don't hide 'em. People should know that you are mine" Harry said making Louis smile like a sun that he was.

Harry grinned and kissed his forehead. Louis kept his hands over his head, fingers threading with his soft curls. Harry took a pillow and lifted Louis' head up to rest it back on it. He leaned again towards his stomach and licked it. Louis giggled "it still tickles"

Harry looked at him, showing his dimples deeply caving in his cheeks. Then he held Louis' arms and slowly flipped him on the bed, making him lay on his stomach. Louis' heart started racing. He looked over his shoulders when Harry's dilated deep forest green eyes met his ocean blue ones.

He gulped and let out a shuddered breath feeling Harry's large hands cupping his cheeks over his boxers. Then they held the sides of his waist and pulled him up. Louis arched his back, resting his body weight on his knees that were flat against the mattress.

He shivered when the cold air in the room touched his bare back. His large sweatshirt hanging in the air, exposing his stomach and chest underneath. Harry tugged at the hem of his boxers. His other hand went underneath and trailed around his smooth skin from his torso to his chest in which his heart was beating in thousand miles per second.

Louis made a soft noise when Harry pulled his boxers down till his bend knees and he felt air touching him all around his lower region.

"Mmm" He hummed once he felt Harry's lips on one of his smooth bum cheeks. He was already very turned on at that moment.

Harry held both of his cheeks and left wet kisses on them, taking all the time in the earth. His one hand went underneath him and held Louis' length.

Louis moaned pressing his face against the pillow. Harry didn't thrust him. He just touched his tip with thumb, drawing slow circles around. Louis shifted on his position, feeling the need of friction. He began moving reflexively when Harry left him and held his cheeks to separate them.

"Fuck no!" Louis groaned having feeling both the need of friction and complete vulnerability at that moment. Harry's index finger touched his rim making him arched his back further. He looked over his shoulder and caught Harry's sharp eyes on him already. They were burning with passion and lust and Louis couldn't hold back a loud moan that echoed around the room, disturbing the silence in the atmosphere.

Harry bend down and kissed between his cheeks earning another jumpy moan from the short lad who was slowly slipping into a maze of pleasures that were spurting around his sensitive spots. He licked and trailed his large tongue on his rim, wetting the area with his saliva. Louis bit his lips and closed his eyes in pure bliss. He didn't even know he was that sensitive because Harry haven't even started properly.

Louis spreads his legs wide feeling extremely vulnerable and ecstatic at the same moment. He was giving out moans after moans without any intervals. Harry pushed his tongue inside his pretty hole filling him up. Louis looked ahead, panting hard, breathing unevenly. His lower lip was red due to him constantly biting it. His groans and moans were seductive turning Harry wild and making everything hot around them. Harry separated his rim wide apart with both of his large thumb and pushed his tongue further into it.

Louis grabbed a fistful of the soft pillow and pressed his face down against it. The pleasure was unbearable yet he was craving it more. He was hard and already leaking from his tip.

"H-Hazz...I..." Louis couldn't speak further having feeling his tongue going in and out in him. Harry smooched at his already red skin making Louis clench his walls around his tongue. His one hand slides up and further glided up till the back of his neck then came back and halted on his lower spine. Then Harry held his hips and made his lower back stand on his knee caps. Louis was trembling on his knees. Harry circled his rim again with his finger tips. Louis gasped and looked back again when he pushed a finger inside him, slowly thrusting him in and out.

"Herreh" Louis threw his head on the pillow with a raspy moan. Harry pulled his finger out earning a frustrated whine from him. Louis held his head up to look back again when Harry flipped him within a quick motion. He landed on his back with a slide thud. He was almost on ten percent energy as his limbs felt weak and jelly with little to no strength in them.

Harry went up and kissed his lips, deepening it just then. Tongues involved this time. Louis' head was pressed against the pillow, sinking in. Harry's other hand travelled down holding him. Louis exhaled in the kiss finally feeling a foreign hand touching his desperate bulge.

Harry thrusted him up and down in minimal pace as if slowing down his orgasm. Louis was frustrated because he was in his teasing mode again. And when he was about to yell at him to go faster, Harry left him.

Louis focused on his face and tried to sound stern "Don't stop!"

Harry looked at him with hooded eyes and without responding him, he went down on him and took him whole in his mouth, all at once.

Louis cried out, shaking violently on the bed, arching his back. His hands clenching the white sheets tightly turning his knuckles into the same color.

Harry began bobbing his head up and down. His eyes fixed upon Louis' face which was flushed. His eyes rolling back to his head. Both of Harry's large palms went behind and travelled up till his mid arched back. Louis' tip hit the back of his throat making him choke.

Louis looked down instantly and tried to pulled out but Harry restricted his movement. He held him tightly with his hips and began thrusting Louis' hips back and forth.

Louis squeaked because it was so sudden and unexpected. Harry removed his gaze from Louis and looked down. His large fingers digging into Louis' skin as he made him thrust inside his mouth, hitting the back of his throat repeatedly. Louis curled his toes against the soft mattress as he moved his hips accordingly which were under Harry's control.

His legs began trembling violently as he wasn't able to keep up any longer. His lower lip was between his teeth as he looked down at Harry thrusting him inside his mouth.

"Harry...I'm close... I'm gonna come" Louis moaned the words with each thrust Harry made him give. His whole body was flushed and hot. He was even hotter inside Harry's pretty mouth. Harry's full lips wrapped around him. Everything was hot. Everything felt like a dream. An erotic illusion.

Louis fell back on the bed, feeling his edge. His arms wide stretched on his either side still clutching the white sheet underneath him. He squeezed his eyes shut. Lips pressed into thin line. Harry had increased the pace and not once he gagged.

"Harry!!" Louis cried out releasing finally in his mouth. He heard his heart throb in his chest loudly as his whole body shook violently. Harry sucked him, proper and clean, making him scream again because aftershock of such an amazing orgasm was still alive in him.

Louis raised his head up with a struggle, trying to look at Harry's face despite the watery eyes and blurry vision. Harry looked back at him and smiled widely. His green eyes sparkling with thousands of fairy lights.

"Oh god!" Louis sighed and rested his head back on the pillow. A thin layer of sweat coating his face and body. Harry picked the discarded tee and cleaned Louis and himself and threw that back on the ground. Then he went to lay down beside Louis. But before laying down, he helped him wear the boxers (and pulled out the sweatshirt off Louis' head) and then stripped his own black pants. Now they were both in their under garments.

"I'm still hungry though" Louis said in a tired voice before yawning.

"We'll have brunch later" Harry said pulling him close to his chest.

"We'll have a shower together before that. Now I wanna sleep" Louis said resting his one palm on Harry's inked chest. His eyes looking up at Harry.

Harry leaned and kissed his forehead "sleep Boo Bear"

Louis smiled and made sure he was as close to Harry as he could and closed his heavy lids thinking about how great his own body felt after Harry gave him his second and one of the best orgasms he has ever had so far in his twenty-eight years of life.


	35. Epilogue [Part 2]

Later that afternoon, both the lads decided to cook their own brunch giving a break to Maria for the entire day because Niall texted them that him and the two lads decided to have dinner together at a fancy restaurant so Maria wasn't required to prepare the dinner for them.

She was quite happy to get a day off.

And Louis was happy because he was getting to cook with Harry.

Also they were baking a cake for dessert because Louis suddenly remembered he wanted to bake a cake with him without any particular reason he could think of. So he shrugged the thoughts away and poured flour into a massive glass jar while Harry stirred the curry into a cooking pot.

"How many eggs?" Louis asked.

"Two" Harry said putting a lid on the pot and decreasing the flames below it.

Louis nodded and broke two eggs into the bowl then slowly poured down other required ingredients with a quick measurements. He mixed the contents in the bowl slowly. Louis was baking cake after a long time and it would really make a good midnight snack for one of them gets out of the bed in the middle of the night to gobble down some food without telling the other one but eventually the other one gets to know because of his empty bedside and soon they both would be found in the kitchen, lit by the fridge light, while they would giggle and kiss and spend minutes having some chocolate coin fights. They really completed a tub of ice cream the other night (they were lucky, neither caught any cold). Then Louis would start playing songs from his playlist. Most of them would be from 80s to early 90s and he'd start swaying his hips and singing along the lines. Harry would watch him with fondness all over his face and then start doing some funny steps with him that he does on the stage, in front of his fans. They would soon end up in slow dance in a slow song. Louis would rest his head on Harry's chest and Harry would just hug him close while doing slow ball dance. 

The night would always turn out perfect. 

Louis poured the batter into the oven bowl and pre heated the oven.

"I'd prepare the frosting" Harry said, rubbing his wet hands with a rug. 

"Okay" Louis nodded and began setting up the dishes on the table. After that he placed the cake bowl into the oven. 

"Did you go to Amber's party that night?" Louis asked, keeping his gaze fixed on what he was doing. "the night you brought me home from the club"

"Who's Amber?" Harry turned to him with a frown. 

Louis looked at him, paused for a second, then shook his head "nothing. forget about it"

"No...tell me. Who's she?" Harry went and stood in front him. He was really not going to let it go that easily.

"That woman...you were talking to in the campus that very day" Louis said, trying to keep his voice casual whereas his mind was literally sassing him continuously about how dumb he acted that day upon finding Harry with Amber in that damn common room and speculated stuffs.

"Oh...that" the realization settled on Harry's face. "Nah... I wasn't interested. She invited me though but couldn't say no her 'cause I couldn't have been rude but I didn't go. I thought may be you would go but you...were missing and none of the boys were interested either. So just ditched it"

Oh wow! Now Louis felt worse.

"She slipped her number into your pocket" Louis mumbled.

"She's a bit clingy not gonna lie there" Harry held his arm "Louis... I wasn't interested"

Louis nodded and detached his arm from Harry's grip to go and carry the cooked dishes back to the table.

Harry followed him with his gaze "you thought I was interested in her?"

"Yes" Louis said. "Yes I thought that. I am being honest with you. I saw you both in the common room, standing at a corner. I was angry too" He confessed.

"She wanted to talk something 'important' because there were many people surrounding us at that time. I was in the common room, waiting for you. I...Louis... I wasn't interested on her in any way. She thought I couldn't see what she was trying to do but I have seen it. She might know about us. I don't know how but-"

"She was competing. She challenged me that she was gonna woo you" Louis looked at him, in his eyes "she was threatened by the idea that you might be with me. She tried to seduce me a couple of times but couldn't so she just thought she'd irritate me by targeting you"

"And you thought I was actually drawn to her. That's the reason you went to the club that night because you were upset" Harry said. Serious eyes fixed on him.

"I acted dumb. I believed what I saw. I swallowed what she tried to feed me. She was almost successful. I didn't trust you. I didn't let myself think rationally while acting reckless. I'm sorry" Louis looked down.

"Hey" Harry stood in front of him and cupped his face. "It's alright. It was no ones fault. May be I looked convincing when I was talking to her. It's no biggie"

"Why were you waiting for me in the common room?" Louis asked.

"I was going to the studios" Harry said.

A cold chill ran down Louis' spine. He was with Conan in the studios at that time and what if Harry saw them like that? What if...

"And...you were busy so I thought to not disturb you" Harry said. There was no accusation in his tone. It was indifferent.

"I.." Louis gulped. He held both of Harry's hands on his face "I was talking to Conan. Actually he...was telling me...that um" Louis felt his mouth going dry suddenly. Harry was waiting for him to speak, that meant he was waiting for him to speak honestly.

"He told me he liked me. I was surprised to hear that. I didn't know. Of all people, I didn't expect Conan to fancy me. It was a big realization for me. So...we had this talk and sorted the situation between us. He's a good friend and I didn't want to lose him over such things"

"I know he had a crush on you" Harry said.

Louis looked up and frowned at him "what?"

"He didn't tell me about that. I just suspected the way he looked at you since the day I saw you both together"

"And you were okay with that?"

"Yeah" Harry said casually. "I can't stop people from loving you. I can't tell them to stop their feelings for you. I can only love you, not own you. It's a free world and people have every right to love someone and anyone. The only way I can keep you is making you reciprocate my feelings. I can love you enough to let you know that you can be with me the lifetime. That's my part in this. But the only way to keep you is you loving me back. If you don't then I'll be happy to let you go. I can't say I'd be happy to see you with someone else but I don't have a say in your decision if you don't want to stay with me. So we will work out if we both want the same thing. And keeping mind the history we share with each other, it would only make sense if you had chosen someone else over me. I could just love you enough to let you know I'm here for you but end of the day you'd decide what you want. Conan and I had no competition between us. I didn't felt threatened by his affection towards you and you reciprocating him. We are all humans after all Louis. And it would've been natural for you to fall for him too"

"But I didn't" Louis said quickly. "I didn't have any feelings for him. And I did felt threatened by Amber's closeness towards you. I can't be as wise as you Harry. I can't. I was upset the entire time. I was dreading the feeling that you might be with her-"

"Because I already ditched you once. Lead you on and then pushed you away. And made nasty remarks. You were bound to think that way. I didn't feel the same threat because I know you... I know how you are. You've always been loyal to me even back in those days...you are the wise one here...not me. I was there to make you trust me again...loving you is just the bonus subject for me. I wanted you to let you know that I wanted our friendship back. I wanted what we had. Stopping you from going ahead in life wasn't my intentions because you were bruised" Harry gulped down the lump that formed in his throat. "But I could see you weren't happy either. I thought... I thought you were already with someone and trust me, I told myself to be okay with it"

"You would've let me go if I was with someone?" Louis asked.

"Physically yes...mentally no" Harry said then asked "what about you?"

Louis sighed and touched his forehead with Harry's "I thought I already lost you Harry. That was the bitter reality for me when I used to come back home to an empty cold bed after a long day work. I accepted that. I accepted you were gone and would never ever return. But Harry, you were always in my heart"

Harry leaned and kissed him softly.

"And what if I never returned?"

"I don't know. May be it would have been going on just how it was going so far. Me being a human robot with plastic short-term feelings for all the wrong people in the middle of no man's land. You had my real heart so I could only give them the fake dummy ones that I keep to show off to the world" Louis snorted.

"And what if they had found out about your fake heart?"

"Then they'd know that I'm just an unhappy man. Nobody cares. They'd have just move on without any care...they don't care about a grieving heart. They don't come back to fix it" Louis said.

"But I did. I came back to my home" Harry voice was almost in a whisper "I couldn't stay out for so long. Writing songs about you wasn't helping me enough. I didn't even know if you were listening to them or not. I was getting restless. Constantly trying to find out what I wanted. Pushed you in the back of my mind just to tell myself that it wasn't you that I wanted. That you weren't the solution to my problems" Harry stopped and chuckled. "Lies...pure lies. It's how human beings try to convince themselves about something they knew is the only truth in their life. I did the same. Drank a lot...troubled people a lot. Broke stuffs. Stopped singing for months. Postponed gigs. Didn't go out to the streets for many moons. Avoided going to the therapist. All of these just to convince myself that I didn't need you. That I was just going fine because after all it has been years" Harry sighed.

Louis made him sit on the kitchen counter and held both of his hands tightly.

Harry continued with difficulty "I even tried to convince myself that I was in love with Melissa. She used to care for me so much. I tried to look you in her because I was trying to look at her the same way. Her affection reminded me of you. I started feeling happy. People in my management thought I was improving. My fans started believing in me and her being together. I used to come back home to her. She cared for me Lou...she made me so much happy. It was scary at times to think you were fading from my memory when I was with her. And I encouraged it. I encouraged myself to live in denial. I proposed to her without thinking twice. I thought that would make everyone happy. My management was shocked. Simon said it was about time I stop being a jerk and jeopardize his plans. My fans thought it was another stunt I was pulling on before something big. But I was just trying to be happy and write songs about her for my album. I..." He trailed off closing his eyes.

Louis whispered "You don't have to Hazz...it's fine-"

"No...I want to be honest with you. You deserve the whole truth" Harry said with determination. "I couldn't write a single line. I couldn't concentrate. I was scared. I thought I was losing my ability to write songs. I was so scared Louis...so so scared. I'm an artist and it's a nightmare for an artist to not able to do what they are known for. And one night I woke up with cold sweat...she was peacefully sleeping beside me. I realized...she was not you. She was like you but she was not you. I needed you. I needed you that moment, that very moment. Every damn thing that I pushed back so far came rushing back. I couldn't suppress the realization anymore. I couldn't deny myself about who I was when I looked in the mirror. Soon I figured...who I was and what I want" A tear rolled down Harry's eye and Louis quickly rubbed it away with his thumb.

"I told Mali...I couldn't continue what we had. I was being selfish again but I would've did more bad with her had I have continued the circle of lies. It was the pre Christmas party we were having. She was already having a very rough week and I wasn't able to have a communication with her the entire day. How stupid it sounds but I actually told her that night, in the middle of the party, among our guests and the media. She was devastated. She walked out of the place right away. She left the ring in my hand. I might've felt bad but trust me Lou, I felt at peace that very moment. The video got leaked. Simon was mad. Melisa left her job next day" Harry paused again and retreated his hands from Louis' grip. 

Louis could see the guilt overpowering his facial postures. He backed off and poured water in a glass and offered it to Harry. He accepted it gratefully.

"I told Liam I wanted to go out somewhere to write songs. I wanted an escape. I wasn't able to write anything so I wanted to go to a place that would inspire me and distract me from my miseries for sometime...and most importantly, I needed to find you" Harry looked up at him.

"I called you on your birthday...you can't even imagine how relieved I was to hear your voice after so many years. I was..." Harry looked at him "I just knew what I had to do at that time...and that was coming back to you. Coming back to my home"

Silence fell between them. Louis just stared at a fixed spot on the white marbled floor while Harry's gaze was on him without urging him to speak anything.They were that way till Harry sighed and rested the glass on the dining table and thought to pull out the baked cake from the oven which just signalled them making a clicking noise. He rested the hot, delicious cake on the counter while Louis just observed him with silence. He needed time to let all of those confession to sink in him.

Harry prepared the frosting, not glancing once at Louis' direction. The silence was slowly going heavy and unbearable between them...especially for Louis.

He slowly went and stood beside Harry "will you ever regret leaving her for me?"

Harry turned "I only regretted one time in my life when I pushed you away for my stupidity...so no I won't. You are the only one I need in my life and I'll need you till the end of the times"

"And what if you got bored of me?"

Harry left what he was doing and pulled him with his waist "then I'll pack it up here and go to the Himalayas and become a monk giving up on having a materialistic life"

Louis giggled.

"You are my forever Louis" Harry said tenderly kissing his cheeks.

Same.

"We wont bring our past into our present" Louis said tightening his arms around Harry.

"Mm-hmm" Harry nodded.

"Did you talk to Melissa after that?"

"Before coming here, I had a conversation with her. I told her everything...she was patient. We kind of ended in good terms" Harry said.

And Louis didn't ask him for the details because the entire conversation was enough for him.

So he nodded and looked at the frosting which was white in color.

"Mind if I coat the cake?" He asked.

Harry shook his head and left him. Louis picked a silicon spatula and began coating the entire cake with it. He slowly and sincerely smoothen out the surface and the sides of the cake.

"Not bad" Harry said making an impressed face.

"Improved as a cook, haven't I?" Louis asked.

Harry leaned and pecked his lips "yep"

Louis grinned and kept the spatula back into the frosting bowl.

"Don't leave the surface blank. Go on, draw something" Harry said pouring some of the whipped cream into a piping bag and passed it to him.

Louis stared at the cake then bend down to draw two 'Xs' and a Smiley on it. He looked at Harry to know his thoughts.

"It looks like some popstar signed it for the fans" Harry joked.

"Oi" Louis took some cream and put it on the tip of Harry's nose. "I adore this smiley"

Harry pulled the front of his tee and pecked his lips again "and I adore you"

Louis stood on his tippy toes and licked away the cream from his nose. Then stood properly while he slowly touched his lips with Harry's.

The afternoon went on with them being all cute and sappy in between meals.

Louis was smiling and admiring Harry the entire time without any particular reason.

***

Evening came by and both the lads found themselves seated in Harry's car heading towards the restaurant that the other three lads told them to come into.

They were both dressed in suits even though Louis thought it was only the lads and Harry so it was a bit too much but Harry said they needed to look presentable for the dining table.

Plus Louis thought Harry was going out for a dinner with four other ordinary boys so that was for all the presentable.

Also, there won't be any paparazzi around. Liam did the arrangements so that they can have a good evening out of cameras.

The car stopped near the entrance of the fancy restaurant. It wasn't that posh because Harry didn't want to catch attention and definitely didn't want to read articles about him dining in some expensive restaurant.

So Louis slowly got out from the car from his side of the door and Harry got out from his. Harry stood by the arched stairs till Louis halted beside him buttoning up his suit from the middle.

"Let's go" Harry said and Louis nodded. His hand softly brushing against Harry's and finally he felt Harry's cold fingertips intertwining his bony fingers ever so lightly. He couldn't control his lips from grinning.

"Good evening gentlemen. Do you have a reservation here?" A man behind the reception asked them politely. His eyes firmly fixed on Harry with a sense of recognition on them.

"Yeah... Under Mr. Liam Payne's name" Harry said with a same polite approach.

"Right" The man nodded looking towards the large Mac in front of him. Then he called a woman and asked her to direct the way.

Both the boys walked behind the woman into the beautifully decorated restaurant where many people were having their time. Some people turned to look at them. Louis felt highly self-conscious so he looked down at the steps he were taking. Some of them took out their cameras to take a snap. Louis felt irritated instantly. Can't they just treat them like a fucking fellow human beings without shoving their phone cameras in their faces for once?

Then he realized they were holding hands in front of everyone. So Louis removed his hand from Harry's grip and turned his face away from the inquisitive stares. Harry looked at him instantly.

"Lou? You alright?" He asked him softly.

"People are watching us" Louis said.

Harry didn't respond, just forwarded his hand and held Louis' hand.

"Hazz-"

"I don't care..let them watch" Harry said looking straight to some of them with a serious face.

Louis pressed his lips from smiling bright.

"This way sir" The woman said and led them further into the most private space in the restaurant that contains small private booths for them who prefers to have some privacy with their own group. She knocked the door and a very familiar voice in thick Irish accent said "come in"

She pushed the door and let Harry and Louis go inside.

"Hey boys" Niall said upon spotting them.

"Hi lads" Louis gave a large smile, taking his seat beside Zayn.

"You both are late" Zayn commented.

"Blame Harry...took longer to get ready" Louis said.

"Hey...I was waiting for you till you got dressed-"

"We don't want details" Liam said with a pointed look. He was still traumatized from the morning call.

"Come on Lee...you didn't see us doing shit" Harry shrugged making Louis blush and look away.

"I don't even want to see you do shit" Liam remarked with a straight face.

"Oh as if you didn't even do anything...Zayn" Louis said the last part turning to the raven haired boy beside him.

Now it was Zayn's time to blush "shut up Lou"

Someone knocked again and Harry gave the permission that time for them to come inside.

It was a pretty uniformed girl stepped into the booth. She smiled politely to everyone and extra politely to Harry.

"Hello gentlemen. I'm Jenny and I'll be your waitress for this evening" Her voice was childlike. She might be in her early twenties.

"What'd you like to order for drinks?" She said again pulling out a small notepad and a pen.

Harry picked up the menu and spoke first "We'd like some Patrick Piuze Bougros Chablis Grand Cru 2018 edition please"

Louis looked at him instantly then he observed both Niall and Zayn were looking at him with surprised faces. It was an expensive wine.

"Okay sir. Anything else?" She asked while looking around the table.

Louis stepped forward to say something but Harry interrupted him "no..thank you" with a smile.

The girl stepped out of the booth and closed the door behind.

"It's too expensive Harry. You shouldn't have ordered that" Louis said and Zayn nodded while Niall just hummed in support. Liam said nothing because he knows how Harry was.

" 's nothing Lou..." Harry shrugged.

"You are a celebrity and rich that doesn't mean you'll spend money on us like that. I won't approve that. We'll share the money for that bottle" Louis said stubbornly gaining the other two lad's support. "Liam tell him"

"No use of that" Liam shrugged.

"You all are my friends and" Harry looked at him "boyfriend... I can spend money on you lot. Let me, will ya?"

Louis felt so warm from inside that he was totally distracted to argue further.

"Aww, you guys are so cute" Niall said with bright blue eyes. "And Harry mate, as much as I want to drink that, I'd still say it's a bit too much. That's fucking expensive for one night"

"Okay...here's a deal. The wine's from me. Dinner we could share" Harry said.

"Deal" Louis said looking to the other three lads.

"Alright" They said in unison with a nod.

Harry looked at Louis "Happy now?"

Louis said "you can't even imagine"

"Good then" Harry kissed his cheek then sat back on his chair.

"All the PDA going around here is tiring" Liam commented.

"Stop being jealous Lee. Why didn't you sat beside Zayn then?" Louis sassed.

"Louis!" Zayn exclaimed while Liam bit his lower lip with embarrassment.

"I don't want my ships to fight. Maintain unity and harmony between please" Captain Niall spoke as if he was announcing it.

"Aye Captain!" Harry said sincerely with a nod.

The door was opened again and two waiters, one holding a tray of wine glasses and the other holding a large wine bottle, and Jenny walked into the booth.

They filled up the glasses and served each of them to all the lads. Louis brought the rim of his glass towards his lips and looked down at the dark red liquid. He slowly took a sip.

Then he looked up at Harry who was already watching him as if asking if he liked it or not. He smiled in response. Harry returned his smile and began sipping his own. His lips went fully red due to the liquid and Louis couldn't remove his gaze from them. Then Harry smirked because Louis' gaze was fixed on his full lips. Louis wanted to kiss them right way but couldn't.

"Now, would you like to order the main course?" Jenny asked.

"Give us a minute please" Liam said picking up the menu. Then he looked at Zayn. Niall already had decided what he wanted to eat so he gave her his order, smiling charmingly in between the big french names of the dishes. And looked like she was impressed by him because she was smiling at him constantly.

Also Harry was concentrated on Louis so she didn't get any response from him. And looked like she won't get any the entire night.

Harry teased Louis further biting into his lower lip while reading the menu. Then he turned to Jenny and ordered the dish.

Louis removed his gaze from him and stared down at his menu. But he was soon confused for what he should order. Harry sensed that so he ordered from his behalf. Soon, Liam and Zayn ordered their meal and Jenny went out.

"I was waiting for you Tommo the next day after the fest ended in the campus. Where were you? Neither of you were picking up my calls" Niall said looking between Louis and Harry. Zayn and Liam turned to them too.

"I...what were we doing Louis? I dont even remember" Harry said with a frown looking at the short lad.

"Well...we were just trying to walk Niall" Louis pressed his lips in a thin line with his brows going up.

Niall stared at him while Zayn suppressed his chuckles. Liam was clueless.

"That wasn't required for us to know" Liam scoffed once he understood the innuendo.

"Aww...Lima bean is angry" Louis stood and leaned across the table to pull Liam's cheek.

Liam pouted.

"On a serious note, we just woke up late that day" Harry said once Louis settled on his seat. He kept one hand on Louis' thigh.

The evening proceeded and more drinks were served into their glasses. Laughter echoed around the booth. Niall was the loudest, Louis was the sassiest, Liam was the daddiest and Harry and Zayn were having some deep meaningful conversation between them.

It was a good evening with everything and everyone carrying good vibes with them.

"What's wrong with Liam and Niall over there?" Louis asked to Zayn between hogging down the delicious food that had been served to them.

"They are arguing over your ship name" Zayn informed.

"Wot?" Harry made a face. "What are they? Twelve?"

"Oh please Harold! Don't even say about ships. You are the sappy one here and I know you already call us with that name in your mind" Louis said.

"I don't do that" Harry looked away. His dimples deep caving in his cheeks.

"And I think you already had this conversation with Niall. So tell what's our ship name?" Louis said.

"Ask Niall" Harry pointed towards the Irish lad deep into conversation with Liam.

"Niall"

He looked at Louis "What?"

"What's our ship name?"

Niall took a pause to wipe his mouth with a tissue paper. Then he spoke "I have two and I don't think you'd like either of them"

"Oh come on...tell them" Liam said.

"Houis Tomlinstyle" Niall said.

Both Louis and Harry made a face upon hearing that.

"Eww...that's...bad" Zayn commented.

"I know right" Liam nodded. "I told him it wasn't happening"

"Not fair Neil...you gave them such a good ship name.. Ziam...and what you got for us? Houis? Sounds like a bald Russian 80 year old high on serotonin" Louis made a disgusted exaggerated face.

"Hey... I have another one" Niall took offense.

"I helped him with that" Liam said.

"Oh puhleez..."

"What? I did really..."

"Tell us the name Lee" Harry huffed.

"Larry... Larry Stylinson" Both Niall and Liam said in unison.

Louis raised his brows "That's...what do you think Harry?"

"I like it" He smiled.

"Now" Liam said "if you see Larry Stylinson trending on Twitter tomorrow out of nowhere then don't be surprised lads"

"What do you mean?" Louis and Zayn asked.

"How would they even know this?" Niall joined in.

"Ask Harry...he manages the secret account on Twitter"

Louis whipped his head straight towards Harry in a flash speed "You manage what??"

"He has this secret Twitter account where he goes undercover once in a while and posts his own unseens and old pictures and retweet some of his fan accounts. So all those pictures of him from school were leaked by him and fans don't know about that but he has a great number of followers there too. They think that the one behind the account is close to Harry" Liam explained.

"Oh my god! That's the reason of all my old photos from school getting circulated around the internet. Harry..." Louis widen his eyes with shock.

Harry gave him a smug smile "I just wanted my fans to know about you"

"When did you post my first picture?"

"After the Starbucks pics went viral" Harry said.

"And that's the reason I was giving him some piece of mind that day in the studios. I know it was his team that were releasing those old photos of you and him that we didn't even got to see before. Turns out it was him who was posting those on Twitter" Niall explained.

"Jesus Harry!" Louis stared back at him. "You really thought this out"

"I just want my fans to know that I'm with you before we finally come out to them" Harry's face turned serious.

Louis stopped completely. He couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"We'd do what?"

"We still have time for that. Don't worry" Harry kissed his forehead.

"But..." Louis looked at Liam "I know how music industry works. He can't come out now Liam...we can't come out to the people. He's just gotten off from an engagement. He's going to drop his third album soon. He has so many female fans. They won't accept the fact that he's dating a man"

"Calm down" Harry held his hand.

"If he knows what he's doing then it should be fine Lou" Zayn said.

"And if people stops staning him just because he is dating a man then they are not even his fans to begin with" Liam said.

"Who the fuck even cares about losing fans anyway? Harry is a genius artist. People would listen to him no matter what. Rest twelve year olds can go fuck off" Niall shrugged.

"Alright...but what about Simon? And your management who is literally calling everyday to fix you a new stunt" Louis said. His jaw clenched.

"Liam's contract with the management is going to end in a month. He's going to drop out and form his own management team. The arrangements are done already. Simon knows we have been preparing that for years. That's the reason he's trying to play another stunt to get the last bit penny out of it. I'm gonna change labels in about next 8 months and my contracts ends in six months. They are expecting me to renew it as soon as it ends. I would sign up with Liam. I have really thought it all Lou" Harry said holding his hands.

"Basically Harry is going to be my partner for that management team" Liam said.

"And both me and Conan's gonna sign with him" Niall added.

"So you guys already knew all of this. Jesus, even Conan gave me half information about him signing with Harry's label and Liam managing him" Louis said shaking his head with disbelief.

"It's all sorted then" Zayn said.

"No... I still have to make people believe that Lou and I are together. So I'm gonna make a full army of people that believes in us being a couple" Harry said in a way as if he was brewing a plan.

Louis was amused "so like...you are forming a force that gonna believe that Larry Stylinson is real?"

"Right" Harry nodded. "they'd get the pictures. Us going out in restaurants together. Pap pics. Being in the same place same time. Trust me Louis, my fans are not less than the FBI. They can connect dots"

"Wait...what do I do in this? It sounds very interesting" Niall said excitedly.

"Support us like a good captain that you are" Harry said with a smile.

Louis kept quiet because so many things were running around in his mind that he didn't know when the evening came to an end between all the food and laughter. Harry was beside him, smiling, his protective hands rested on his thighs with slight squeezes here and there. Harry didn't nag him further about the topic but Louis knew he needed to talk with Harry about that later...alone.

The lad's hugged before parting ways. Liam and Zayn left together in Zayn's car and Niall drove out after tightly hugging Louis and promised him that he'd meet him soon again. Harry waited for Louis in his car.

"Did you enjoy tonight?" Harry asked once Louis got inside the car and they went out towards the streets.

"Yeah I did" Louis nodded.

Harry leaned and kissed his forehead "what's wrong Boo?"

"Are you sure about everything Harry? I don't want people to hate you and I don't want to lose you again also I don't want your career to be in a compromising state because of our relationship. The world is still too homophobic" Louis said helplessly.

"First, yes I'm sure about everything we are doing" Harry said holding his face in between his hands. "I'm absolutely sure and nothing's going to stop me from telling the world that we are together. My career will still keep flourishing even after we come out to the people. Trust me Lou...everything's going to be alright for us. I have already wasted enough time but now I won't no more. I'll just do everything now with you beside me and I'd let people know that you are beside me" 

Louis' face lit up into a beautiful smile "you'd do that?"

"I'd do everything in my power to keep you safe and happy with me. I'd do anything for you...for us. I love you"

Louis' heart started beating loudly in his chest when he heard him tell those warm stuffs..those damn three clichéd words to him. It was like Louis was again dreaming. As if nothing that was going was a reality. It was like he was sleeping on his bed and dreaming that exact moment every night since he started loving Harry at such a tender age. That got to be unreal. That got to be just a morning dream.

And that was a morning dream though that was coming true. 

Louis leaned down and without wasting any minute, kissed him..fully and deeply. It feels for the first time every time he kissed him even after so many kisses they have shared.

Harry broke the kiss but kept him close "now everything is alright I guess?"

"I think yes" Louis said with a grin and pecked his lips.

Harry's phone started ringing. He pulled it out from the pocket and saw the name.

"Liam again" Louis said peeking at the name. "Why is he calling now? We just left together some time ago"

"Might be some business related thing" Harry mumbled while picking up the call.

Louis sat back properly on the leather seat of the Mercedes and looked out of the window, towards London's night street that sped off in a moderate speed. They crossed the busy roads and traffic. Harry was talking something serious which Louis thought to ignore because he didn't know about this official works that goes on between a manager and his artist.

The car slowed down and stopped at the red light and that halted all the thoughts in Louis' mind for the time being. He wanted to roll down his side of the window but couldn't because they were in a busy street and Harry was sitting just beside him. Also he didn't want anyone to see Harry or come near him that time when he was with him. As selfish as that sound but Louis couldn't help it (and he shouldn't).

He looked through the black glass of the window. Many cars were halted outside, waiting for the signal to turn green. 

Then he suddenly caught a familiar looking figure walking down the foot road beside the streets. He thought he was seeing wrong but then when she passed by a big bright shoe shop, her face illuminated by the lights coming out through the glass view of the shop. She kept walking and turned to her left and disappeared. 

Louis looked back at Harry and said hastily "Harry, I'd be right back"

"Hold on Liam...Louis what's wrong?" Harry asked. Louis already pushed the car door open.

"Keep on talking. Be right back" Louis repeated and got down from the car. Even before Harry could respond, he closed the door and crossed the street almost running. 

He stepped on the foot road and walked towards the direction where the girl headed. He turned left and looked around to spot her but there were already too many people. He walked quickly, pushing through the people. The foot road was a bit busy at that moment. He properly looked around but saw no familiar face among them. 

Louis halted on his tracks and looked back and then to front. He wanted to turn and go back to the car but still he thought to walk ahead and check.

There was a café at the end of the foot road. They had a small counter at the front that served beverages to the passerby who wished to get something to drink while walking down the roads further. 

There, finally Louis spotted her taking a to-go cup with smile from the lady behind the counter. He walked forward and saw she was leaving again. So he just ran to catch her.

"Oi!" He called. Nope she didn't turn.

"Bucket hat!" He reached and held her arm from behind and turned her. She stumbled on her feet for a second and managed to keep a hold on her drink from spilling.

"What the fuck!" She exclaimed stabling herself. She slowly raised her head to look at him with a scowl "you were just about to make me waste my five euros"

"Hi" Louis said sheepishly, huffing from all the running.

"Hi" She said with indifference.

Louis frowned "are you not surprised to see me again?"

"Louis...we both are living in London. It's normal to bump into each other when we are living in a same place" She stated.

"Who hurt you?" Louis asked making a face. "You didn't look this grumpy the last time we met"

"I don't need reasons to be grumpy do I?" She sipped her coffee. "it comes naturally to me"

"No seriously what's wrong with you?" He asked again.

"You won't understand...anyway. How are you? You are glowing" 

"Don't change topic and...did you cut your hairs?" He pulled off the bucket hat. "That's so short. You had such long hairs"

"Yeah...chopped them off. My curls were going all stubborn over me so I just got rid of 'em" She shrugged. "anyway I'm not Harry Styles so my curls don't really matter to me that much"

Louis looked at her with pressed lips, suppressing a fond smile that was planning to creep in.

"What?" She asked.

"Are you on social medias?" 

"Yes I am..so?" 

"And you are a Harry Styles fan?" He went on.

"Yeah I'm, duh" She took the hat back from him "who isn't a fan of Harry?"

Louis opened his mouth to speak "So..you know what's going-"

"Louis...I really have to reach my dormitory before they close the gates so I have to go. Nice meeting you"

"No!" He held her back again "don't get disappear just like that. You did the same last time. Not letting you go this time"

"Alright alright dad. Don't get so aggressive. Jeez" She said with a nod.

"Stop calling me dad. I'm not your dad. Neither do I look like one" 

"You are my Larent. Don't say that. Not fair" She pouted.

"I'm a wot?" He made a deep confused face.

"A wizard Harry" She completed.

He sighed and rubbed his forehead "why are you like this?"

"You taught me to be like this. What do you expect from me? Nothing's normal here" 

"I taught you nothing" He said. "You talk mysterious all the time. You know my name god knows how whereas I don't even know your name"

"Its better this way trust me. Call me anything you want. I wont object. A fan, admirer" She looked at him "a Larrie...anything"

Louis stared at her with a frown and then his eyes went wide "what did you say? A Larry?"

"L.A.R.R.I.E not L.A.R.R.Y" she spelled them with a small smile.

"How- when-...How do yo-" He was interrupted.

"It's a bit complicated but hey...you don't have to think about it too much. Just enjoy your time while you can love, Lou...its a happy ending after all" She smiled wide this time. "and oh, don't forget to speak out everything. Don't keep any meet up secrets. It needs to be out and listened. Trust me you'd be fine. Just let it out, okay" 

Louis was frowning deeply by then. Nothing was going inside his mind. 

"I don't understand anything that you said"

"You will...patience" She went ahead and hugged him. "and you should know that I love you a lot Boo Bear" she broke the hug and stepped back.

"That's what-"

"Harry calls you...I know" She grinned and put the hat back on her head.

"So you know about Harry and me...you- how do you know so much?" Louis asked her while she prepared to leave.

"I just know" She shrugged. "let's say, I wrote it. I wrote your story"

Louis felt a vibration in his pocket.

"Take it out. Receive the call and tell him you are coming. Don't make him wait any longer Lou. Hazza is waiting...and also have a happy vacation" She nodded.

Louis took out the phone from his pocket and stared at the screen. It was Harry. He received it and pressed the phone against his ear.

"Louis where are you? Where did you go?" Harry spoke from the other side.

He moved his eyes and looked up to find her gone, completely vanished from the sight without any trace. 

"I'm coming" Louis slowly said.

"Please be quick" Harry said.

"Mmhmm"


	36. Epilogue [final part]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Contains smut.

They were back to their home, on their comfortable bed...curled up under the warm sheets, cuddling while sharing the same body heat coming from each other.

Louis nuzzled his nose deep into Harry's neck, breathing in the vanilla scent in his beautiful curls. Louis tighten his arms around him from behind.

"You still didn't tell me why you left the car all of a sudden" Harry asked.

"I actually caught someone familiar walking down the foot road. Wanted to talk to them"

"Who are they?"

"Someone I met at a club. Its a girl"

Harry turned and faced him "why would you wanted to talk to her?"

"Just...she was a good company when I was at that club all alone. Its nothing important" Louis said.

"Okay" Harry nodded.

"Harry" Louis gulped and scooted closer to him. "I wanted to tell you something"

"Yeah?"

"The two days I went missing" Louis braced himself. "I went home. To spend some time with my family"

Harry nodded for him to go on.

"Liam and I had a conversation about you. And then I decided to go away for sometime. The information I got wasn't very ear appealing so... I needed time to cope up" He looked at Harry and his changing expression.

"I don't want to go into details. But..." He stopped when Harry got up and sat straight in front of him. His expression very...dangerously serious.

Louis got up too "Harry...hear me out okay? Please"

"Go on.. I'm listening" Harry said with a nod.

"I was out for an evening stroll and" Louis looked down "and I bumped into Kyle"

He slowly looked up to Harry and found him completely stiff. His eyes wide a bit. He resembled a statue in that moment. Louis scooted forward and held his hand. They were shaking. Harry's hand were shaking.

"I confronted him. I told him what he did was twisted and-"

"Why did you go in front of him all alone? Louis he is a dangerous man. He could've hurt you. He could've fucking hurt you. Why did you confront him with no one beside you? You don't understand how fucked up he is in his head. What would I have done if something had happened to you? Huh?" Harry said with rage. "He hates you with his guts Louis. He doesn't fucking care about anyone. He's a criminal. How could you go and handle it all by yourself?"

"I was not scared of him Harry. I know he is one fucked up guy but I had to give him a piece of mind after what he did to you"

"I don't fucking care what he did to me. You are his easy target. He could've damaged you-"

"Just like he tried to damage you" Louis cut him. "I know Harry... I know what Kyle was capable of. And trust me, he couldn't do shit. He was not that Kyle Wilson he used to be in our school. He was this man with regrets and failure"

"Don't defend him by seeing his state. He brought it upon himself. He brought that life with his own Karma" Harry spat. "All those years of fucked up shit he caused to people is just coming back to him"

"But he wasn't regretting what he did to me" Louis said. "To us...he wanted to keep you"

"Yeah as if he fucking owned me"

"And I told him that. I told him what fucking wrong shit he did. But...he won't...he just.."

"He just what?"

"He...was hitting on me" Louis' voice dropped an octave as he said it slowly and cautiously.

Harry's face changed rapidly from confusion to surprised to a bit angry then settled on amusement.

"Settle your face on a particular expression Hazz. They are not seasons"

Harry opened his mouth to spoke "Kyle was hitting on you? At least he saw how beautiful you are at last"

"He offered me to have sex with him" Louis dropped the bomb.

"HE DID WHAT?!"

"Wanted to sleep with me" Louis nodded with a straight face.

"Then I hope you let him know that next time I'm gonna punch the shit out of his face if I ever crossed path with him because that bloke needs to stay in his fucking lane"

"That's not very TPWK of you Harold" Louis informed.

"That doesn't apply on people like Kyle. And I'm not backing off from my statement" He shook his head.

"Let's stop talking about Kyle. I just wanted to let you know that I met him and I think that's it" Louis kissed his lips then got down of the bed.

"Alright...but I hope he knows that we are together" Harry said.

"Oh he does" Louis nodded while pulling out his coat from a hook.

"Planning to go somewhere?" Harry asked.

Louis pulling out an envelope from of the pockets of the coat and kept it back.

He walked back to the bed "I was meaning to give you something since a very long time"

He sat in front of him again while Harry's eyes were fixed on the thing he was holding.

"What's that?"

"I'll give it to you but first tell me...how...did you get access to the bracelet that I tear off in shreds?" Louis asked.

Harry looked at him "I took it out of the bin after you left the building that day. I was already feeling shit about what I said to you and then you tore it in front of me. I was sure that it has something to do with me because you won't tear your own stuff that way looking at me unless that thing was a gift from me. So I took it out and saw the name and I knew it was for me. You bought it for me. And I tried to mend it as it was. I searched the place that made those custom made jewelleries. The lady recognized it immediately and promised me she'd fix it. She told me how excited you were when you requested her to make it." Harry sighed. "I took it back home and since then I stored it in my wallet and only take it out while performing"

Louis pressed his lips and gulped down the lump that formed in his throat. His eyes were sparkling already. It was a overwhelming feeling for him.

He kept the envelope on the bed and climbed on Harry's lap to kissed him hard. A tear roll down from his eyes.

Harry pulled away and rubbed his tears away "don't cry"

"Happy tears" Louis assured him. "That's very thoughtful of you Harry. I totally forgot about the bracelet but you had it all along. It was a birthday gift"

"Best birthday gift so far" Harry grinned.

"Couldn't give it to you with my own hands so I've got you another one" Louis said and reached to grab the envelope. Harry grab hold his waist to help him balance himself.

Louis sat back on his lap properly and forwarded the envelope towards him.

"Open it"

Harry took it from him and brought it between them. Then carefully he tore the edge and pulled out the contents from inside.

A shining airplane chain and a postcard came into his view. Harry looked at him.

"Read the postcard first" Louis nodded with a smile.

Harry unfolded it...

.・✫・゜・。.

Hey Sweetcheeks,

You are sleeping beside me when I'm writing this for you. It's a reply to your lovely postcard that I received a few days back. I couldn't reply to you right away 'cause we both were caught up in our little world.

I loved the roses you bought me. They were beautiful and smelled really nice. They are drying so fast even if I water them everyday. So, I hope this is not the last time I'd receive Blue or any colored roses from you ;)

I was at a shop when you weren't around me and I saw that airplane chain. I immediately thought it'd look good around your neck and the airplane could give some company to both the swallows on your chest as all three of them loves to fly. I hope you'll like it.

P.s - yes I'd love to be your Valentine.

Yours, Louis

.・✫・゜・。.

Harry looked up at him with a dazzling smile. He wore the chain and picked up the airplane with his long fingers. He brought it to his lips and kissed it.

"You like it?"

"Loved it" Harry chirped.

Louis smiled and kissed him on his lips.

"But Louis, who is Eleanor?" Harry asked.

"She's a college friend" Louis tangled his finger with one of Harry's stray curl. "And my first friend in Colombia University. I was having this rough time and when I sorted my priorities,it was her who didn't leave my side. She's pretty fine actually. A little bit clingy but fine"

"Did you ever fancy her?"

"I tried. I wanted to, you know, figure out if I was actually Bi or Pan. My whole life I've only liked you...well no one in our school was that impressive to have a crush on them...so I thought why not try and date a girl. She didn't know anything. And we didn't lasted till a month. She was understanding when I told her that I was gay. Since then, we are friends" Louis explained keeping up a cool face.

"Oh" Is what Harry said at that moment.

Louis looked at him. His thumb grazing Harry's smooth cheek.

"Colombia University. Not bad Lou" Harry gave him an impressive smile.

"Yeah" Louis looked down with a shy smile.

"Louis" Harry called and he looked up to find Harry going all serious all of a sudden.

"Yeah?"

"Move in with me"

Louis stopped.

"Stay with me, here...in this house"

"But..." Louis trailed off, unable to find accurate words to form a sentence.

"Take your time. You don't have to say yes right away" Harry assured him.

Louis took a long breath. His mind was jumbled up again...but this time with good thoughts.

"Yes" Louis nodded his head. "Yes, I'd stay with you"

Harry's face broke into a huge, pretty smile that Louis thought he could brighten up a village with that face. His green emerald eyes shone with stars in a dark night sky. He looked so soft and lovely that Louis couldn't stop admiring him with a fond smile.

Harry kissed him on his mouth. Louis' arms wrapped around his neck. His fingers tangling with his soft curls. Puddle of warmth started spurting within him matching with the warmth that Harry's was radiating into him.

Harry leaned forward and laid him on the bed.

"What'd I do in this big house when you are out on tour?" Louis asked.

"I'll take you with me and other times I'll come back home quickly because I'd know you are waiting for me" Harry said slowly. His voice going soft and sweet.

"How long will you be gone?"

"Not more than two weeks I promise"

Louis smiled and pecked his lips "then I think it's all good"

"Yeah" Harry looked at the postcard still in his hand. He reached and kept it over the night stand. Then he turned to him "you like France?"

"Yes, why?" Louis asked.

Harry came back and hovered over him, pulling the sheets on them.

"I have planned a vacation for us. We'll leave from home and fly to LA for my shoot then we'll fly out again to France. It's already planned. Liam's gonna book our tickets" Harry said, brushing his finger tips with Louis' fringes.

"That's very...nice of you Harry" Louis smiled. "I'd love a vacation"

"Good then" Harry leaned and kissed him slowly. His hands sliding inside Louis' pajama top. Louis' skin was warm under his finger tips.

"Harry" Louis broke the kiss. His eyes were dilating slowly feeling Harry's hand on his torso, caressing his soft skin with feather like touch.

Harry caught his eyes. He unbuttoned the top and parted it exposing his pale skin. Louis' breathing shallowed when Harry leaned down to kiss his collarbone. He sucked at his sweet spots, trailing wet kisses all over his chest and neck...going down to his little stomach. Louis hummed in response feeling his warm lips on him.

"Louis...we shouldn't" Harry sighed against his skin and got up.

Louis immediately caught his wrist to stop him "why not?"

"Because...we still have time for this. I don't want you to feel pressured. We can take slow"

"I want... I want this Harry. It's fine...we are not rushing things" Louis nodded with assurance. He guided his hand to his front "I'm sure... I promise". He left his hand and tugged at the hem of his t-shirt.

He lifted it up and off his head, messing up his curls.

"I'm going to get a tattoo" Louis said touching the rose tat on Harry's left arm. Harry rested over him. Louis traced his fingertips on the rose tattoo "I'm gonna get a dagger for that"

"You would?"

He nodded and slided up his finger on his bicep "and a compass too"

"I'll be with you when you get them" Harry said as he laid a kiss on his forehead. Harry's skin was hot already under Louis' hand. Harry brought his large hand down and palmed him over his pajama pants.

Louis' breath hitched, closing his eyes. Harry kissed the side of his neck. The small silver airplane rested on Louis' chest which was going up and down with the long breath he was taking. Harry got up and tugged his fingers around the hem of his pants. Louis lifted his hips and let him slide it down. Louis got up and helped him get rid of his pants too. The clothes were discarded on the floor. Harry held him, wrapping his fingers around.

Louis exhaled noisily with his mouth, feeling the need of jerking forward instinctively. He was slowly going rock hard against him.

Harry left him and reached to his nightstand to take out a lube bottle and some silver foils. He rested them beside, on the bed.

He leaned and pecked his lips while pulling down his boxers and threw it on the floor. Harry eyed him and Louis could see lust overpowering his dilated pupils. Louis felt heat travelling up through his body. He felt vulnerable and aroused at the same time.

Harry held his knees and guided them up, till his chest. His curls were falling softly over his forehead, casting a shadow around his eyelids.

Louis gulped when he felt his index finger grazing his rim with a mild touch. He hummed a moan when Harry parted his rim with his finger tip. Harry retreated and took the lube. He squeezed the bottle and took a small amount, coating his index finger. Harry didn't break his eyes away from Louis' gaze.

Louis shut his legs together seeing Harry's burning gaze upon him. He was already too aroused at that moment and felt heat travelling up his body.

Harry stood on his knees between his legs and spread them apart. He leaned and kissed his cheek "relax, okay...tell me if it hurts"

Louis nodded.

Harry sat properly and circled his moist fingertip around his rim. Louis squirmed under his touch. Harry slowly pushed his finger inside him, giving small thrust on his away for him to get adjust quickly.

Louis felt a sense of filling up and automatically clenched his walls around his finger when Harry pushed fully inside. Louis moaned. Harry increased the length of his thrusts and quickly added another finger.

Louis gritted his teeth and closed his eyes shut. Harry looked at him under his lashes, taking in of his gorgeous sight. Harry increased his thrusts while searching his spot. Louis' toes curled against the soft mattress. He started moving his hips along. But then he choked out a moan when Harry touched his prostate. He opened his eyes and looked at him with parted lips.

Harry pulled his fingers out. Louis grunted in frustration feeling his need going up. Harry pulled his own boxers down and threw it away. His earbrows were pointed and his face completely serious. Louis found it hot. He rested his head back as he listened him ripping a foil and then squeezing a handful of lube in his hand.

The room was too silent and he thought they should've put on some music before that.

Shut up stupid brain!

Harry sat back on his position and hovered over him. Louis looked at him and smiled a very tinny-tiny smile. He hands going up and cupping his face.

"Tell me to stop any time okay?" Harry whispered. Louis nodded again this time with a hum.

He felt his tip touching his super sensitive area. He gulped and wrapped his legs around Harry's waist to brace himself.

Harry slowly entered him, making him yelp. He stopped. Louis held his shoulder blades and diged his fingertips into his tan skin. His jaw clenched and eyes squeezed shut.

"Lou-"

"I'm f-fine...go..go on" He exhaled.

Harry pushed another inch inside him and stopped abruptly again when Louis screamed in pain that was spreading around his lower back and spine. He bit his lower lip, turning it white from pink.

"Louis!" Harry shrieked and pulled out of him completely. He cupped his face "are you alright? I'm sorry... I'm so sorry"

Louis opened his watery eyes "I was trying to adjust Harry...why did you pull out?"

"I was hurting you"

"No you were not. It was alright" Louis hissed. "Put it back"

Harry pushed his hands underneath his upper back and lifted him up.

"Harry..." His voice came out squeaky.

Harry set him up on his lap, making him stand on his knees. Louis held the back of his neck with his hands. Harry's hands were holding his waist firmly.

"Sit on me" He said. His hands travelled down on his bum. Louis slowly moved his body down and felt his tip touching his entrance. He took a sharp breath. Harry held his bum cheeks and parted them apart.

Louis moaned loudly while sitting further down, halfway through. But then he yelped when Harry was almost fully inside him.

"Fuck! How big even are you?" Louis cursed, burring his face into the crook of Harry's neck with panting breaths.

"Never thought to measure it with a ruler" Harry groaned.

"You are just ripping my arse off" Louis imitated his groan and bit Harry's neck. Harry pulled him fully down, on his lap with a hiss.

They sat that way without making any movement with mingled breaths and racing hearts. Louis cupped his face and looked at him. Harry pecked his lips, wetting them. Then slowly, Louis moved up, lazily. Harry's hand rested back on his waist. Louis moved forward and up, arching his back. He threw his head back in pleasure that was replacing the pain gently.

Harry was just gazing at him, without making any noise or movement while Louis' fingers dig into Harry's skin. Slowly, he increased his pace, bouncing up and down...throwing moans and grunts all around the room.

"Harry" Louis touched his forehead with Harry's, feeling full from inside.

Harry's hand clutched the sides of his waist and slowly stopped him in the air. Louis looked at him with half closed eyelids.

Harry thrusted him from underneath. Louis jolted upward before moaning raspily, his lips parted. Harry gave another thrust and hit straight to his prostate.

"Fuck yes!" Louis bit his lower lip. His head lolling to his side.

Harry moved forward and captured his lips, biting the lower one. He thrusted him again and Louis moaned inside his mouth.

But no thrust came after that.

He opened his eyes and focused on Harry's face with a frown. He tried to move down but his large hands were restricting his movement.

"Harry?"

"Yes Lou?" Harry asked with indifference.

"Why did you stop?" Louis asked desperately.

"Stop what?" He smirked.

"Not you teasing me now Harold" Louis grunted and tried to push his hips down but Harry tighten his grip on him.

"Herreh...please" He whined.

"What Louis?"

"Don't stop"

"Stop what Louis?"

"Fuck me for fucks sake" Louis growled.

"Jeez Lou" Harry made a face. "Don't use that language, there are children around"

"There are no children around" Louis pouted.

"There could be children around" Harry stated.

"Okay Mr. Hackles..stop being funny now and resume fucking me" Louis made a pointed face.

"That's a bit aggressive dirty talk you are doing there with me"

"Harry I swear to god I'm gonna flip you off if you don't resume" Louis warned, squirming under him with frustration.

"Aww you mad?" Harry pouted.

"Harry fucking resume or else I won't let you top next time or any other time and I mean it so very much" Louis warned him.

"Will see" Harry smirked again. "You can't resist me by the way so..."

Louis squinted his eyes and pushed his hands up from the back of his neck till his hairs and grabbed a fistful of them.

Harry's eyes went dark immediately. All amusement and teasing gone within fraction of seconds. Louis smirked and tighten his grip around his scalp, yanking his head back through a fistful of hairs. Harry grunted. His hand grabbed his bum cheeks and squeezed them. Louis hummed and looked back and down on his hands on him.

Harry lifted him up till just his tip was inside him and then pushed him down, hitting his prostate straight away. Louis couldn't hold back the cries caused from the unbelievable pleasures evolving within him. He was very hard down there and in desperate need of attention.

So he put his hand between them while Harry was making him move in slow pace. But Harry slapped his hand away when he tried to touch himself.

Harry stopped again, only this time to push him against the cushiony wall that was behind their bed. Louis felt the soft cushions pressed against his bare back. Harry tilted him a bit between the bed and the wall and held his lower thighs. Louis adjusted himself in a comfortable position and wrapped his legs around his waist.

Harry leaned forward, resting both of his hands on either side of Louis' head. He looked him in his eyes and captured his lips in between his. Then he pounded in him. Louis jolted upward with a breathy moan that escaped from his mouth. Harry deepen the kiss while thrusting in him deeply. Louis held his neck. He felt like jelly at that moment, his knees shaking. Harry broke the kiss and brought his thumb on his lower lip. He rubbed the saliva away then his index finger traced his lips till Louis wrapped them around his fingers. He pressed his head back on the cushions while Harry pushed his fingers forward and Louis sucked his fingers. Harry pushed in and out of his mouth. Louis focused his vision on his dark greenish-black eyes while tasting his fingers. His tongue sliding between them. Harry pulled his fingers out from his mouth.

Louis hissed when Harry circled his wet finger tips around his already licking tip. Harry thrusted him hard at the same time rubbing his slit making his legs shake violently around him. Louis moaned out the curses coming out from his mouth continuously. He pushed away from the wall and wrapped his arms around Harry, bouncing up and down rapidly.

Harry pumped him slowly and then went behind to part his cheeks to thrust him deeper.

"H-Harrry" Louis gulped down noisily with labored breaths "g-go fas-fast please..."

Harry pushed inside him from underneath him, hitting his prostate every time with grunts.

Then he whispered into his ear "roll your hips for me baby boy"

Louis threw his head back while rolling his hips that made Harry touched the sweet spots inside that he didn't even know existed in him. The pleasure was reaching its high and Louis felt a familiar knot building in his lower abdomen.

"Harry..." He groaned.

Harry took that as a signal and laid him back on the bed. He hovered over him and increased his pace. Louis' whole body was flushed and moist with small beads of sweat forming on his skin. Both of their moans and groans harmonized that echoed around the room.

Harry held him and began wanking him off as his thrusts became sloppy each time he went in.

At first Louis saw the stars dancing in front of his eyes. All bright white and twinkles.

Then Louis saw the entire universe while screaming his name when he reached his high. Harry still pounded into him. Harry hit his prostate one last time before releasing inside him. Both of their bodies collided as they panted hard with their mouths.

Louis wrapped his arms around his sweaty back and flipped their positions with the very little energy he had in him. He laid on his stomach on him and rested his head on his rising and falling inked chest.

"Lou?"

"Hmm?"

"I love you"

Louis raised his head and met his bright emerald eyes that were glistening. He moved up and kissed his lips then pulled back "I love you too...always have"

"Since we were 18?" Harry asked with a dimpled smile.

"As long as I remember" Louis grinned, showing his white teeth.

Harry moved his head up and kissed his forehead. He rested his hand on Louis' back.

Louis slightly shuddered to his touch on his bare back.

"You cold?" He whispered.

"Not anymore" Louis smiled warmly.

~~~FIN~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for taking out some of your precious time and reading this story. And also thank you for enduring all those grammatical errors and exasperating typos which I'm going to fix them soon. I really hope ya'll had a great time reading this fiction and I wish to write more in the future. Until then, Adios, amigo :)


End file.
